The Daily Grind
by MadeleineJade
Summary: Sequel to Can't Let Go. Emmett opened up the coffee shop & he and Rosalie just had a son. Bella & Edward are married & trying to start a family. You know me, cannon pairings, some original characters Hal, Coley, Eli . Humor/Fluff & Stuff AH Rated M
1. A Sense of Purpose

**A/N I am borrowing Stephenie Meyer's characters while reusing and creating some of my own. And hey, this story just won 3rd place in the Twilight All Human Fan Fiction Awards, so yay!**

**You know the deal; this is the SEQUEL to Can't Let Go. That's right: SEQUEL, so if you haven't read Can't Let Go yet, then this may not make sense. You've been warned. Bella and Edward are now married, Emmett just opened up Emmett's Daily Grind, a coffee shop/cereal bar, and Rosalie and Emmett just had their first kid, Emmett Junior aka EmJ. Edward and Bella are trying to start a family. **_**Already**_**? Yes, already! Ha!**

**Yes, Phantom, you caught me, I HAD to inject a little of myself into the story, because I never do that right? That's me, MJ.**

**Here's the first installment of TDG. Remember to REAR—read, enjoy, and review. You're the best!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 1**

**EPoV**

I came back home from class to find Bella napping on the sofa with Milton at her feet, also lounging himself. Milton lifted his head to look at me. His tail thumped against the sofa a few times as he wagged his it but then he put his head back down, ultimately disinterested in me or too comfortable in his spot to move.

It was three-thirty in the afternoon. Bella had gotten up at four that morning to help Hal open the coffee shop. I kissed her lightly on her forehead careful not to wake her up. She looked so peaceful there asleep. I knew she must have been tired from getting up so early, plus, Bella hadn't been resting very well at night.

There had been talk at the Times all summer and more so the past month about cut backs at the paper. Bella worried that the easiest cut for them to make would be LaLo and Mars and Venus. Besides, she was the newbie so that was another strike against her. Nothing had come of the rumors yet, but Bella was growing more and more anxious about it.

She tossed and turned a little more than usual at night. Once, she had woken up startled from what she must have considered a nightmare. I could chuckle about it now, but at the time, Bella kept saying "No" in her sleep and was shaking her head. She finally sat upright in bed, startling herself out of her slumber. I wrapped my arms around her and asked if she was all right. Bella felt my face and head in the dark with her hands, and sighed in relief when she realized that the hair on top of my head was intact. Ever since Emmett made that ridiculous bet with Laurent before our wedding, Bella had been a little paranoid, at least subconsciously, about me losing my hair.

It wasn't like Bella wasn't forming a back up plan for if and when the paper let her go though. She was looking into some freelance writing jobs. That was what she enjoyed most anyway. She had been thinking about writing a novel as well. Emmett would always have a job for her, for us, at the Daily Grind in any case.

It had been about a month since EmJ was born, and he was the light in everyone's eyes. Esme and Carlisle, and Rosalie and Jasper's parents too for that matter, were overjoyed with their new grandson. Rosalie took EmJ to Forks almost every weekend to see Esme and Carlisle. During the week, Rosalie's mom would visit when she could, though she was busy with her art gallery. Bella ended up helping Rosalie and Emmett out quite a bit.

Rosalie would come over to the HQ just to get out of the house, and she and Bella would hang out here. Bella was completely freaked out about holding EmJ at first but soon became very comfortable with him. I loved how Bella looked holding the baby in her arms, and I couldn't wait to have one of our own someday.

Bella and I really enjoyed taking care of EmJ, though we both had been peed on more times than we cared to count. Apparently, it was a little tricky changing boys' diapers. EmJ had no control over his little joystick, obviously, but it was uncanny how he would always spray us. When Bella or I changed EmJ we'd inevitably have to change our own clothes as well.

Emmett always laughed at us, but Rosalie informed us that they had been on the receiving end of his little hose quite a bit themselves.

And just as we were getting the hang of the disposable newborn diapers, Rosalie, influenced by Alice, started to use cloth diapers. Esme oohed and ahhed over how far cloth diapers had come since we were babies. The ones they had now were better absorbing and more fashion forward, as Alice put it, than the cloth diapers in the past. The diaper covers came in all different kinds of designs and prints, not that the baby cared one way or the other.

We liked to think that caring for EmJ was training for our future baby. It had only been about a month since Bella and I decided to start trying to get pregnant. I hoped the uncertainty of the fate of her job didn't stress Bella out too much. We were financially secure with my trust fund as well as my family for any back up support until I finished med school and started getting paid as a resident. And of course there was no way Hal would allow Bella to struggle financially with or without me. Really, Bella didn't need to work if she didn't want to, but it would be unlike her to sit around and be a _lady of leisure_. At least she could concentrate on her writing since that was what she ultimately wanted to do.

From the kitchen, I heard Bella yawning as she was waking up from her nap. Milton stretched as well and then jumped off the sofa with a loud thud. He finally decided to acknowledge me I guess. He wagged his tail and sniffed my knees as I patted his head.

"Good afternoon," I kissed the top of Bella's head. She made room for me so I could sit down next to her.

"Hey," she said groggily as she smiled at me. "How was class?"

"Okay. I'll be glad when I'm done with the labs and lectures so I can get to my clinical rotations and do some hands on work."

"Patience, Dr. Cullen," she teased.

"I know. I know," I acknowledged, wrapping an arm around my wife. "Any news about the paper?"

She shook her head. "Not yet, but I do have a staff meeting at five tonight," Bella said glumly, making a face. "Liz and I are sure we'll be axed. Creepy Eric told us the big wigs at the paper were in a closed door meeting yesterday and part of today. He's lucky. They'll always need a sports guy, but the food critic and the movie reviewer slash porn star slash love guru are probably first on the chopping block."

I pulled my Bella a little tighter to me. "Well, whatever happens, we can deal with it."

Bella gave me a weak smile. "I know," she said giving me a quick peck and pause for a thank you. "It's funny. This time last year, I was completely embarrassed about doing the Lana Love column, and now with it potentially being cut, I'm going to miss being LaLo. Our LaLo sessions were the best."

"I know. But what about Mars and Venus? You won't miss that?" I asked.

"Well, we can always go to movies together. I'll miss doing the column, but it was really just a good excuse to spend time with you last year," she smiled sheepishly.

I chuckled. "That was why I accepted the Mars part in the first place, so I could be with you before we had the nerve to say we wanted to be together." I kissed my wife's lips softly. "And now look at us."

"Old and married?" Bella giggled.

"Well, I don't know about old. I'll always be thankful for Mars and Venus though."

"Mmm. Me too," Bella agreed, nodding.

It was getting closer to four thirty so we left and got some coffee at the shop taking Milton with us. I proceeded to walk Milton while Bella was at the staff meeting. We'd meet again afterwards at Emmett's shop and then get some dinner.

I took Milton back to the HQ after our walk, and returned to the DG to wait for Bella. Emmett was working alongside Janie, an English major at the university. Rosalie stopped in with EmJ so I got to take him off of her hands for a little while. The shop was pretty slow at this time in the evening.

"What time is it?" Rosalie asked. "Shouldn't Bella be back from the meeting by now?"

I checked the time. It was approaching six fifteen. I shrugged. "I don't know how long these staff meetings are. She's only ever had meetings with Gerald, her editor, and when they get to brainstorming, they lose all track of time."

"Oh, here she comes," Emmett informed us. He was bringing in his chalkboard from the sidewalk and had spotted Bella. He held the door open waiting for her.

"Hey, Bells. How was the…oh," Emmett didn't finish his sentence. Once he saw Bella's expression he shut up. Rosalie and I exchanged worried glances at each other. I handed EmJ back to her as Bella walked in looking dejected. Our fear had been confirmed, I surmised.

Bella quietly sat down next to me on the maroon loveseat. Her lips were pursed to one side.

"Well?" I asked, snaking my arm around her waist.

Bella sighed. "Well, I wasn't the only one let go. They got rid of Liz too. It was just as we thought. You know who gets to keep his job though?" she asked disgustedly, crossing her arms over her chest.

We waited for her to tell us. "Gear head Henry Jones. His column comes out every week. They totally could run a syndicated column like _Car Talk_ for pretty cheap but they decided to keep him. Know why?" Bella asked bitterly.

Again we waited silently. "His mom's second cousin's husband's step-dad owns the paper. I'm not supposed to know that, but Creepy Eric told Liz and me."

We looked at each other, confused momentarily as we worked out Gear head's relationship to the owner of the paper.

"Is he the guy who tries to give car advice?" Rosalie asked through narrowed eyes.

Bella nodded. "Yep, that's Gear head Jones."

"Ugh! He's terrible!" Rosalie scowled. "EmJ could give better advice." That was saying something since EmJ couldn't even hold his own head up yet.

"Right?" Emmett jumped in. "That guy wouldn't know a timing belt from a tool belt. He _is_ a tool."

Bella looked at me with an expression conveying she didn't know what a timing belt was either.

"But you're not giving advice on that, Bella," I reasoned.

Bella nodded in acknowledgement before continuing. "Well, that _tool_ still has his job," Bella complained. "_Nepotism_," she spat shaking her head.

"Hey, speaking of nepotism," Emmett chimed in brightly. "You always have an apron here, sister."

Bella smiled. "Thanks, Emmett. I guess I can take advantage of nepotism as well, eh?"

"I'm sorry, Bella," I murmured rubbing her hand between mine. She smiled ruefully at me.

"So that's it?" Rosalie asked in disbelief. "No more LaLo? No more Mars and Venus?"

"Well, no more LaLo sessions," Bella explained. "I had enough of both columns done ahead of time to print for the rest of the month. So basically, I'm done, but I'll get paid through September. Gerald said he'd have the contents of my desk and cubicle delivered. Liz's too."

"Wow. That's so cold," Janie said setting a hot chocolate in front of Bella.

"I know, right?" Bella concurred. "Thanks, Janie," she said as she reached for her drink. "Happy birthday, Bella," Bella smirked to herself as she took a sip. "At least I saw it coming. I mean it wasn't a complete shocker," Bella said nodding a little. She could always find the silver lining in any cloud.

"It's still unfortunate," I pointed out.

"Yeah," Bella agreed, "But maybe I needed this to happen so I could get my butt in gear and try other projects out. I've submitted a couple queries to some magazines for freelance work. It could take a while to hear back though. I'll just work on more of those."

"And didn't you want to try writing some fiction as well, love?" I asked.

Bella nodded. "Yeah, I've got some ideas bouncing around in my head. I need to get them written down first and then take it from there." Bella looked at Emmett. "Hey, Emmett do you want us to deliver the cookies and muffins tonight?"

"Nope," Emmett shook his head. "No need to deliver. The shelter has a couple volunteers to come pick them up now so we're all good here. You want to open again in the morning with Hal?"

Bella agreed, and after holding EmJ for a little while, Bella and I left to get some dinner.

We ended up ordering a pizza and carrying it back to the apartment.

While we ate we talked about Liz's plans since she lost her job as well. Bella explained that Liz's game plan was similar to hers, which was freelance work for foodie magazines. Liz toyed with the idea of going back to school as well. I asked if Bella wanted to do that too, but going back to school didn't appeal to her at this point in her life.

"I think you're doing enough post graduate work for the rest of the family. Besides, Edward, the more time we spend with EmJ, the more excited I become about starting our own family," Bella beamed as we cleaned up and put the leftover pizza in the refrigerator.

I couldn't suppress a smile of my own as we made our way to the sofa. Aside from becoming a doctor, the one thing I really wanted now was our own child, and I couldn't have been happier that Bella and I were on the same page about that.

She had stopped taking her birth control pills the same day we decided to start trying. Despite the warning she gave me about the uncertainty over her PMS, she had yet to experience any crazy symptoms. Though, to be fair, it had only been a month. Grouchiness, cravings, and overall mood swings I could deal with, but I hoped the terrible cramps and headaches she used to endure as a teenager wouldn't return.

I couldn't begin to imagine what that would feel like. If menstrual cramps were anything like Charlie horses in your legs, then I felt especially bad for my wife. I was grateful, however, for the sacrifices Bella, and women in general, were willing to make for the sake of having a child. Talk about making a man feel insignificant. I could at least find joy in knowing I would play an integral role in the process of creating a new life.

And what joy that brought me. I had always enjoyed _more_ with Bella, but now we were having more _more. More_ with a purpose.

"Edward?" Bella asked giving me a strange look. "What are you smirking about?"

"More," I answered honestly.

"More pizza?" She put her hand over her belly and made a face. "We just destroyed two thirds of that pie."

I grinned even bigger as I shook my head. "No. _More,_" I reiterated, squeezing her thigh.

Bella laughed. "Wow, what'd they put in that pizza sauce?"

"I can't help it, Bella. The idea of us starting a family is so…" I sighed. "It's such a great feeling, all I want to do is work towards that goal."

Bella graced me with her brilliant smile. "Yes, me too, but it's not like we haven't been doing anything."

That's true. We had been engaging in afternoon delight, evening delight, morning delight, and the middle of the night delight. We were still newlyweds after all. Newlyweds with a purpose.

"Okay. Of course I can control myself for a little while longer, love." I leaned towards Bella and gave her the peck and pause. "How about now?" I whispered.

Bella giggled so I gave her the lingering lips. "Now?" I smiled against her already smiling lips. My hands traveled to the nape of her neck and the small of her back as I laid the lingering lips 2.0 on her. "How about now?" I asked again.

Bella shrugged, feigning disinterest so I planted the lingering lips 3.0 on her, and as I dipped her, she grabbed a hold of my collar and pulled me down on top of her. Our little church kiss soon turned hot though, as our mouths moved fervently against each other's and our tongues wrestled. We stopped abruptly when we heard Milton whimper as he tilted his head at us.

Bella and I slowly turned our gazes from each other to look at Milton.

"Milton. House." We said together, both of our voices stern. Milton obeyed and I got up to latch his crate. We had to take this to the bedroom. We had both seen _Best in Show_, and didn't want to traumatize the dog or damage his canine psyche. Nor did we want Milton to think poorly of us.

As I bent down to latch the crate, Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She wanted a piggyback ride to the bedroom, and I was more than willing to oblige. Her hands roamed all over my chest as she nuzzled my earlobe and neck. I was growing harder with each pinch of my nipples and graze of Bella's teeth against my skin.

When we walked through the bedroom door, Bella hopped off my back and shut the door quietly. I turned around to look at her. She was smiling slyly at me with her head slightly tilted.

I walked back to her placing my hands on her waist, under her blouse. "You're so beautiful, Isabella," I murmured before we continued the kiss where we had left off in the living room. I slowly hitched the hem of her blouse up higher and higher, touching as much as her soft, creamy skin as I could get my fingers on.

Bella did the same to me, and soon our shirts were thrown onto the floor. I made quick work of removing her black and white lace bra while Bella undid the button and fly of my jeans. I moaned as she stroked me through my boxers and slipped her hand into the opening to cup the boys. She tugged my boxers off and gently pushed me towards the bed.

It was my turn to finish undressing Bella. I sat on the bed capturing one of her hardened peaks in my mouth as I rid Bella of her trousers, revealing her lacy underwear that matched her bra.

Bella's hands twisted and pulled on my hair. Her face was buried in my locks as I continued my assault on her perfect breasts, returning the light teeth grazing on her nipples that she had given to me earlier.

I was able to take her underwear off without completely destroying them, which was good. This pair was especially sexy. I brought them up to my nose to sniff Bella's arousal for me.

I remained seated as she lowered herself onto my…_ambassador_. What a ridiculous nickname. I quickly pushed it out of my head so I could concentrate on my goddess of a wife in front of me.

There were no words that could adequately describe how sensual Bella was in the throes of our passion. Her moans, her gasps, the way she bit her bottom lip and purred my name were sexy as hell. I was sure I could never bring her half the pleasure she brought me, but I swore I would never stop trying. I underscored that vow with each buck and thrust of my pelvis.

I grew closer to my release but refused to come before Bella did. I could tell Bella was getting close too so we slowed down the pace in order to prolong the moment. Bella continued to ride me tightening her core and arching her back. God, this woman was sensuous. There was nothing sexier than seeing and feeling my wife climax. Soon she was throwing her head back, calling my name when I felt her walls clench and squeeze around me. I groaned Bella's name while her orgasm pulsed and milked me as I came inside of her.

As we were riding out the rest of our release, Bella fell on top of me onto the bed where I proceeded to roll her over onto her back to hover above her, planting kisses along her neck and jaw line.

"Mmmm," Bella moaned and giggle, squirming a bit from my week old beard tickling her. She was attempting to place her hands between my face and hers. I pulled my head away to look at her. "Don't stop," she whined.

I merely chuckled at her and gave her another peck. "Well, there's another smiley face, love." Bella had been keeping track of when we engaged in _more_ by drawing a smiley face onto her calendar. The original idea was to make sure we did it when she ovulated, but Bella decided we should just do it as much as possible. Yeah, she really had to twist my arm on that one.

"Yep. I'll put it on there later. Thanks for supporting the cause," she smiled.

"Any time," I smiled back, planting a kiss onto her stomach. "Any time."

**A/N Well, we've started off with a lemon. I didn't think you guys would mind. My apologies if this isn't what you expected, but really, if you read CLG, you knew this was coming.**

**Twilight-is-lovee pointed out the suggestiveness of the Daily Grind back when I introduced it in CLG, which, for the record, did not even cross my mind at the time. But her sick mind went there, and here we are, with the smiley faces. I'm not guaranteeing a lemon in every chapter though. My god, I'm not a machine! Or a lemon tree, but I'll do what I can—you know, for the cause. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed. Please review so I can get motivated to do the next chapter. Support the cause!**

**Oh, btw, remember a few chapters ago when I talked about having to take my teacher certification exams? The unofficial results are in, and yours truly passed them both! Thanks for all those who had wished me luck. Totally appreciated it. Now be very frightened for I may be teaching your children one day! haha!**


	2. But Wait! There's MORE!

**A/N I SO am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore, I do not own most of these characters.**

**So, forgive me but I must have an omg moment please. OMG! You guys are awesome. That is all. Okay, more. Your response to the first chapter was neato, and I am flabbergasted. I'm happy you enjoyed it. Who loves you, baby? Where else are you going to get a lemon in the first chapter? Really, where? Because I'd like to read it too. **

**Anyhoo, the number of you putting TDG on alert and even on your favorites list was unreal. And I had almost 14K hits on all my stories the day I posted TDG. CLG got most of love that day, but 14K? WHAT? That's bananas! Thanks so much. I feel like I should just stop now because there's no way I can top that. I should just go out on a high note, right? That's it. I'm done. Okay, not really. So in response to your response, I have created this chapter. How many times have I told you that I get inspired to write from the reviews I get? I know other authors say that too, but this is me delivering on my words. So there. You know mama loves you.**

**So LizH gave me an idea to save LaLo, and so I must give her some props right about now. Thanks! And kismit1496 wanted to see the use of cloth diapers. And since this takes place in Seattle after all, I went green in the first chapter. See, I listen to my readers so review, comment, sound off and, yes, feed my ego. **

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 2**

**BPoV**

Ugh. What a long week. The nice thing about being mostly unemployed is that I was able to go back to Forks for the week to help Sue take care of Charlie.

While the bladder cancer itself was under control, Charlie had some complications from the radiation therapy. Edward and Carlisle had to explain the hydronephrosis to me. It was a fairly common complication, but that didn't make me feel any better since Charlie was in so much pain. His urinary tract was obstructed and needed to be drained. The procedure was easy enough, but I wanted to be there for Charlie and Sue so I stayed at Charlie's house for the week cooking, cleaning, and just keeping my dad company. I even watched baseball with him. Well, Charlie watched. I ended up falling asleep.

I was willing to stay as long as Charlie needed me, but after four days of me hovering, he assured me that he was fine. Carlisle confirmed that for me as well, along with Charlie's oncologist and urologist. I made everyone promise to call, text, email, send a messenger pigeon, write on my Facebook wall, whatever if anything changed or if Charlie needed anything at all. They all vowed that they would.

Being away from Edward wasn't fun. Only a family emergency could drag me away from him. Edward had classes so he stayed in Seattle. He would have gone to Forks with me, but Carlisle insisted that the hydronephrosis was under control. I knew Carlisle wouldn't have lied about it so that did give me some relief. Edward understood my need to be with my dad so that was the first time in a year that we had spent more than one night apart.

But we spoke and texted several times a day. Edward was just as worried about Charlie as I was. In fact, my Seattle, Jacksonville, and Phoenix families were all concerned. I swear I had the best group of family and friends. Eli even called to talk to Charlie. They had bonded over Christmas break last year. Charlie took Eli fishing while Renee and Phil spent a day together in Seattle. Eli never had a stable father figure in his life so he soaked up all the adult male attention he could, and all the guys were more than willing to spend time with him. Edward and Jasper showed him how to work different applications on his computer (Edward and I had gotten him a laptop for Christmas), and Emmett just hung out with Eli doing whatever Eli wanted to do. Even Hal had taught Eli how to fold fitted sheets the Martha Stewart way where you couldn't even tell it was a fitted sheet it was folded so nicely. Hal certainly had a gift for all things domestic.

So I was a little sad to leave Forks, but I knew Charlie was in very capable hands. I was happy to get to see Edward again though. Edward mentioned how he was a little lonely in the HQ all alone. I took Milton back to Forks with me since Charlie really loved him. Milton served as pet therapy. Charlie loved to sit and pet Milton while watching whatever sports was on ESPN. Charlie found it very soothing. I think Milton did too, which was why I had to do what I did.

"Hey, beautiful," Edward greeted me as I entered the HQ. He held me tight and told me how much he missed me, and I returned the sentiment. It felt so good to be home again.

"Are your bags in your car still?" Edward asked me.

"Yep. I figure we can bring them back up when we come back tonight." We were going over to Emmett and Rosalie's house for my totally unnecessary birthday party. At least they told me about it this time, though I loved their almost surprise for me last year when Coley came to visit. I still smiled when I thought about how I accidentally found out about it at the last second through Alice's text message to Edward saying _AZ_ _just got here, staying with us._

"Ready to go, then?" Edward asked. "And where's Milton? Did you leave him in your car as well?" He looked confused.

I grimaced. "What is it?" Edward asked.

I sighed before speaking in a run-on sentence. "I left Milton in Forks with Charlie, Edward. Charlie looked really sad when I mentioned that we were coming back to Seattle. And Charlie never would have asked, but I could just tell that he'd miss Milton so much so I…" I looked apologetically at my husband.

Edward gave me his knowing crooked grin. "So you made a sacrifice for your father's happiness, Bella," he finished for me. I shrugged. "I wouldn't have expected anything less from you." Edward hugged me again.

"Well, I didn't tell Charlie that Milton was his," I sighed. "But for all intents and purposes, yes, Milton is living in Forks now."

We both chuckled shaking our heads at ourselves. "Wow. Well at least we kept him for much longer than we had Diddy. That's a record for our doggy parenthood. We're getting better," Edward commented.

"Yeah," I snickered. "Who knew we were running a halfway house for canines?"

"Um, when we eventually have a kid," Edward joked, "we're not giving him away no matter how much other people gush over him, deal?"

"Deal," I agreed. "At least not until he's a teenager."

"Right," Edward nodded. "But I'm pretty sure no one gushes over teenagers though."

When we arrived at Emmett's house we saw that Alice and Jasper were there along with Hal and Shane.

"Hey, who's watching the DG?" I asked no one in particular.

Emmett laughed. "Janie's got it covered, sister."

I nodded. "Nice. I hope I haven't lost my job there as well," I joked.

"Nah. Never," Emmett said. "How's Charlie?"

So I told everyone how Charlie was doing fine, and that Sue was taking great care of him and how Milton is hanging in Forks now."

"You've given away another dog?" Alice asked in disbelief.

"You gave away _Milton_?" Jasper sounded a little distressed. He had bonded with Milton as well.

"Well, you should see Charlie with Milton. I think they're really good together," I explained.

"You two are like foster parents for dogs," Rosalie laughed.

"Or serial dog owners," Hal chimed in.

"I think they're a couple of bleeding heart suckers," Emmett commented. We all just stared at him as if he were heartless. "Hey, aren't we all? I would have done the same thing," he added nodding.

"So what have I missed around here?" I asked. "Besides EmJ growing." Rosalie had handed him to me. He was such a calm and easygoing baby. He didn't mind being passed around.

"Check this out, Bella," Emmett said excitedly. "While you were gone, I had customers sign this petition to keep LaLo in the paper." Emmett showed me a clipboard containing a pile of papers with hundreds of signatures on them.

"Wow, Emmett. This is crazy. These people all like LaLo?" I asked as he flipped through the sheets of names and email addresses.

"Well, when they came in to order we had them sign it as they paid. They're under the impression that we'll have a newsletter that we'll send out with coupons for coffee" I opened my mouth to scold him for misleading his patrons but he continued to explain. "And also that it was to support LaLo. People really didn't mind," Emmett said. I was able to relax knowing that the customers weren't duped.

"Because we were trying to save your job," Hal added.

I had to smile. "Aww, thanks guys. A grassroots effort to try to save LaLo? That's so sweet!"

"Yeah, well I took the petition to the Times myself this afternoon and talked to Gear head's mom's second cousin's husband's step-dad. You know the tool that gave you and Liz the ax?"

"Right," I nodded. Of course I remembered.

"Yeah, so I showed him all the public support for LaLo," Emmett continued as he tapped on the clipboard.

"And?" Edward asked. I think we were all waiting with bated breath.

"And he really wasn't that impressed with the petition. Plus, he called security," Emmett made a disgusted face.

"Oh, no, Emmett. Security kicked you out?" I asked.

"Nah. My buddy Jim is the head security guy there. You know him. He comes in every morning for a large black coffee, no room for cream or sugar?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Jim's really nice."

"Yeah, he just walked me out. He actually came back here and got another cup of coffee and some sugar cookies. Sorry I couldn't save your job, Bella."

I smiled and shook my head at my brother-in-law. "That's okay, Emmett. Thanks so much for the effort. I really appreciate it." I went over and kissed his cheek.

"But what I was thinking, Bells, is that you could still do the LaLo column for the DG's e-newsletter. We could do one a month and send them to our customers' email addresses and also have them printed out for in the shop as well. If people have them emailed then we could have a coupon for them in there. You could do LaLo and a movie review as well or whatever you want to write or blog about. Jasper could set it all up right, bro?"

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, sure. That shouldn't be too hard."

"And you could work on it when it's slow around the DG or whenever you feel like it. What do you think?" Emmett asked.

I thought it over. It would still be fun to write the advice and I could review any movie I felt like. It actually sounded quite appealing.

"Sure, Emmett. That sounds fun."

"And you know what the salary is, Bella?" Emmett asked smirking.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nada, sister. It'll have to be pro bono. Or you can think of it as part of your existing job description."

"Okay, Emmett," I laughed. "I can handle that." It would only be one newsletter a month. It shouldn't be a problem.

We started eating after the LaLo newsletter business. It was pretty casual. We were just hanging out. Shane and Hal made a bunch of finger foods or tapas, as they referred to them. Whatever they were called, they were delicious. And Emmett, bless his heart, baked me cupcakes. They were yellow cake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, my favorite!

As we were eating the cupcakes, Alice announced that it was time for me to open my presents.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Guys, not necessary. I don't need any…"

"Stop!" Rosalie put her hand up. "I will assume Coley's role this year as the giver of tough love. Don't go all Bella on us please. You'll open these presents and you will like them," she said sternly.

I immediately shut my mouth. "Yes, ma'am." I didn't have the nerve to mess with Rosalie. I handed EmJ back to her.

"Yeah," Alice giggled. "We spent _a fortune_ on them too." Everyone else was laughing at her statement so I assumed they didn't really spend a lot, which was good, so I smiled as well.

"Okay. Bring it," I said dryly.

"Open ours first," Hal said handing me a huge box that was wrapped beautifully with the prettiest textured wrapping paper and extravagant ribbons and bows. It was wrapped so nicely, I didn't want to tear the paper.

"Oh just let 'er rip already!" Hal insisted.

So I tore the paper off once I was able to undo the bows. I opened the box and pushed the tissue paper out of the way to reveal a great big orange fleece blanket. And underneath that orange blanket were two more fleece blankets in, red and green. They were Snuggies! I laughed at the dichotomy of how these large blankets with sleeves were wrapped so ornately and also at the gifts themselves.

"Aww, a Snuggie! Thanks Hal and Shane," I giggled along with everyone else.

Hal made a face and regarded the Snuggie with disdain. "I've never purchased anything so tacky in my life. They're no kimonos, but enjoy them anyways."

"Thanks," I said again. "Coley sent me a bumper sticker on Facebook that has a man lounging wearing this exact orange Snuggie. It says _Becoming a Jedi has never been easier_," I laughed. "I love it!" I gave both Hal and Shane a hug. They seemed dumbstruck that I actually liked my Snuggies. I was sure they'd never be caught dead in such an atrocity.

"It's like a warm hospital gown," I pointed out. The back was completely open. "We should all wear one to a football game and then high-five each other like on the commercial. And look. One size fits all!" I held it up to me first then to Alice and then to Emmett. They were both laughing.

"Okay, now ours," Alice squealed.

Alice handed me a gift bag. She was grinning wildly. I took the bag warily. Inside was a pair of green gloves, like kitchen gloves.

"They're the Tater Mitts, Bella! The first ever quick peeling potato gloves. You can peel a potato in 8 seconds! No nicks or cuts!" Alice exclaimed as if she were actually on an infomercial. We were all cracking up.

"Wow, thanks, Jasper and Alice," I exclaimed just as enthusiastically. "I was just saying the other day to Charlie, _I wish I could peel these potatoes quicker than ten seconds_. Now my wish has come true." I pretended to swoon as friends looked on laughing. I was loving my infomercial presents!

"Who in the world needs to peel potatoes that fast?" Jasper asked. "What? You just can't wait the thirty seconds it takes to use an actual peeler."

"You don't know, Jazz. People have stuff to do. They can't be wasting twenty-two extra seconds per potato," Alice replied. "That's too much to ask of busy working people."

"Yeah," Rosalie chimed in. "I have a family to spend time with," she giggled.

"Alright, alright," Emmett bellowed. "Now for ours." Emmett handed me a grocery bag. I looked at it curiously. "It needs no fancy wrapping. Bella," he said as I reached into the bag smiling at what was inside. "Prepare to be ShamWowed, sister!"

"Nice!" I exclaimed laughing. "This is so great, guys. I've always wanted a ShamWow." Everyone was laughing in disbelief I was sure. "Really! The commercial for it is amazing. It can hold up to twelve times its weight in liquid you know." There were about five ShamWows in the bag.

"I think we should make a Snuggie out of the ShamWows and then wear it when we change EmJ," Edward suggested.

Emmett nodded and pointed at his brother. "Yes! There you go. Now you're onto something, little bro."

"Great idea, Edward," I laughed. "That would save on laundry detergent for sure."

"Wow, thanks for my presents, guys. I really do love them all," I smiled at my friends.

"Um, in the words of all infomercials, Bella," Edward said holding up his hands. "But wait. There's more!" I looked at him trying not to crack up. I loved when Edward acted all silly. He didn't do it a lot in front of everyone, but I loved that he was able to let go in front of our family and friends. "This next one is from Coley and me, but not Chad. He got you nothing again, Bella, and he hopes you like it," Edward smiled at me. I nodded my assent. I loved that Chad always got me nothing.

Edward handed me a shoebox. "Behold the Slap Chop, the Graty, and a headset."

I gave Edward a funny look. "What's the headset for?"

"That was Coley's idea. It's so you can pretend to be the guy in the infomercial. _You're going to have an exciting life now_," Edward said mocking the guy on the commercial.

I took the Slap Chop into the kitchen where Emmett already had miscellaneous ingredients for me to chop up. I Slap Chopped a hardboiled egg, some garlic, a strawberry and a mango, an onion _with_ its skin still on. "Look. I'm not even crying as I Slap Chop this onion. This is amazing," I pointed out to my friends. I handed the Graty to Emmett. "Here, Emmett, you can grate some cheese."

Emmett proceeded to grate cheddar cheese. For what? I didn't know, but I was happy he was playing along while I continued to Slap Chop everything in my sight with the headset still on looking at my friends, pretending they were the TV audience. "Call within the next twenty minutes, because we can't be doing this all day, and we'll send you the Graty for free! That's right. For free! Call now!" I was cracking up when I noticed Jasper with a video camera. "Jasper! What are you doing?"

Jasper was laughing. "I had to capture this digitally. Coley told us to record when you started to play along. And she was sure you'd play along too." Jasper was still recording as he explained. "Say hi to Coley, Bella."

I would have been embarrassed had i not been having so much fun. I smiled as I waved into the camera. "Hey, Cole. Thanks for the headset and Slap Chop. This was fun! And Chad. Thanks for nothing!" I kissed my hand and threw it toward the camera. Coley and I used to watch infomercials together all the time in college. We would try to guess the price of the products. Usually they were $19.99, but every once in a while we'd find a product for $14.99 or _for only three easy payments of $39.99. _And we loved it when they would inevitably say, _But wait, there's more!_ Ah, good times!

We spent the rest of the evening trying out the ShamWow and Tater Mitts. Emmett wore the orange Snuggie while donning the Tater Mitts and peeled a potato in thirteen, eleven, and ten seconds wearing the headset at the same time. Alice and I wore the green and red Snuggies respectively. We were soaking up water from a punch bowl using the ShamWows and then we high-fived each other afterwards while the others looked on laughing at our antics. And yes, Jasper captured it all digitally.

I was still cracking up thinking about my infomercial birthday party when Edward and I were finally back at the HQ.

"I take it you liked your party and your gifts?" Edward said pulling me to him as we walked into the apartment with my luggage and my presents.

"Yes. Very much, actually," I beamed at him.

"Finally, you're reasonable about your birthday."

"Yeah. Not once did I go all Bella on you guys. My attitude is improving with my old age," I said smugly.

We set everything down in the living room deciding that we could put it all away the next day. It was still my birthday after all. It had been a really long day so we headed to bed.

"Happy birthday, Bella," Edward said as we collapsed onto the bed without even changing into our pajamas. He pulled me close to him.

"Thank you," I said into the crook of his neck and kissing it. "You know what else today is?" I asked Edward pulling my head back to look up at him.

"Hmm?"

I smirked. "Our first anniversary of _more_."

"Ah, yes. Right you are, love." Edward leaned his face towards mine to give me a peck. "Happy _more-eversary_."

I kissed him back with the peck and pause. "Happy _more-eversary_ to you too," I murmured into his lips. I smiled as I thought about this time last year when Edward recreated the Prom for me and I decided that I was one hundred percent after all of our checks. I sighed. "Will you play the song, Edward?"

"Of course." He kissed the top of my head before getting up and finding _23_ on my iPod and pressing play on the dock. And as the long intro to the song played, Edward reached for my hand helping me up so we could dance to it like we did at our personal Prom.

And just like last year, I looked up at him, smiled and said "One hundred."

Edward smiled back just as his lips met mine. Slowly, sensuously, our mouths moved together as our hands roamed each other's body. I broke the kiss to rid Edward of his shirt, kissing up his torso to his collar bone and then his jaw line. I was up on my tip toes for my lips to reach while my hands freed him of his pants and boxers. I felt for the ambassador stroking it and massaging the boys as we continued to kiss.

Edward, in turn, undressed me quickly and then put me on the bed. He crawled from my feet up to my mouth caressing every newly exposed piece of flesh with his own mouth. The warmth and softness of Edward's tongue on my body sent shivers up and down my spine, though I was far from being cold. I relished in the sensation each time he stopped to pay extra attention to my thighs, my entrance where his mouth and tongue slowly teased me causing me to buck my hips toward him and moan in ecstasy. Before I could lose myself in the rapture, Edward moved on, garnering a gasp from me in protest against the loss of intimate contact. But he soon made contact again kissing up my stomach and chest, his mouth lingering on one of my hardened peaks while his dexterous hands kneaded my other breast and rested at the nape of my neck. I moaned Edward's name in response to the feeling of his teeth lightly nipping at my skin and his ambassador pressed against my entrance, creating the friction that I desperately wanted more of.

"Please, Edward," I breathed. "I need you inside me."

As always, my wish was his command. Edward sheathed himself fully inside me in one swift thrust, eliciting another moan from me and a primal grunt from him. I bent my knees, bracing myself by pressing my bare heels on Edward's muscular back. In and out he thrust, each push harder and deeper than the last until I could feel my body quivering in pleasure as my walls clenched and tightened against the ambassador pulling Edward toward his own climax.

"Oh, god, Edward," I cried as I arched my body closer to him while he came inside me. My eyes were closed and my mouth was agape as I slowly let out a long breath, delighting in the heat of Edward's release.

"Mmm," Edward breathed. "Happy more-eversary indeed."

**A/N I was originally going to have them just go to sleep or merely allude to _more_, but with the title of this chapter being what it is, I didn't want an angry mob after me for not delivering *cough phantom* Anyhoo, thanks for reading. I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks again, readers. You guys are awesome. Please review some more. And those who haven't reviewed yet? Show a sister some love won't you?**


	3. Your Popsicle's Melting

**A/N MJ here, not Steph Meyer, therefore, I own NOTHING related to Twilight.**

**Were you ShamWowed by the second chapter? That was so fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope you guys like this installment as well. Please REAR. You guys rule, and your popsicles NEVER melt. EVER. Especially when you review. Sound bizarre? You'll understand once you read this chapter. So, go. Read that is.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 3**

**BPoV**

"_What?"_ I practically shouted at Hal. For about the fourth time that morning I caught him looking at me all weird. We had opened the DG together again and had gotten through the busiest part of the day. Now it was slow again, which it would be for another hour and a half to two hours until the lunch crowd stopped in, and even then it wasn't as fast paced as the morning rush.

Hal had been eyeing me all morning. He'd been eyeing me a lot, I had noticed, for the past couple months especially since my birthday the month before, but he had never said anything. Today, I had caught him staring quite a bit, but I hadn't said anything either until now when there was no one else inside the shop but us.

He merely shook his head and shrugged. "Nothing," he said flippantly.

"Hal, you've been studying me all morning. Out with it."

"You're grouchy," he pointed out.

"I'm grouchy because you've been watching me!" I glowered at him. Hal stared right back. "You're doing it again."

Hal pursed his lips and tilted his head, now unabashedly eyeballing me.

I crossed my arms, leaned back against the counter, and stared him down.

"Something…," he pointed at my face and drew an imaginary circle around my head. "Something is different."

I made a face and shrugged.

"You've never been this pissy before unless people gave you presents," he commented. "Are you PMSing?"

I just kept staring at him. How could he notice something like that? "Maybe," I answered tersely.

"You never were this grouchy before," he pointed out.

"That's because I was…" I started to tell him and his expression perked up immediately. I was about to stop talking but realized that Hal would badger me all day if I didn't finish my sentence.

"Go on," he prodded.

"…I was on the pill before," I finished.

"Did you just get off of it the past couple months?" he asked.

I regarded Hal in disbelief. How the hell did he know that? "How the hell did you know that?"

"Oooh, see? Grouchy. Babygirl, I've known you a long time. We're practically sisters," he explained. I nodded. This was true. "Why didn't you tell me you guys were trying to get pregnant? Coley and Alice hadn't said anything."

"Well, we hadn't told anyone. What are we supposed to do make an announcement? Take out an ad in the paper?" I asked sarcastically.

"In the paper that fired you? Never!" Hal missed my point once again.

"Hal, don't say anything okay? We don't need the pressure of everyone expecting us to be expecting you know?" I pleaded.

Hal nodded. "Yeah, I get it. You're secret's safe with me. You know that." I nodded. Hal was fiercely loyal. "You do look good, girl."

I gave him a strange look.

"You're skin was always good before, but you've been absolutely _luminous_ the past few months. Even in that nasty orange Snuggie thing. Which not many people could pull off, by the way. It can only be attributed to all the hot sex you two are having." My mouth fell open. Nothing came out. What do you say to something like that? "Am I wrong?"

My mouth remained agape and my eyes were still wide from the shock of his words. But heat filled my face nonetheless.

"I didn't think so," Hal smiled smugly. I finally was able to close my mouth. I shook my head at him. "Hey, girl, don't be embarrassed. I've seen your man. I'd be hitting that every night too," Hal said matter-of-factly.

I sighed and grabbed a broom while he began wiping off the tables and counters.

"Can we talk about something else please?" I asked wearily.

"Okay, but first, Bells, will you promise me something?" Hal was practically pleading himself.

"What?" I countered cautiously.

"When you finally get…" he looked around the shop. There was no one in the DG but us. He knew that. "_Pregnant_," he whispered. "Will you tell me right away? I mean after Edward of course."

I shrugged. "Sure. You and Alice and Coley will be the first to know. Actually, you have such keen senses, you'll probably hear the egg getting fertilized."

Hal nodded. "This is true. I'll probably be able to tell _you_ that you're pregnant."

I nodded. "You're probably right about that."

"I can hear an ant fart, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Hal. You've been bragging about that for years," I said wearily once again. He did have acute hearing though. Any time I whispered anything under my breath, Hal would be able to hear it and say _I heard that_.

"So what are you and Edward coming as this year?" Hal and Shane's Halloween party was that evening. This year we didn't have to dress up as couples, but we had to be movie characters, and no repeating what we did last year.

"Well, I don't know about Edward. Emmett's got something cooked up for him and Jasper as well so you know it'll be good," I answered. Any time Emmett planned anything it was bound to be good.

"Alice is going as the Corpse Bride. Rosalie is going as The Girl, you know, Marilyn Monroe's character from _The Seven Year Itch_? And I'll be Molly Ringwald's Andy from _Pretty in Pink_. Alice is recreating that pink nightmare of a dress for me," I smiled. We were keeping it secret from the guys too.

Hal gasped upon hearing about my costume. "Oooh, that'll be so fun!" he grinned. "Because Shane's going to be James Spader's Steff from _Pretty in Pink _and I'll be Jon Cryer's Duckie Dale, of course. Yay! It'll be perfect!"

I laughed. Shane would be great as Steff, with is blond hair and dashing good looks. And Hal as Duckie Dale? Perfection!

As 12:30 rolled around, Emmett and Janie came in to relieve us. Edward came in since he was done with classes for the day. Hal said bye to Emmett, Janie and me. He and Shane were going shopping for last minute party supplies including the ingredients for their special punch and then they'd decorate for the party.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Hal, aren't you tired? I'm planning on going back home to crash for a while. How do you have the energy to go shopping and then decorate for the party?"

Hal looked bewildered. "Uh, because it's _shopping_ and it's _decorating!"_ As if that should have been obvious to me. Hal then said hi and bye to Edward warning him, "Watch out Edward. Your wife is testy today."

Edward quirked an eyebrow up at me. I rolled my eyes and said, "Hal, your popsicle's melting."

Hal gasped in horror as if I had just slapped him. "Bella! I can't believe you busted out the _popsicle line_ on me." I stuck my tongue out to taunt him. "You're lucky I love you so much." Hal then turned to Edward. "Be careful. She's _really_ snarky today, but I know it's for a good cause so I forgive you, Bella." Hal air kissed me goodbye and was out the door.

"What the hell was that about?" Emmett asked. Edward and Janie looked just as confused. "What's so mean about that popsicle line, Bella?"

"It's something we made up a long time ago just to be stupid. When we got annoyed with one another we'd say _your popsicle's melting_." I began to explain. They all looked at me blankly.

"It's quite juvenile really, but it means _suck it,_" I shrugged.

They all smiled and snickered in amusement. "That's funny, Bella. Can I use that?" Emmett asked excitedly. "Man, I wish I knew about that when I was teaching the little bastards, though I was able to slip PITA in every once in a while."

"Sure, Emmett. That's fine," I said. It was just something dumb we did. I couldn't believe anyone else would find that as amusing as Hal and I did.

Emmett cackled sinisterly making me wonder who he'd use the popsicle line on.

Edward and I took some cookies and snacked on them as we walked home after confirming with Emmett that we'd all get ready for the party at the HQ that evening.

During the quick walk home, Edward told me about class. He was working hard to try to be one of five second year med students to get chosen by one of his professors to attend a professional seminar on some breakthrough in medicine being given by a Nobel Prize winning doctor in December. Edward thought he had a pretty good chance of being chosen. He had been extra attentive in class and kicking butt on all of his exams thus far. For me, there was no question Edward would be chosen.

Once in the apartment, I took some Tylenol that Edward handed me along with a bottle of water and then crashed on the sofa. I had told him on the way in that I had the beginnings of a headache and wanted to pre-empt it after he noticed me massaging my temples on the walk home. I was also experiencing some cramps, but they weren't bad, not like when I was a teenager.

I seriously didn't know how Hal found the energy to run errands. He really was a freak of nature. We went into the DG together that morning. Waking up at four in the morning was not easy for me, but I did enjoy working at the shop and working with Hal. Despite being all pissy at him today, we usually had a good time working together.

Fleetingly, I opened my laptop since it was on the spot on the sofa where I had chosen to sit. I was going to work on the next newsletter but then decided not to once Edward came to join me on the sofa, especially since he closed my laptop himself and placed it gently on the coffee table telling me, "Just rest."

I had written the first newsletter at the end of September for the month of October. The feedback we were getting was really good. Email customers got a coupon for a free cup of coffee and a cookie plus the _Bel-LaLo_ _Knows_ column (we decided to not use LaLo in case the Times had an issue with it) and a retro movie review, called _Rewind_, where I wrote about a movie that I remembered from growing up to remind readers about it and to go watch it again for old time's sake. For the first issue, I reviewed _Goonies_. I also wrote a commentary on the Snuggie and planned on writing about a different infomercial product each month. I had material for the next three issues with the ShamWow, Slap Chop (featuring the Graty), and Tater Mitts.

"So you're grouchy today?" he asked with a smile in his voice as he pulled me into his lap. "I hadn't really noticed until the popsicle comment, and even then you sounded only mildly irritated."

I shrugged. "You should have seen me earlier I guess. Hal has exceptionally keen senses, Edward. He actually could tell that I had gotten off the pill a couple months ago," I said making a face even though Edward couldn't see it. I was leaning against his chest with my back to him. "He knew something was up and he kept staring at me. I got annoyed," I explained. "He's really excited that we're trying though. But I told him not to tell anyone we were trying because I don't want the added pressure of everyone knowing and always asking about it, you know?"

Edward squeezed me a little tighter to him. "Are you stressed out about it, Bella? Don't be, love. We've only been trying for a little while. It'll happen when it happens," he kissed my head.

I sighed, turning onto my side in order to rest my head in the crook of Edward's neck. He was being so sweet, and I was on some bizarre emotional rollercoaster. I knew logically that we'd only been at this a little while but I still felt like…a failure somehow, and I didn't want to verbalize it because Edward would just go on and on about how I wasn't a failure because he was just too kind a soul to say otherwise.

And for no reason at all (well, in hindsight it was the hormones I was sure), tears welled up in my eyes. I sat there frozen a moment. Edward wouldn't even have known I was crying except that I had to sniffle or else risk snot running down my face and onto him. _Damn!_

Edward immediately pulled his head back to look at me. "Bella, what's the matter," his tone was a mixture of panic and confusion as he wiped the stupid tears off my cheeks once they escaped from my eyes.

I shook my head, "Sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine." I wiped my face dry with the heels of my hands, took a deep breath in and out and managed a slight smile.

"But…" Edward gave me a dubious look.

Then he just settled on looking frightened after I told him, "See. I'm fine." _I was a basket case, but I was fine._ I placed my head back in the crook while Edward continued to rub my arm soothingly. Blessedly, he didn't bring it up again, and after a little while I must have fallen asleep. Edward must have carried me to the bedroom because the next thing I remembered was waking up feeling one of Edward's arms snaked around my waist under the covers. I must have really needed that nap because I felt great upon awakening.

"Mmmm," I sighed in contentment.

I tilted my head up to look at Edward and was slightly taken aback when my eyes met his. "Oh, hey," I said a little surprised. "I thought you'd be asleep."

The corners of Edward's mouth twitched a bit. He was pressing his lips together trying, unsuccessfully, to suppress a smile. "Well, I napped a while, but your uh…_sleep talking_ woke me up. I just couldn't let you go so I stayed in bed."

"Thanks," I said warily. He was still smiling. Actually, Edward was smirking.

"Oh god. What? What was I talking about?" I bit my lip thinking hard. I couldn't remember any dreams.

"Bella, look at the position we're in," he chuckled.

I began to move a little when I realized what my legs were clamped around. When he said he couldn't let me go, he meant that he literally couldn't let me go.

Edward laughed pretty heartily as he watched my expression upon the discovery of his other hand (the right one) down my pants, over my underwear, with my right hand on top his.

"Oh. My. God. What happened?"

"You don't remember?" he asked, slightly incredulous.

I pulled an apologetic face, twisting my lips to one side. "Well, I get the gist, but. Oh, god. I'm so sorry, Edward," I buried my face in his chest.

He laughed again. "I was minding my own business, sleeping and then I hear you moaning my name and _yes_ and _please and_…"

"Oh god!" I yelled, embarrassed, but it was muffled against Edward's chest.

"Yes, you said that too," he continued.

"No, stop," I screamed into his chest.

"Mmm, no," I felt him shaking his head. "I don't think you wanted me to stop whatever I was doing in your dream," he continued.

"Uuugghhh," I moaned in distress into his chest again.

"Yes, I recall you uttering that and then you grabbed my hand and…"

"Edward! Please. Shut up!" I was horrified and my face felt completely hot, and I was sure it was red as well.

He was shaking with laughter. I looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"You're really enjoying this aren't you?" I asked completely miffed.

"Not as much as you were, love," he managed to choke out through his fit of laughter.

I removed my hand and his from my pants (they hadn't moved while Edward recounted my unconscious yet still humiliating antics to me). I tried to turn away from him and get up, but his arms pulled me tight to his body.

"Okay, sorry. That was too good a comment to pass up."

I continued to squirm away. "Your popsicle's melting, Edward."

He snickered but regained his composure. "Bella," Edward rolled on top of me, straddling my body, hovering over me while he had my hands pinned above my head on the pillows. He tried to look at me but I shut my eyes in protest, too humiliated still to look at him yet.

"Bella," Edward said calmly but there was still a hint of a smile in his voice. I refused to open my eyes. Then I felt his warm lips flush on mine. I instantly pursed my lips but I wouldn't kiss him back, which frustrated Edward, but he wouldn't give up. He continued to plant soft kisses along my neck and jaw line and lick my earlobe. "Bella," he whispered sweetly.

"What?" I asked tersely, opening one eye.

He smiled at my tone, but kept his composure otherwise. "You had a…"

"Oh god!" I shut my eye again, steeling myself in anticipation of his words, _sex dream._

"…a sex dream." There they were. "So what?"

I opened my eyes to look at his. "_So what?_ _So what?_" I asked, mortification evident in my tone. "Edward I forced you to…I mean, I made you…ugh!" I couldn't even finish my sentence. "I'm such a perve!"

He chuckled at my choice of words. "No, you're not even."

"Uh-huh. I forced my husband to molest me in my sleep. I'm a sick, sick person. I need…what do I need? I don't know. I need something though."

"You _need_ to calm down, Bella. It's not a big deal. I was happy I could help out," Edward smiled.

"And _you're_ a sicko too," I said without missing a beat.

"Then I guess that's why we're so good together," Edward pointed out.

"I guess so," I sighed, exasperated and not wanting to be hysterical anymore. We continued to stare at each other for an immeasurable moment. Finally, my mouth conceded and grudgingly formed a slight, very slight, smile.

Edward returned my smile with a crooked one of his own. He gave me another soft kiss on my lips, which I gladly accepted.

"Okay," Edward said calmly. "Are you okay? I'm going to let go now. You won't go all Bella again right?"

"I'm fine," I assured him. He studied my face for another moment before deciding to believe me, I guessed.

Edward slowly began to roll away from me and I took the opportunity to straddle him and pin him down.

"Ha ha!" I cheered in triumph.

"Can I help you, love?" Edward asked nonchalantly.

"You apparently already did," I replied rolling my eyes. His lips twisted into smile again. "I'm trying to think of a suitable punishment for you since you enjoyed my humiliation so much."

"_And_?" Edward prodded. I looked down at him innocently. "Let's get this over with then."

On second thought, I shook my head. "Nah. I'll let this go." I bent my head down to kiss Edward before climbing off of him.

"Bella?" he asked in a warning tone.

I looked at him, "What?"

"I should be scared shouldn't I? This is most definitely a trick."

I just gave him a strange look. "No, Edward. I'm really letting this go. Sure, once upon a time I would be cooking up some scheme in my head to torture you back somehow, but I've grown. Fleetingly, I wanted to get you back, but that was just a weak moment, and I'm sorry."

Edward eyed me warily.

"I can see how you'd be hesitant to believe me, Edward, but really, I'm letting this go," I smiled sweetly. "Now get up. Our friends will be here soon to get ready for the party." I gave him another peck before I got up and walked away toward the living room.

"Shit. I'm going to have to sleep with one eye open." I smiled as I barely heard Edward mumble. I was well out of what should have been earshot.

I could hear an ant fart too.

**A/N Hmmm. I wonder what Bella's up to. Hope you liked. I put up a poll up for this chapter just to see what this poll business was all about. It's about what Bella should do for revenge. Check out the poll, and please review. Oh and the popsicle thing I got from my daughter. Upon seeing her cousin's popsicle melting, she told her to "suck it." It was innocent (both are 4) but VERY funny. Ah, children!**


	4. Tearin' Up My Heart

**A/N I only wish I owned Twilight—that's all Steph Meyer. As you know, I'm just a mere scrub using her characters.**

**Yes, if you haven't used it already, you have my permission to use the popsicle melting line. Everyone seemed to get a kick out of that. I use it myself. And the exact words my daughter used when talking to her cousin were, "Suck it, Zoe. Suck it," when Zoe's popsicle was melting. Suck it's always funny, but coming from a 4-yr old? Come on. If you can't laugh at that, there's something fundamentally wrong with you or you're in a bad mood.**

**Someone, Naomitron, suggested I do a lexicon for this story (and CLG). I did that for Saving Me and its sequel so I may do that for CLG and TDG as well, just as a quick reference guide for the acronyms and euphemisms I've conjured up.**

**Many of you have wondered if Bella's moodswings were from PMS or being preggy. This chapter should clear things up. Don't forget to REAR.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 4**

**EPoV**

I was more than a little apprehensive. Bella said she'd _let it go_, but I couldn't bring myself to truly believe her words. I mean, after all, I did enjoy her sex dream humiliation immensely.

I hoped that she'd give me my payback right away, but no. Women were so devious. I was left to draw only three conclusions:

A-Bella really was going to let it go (not likely in my book)

B-She was going to get me back and get me back good

C-A combination of A and B to make me suffer maximally by wondering what she was up to before hitting me with the punishment

I was leaning towards C. And I was frightened.

"Edward?" I heard Bella calling me from the kitchen. I finally jumped out of bed after considering the possible revenge options Bella could cook up.

"Coming," I replied to Bella from the hall. "What is it?" I asked once I reached the kitchen.

Bella took a sip of her soy chai latte and slid a cup across the small island to me. "Here. I made a little too much."

"Thanks," I said as I regarded the coffee cup with an amount of uncertainty.

"What?" she asked me. "Aren't you going to drink it?" I thought it over. I didn't think she'd put anything in it like a laxative or stool softener. Even as revenge went, I didn't think Bella would do something quite that evil. "I didn't do anything to it if that's what you're thinking," she giggled nervously.

My head snapped up to look at my wife. Why would she say that? "Why would you say that?" I sounded a little alarmed I was sure I looked it too.

"Because you're all hesitant about drinking from an open cup. Are you scared, Edward?" she teased. I kept my wary expression. Bella laughed some more at me. "It's the same as what I'm drinking, Edward. I swear. Look, I'll even drink out it to prove it to you." Bella took a sip from my coffee cup. "Ta-da," she said holding out her hands palms up. "No one slipped anyone a roofie or Iocane powder. Relax, Dr. Cullen."

I gave in to a small smile and then chuckled at my own paranoia before I finally took a sip. Perhaps she really was sincere about letting it go.

"I was about to take a drink out of it. You didn't have to do it first," I told Bella.

She rolled her eyes. "Liar." Bella made a face then. She was joking a second ago but then looked like she just realized something not to her liking, and she suddenly turned moody again, furrowing her brow at me and pouting slightly.

"What is it?" I asked. My tone took on the same tenor and affect as earlier when she suddenly started crying before the nap. I was concerned but also confused.

"You really thought I did something to your drink didn't you?" she accused. She sounded genuinely upset.

I shook my head. "No. Bella, I was just messing around. Of course you wouldn't have put anything in my drink. I know that." I reached across the island counter for her hand, but she pulled it away. She _looked_ genuinely upset now, and I felt terrible.

My wife's mood swings were most definitely giving me whiplash. I couldn't complain. She had warned me after all, but who knew how emotional she'd actually get? Bella didn't even really know. I mean, I could handle the changes in mood in as much as I understood them in theory. Experiencing the emotional rollercoaster ride was another matter entirely. All I could think to do was try to be as caring as I could no matter how difficult it could be sometimes.

I walked around the counter to get a good look at Bella and to hold her. As pissed as she seemed at me, I didn't want her to feel that I didn't care about her or that I believed she'd poison me.

"Bella," I whispered. "Are you okay?" I had a hold of her hands, but she wasn't looking at me. She was deep in thought looking at the floor tile. I had to let go of one of her hands in order to cup her chin gently and bring her gaze up. She resisted at first but reluctantly looked up at me.

Her eyes were tear-filled again, and her bottom lip was quivering slightly. I panicked and pulled her to me. I didn't know if she was sad or mad or both. I didn't know what I could do to help her. She seemed hell bent on keeping her suffering to herself.

I knew she felt stress from her dad being ill, from losing her job, and from trying to conceive, but she never really talked about any of it, at least not until earlier in that day. And even then she didn't go into much detail. I wanted to ask her if she thought she was pregnant, but I didn't want to press the issue too much, knowing she'd tell me if she thought she were. She was moody the month prior, but nothing compared to this day. And I didn't want her to think that just because I thought she was moody that it had to be because she was pregnant or PMSing or whatever. Everyone had a right to be moody no matter what time of the month it was.

Still, I wanted to shoulder any burden Bella carried and take away any sadness or pain that she felt.

"Bella, please talk to me. What's the matter, love?"

She must have blinked, allowing a few tears to fall. I felt the moisture through the fabric of my t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Bella sniffled. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I asked. "What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one that upset you."

She shook her head. "No. You've been nothing but sweet, well, except for the sex dream teasing thing," I grimaced when she told me that, but she continued before I could apologize for it. "And I've been…psychotic at best," Bella cried.

"No you're not," I began to protest but she cut me off.

"Yes I have been, Edward, and I'm sorry. Really. I don't want to be this crazy woman." Bella kept shaking her head and apologizing. "I've been up and down and up and down and crying all the time…"

"What?" I took a step back to look at her. "Besides today, when have you cried?" I asked. I hadn't noticed her crying. "Bella?" I urged.

She sighed before answering. "I cry a little bit everyday," she said speaking so softly I barely heard her.

"What? When? Where have I been?"

"I do it in the piano room," she finally admitted. "I go in there in the middle of the night if I wake up and can't get back to sleep. They're not long cries," she added upon seeing my tortured expression. Like that was supposed to make me feel better. "I didn't want to wake you up. You need your rest."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out pinching the bridge of my nose.

"You're mad at me," she cried again.

"No. No. How could you think that?" I pulled her to me again. "I'm pissed at myself for not noticing."

"There's nothing to notice, Edward. When I feel like crying I have a little cry. Then I feel better afterwards. There's never a real reason for it. The only time I really broke down was last month after I got my period. I was pretty disappointed."

"I wish you told me about that, Bella. I hate knowing that you cry by yourself with me just lying there asleep, not able to help you."

"Help me? Help me how? You mean like stop me from crying?" she asked sounding confused.

"Well yeah. I don't want you crying." Did she think I liked the idea of her crying?

"Why not?" she asked. Now _I_ was really confused. "Didn't you hear me? I feel better afterwards. It's cathartic."

I took a step back to look at her once again. I studied her face carefully. "So…am I to understand that the crying is a _good thing_?" Bella shrugged and nodded. I will _never_ figure women out! "Well, will you tell me if I do really upset you? Or tell me what I can do for you? I just feel so helpless right now."

"I will," she promised. "I love you, Edward," she told me, squeezing me harder to her. It felt like there was something else she wanted to tell me though.

"I love you too, Bella," I told her in return, softly brushing my lips to hers. "Will you tell me about last month?" I asked. "Why were you so disappointed? We haven't been trying for that long. It'd be a miracle to get pregnant this soon really."

Bella's expression turned sad again as she led me to the sofa to sit down. She sat down next to me, but I pulled her into my lap instead. I didn't want any space, no matter how little, between us.

"Well," she began. "Last month I thought I was maybe pregnant."

"_What?_" I asked in shock. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to. My period was late. I didn't want to get your hopes up so I waited a few days. After three days I was going to tell you and take a test but…" She dropped her gaze from mine. "It came. Obviously," she said quietly.

I pressed my lips to her forehead and then her lips to kiss her properly. "I'm sorry you went through that alone. I wish I had known."

"Really?" Bella asked. "I would have just disappointed you, Edward," she said sadly.

I shook my head. "No, Bella. I would have been disappointed, yes, but not in you. _Never_ _in you_."

Bella looked at me with wide eyes glistening with tears again, "Promise?"

I stared back at her with hard eyes so she could see the gravity of my pledge, "_Always_, love."

Bella took a deep breath then in what I thought was relief. "Well, then okay. My period's late again, Edward," she admitted biting her bottom lip nervously.

I nodded though my breathing hitched slightly. Somehow I kept my voice steady in an attempt to remain calm. "Okay. How many days?"

"Three. Just like last month."

I nodded again. "Do you want to take the test or wait?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I think I want to do the test, but I'm scared to be disappointed again."

"Don't be scared. I'm right here with you," I assured Bella, squeezing her hands. Bella nodded in acknowledgment.

She took another deep breath. "Okay then. Let's do this."

We got up and made our way to the bedroom and then the master bath. I watched as Bella opened up her linen closet and took out one of several pregnancy test boxes. We stocked up as soon as we started trying.

"Um, there are two in this box. Should I do them both?" She asked looking at me.

"Yeah why not? Just to make sure," I replied.

Bella looked at the instructions and then tore the box open and took the two sticks out. She then looked at me.

I stood there like an idiot staring back at her.

"Edward, shoo. You don't have to watch me pee. I'd prefer it if you didn't actually. I'll be out in a second."

I nodded and gave Bella her privacy. I sat down on the bed waiting for her to open the door. I continued to breathe slowly so I could remain calm for Bella. Truth be told, though, I was a nervous wreck. I looked at the clock. It had been almost a minute and she hadn't opened the door yet. I tried to distract myself by turning on some music. I hit play on the iPod dock just as Bella finally opened the door.

"We have to wait three to five minutes," she informed me.

"Okay," I nodded sitting on the couch reaching my arms out for Bella to join me. Bella gave me a small, brave smile. She was about to join me but stopped to find a song on the iPod first.

I smiled at the track she picked. It was our wedding song. How appropriate. Bella finally joined me on the sofa. I wrapped my arms around her as we quietly listened to the song and waited together.

We didn't talk. We were each lost in our own thoughts. I could only guess how nerve wracking it was for Bella to go through this by herself the month before. I wouldn't admit it to Bella, but against my better judgment, I _was_ getting my hopes up. How could I not? I caught myself though. I thought about how Bella must have done the same thing last month, gotten her hopes up only to be severely disappointed. It broke my heart to think about her crying her eyes out all alone, just to protect me.

_It'll happen when it happens_, I told myself. _If these tests aren't positive, it's not a big deal. We'll keep trying. It'll be fine. _

Unconsciously, Bella and I had synchronized our breathing. And as the last note of the song played, we both let out a long breath and got up. We headed back toward the bathroom, but before going in, I turned Bella to face me.

I framed my hands around her delicate face and spoke earnestly, "No matter what those tests say, we're in this together. Got it?"

Bella nodded. "Got it. I love you, Edward. Thank you."

I kissed Bella softly. "Love you too. Always."

We walked into the bathroom. Without looking at the results, Bella handed me one test while she took the other.

"Ready?" she asked. I nodded.

We both looked at the little window on our respective tests and then looked at each other.

Bella handed me hers while holding her other hand out for mine so we switched.

I looked at the little window, as did Bella.

When our gazes met again, I noticed her shocked expression.

"You have what I have," she said.

I nodded. "And you have what I have," I replied.

We stood there a moment staring at each other, holding the sticks that both revealed the pink plus sign, letting the information sink in.

"Holy shit, Edward," Bella smiled at me as she threw her arms around my neck. "Holy shit!" she whispered again.

I leaned my forehead against Bella's, staring into my wife's eyes once again. And once again, they were filled with tears. This time, though, they were tears of joy.

I couldn't help but grin widely. "I love you," I whispered as I pressed my lips to Bella's softly at first but then allowed the full extent of my love and happiness to come through as the kiss grew more eager, more enthusiastic. As my mouth moved more fervently against Bella's, we heard the doorbell ring.

I groaned as she broke the kiss. "Damn it!" I looked darkly toward the bedroom door.

Bella merely giggled at my reaction. "It's them," she said taking my hand and leading me out of the bedroom and down the hall. "What should we do?" she asked.

"Not let them in. I don't want to share you right now, Bella," I told her. I was suddenly bitter about the party. "Let's not go."

"That's not what I meant, Edward. Should we wait to tell them that we're pregnant? I probably won't be able to see the doctor until next week to confirm."

"We could drive to Forks right now to confirm it with my father, Bella," I suggested.

"We can't miss the party." Bella gave me a disapproving look as she answered the door. "You know Hal would kill me."

"Hal would kill you for what?" Alice asked as she and Jasper walked in along with Emmett and Rosalie. The guys were each holding three garment bags. One set was ours, I surmised and the other was the girls' costumes.

"For outshining him in my Pretty in Pink dress," Bella lied. "Oops," she covered her hand over her mouth and looked back at me. I laughed. I wasn't supposed to know about her costume. "You didn't hear that," Bella said to me.

"Oh, it doesn't matter anymore. We're all about to change into the costumes anyway," Alice said.

"Okay. We can get ready in our bedroom and the guys can go use Eli's room," Bella instructed. "Uh, nice t-shirt, Emmett. I didn't know you were a fan." Emmett was wearing an 'N Sync concert tee that was rather tight on him. It had a picture of the guys in the group. He looked ridiculous in it. If he weren't such a hulking and potentially intimidating figure he'd probably get teased on the street for wearing that.

Emmett smiled proudly, "It was a gift."

"It was a joke gift from Jasper a couple years ago," Rosalie clarified. "Emmett had to wear it on a dare, which he did, but he still wears it around the house and occasionally among people."

"The cotton is really soft," Emmett pointed out. "Plus _Tearing Up My Heart _is the bomb," he admitted. Jasper and I snickered at him. "It's a good song. Shut up, you two. Your popsicles are melting."

"Dude, that's the third time you've said that to me, Emmett. I'm not even holding a popsicle," Jasper snapped. Emmett, Bella and I just laughed.

Alice and Rosalie looked at us expectantly. "I want in on the joke," Alice demanded.

"Me too," Rosalie said.

"Okay. What do you do when your popsicle is melting?" Bella asked them giggling.

Alice and Rosalie stared at Bella for a moment with their eyebrows furrowed until it hit them. Finally Alice smiled, "Suck it!" We all laughed. Even Jasper grudgingly smirked shaking his head at us.

"Mature. Real mature," Jasper said sarcastically.

"Funny," Rosalie snickered.

"Jazz doesn't even eat popsicles," Alice commented as she and Rosalie scurried off to the bedroom still laughing. Bella told them she'd be in there in a moment.

"You don't like popsicles, Jasper?" Bella asked sounding a bit shocked.

"Oh, I like them, they just don't like me," he explained though Bella just looked at him funny.

"Jasper's a wuss," Emmett said.

"I have sensitive teeth, jerk!" Jasper defended himself.

"Oookayy...So what are you guys going as?" Bella asked no one in particular.

"Nuh-uh, sister. Wait and see," Emmett told her as he and Jasper made their way to the guest room that we called Eli's room. "Come on, Eddie," he cackled back at me.

"Be right there," I told them as I turned to Bella. "Okay, we'll get it confirmed tomorrow. It's up to you if you want to tell anyone. I'll follow your lead," I said kissing her lips and then bending down to kiss her belly.

"Okay," Bella smiled. "I'll see you in a bit." She headed back to our bedroom, and I went into Eli's room with a huge grin on my face as I thought about our baby.

I started cracking up though as soon as I opened the door to Eli's room. There were Emmett and Jasper dressed in the sleeveless black martial arts costumes with black headbands tied around their foreheads. Emmett laughed too as he tossed me my matching costume.

We were going as the Cobra Kai guys from _The Karate Kid_. Emmett was Sensei John Kreese even wearing a fake tattoo of a fist holding a cobra on his right bicep just like Martin Kove did in the movie.

Jasper had his blond hair combed down flat, which was what I had to do with my hair as well, to achieve the bad 80's hair.

"Strike First. Strike Hard. No Mercy!" Emmett yelled once I had my costume on. We laughed as we pounded fists.

"Sweep the leg!" I yelled back. "Cobra Kai never dies!"

"Get 'em in a bodybag! Yeah!" Jasper joined in. We were being such idiots.

"These are great, Emmett. Where'd you find them?" I asked.

"Ebay, baby. Ebay has it all. Now bow to your sensei!"

I gave my goof of a brother a shove and was about to make a sarcastic comment when a blood curdling scream got our attention.

"That's Alice," Jasper said as we ran down the hall to the master bedroom to check out the commotion.

"Oh my god!" we heard Rosalie and Alice cry before we got to the door.

"Oh my god!" Jasper, Emmett, and I yelled as we entered the bedroom seeing the girls huddled up in a group hug wearing their costumes.

"Oh my god!" the girls yelled upon seeing us in our _Karate Kid_ get-ups. They started laughing hysterically at us. We guys were laughing at our wives as well. They always went all out on their costumes.

Alice was in a torn up wedding gown wearing severe eye makeup and a long stringy black wig and looking pretty much dead. Rosalie was wearing a white halter dress and a platinum blond wig looking like Marilyn Monroe from that movie where her dress flies up on the street. And then there was Bella in a short red wig wearing what was supposed to be Molly Ringwald's pink prom dress. Even in an ugly pink dress my wife was stunning.

"Why did you scream, Alice?" Jasper finally asked once we all calmed down. The girls had left their little huddle to come get a closer look at our karate costumes.

Alice looked over at Bella and me questioningly. Bella smiled and nodded her permission.

"Bella and Edward are most likely expecting!" she squealed. Alice was jumping up and down clapping as she made her way over to give Bella and me a hug.

Emmett first looked surprised and then elated. He and Rose came over to hug us as well. Emmett gave me a slap on the back.

"Way to go, bro!"

I laughed, "Thanks, Emmett."

Emmett then picked Bella up in a bear hug and spun her around once before setting her back down. Bella was laughing unable to hide her own excitement. "Congrats, sis," he told her.

"Congrats, guys. But, um, why'd you say _most likely expecting?" _Jasper asked.

"It's still early and we need to see a doctor to confirm it," I told them. "But Bella took two tests before you guys got here and we're pretty sure she is."

"Yeah, and we saw the package in the garbage so that's how _we_ found out," Rosalie said.

"And when they found out," Bella added.

"I screamed!" Alice smiled.

"Oh, since you guys know, I need to tell Hal too or he'll skin me alive," Bella said as she texted Hal to come downstairs to our apartment.

Emmett, Jasper and I went out to the living room since the girls needed to finish getting ready. We were wrestling and practicing karate moves like we knew what we were doing when the doorbell rang. I went to let Hal in.

"Oh, very nice! Love it. Love it. Love it." Hal commented as he walked by us with his hair combed all weird like a 50's greaser guy wearing round sunglasses that flipped up and a really bad 80's suit jacket, a white button down with a strange pointy collar, and a chain tassel tie attached to what appeared to be a broach. "No mercy!" he yelled in recognition of Cobra Kai. We three laughed.

"Uh, you look…good," Jasper said uncertainly.

"Thanks," Hal smiled. We all regarded him with curiosity. "I'm Duckie Dale? From _Pretty In Pink_?" he answered our unspoken question in a tone that implied that we were possibly mentally challenged for not recognizing his outfit.

"Oohh," we all nodded. The girls loved that movie.

"They're in the bedroom," I told Hal before he even asked. He nodded and skipped off to see Bella and the girls. Emmett and Jasper seemed taken aback. They hadn't ever witnessed a grown man skipping I guessed.

"Wait for it…" I told Jasper and Emmett once I heard the bedroom door open and close.

And few seconds later came another blood curdling scream, "Aaaaaggggghhhhhhh!"

"And there it is," I said bowing my head and gesturing toward my bedroom.

**A/N Okay. And there it is indeed. You can put your questions and assumptions to rest now. I just closed the poll, and letting Edward freak himself out won. **

**I put some links and web addresses on my profile for the costumes if you aren't familiar with these movie characters. Enjoy. Don't forget to review! Thanks!**


	5. Bella Unplugged

**A/N I don't own Twilight. If I did, I'd be on the beach counting my money not at home tapping away on this laptop.**

**Well, the Popsicle is melting line has been an overwhelming favorite from the lexicon non-chapter. Many of you have already used the line on people and have gotten strange looks. Welcome to my world. Retroactive ass kicking is my new favorite though. I mean who wouldn't you want to give a RAK to? You know at least one person at work or school who deserves one for something they did last week or last month. Uh-huh. You know what I'm talking about. And if you don't know that person, then **_**you**_** are that person—hate to tell ya.**

**I'll be adding to the lexicon, I'm sure because you know I love me some crazy sayings and stuff.**

**Alrighty then. I want to give a quick shout out to my twilighted beta, vjgm. Hope student teaching is going well for you. Now off to the next installment. Please REAR a proper chapter.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 5**

**BPoV**

And so it had begun. The madness that is. Not my emotional state, though I _was_ a force to be reckoned with. No, the China-doll treatment.

Ever since we got the pregnancy confirmed, which Edward and I did promptly the morning after the Halloween Party, everyone had been handling me with kid gloves. It was quite unsettling. I guess I should have felt grateful I had so many kind and loving people around me, but after the first thousand times of being asked if I was all right, I started to twitch a little, I won't lie. It wasn't just Edward, though I told him he didn't need to ask me all the time so he backed off. It was _everyone_. No, it was everyone except for Rosalie. She was kind, as always, without being overbearing. I guess she remembered everyone in her face while she was pregnant asking her the same stuff I got asked.

"It's annoying isn't it, Bella?" Rose had asked me one day when Emmett and I were at the DG. She had stopped in with EmJ, on their way to her mom's. She could tell I was getting frustrated with all the incoming text messages and emails that had my phone buzzing. My mom, Sue, Coley, Alice, Hal, even Charlie (though I had no idea when he learned how to text message) all checked in intermittently. Six loving people texting or emailing at regular intervals throughout the day equaled a slightly irritated Bella.

I twitched even more at the prospect of eight more months of the harassment so I finally solved the problem by getting everyone to join Facebook so they could view my stupid status updates, and I promised to alert them via Facebook, text, or email if I needed anything. They, in turn, made me promise to update at least every few hours or so. Coley and Renee made Edward promise to post pictures of me regularly so they could watch my progression. I supposed I would have been the same way with Alice or Coley so I couldn't begrudge them that.

That was the week after Edward and I confirmed that we were about a month along, which was at the beginning of November. That put my due date at the end of July, just like Rosalie's was. Hopefully I wouldn't go late like Rose did. She was pretty uncomfortable at the end of her pregnancy. And if they thought I was grouchy in my first trimester…

It was a good thing I worked at the DG and was in good with the boss. Who else would allow their employee to keep Facebooking and checking her email while on the clock? It certainly helped that Emmett was hopelessly addicted to Facebook himself. When it was slow in the shop he'd be off in the corner on his phone or on the computer in the back, I'd be sitting in one of the loveseats on my computer working on miscellaneous projects, and if there were another employee in there, they'd be listening to their iPod or texting friends.

That's how Edward found us late one Friday afternoon. I saw him through the window and waved. As he was coming in, my laptop dinged with an instant message, the fifth in the last minute.

"Emmett, quit IMing me, I'm right here!" I yelled toward the back of the shop. "Yes, Edward's right here!" I said answering his IM. "He just came in!" There was only a hint of irritation in my voice.

Edward chuckled in amusement. As he kissed me hello, my computer dinged again. I rolled my eyes to tell Edward, "Emmett's on his way to the front here." Edward laughed and nodded at his brother's ridiculousness. I decided to take advantage of the IMing at last and tapped something really quick to Emmett.

A minute later, Emmett came up from the back of the store with cookies for Edward and me.

"Here you go," Emmett said as he handed me a small plate of sugar cookies.

"Thanks," I smiled. "Technology can be very useful," I said taking a bite.

"When is technology not useful?" Emmett asked.

"When you're giving me a play by play of baking cookies in the back," I answered curtly. "You had already put on your status update that you were baking. That's all I need to know, Emmett. You didn't need to IM me every time you checked on them or as you were cleaning. Also, I'm drowning in Blue Cove and Lil Green Patch requests so stop sending them please. And stop poking me. I have stuff to do!"

"Nice, Emmett. I'm surprised you weren't taking a quiz while you were on FB," Edward commented.

"Oh, he did," I told Edward the same time Emmett said, "Oh, I did."

"He cheated though," I said.

"Whatever, Bells. I only asked for help on a couple. I'm a grammar master now, just so you know, sister."

"I give that result no credence, Emmett. You consulted with me for at least a third of those questions."

"Yeah, but who got two thirds of the answers right on his own, huh? Don't be jealous just because you're not the only one around here who knows her alphabet," Emmett snickered.

I stuck my tongue out at my brother-in-law. "And by the way, Emmett, that 100 percent you got on the there/they're/their quiz is a farce as well." I turned to Edward, "I had to tell him the answers." Really, I wondered how he had functioned this far in life? Must be because of Rosalie.

"Nuh-uh, Bella, I was just checking to make sure _you_ knew." Yeah right.

Edward laughed at his brother again as did I. "Then, frankly, I'm insulted you even had to quiz me, Emmett."

Just then my computer beeped with an incoming email from Coley just as Edward received a call. He went to the other side of the shop to take it. I noticed Emmett was back on his Blackberry tapping away.

"You know," I said. "It's really sick how addicted to technology we are. What were people doing before cell phones and Blackberries and text messaging? Can we walk down the street or sit without looking down at or checking our iPhones for emails or texts or listening to an MP3 player? Are we considered lazy and wasting time if we're not plugged into something at any given moment during the day?" I ranted.

"What's the problem, Bella? This is all a good thing. We're staying _connected_," Emmett scoffed at me, not sure why I was complaining about technology.

"You were IMing me for answers to your quizzes, Emmett. That's using technology to cheat, and on something as insignificant as a Facebook quiz of all things. That's stupid. And just because you _can_ tell me that you are about to wipe your butt or sneeze or whatever doesn't mean you _should_. I get staying connected, but TMI is TMI and that's NFG."

"Um, you're talking crazy again, Bella. Edward, Bella's talking crazy again," he called back to Edward tattling on me just as Edward was getting off the phone. "What the hell did you just say about too much information?"

"That it's NFG," I repeated.

"NFG?" Emmett asked. "And that would be…"

"No fucking good," Edward answered. It was a good thing no customers were in the store.

"Aww, yeah. More code. I like it!" Emmett nodded pounding my fist as if I had just come up with free porn or something.

"You're so easily distracted, Emmett," I laughed. We had just been arguing a second ago.

"Are you two done dueling?" Edward asked smiling as he sat down next to me. "Because I have some news."

Edward reminded Emmett of our verbal sparring match, and he immediately stopped smiling. Emmett and I made a face and pointed at each other indicating our argument wasn't through yet, but we turned to give Edward our undivided attention.

"I got picked to go to the medical conference," Edward informed us proudly.

"Alright," I cheered and leaned over to give him a congratulatory kiss. "I knew you would."

"Yeah, nice job, bro," Emmett said as he high-fived Edward.

And as both Emmett and I turned back to inform the world about the news via Facebook, Edward explained that they only chose two students rather than five because of budget cuts so he was really honored.

"And the seminar will be in New York City the first weekend of December. I think Dad's going too."

I made a face. "New York City?" I didn't remember him telling me where the conference was. I sighed heavily dreading being away from Edward for a weekend.

"Yeah, we're flying out on a Friday afternoon and the conference is Saturday all day and then we'll be flying back Sunday morning. And then I'll have the one week of finals when we get back before winter break so any spare time I have, I'll most likely be studying. I'd ask if you want to go, Bella, but there wouldn't be much time to spend in the city and you'd probably be pretty bored," Edward explained.

"That's okay, Edward. It's only for the weekend. I'll have these guys here to keep me company. Hal will probably insist he stay over anyway," I said.

"Aww yeah, party at the HQ while Eddie's gone!" Emmett grinned.

"What are we sixteen, Emmett?" I asked. "Shall we fill the washing machine with ice to keep the beers cold and Slip 'n Slide through the living room and down the basement stairs?"

Edward and Emmett just looked at me dumbfounded. "Did you do that in high school, Bella? That doesn't sound like you," Edward asked.

I smiled sheepishly, "Coley. It was her house. Chad bought the beer because he had a fake ID. We had the girls' volleyball team over along with the boys' soccer, basketball, and baseball teams. It was pretty fun," I smiled as I reminisced.

"That sounds like Coca-Coley," Emmett laughed. "Damn, there were a lot of boys over. I bet it was like five to one guys to girls," he smirked.

I smiled, "Coley's no dope."

Edward just shook his head. "I didn't need to know that, Bella."

"Aww, relax, bro. I bet Bella didn't even do anything did you Bella? You probably organized a spelling bee in the dining room," Emmett laughed.

I laughed too. "That's not far from the truth. Actually, I played Scrabble with Coley and Chad in the dining room while everyone partied around us."

"Then why have the party at all?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, it was my last week in Phoenix before moving to Forks. Coley wanted me to go out with a bang," I shrugged.

"And did you?" Emmett asked wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

I smirked. "Yeah, Emmett. I ended up having sex with the whole soccer team," I rolled my eyes.

Edward laughed. I turned to him, "Speaking of not needing to know anything though," I changed the subject. "I've decided to go unplugged for the weekend. Care to join me?"

"What does this entail exactly?" Edward asked warily.

"No communication devices. No phones or computers," I specified.

"I don't think you can do it, Bella," Emmett challenged.

"Oh, I can live without my phone or computer for two days, Emmett, that's not a problem," I said confidently.

"No, if you're going to swear off technology, that includes TV and microwaves and stuff," Emmett said.

I glowered at Emmett. "I'll give up TV and microwaving, but I draw the line there. I can still use electricity and running water, Emmett. I'm not a crazy person."

"You can go without TV for an entire weekend?" Emmett asked.

"Of course," I said.

"And no iPod either, _Miss I Hate Technology_," Emmett added.

I winced for a moment. I do love to listen to music, but I could go without it for one measly weekend. "Fine," I said at last.

"All right, sister," Emmett grinned.

"What are you two even wagering," Edward asked after watching Emmett's and my exchange.

We both shrugged. And then I grinned as it occurred to me. "How about a dog?"

Emmett smiled slyly too. "Sweet. I was next in line to get a dog from you two anyway!"

"Shut up, Emmett," I said as I made a face at him.

"So I'll just be collecting your phone and your laptop now, Bella," Emmett said. "You too, bro."

"Fine," I replied indifferently as I updated my FB status to **"Bella will be unplugged all weekend as a sociological experiment/bet. Don't try to call Edward or me as Em has commandeered our communication devices."**

I turned off my phone and snapped my computer shut handing them to Emmett.

"You'll get these back Monday morning when you come back in here, deal?" Emmett asked.

"Deal," I said. "But the only thing is, if Charlie needs anything, you have to let me know." Emmett agreed to the Charlie stipulation and trusted that we'd be on the honor system about the TV and microwave, but he called Hal to confiscate our DVR player and iPods.

"I think I'll text message from your phone and check my email on Edward's phone while I use your computer to find myself a dog, Bella," Emmett teased.

"Your Popsicle's melting, you techno-whore," I rebutted dryly.

"_Your_ Popsicle's melting. Enjoy your Amish weekend, kids."

Edward and I started to walk home then. "Well, Edward, an entire weekend unplugged. Just you and me. No TV, phones, computers or interruptions," I looked up at him.

Edward rewarded me with his sexy crooked smile. "Whatever will we do, love?"

Once we got home, Edward and I cooked dinner together. It was nice to not be in any kind of hurry for anything. We grilled steaks on the little balcony. We even baked potatoes legitimately in the oven. We sautéed some asparagus and onions and mushrooms on the stove. And even though we could use lights, we dined at the kitchen island by candlelight just talking about anything and everything that came to mind.

After dinner, we did the dishes together and then shared a pint of Rocky Road ice cream while lounging on the couch.

"This is a little bit of all right, is it not?" I asked Edward as I took another spoonful of ice cream. "Emmett's a sucker," I laughed.

Edward chuckled too. "Yeah, just because he can't go without technology doesn't mean everyone else can't either."

"So what kind of dog do we want this time, Edward. This is it. It'll be for keeps," I said. And I was serious. No more canine halfway housing.

"How about a non-shedding, non-stinky, smart one?"

"Sounds good. Where do we get one of those?"

"I don't know. I'd do some research, but not today or this weekend," he smiled.

After the ice cream we each read for a little while. Edward finally decided to read the second book in the vampire series. I didn't know how he resisted reading the rest of the series last year after the first book because all my girlfriends and I devoured the books immediately. Then again, he was busy with med school, weddings, honeymoons, grand openings, and a newborn nephew so I cut him some slack.

I started reading a new book made from a classic, _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_. It was really entertaining reading how Mr. Darcy was slaying zombies. I was giggling but stopped when I heard Edward close his book and toss it on the coffee table with a disgusted look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked nudging his leg with my foot. We were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa but our legs were stretched in front of us and met in the middle of the couch.

"Vampire boy left her in the woods. What a dick move," Edward spat out.

"I know, right?" I agreed. "What, are you going to stop reading now?"

"Well, she's all depressed and stuff. I don't want to read that. And I flipped ahead to look for vampire boy's name, and I couldn't find it so I don't want to read it anymore. I see she befriends the shady Native American kid. I still don't like him." Edward made a face.

"That's it? You're really going to stop?" I asked incredulously.

Edward shrugged. "Yeah, it seems boring now."

I gasped. "But Edward, there's so much more to it." I started uttering parts of words but didn't complete them because I didn't want to give anything away in case Edward picked the book up again.

"Then tell me about it, Bella." I looked at him warily. "Please, love? I really don't feel like reading it. I'd rather hear you talking about it."

I considered his request. I didn't see the harm. Edward seemed adamant about not reading the book. Plus we had all the time in the world right now to talk about the book. Edward even tilted his head, pleading with me. How could I resist that?

"Okay," I smiled. Edward smiled too and held his arms out for me to crawl into his lap so he could rest his hands on my belly even though I wasn't showing yet.

So we stayed like that most of the evening as I recounted the second book to him. He was pissed at vampire boy and suspicious of the Native American kid, though I defended the kid by pointing out that he was a very good friend to the girl when she needed one. He knew from me telling about vampire boy's voice in the girl's head that she had conjured it up on her own and that she probably knew he still loved her. Edward found the Italy part mildly exciting, but thought vampire boy was an idiot for not confirming any information with his sister before deciding to commit suicide. He understood the girl's fear that vampire boy would leave her again but correctly guessed that he probably wouldn't, citing that "the idiot probably learned his lesson." And finally, he applauded the girl for taking matters into her own hands and having the family put her humanity to a vote, much to vampire boy's chagrin.

"So that's it?" Edward asked annoyed. "He still doesn't turn her?"

"Edward, there are two more books after this one."

"Two more until he turns her? Ridiculous," he said shaking his head. "Vampires with values. Who knew?" Edward rubbed my stomach and asked, "Do you still find vampire boy hot?"

"Oh yeah," I smiled.

I heard a "Hhmph," out of Edward.

"Of course, he's nothing compared to my husband," I pointed out. "Remember, you're smoking hot. You're just as sweet, kind, smart, and protective as he is. In fact, you are better. Know why?"

I heard the smirk in Edward's voice as his hands slowly traveled up my stomach to cup my breasts. "I think I have an idea," he answered in a husky voice that dripped of lust.

I moaned as Edward continued to massage my breasts while nuzzling the back of my neck. I wrapped my arms behind Edward's neck, pulling him closer to me as I tugged and pulled at his bronze locks and ground my behind into his already aroused ambassador causing Edward to moan.

He slowly peeled my shirt off of me and discarded it onto the floor. Before he could take anything else off of me, I took the opportunity to get up from Edward's lap to stand up in front of him.

I offered my hand to Edward, which he took, and I pulled him up from the sofa leading him towards the hallway. I let go of Edward's hand and without a word, unclasped my bra, removed it from my body, and dropped it on the floor. I looked at Edward to see that his green eyes were ablaze.

I turned around and continued to walk down the hall stopping only to shimmy out of my jeans leaving them in the hallway as I stepped into the bedroom. I shed my final piece of clothing and took a peek out into the hall to find Edward still in the spot where I disrobed my bra but staring at the spot where my jeans lay.

"Edward?" I called to him from the door holding up the lace for him to see and then dropping them on the floor in the hallway. That caught his attention and he was in the room a split second later.

I sat perched on the bed, knees bent, blatantly displaying myself to my husband.

My brows furrowed when I laid eyes on him though. "You still have all your clothes on," I pouted.

"Easily rectified, love," Edward smirked as he stalked towards me pulling his tee over his head and tossing it behind him. I bit my lip as I watched Edward slowly undo his jeans and push them down to his thighs allowing gravity to do the rest.

I shamelessly ogled Edward as he stood before me clad only in his boxers, taking in every inch of his lean, muscular body from his extraordinarily good hair to his eyes, which conveyed nothing but desire for me, to the angles of his jaw line, sharp enough to cut stone. I eyed his long, soft neck noting how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed once. I followed it down to his chiseled chest, licking my lips once I spied the hardness of his nipples. As my eyes traced down to the V of hips and abs, I paused slightly appreciating the sensuous skin there, anticipating the warmth once our bodies were to meet.

Edward seemed to know the path my eyes were taking because right when my gaze landed on the boxers, the fabric started to move down off of his hips, slowly revealing the ambassador, at full attention, to me causing me to lick my lips once again. As soon as the boxers dropped softly to the floor, we locked eyes. The hunger I saw there couldn't even be described, but I could safely say that they mirrored my own.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," Edward murmured as he stood before me, sweeping stray strands of my mahogany hair away from my face. Edward bent down to kiss my eyes that instinctively fluttered shut in response to Edward's soft touch. I felt his lips on my cheek, my chin, and finally on my own lips. I feverishly kissed him back guiding his hands down to my chest.

I laid down, placing a pillow under my hips, allowing Edward to hover over me. I gasped as his mouth moved from my mouth down my neck to my collarbone and then settling on one of my hardened peaks. I instinctively arched towards him feeling his arousal at my entrance. I arched again seeking the friction I so badly needed.

"Edward, please," I breathed.

As soon as the plea left my lips, I allowed a moan to escape before Edward covered my mouth with his in the same moment he pinned my hands up over my head and sheathed himself inside me.

His hot tongue stroked mine while he thrust in and out of me, taking full advantage of the angle the love pillow gave both of us. I groaned into Edward's mouth each time his hips bucked against mine. Each push harder and deeper hitting me just right that I thanked god we weren't having a quiet contest this time for I surely would have lost.

My walls finally compressed around him, holding the ambassador tightly. My core pulsed and throbbed with pleasure as I felt the heat of Edward's own release inside me. And then I felt his weight on me as he collapsed onto my body in fatigue. My hands found their way up to his head, losing my fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp.

"Mmm. Thank you," Edward's breath tickled as he murmured into my ear.

He was still inside me so I gave the ambassador a squeeze in response causing Edward to moan. "Thanks again," he whispered.

"I love you, Edward," I told him breathing in the scent of his hair. "See?" I squeezed him again. "Vampire boy has nothing on you."

"Hmm, too bad you can't put that on your status update," Edward mused.

**A/N Indeed. The steaks were for twilight-is-lovee who is trying to go veggie. You can enjoy them virtually, love. **

**Well readers, hope you liked. If you did, review. If you didn't, review. If you're happy and you know it, review. If you want to make me happy, review. So, do you get my point? If not, click that review button and ask me about it. Good night.**


	6. JoJo and Mr Dove

**A/N Je ne suis pas Steph Meyer. (Did my French posse like that??)**

**Big ups to GetDrunkOnVictory for catching up on all of CLG after it was complete AND reviewing each chapter! She also caught up with TDG in her reviewathon. Thanks! Mama likes!**

**vjgm, keep on truckin'. You're doing god's work.**

**Thanks to everyone who made a suggestion for the new dog. I tried to work your suggestions into the story, though you'll see that what I picked wasn't a suggestion.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 6**

**BPoV**

"I told you that Native American kid was shady," Edward said shaking his head in disdain. I went ahead and told him about the third book in the vampire series. He was annoyed with vampire boy again for being a bit over the top in his protection of the _silly little human girl_, but ultimately thought he was okay since it was all out of love for her. Now the werewolf best friend was another matter entirely.

"The kid can't take a hint. He's clueless. She clearly doesn't like him like that. He needs to get a life and stop meddling."

And then when I told Edward about the girl's kiss with werewolf boy he about lost complete interest in the series. "What? She really kissed him? Because of the guilt trip? She's a chump," he decided.

My jaw dropped slightly at Edward's statement. I had never heard him speak that way about a female, fictional or otherwise.

"Well, isn't she?" he asked.

I finally nodded. "Yeah, she kind of sucks, but for some bizarre reason I still like her." Edward opened his mouth but before he could utter a sound, I pointed a finger at him and added, "And don't you call me a chump."

Edward laughed. "No, do I look like I have a death wish? I was going to say that you're too nice a person sometimes."

I rolled my eyes, "Look who's talking." Edward shrugged. He couldn't deny that he, too, was nice.

The unplugged weekend was fantastic. Nice and relaxing. I thought I'd miss my phone and computer, and while there were instances when I would normally reach for my computer to look something up, I realized these were things that could wait.

On Saturday, Edward got a lot of studying done, and I caught up on a couple novels that I hadn't had time for before. On Sunday, we did some reading on pregnancy. Surprisingly, I hadn't gone completely psycho yet due to the hormones. Perhaps it was because we read that stress, obviously, wasn't good for the baby. I was responsible for another life now so I would do anything within my power to keep him safe and healthy.

Edward and I spent much time in one of the spare rooms that we would ultimately make into the baby's room. We lay on the floor looking at the ceiling brainstorming on what colors we'd paint the walls and which theme, if any, to use.

"Should we find out the baby's gender?" I asked Edward.

A small smile played at his lips, which always happened when we talked about the baby. He automatically put a hand on my stomach as he thought about my question.

"Rosalie and Emmett found out, but I like the idea of a surprise," I said nonchalantly glancing at Edward from the corner of my eye.

Edward turned and gave me the strangest look. "_Really_? You? A surprise?" he asked skeptically quirking an eyebrow up at me.

I looked back at Edward trying my hardest to remain serious until we both burst out in laughter at the same time.

"Right," Edward chuckled. "We'll find out as soon as we can."

I felt rejuvenated after the techno-free weekend. We would definitely have to unplug more often. I was almost dreading getting my computer and phone back. _Almost_.

I saw Emmett hide in his office in the back of the shop as I went in that Monday morning.

"Emmett?" I knocked on the door. "Can I get my stuff back?"

"Emmett no esta aqui," came a high-pitched voice from the other side of the door followed by some laughing.

I rolled my eyes. "Emmett, come on!"

"You are _so_ jonsing to check your email aren't you, Bella?" Emmett teased when he finally opened the door.

"No," I denied it a little too quickly. "I just wanted to make sure it all got charged up for, you know, later."

Emmett chuckled. "Look at yourself, sister. You're wiggling your fingers ready to type something. Your eyes are all bugged out just seeing your little MacBook. I bet your mouth is watering just thinking about updating your Facebook status and seeing what comments everyone wrote on your unplugged status and on your wall. Oh, and Renee posted some new pictures of Eli, Charlie even posted pictures of Milton, Coley did her soundtrack for her life list, _and_ I sent you a bunch of flair!"

Damn him! My heart was palpitating just a bit though I refused to admit it to Emmett. "Whatever, Emmett. I'll check it later. We need to get ready to open anyway," I said indifferently. Why'd he have to tell me about pictures of Eli and Milton knowing I wouldn't have a chance to check FB for a while? As it turned out, I only had time to plug everything back in to charge before starting work.

We were slammed with the early birds coming in for their compulsory caffeine fix, keeping us busy for quite a while. It was nice. I could concentrate on making drinks and small talk with the regulars and not on what was in my Inbox.

"Oh, I found a dog, by the way, Bells," Emmett informed me once the morning rush died down.

"Oh, yes?" I asked. I still hadn't checked my email yet, but I planned to once I straightened out the cereal bar. "I didn't even tell you what we were looking for in a dog."

"What ever your criteria, I'm pretty sure this dog should cover them. It's a friendly breed," he used air quotes around _breed_. "It doesn't shed, and it's pretty smart from the research I've done on _your computer_. It doesn't get too big either."

Emmett hit on pretty much all of our wants in a dog without me even having to tell him. "Wow. This dog sounds too good to be true, Em. What is it? A Maltese? A Yorkie?" I was trying to think of other breeds of dog. "An Australian Blue Heeler cattle dog?"

"An Australian what?" Emmett furrowed his brow. "No. It's a designer mix," he concluded.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Well they breed specific mixes to take advantage of both breeds' best qualities so it's not a full breed, but I didn't think you would discriminate against mutts," he explained as he wiped down a table.

"That's true," I agreed. "We're equal opportunity dog owners. So what is this particular mix you're talking about?"

Emmett snickered.

"What?" I asked.

"It's a Cocker Spaniel and poodle mix," he snickered again.

"Oh, okay," I said but still regarded Emmett with wonder as he continued to stifle his laughter. "What is it, Emmett? Is this dog for real or are you just messing around?"

"No, it's real. It's just…it's a Cocker Spaniel and poodle mix," he snickered again.

"Yes, you mentioned that, Emmett," I scowled at him. Something was up.

"It's called a…" he snickered again. I gave him an expectant look, urging him to come out with it already. "…a _Cockapoo_!" he burst out with laughter.

I was not as amused as Emmett was. "What the hell is the matter with you, Emmett? Are you picking this dog because of its quasi-breed name? Is this even for real?" I could see him going through this whole song and dance just to get me to say _Cockapoo_, and I wasn't about to give in to his juvenile shenanigans.

Emmett finally calmed himself down to address my annoyance.

"Relax, Bella. It is a real dog. I swear. It really is all the things I said. It's just a bonus that it has the best name ever for a type of dog."

"Really, Emmett? Best name ever? I thought you were partial to Shih Tzus."

He laughed again from my reminder. "_Shih tzu!_" he snickered.

I shook my head at him. "Emmett! Focus!"

"Oh yeah. Anyway, there's a breeder here in Seattle and the puppies will be ready at the end of the week, but I called and we can go take a look this afternoon and put dibs on one or two."

"One or two?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I was going to wait until you and Edward give the dog away to me, because, you know, I'm next in line, but I thought about it, and the more I researched the _Cockapoo_," he actually managed to stifle his snorting, "The more I wanted one too. I even talked Rosie into it."

"Really?" I was impressed. Rosalie didn't seem like the type to pick up dog poop.

"Yeah, as long as I was in charge of picking up after it." I nodded in understanding.

"Alright, let's see some information about the Cockapoo then," I said going for my laptop finally.

The Cockapoo non-breed seemed great. They were known for having a very friendly temperament, smart (read: easy to train), low shedding, and not real big and not too small.

We were still looking at articles on Cockapoos when Hal and Janie came in to take over for Emmett and me, followed by Edward after he finished class.

"Oooh, those are so sweet. Shane's brother has one!" Hal gushed. "You should definitely get one. And then Diddy will have a friend again!"

Edward approved of the Cockapoo as well so once our shift was done, we headed out to the breeder's house in Emmett's Jeep.

Emmett was really excited to get a dog, and he was already thinking of potential names. It was amazing. When he and Rosalie were pregnant he couldn't offer up any suggestions for baby names, but when it came to a canine companion, he was a bottomless well.

"I like _Buddy or Teddy or Lucky_, but they're all the typical dog names. I want something a little different but not crazy. And I never really liked the idea of naming a pet after food. You know like Cookie or Taco or Muffin? Though T-bone I like so I don't want to rule out food names entirely," Emmett mused.

"Taco?" I asked. "Do you know a dog named Taco?"

"Yeah, Jim, the security guy at the Times. Oh, sorry, Bella, didn't mean to bring up the Times," Emmett grimaced.

"It's fine, Emmett," I assured him. See? People were still walking on eggshells. As if mentioning the paper would stress me out. "So Jim has a dog named Taco?"

"Yep. It's a Chihuahua."

"As slightly amusing as that is, I believe in allowing the dog to keep its dignity," Edward said.

"I agree," I chimed in. "I thought Diddy and Milton were good names."

"How'd you come up with _Diddy_ anyway?" Emmett asked.

I shrugged, "He just looked like a Diddy to me." There was no other reason.

"And Milton was named after our favorite character in the movie _Office Space_," Edward told Emmett.

"I like the human names for dogs but not too human," Emmett said.

"_Not too human_?" I questioned.

"Well, it's weird naming a pet something that could be your human friend or family member. Like a Schnauzer named Edward for instance."

"Or Emmett," Edward jibed right back. "This is my pug, Emmett," Edward mocked. I laughed.

"There's no way you're naming your dog Emmett," Emmett nearly shouted causing me to laugh even more.

"Of course not, Emmett," I told him. "I think you have to wait to see the dog _and then_ come up with a name. You can't come up with a name first otherwise you have to find a dog that suits the name. Not an easy feat."

So we convinced Emmett to wait and see the dog first before deciding on a name.

We spent the rest of the car ride with Emmett pondering whether certain foods in other parts of the world were called what we called them in America. It all started with him thinking aloud about adding a simple yet new item to the DG menu.

"English muffins," Emmett grinned.

I thought that was a good idea. "Why not? They're easy to toast and perfect for walking and eating."

"Exactly, Bells," Emmett nodded. "Hey, do they call English muffins English muffins in England or do they just call them muffins? But then what would they call regular muffins?" he mused.

Edward and I glanced at each other a moment before jumping on board the crazy train.

"I don't know. What do they call French toast in Paris?" I giggled.

"Or pancakes in Sweden?" Edward added with a chuckle.

"Or Danishes in…" Emmett hesitated.

"_Denmark_?" Edward and I finished for him.

"That's it," Emmett said. "Oh, we're here."

So we three went in and met the breeder and got a look at the Cockapoo puppies. They were so adorable little balls of fluff. There were seven puppies, and I wanted them all! We got to meet the parents as well. The dad was a Chocolate colored Cocker Spaniel and the mom was light colored Poodle. Both were very healthy and sweet dogs, and the breeder guaranteed good health and temperament for the pups as well.

When Edward and I had crouched down to play with the puppies, one little guy ran right up to us. He was chocolate colored like his dad. The other chocolate colored one went up to Emmett and immediately started giving Emmett kisses. I could tell he was instantly in love, as were Edward and I. Fast forward to the Friday when they were ready to be taken home, Edward and I had JoJo, and Emmett brought home Mr. Dove.

In the weeks leading into and through Thanksgiving we played with the puppies any spare moment we had. Renee, Phil, and Eli came to visit us this year and we had one huge Thanksgiving celebration at Carlisle and Esme's house.

It was wonderful to have all my favorite people in the same place, save for Coley and Chad. It was also a complete zoo. Carlisle and Esme hosted all of us _kids_, their three month old grandson, EmJ, Charlie and Sue, Renee, Phil, Eli, five dogs in Mina, Diddy, Milton, JoJo, and Mr. Dove, Rosalie and Jasper's parents, and two queens in Hal and Shane.

Surprisingly, everything went smoothly. The dogs stayed in the sunroom where Eli would hang out and play with them. Jasper still was trying to get Milton to fetch, which worked, sort of. Jasper threw the squeaky frog. Milton went to it, picked it up but didn't bring it back to Jasper but, instead, kept going in the other direction. So close! Milton was, however, really good at sitting and catching individual Crispex cereal squares in his mouth. It was clear that Charlie and he had been practicing.

That set off a round of stupid pet tricks. Milton was catching not only cereal in his mouth but also pretzels, apple slices, and chunks of cheese. He was quite talented. Diddy was able to clear an entire room in five seconds flat—quite impressive even by Diddy standards. Alice placed a pair of my ballet flats in front of Mina along with a pair of her Manolo Blahniks. Mina sniffed my comfy, practical, and (I contend) cute shoes and walked right by them, opting, instead, to lie down beside Alice's designer heels. Alice claimed that Mina was demonstrating great taste.

Hal and Shane clapped appreciatively while the rest of us looked on with confusion and disdain.

"That was a crappy trick," Emmett said scornfully. I had to agree, especially since I could do nothing but infer that her Italian Greyhound had better fashion sense than me. I tried not to get too offended.

"Well, let's see what Mr. Dove can do then," Alice challenged haughtily.

"Watch this, sis," Emmett said confidently as he placed poor Mr. Dove on his back and slid him across the smooth linoleum a good ten feet toward Rosalie and EmJ where he turned back right side up and started giving EmJ kisses. Mr. Dove didn't seem to mind one bit while the rest of us cringed a little. Emmett chuckled at his puppy. "See? He's like a hockey puck and a dust rag all in one!" Emmett patted his thighs and Mr. Dove went barreling back to him.

Everyone then looked to Edward, JoJo and me. I shrugged. "Sorry, JoJo doesn't do anything but look really cute. And I haven't gotten into the habit of sliding my puppy across smooth surfaces just for fun. It hadn't even occurred to me to do that, Emmett."

"Well, he can do _one thing_," Edward said.

I turned to Edward and gave him a questioning look wondering when Edward could have taught JoJo a trick?

"JoJo, hide!" Edward commanded. And to everyone's astonishment, JoJo placed his paws over his face. "Good boy!" Edward praised petting JoJo.

"Do it again!" we all urged. It was so cute and we were all laughing in amusement.

"JoJo, hide," Edward ordered again. And JoJo covered his face again. Everyone clapped and cheered.

I picked JoJo up telling him what a good boy he was. "When did you teach him that and how?" I asked Edward. "That's impressive!"

Edward smiled. "I read online how to teach tricks to dogs. I just used a spray bottle of water and sprayed his face gently while saying _hide_. He automatically wiped at his face anyway and then he associated wiping his face with _hide._ It's the way Pavlov intended. Behaviorism at its best!"

"Nice!" I reached my fist out for Edward to pound.

Esme was extremely pleased with all the help she got from Hal and Shane. They knew how to cook and throw a dinner party. Renee made her famous green bean casserole. Well, it was not _her_ world famous recipe. It was the recipe off the can of fried onions, but that _was_ considered a world famous recipe after all.

Emmett and I did all the baking. I was a little disappointed with not having been challenged to another cookie throw down though. Even Charlie asked if there'd be another cookie contest in hopes that Emmett had improved on his baking skills from the year before.

Emmett made a huge batch of the chocolate chip cookies to prove to Charlie that he could indeed bake.

Toward the end of the evening the guys were having a pool tournament in Carlisle's game room while the ladies caught up in the living room.

My mom, Sue, and Esme were talking about plans for a baby shower in the late spring. Alice, Rose and I were on a conference call with Coley keeping her apprise of the baby shower situation so she could plan a trip back to Seattle for it and just to see how her Thanksgiving was with Chad's family. They had gone to her family's side earlier in the day.

"I'm completely stuffed and there's still pie to be eaten," Coley lamented. "I'm resting and digesting now before I partake in round two of seconds."

We told her about the stupid pet tricks from the day and about how we missed her and Chad at this family gathering since they were practically family to me, to us. She promised we'd see her again soon when Eli came up from the game room and decided he wanted to talk to Coley, who we still had on speakerphone.

"Hey, Eli, what's going on, buddy?" Coley asked.

"Um, not too much," he answered. "I just got done watching Big Emmett beat Edward at pool. I wonder what he's going to name the baby."

"What baby?" Coley asked. Alice, Rose and I shrugged, not that Coley could see us.

"Edward and Bella's baby," Eli answered.

"Oh, you're wondering what Edward's going to name the baby?" Coley asked. "Well, I think Bella will want a say in it as well," Coley giggled.

"No, Big Em's gonna name the new baby," Eli clarified.

"_What?_" Coley, Rose, Alice and I all but shouted at poor Eli who looked up in surprise at all of us just as the guys came in from wherever they were. Jasper looked slightly afraid, biting his bottom lip. Edward looked all together nervous as he took his place beside me. I gave Edward a curious look and he smiled a nervous crooked smile at me. And in walked Shane and Hal who looked uneasy, each chancing glances at me without actually looking me in the eye. I narrowed my eyes at Emmett as he followed Hal in. He had the biggest, smuggest smile on his face that I had ever seen in my life.

"Hello? Hello?" was all I could hear from a disembodied voice. I realized Coley was still on speakerphone. "What's going on?"

Alice scooped the phone up and whispered to Coley, "Bella is about to go, well, _all Bella_ on Emmett, Coley. We'll see you at the funeral. I won't hang up yet, but wait for it…" she faded off quietly.

"Emmett. Cullen. What. The." I cupped my hands over Eli's ears before I continued. "_HELL. _Have. You. Done?" I repeated Alice's exact sentence with the exact same pauses and the exact same tenor as she had the day she found out about the stupid basketball bet with that douche Laurent.

"Whoa!" Shane gasped sounding amazed. "She didn't even move her lips!"

**A/N Well, how's that for a Thanksgiving? Hmm, I wonder what Bella's gonna do to Emmett (and Edward!). *shakes head* Okay, kids, please review. And as of 4/14/09 until if you review i'll send you a sneak peek of the next chapter. i'm not usually this ahead of the game so partake while you can! Please note that if yo review anonymously, I won't have an address to respond to.**


	7. Angry Bella and the Embargo

**A/N I do not own Twilight.**

**Can I just say that I'm a prognosticator? In Saving Me, Sabrina had a Portuguese Waterdog named Beau, and now the Obamas have followed suit with their own PW named Bo! **

**So, writing Angry Bella is a great deal of fun. Just so you know. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter. Hope you enjoyed the sneak peek at this chapter as a thank you for REARing. Now don't go getting all spoiled and stuff. I was inspired to write Angry Bella and was on a roll and had enough material to provide a sneak peek.  
**

**Oh real quick, thanks to Edward_Bella_Nessie who was kind enough to offer and create a banner for me for TDG on Twilighted. As I have no idea even how to create one and then apply it, I am oh so grateful. I am a nerd in many ways, but that is not one of them.**

**Anyhoo, you know what's up…REAR**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 7**

**EPoV**

Bella hadn't said a word to Emmett or me. She only glared at us. Needless to say, I was frightened, more frightened than I was after the sex dream teasing even. I hadn't seen her this upset since the first time I witnessed her anger over the "Ten Items or Less" sign at the grocery store. Grocery store Bella didn't even _touch _this Bella. I remained still as stone awaiting further instructions and/or punishment. Too bad my idiot brother wasn't wise enough to shut up.

Bella had calmly asked Eli to go check on the dogs after she removed her hands from his ears.

Eli threw a worried look at Emmett and me and then looked at his sister. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Bella are you okay?"

And in that same eerily calm voice and without taking her eyes off of Emmett and me, she assured Eli that she was fine and told Shane and Hal to go with Eli.

"Well, we were going to clean the kitchen and finish up the dishes," Hal said hesitantly. Bella whipped her head around and must have given Hal _the look_ because he quickly said, "Well, I guess the dishes can wait. Come on Eli," as they scurried out of the room.

When Bella had her head turned, Emmett, the rat, grabbed EmJ from Rosalie, to use as a human shield I supposed. But when Bella turned back to look at us, she made it clear to Emmett, through the daggers she was shooting at him, that he had better hand EmJ back over to his wife, which he promptly did.

At this point, I had noticed that all of the parents were just looking on with wide eyes, speechless and motionless as well, save for all the women and Carlisle shaking their heads in disgust and disappointment at us. Charlie, Phil, and Jasper's dad had their lips pursed and their faces all held grimaces. Funny, they were all cracking up when the stupid non-bet was made. Turncoats. I supposed they were glad it wasn't them sitting where Emmett and I were sitting. Jasper hung back, not wanting to be too near us for fear of being dubbed guilty by association. I would have done the same.

My mother cleared her throat when Bella was staring Emmett and me down again. "Maybe I should go clean…" She tried to excuse herself from the awkward situation occurring in her living room.

"Yeah, we should go…" Sue and Renee began to say, but Bella, without taking her eyes off of us again, put her hand up to silence the mothers.

"That won't be necessary. You ladies rest and take it easy. I'll go," Bella said calmly again.

I opened my mouth to protest that I should go clean, but she shot me another look, which cause me to keep quiet.

"Would it help if…" Emmett started to say, but Bella cut him off.

"No," she said coolly.

"But I was just…" Emmett stuttered again.

"Zip it," she said glowering at Emmett. He immediately shut up as well. "You two meet me in the kitchen in two minutes," Bella growled as she turned on her heel and left the room. Emmett and I each gulped as we heard her call for Alice once she was down the hall. Alice lithely jumped to her feet and hurried out of the room to be with Bella. "Where's my Slap Chop?" we barely heard Bella ask.

Emmett and I both blew out a breath we were both holding. "Damn it, Emmett," I shoved my brother's shoulder. I barely heard everyone else in the room snickering at us as Emmett shoved me back. "This is your fault you moron! It wasn't even a real bet."

"Hey I said _if I win I get to name the new baby,_" Emmett tried to explain himself to the bystanders in the room. "And Eddie said _yeah yeah _whatever." He surveyed the living room and was met with blank stares and distasteful looks. "Besides, I was just going to tell her that I was going to give the naming rights back to her," Emmett reasoned, clearly unsure as to why Bella lashed out at him. He really was a moron.

"Dude, I don't think Bella was going to allow you to name her baby for one second," Jasper said shaking his head. "In _her eyes_, you never even _had_ naming rights."

"But I won fair and square," Emmett griped, causing all of us to close our eyes and shake our heads at my dumb brother.

"What do you think, Renee?" Charlie asked chuckling. "I haven't seen Bells that mad since Jacob dangled the worm in her face when they were little," he laughed again. "She shoved him off of the boat into the lake."

"I haven't seen her that mad since this kid, David, snapped her bra in the eighth grade. I think she kneed him in the groin and then Coley gave him a wedgie," Renee looked wistful thinking of the memory, like a proud mom.

"That a girl," Charlie smiled. Then he looked over at us and resumed his serious face, possibly thinking about Bella kneeing _us_ in the groin. "Sorry boys."

Emmett and I swallowed hard again and looked at each other nervously. One near drowning and a kick where it counts. Good thing Coley wasn't here too. Yep, I was scared.

Then Rosalie chimed in, "I haven't seen her that mad since we were driving to the mall with Alice and Coley and saw a driver toss his cigarette butt out the window of his car." We all looked at Rosalie to see what happened to the schmuck that stirred Bella's ire. Rose shrugged, "She didn't confront him. Well she couldn't. He was in a moving car ahead of us, but she threatened to write a letter to the editor of the paper." I had to smile at that. Typical Bella. The pen is mightier than the sword.

So given the letter writing threat and the _letting it go_ from a month ago, I could safely assume that my wife had matured quite a bit in the anger and punishment department. A man could hope couldn't he?

"Hey, Beavis and Butthead!" Alice's shrill voice came from the kitchen. "NOW!" I could only assume she was referring to us.

I all but ran down the hall. I refused to keep Bella waiting. I wondered why Alice was doing the screaming. I supposed that Alice was the Forks Coley. The Sundance Kid to Bella's Butch Cassidy. Doc Holliday to Bella's Wyatt Earp. The Romy to Bella's Michelle.

When we got to the kitchen, I noticed that Bella was sniffling, crying. I made a move toward her with the intention of comforting her, but she was wielding a very sharp knife.

"Uh, Bells," Emmett asked nervously, "Are you all right?"

She sniffled and shouted holding up the knife, "NO!" causing Emmett and me to straighten up and look more alert. "These stupid onions!" she cried. "I can't find my Slap Chop."

Our eyes were drawn down toward the counter where Bella was chopping onions. Why? I don't know, but I wasn't about to ask. "Edward you put on the Tater Mitts and peel the potatoes. Emmett, you shred them after Edward has peeled them," she ordered gesturing toward the mandolin Emmett was to use to shred the potatoes. Emmett and I just stood there frozen, unsure why she was making us peel and shred potatoes. "Well? Go on!" Bella commanded, and Emmett and I jumped into action.

After the potatoes were dealt with, I had to grate some Parmesan cheese while Bella began to assemble a potato casserole, mixing in a couple cans of cream of potato soup, milk and melted butter. Emmett and I just stood there silently watching along side Alice as Bella sprinkled the cheese over the top of the casserole. Once Bella slid the dish into the oven to bake, she turned to Emmett and me.

"Clean Esme's kitchen," was all Bella said as she and Alice left us.

We turned our attention to the massive pile of dishes before us and cringed.

I sighed. That figured. I didn't think our only punishment was to help Bella cook.

"Shit!" Emmett whispered.

The dinner plates and bowls were easy enough to deal with. We just rinsed those and placed them in the dishwasher along with the utensils. The dirty pots and pans were a pretty daunting task, however. I scrubbed while Emmett rinsed and then we both dried and put them away. After that, we wiped down every surface in the kitchen leaving it sparkling clean for our mother. We worked diligently not saying much. Occasionally, Emmett would sigh and cuss though.

Alice came in to check on us and look in on the potatoes. She turned the oven off and brought the dish out to cool a bit as she inspected the kitchen.

"Satisfactory job, boys. Bella's waiting for both of you in your old room, Edward," Alice informed us. We started to move toward the door but Alice stopped us. "Uh, I wouldn't go up there empty handed if I were you," Alice sang.

I gave her a strange look. "Are you suggesting we bring up knives to defend ourselves?"

Alice snorted and then just laughed out right. "No. Take the girl her potatoes. She's craving them nasty style! Why do you think she made them in the first place?"

I grabbed a couple potholders and picked up the hot casserole dish. I told Emmett to get a couple spoons and a plate.

"Uh," Alice stopped us again. "I'd bring her some dessert too. She _is_ eating for two. And here," Alice said shoving a bottle of water under my arm.

Right. So Emmett grabbed the rest of the peach cobbler. He knew how much Bella liked it.

"Emmett, grab the Slap Chop too. Bella was looking for that," I told him. We found it when we were doing the dishes.

"Are you crazy, man? You're suggesting we give her the weapon to kill us with?"

Alice rolled her eyes and picked up the Slap Chop putting it on the plate Emmett was holding anyway, and we left the kitchen. I thought I heard Alice muttering, "idiots" on our way out.

So we trudged up the stairs to the third floor with food for Bella. Emmett was uncharacteristically quiet but he did admit, "Dude, I'm kind of scared of Bella." I nodded in agreement though, I thought, she had had an hour and a half or so to cool off so it might not be that bad.

"_You're_ in trouble all the time. What do you suggest we do?" I scowled at Emmett. I wasn't used to being _the idiot_. Emmett, however, was old hat at it.

"I don't know, man. Rosie usually just explodes and gets it over with. And then we end up having some hot make up sex." He shook his head. "Bella is more calculated though, and that shit is scary. Like Glenn Close scary." Emmett's eyes suddenly bugged out as a horrific thought must have hit him. "I hope she doesn't boil JoJo."

"Shut up, Emmett," I snarled.

We stood outside my old bedroom, unsure of what to do.

"Come in," Bella said tersely from the other side of the door. We filed in setting the food down on the night stand and turned to Bella who had one hand on her hip and the other hand pointing to the black leather sofa at the foot of the bed indicating for us to sit down, which we did.

I felt like I was sitting in the principal's office in trouble. I glanced at Emmett. He had more experience being in deep trouble than I had, but he looked just as nervous. Something told me the old Cullen Charm wasn't going to work on my Bella.

We sat there quietly, expectantly, waiting for Bella to lay into us. I glanced at Bella. She now had both hands on her hips, lips pursed. She must have been trying to think of what to say to us. She was quiet for an excruciating amount of time before she began fuming, "Why…Of all the stupid…I can't believe…"

I was concerned that she was unable to complete a sentence. If smoke could have come out of her ears, it would have.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?"

Emmett and I looked at each other, both surprised that she A, completed a coherent sentence and B, allowed us to speak.

"Well, what happened was…" Emmett began.

"Oh shut up!" Bella cried and Emmett immediately shut his trap, puffing his cheeks out like he was holding a bubble in his mouth. "I don't give a…flying…fuck how it went down." Whoa. Bella never dropped the f-bomb. We were in some serious shit.

"And how could _you_ allow this to happen?" Bella was referring to me.

"Well, I, uh…" I stuttered.

"Nevermind! That's irrelevant now," she barked. I abruptly quit stammering.

Bella then started pacing right in front of us. We sat with our eyes fixed on her feet waiting to be addressed again. Occasionally, Bella would stop, we'd look up at her, she'd open her mouth to say something but nothing came out so she'd close her mouth letting out a heavy sigh, and resumed pacing. This went on for a good ten minutes, but it felt like ten hours.

"You _know _you're not naming this child right?" she asked. She could have been talking to me just as easily as she was talking to Emmett. I didn't expect for Bella to give me any rights after this. I'd be happy with an hour visitation once a week once the baby was born. I'd be lucky and grateful to have it. But Emmett assumed Bella was addressing him as _you_. She had yet to speak our names.

"Yes," Emmett answered glumly.

"And _you _know better than to make stupid bets like this right?" We both thought Bella was talking to us so we both answered morosely.

"Yes."

"Have you both lost your damn _minds_?"

I figured it was a rhetorical question so I remained quiet. Emmett, however, opened his mouth to answer, but Bella, once again, cut him off before he could utter a single syllable.

"Shut up."

Bella took a deep breath in and out. "See, I'm trying to not get stressed out because it's bad for the baby. This is me, restrained." If that was Bella restrained, I shuddered to think what she'd be like full force angry. Emmett's eyes widened probably thinking what I was thinking. "This isn't over yet, but I'm tired and hungry so you may go now," she dismissed us.

Emmett and I both got up from the couch when Bella shook her head, "No, not you. _You_!"

Emmett and I both sat back down looking at each other, confused, not sure whom Bella was speaking to.

"_You_ go! _You_ stay!"

Again, Emmett and I stood up and sat back down half-way, not certain of what to do. Who should stay and who should go? Up and down, up and down we were bobbing. I'm sure we looked ridiculous like we were doing some stupid dance or a bizarre tribal ritual.

"Emmett, get out of here. You need to open the DG in the morning for the crazy shoppers." She was referring to the day after Thanksgiving shoppers. They were crazy indeed. Who gets up at four in the morning to shop?

"Um, okay. Thanks. This was a good talk." Emmett eyed the casserole possibly wanting a bite of it. It did smell good, but he thought better of it. "I'm glad we baked it out. Come in to work whenever you feel like it, Bells." Emmett wasn't sure if he was supposed to shake her hand or hug and kiss Bella so he ended up awkwardly bowing to her before he left.

So there I was. Alone. With my wife. My _angry_ wife. My _angry, pregnant_ wife. _With_ a Slap Chop. I swallowed hard as the realization hit me. I…was a dead man.

Bella watched Emmett leave and closed the door behind him. Slowly, she turned to look at me. I mustered the most angelic and apologetic look I could, combining the big green eyes and a small crooked smile. Bella had caught on to that a long time ago though so I threw in a sincere apology, "I'm sorry, love."

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Don't you, _love_ me. And you can stuff your sorry's in a sock, mister." What did that mean?

Bella then took a deep breath and was thoughtful a moment, like she had just remembered something.

She made a face, "I'm not supposed to go to bed mad at you," she confessed.

My outlook brightened considerably. "I'm glad about that then," I smiled at her again. It seemed like she had worked out her rage.

Just then there was a timid knock on the door. "Bella?" Eli called.

"Come in, Eli," Bella answered.

He opened the door slowly and sighed in apparent relief to see me sitting there, alive. He had JoJo with him. I held my hands out for JoJo and Eli handed him over.

"Thanks for not hurting Big Em and Edward," Eli said to Bella.

"Did you think I was going to hurt them, Eli?" she asked slightly amused.

"Everyone did! Big Em was still scared when he left to go back to Seattle."

"Really?" Bella asked, definitely amused. She had no idea how formidable she could be. She composed herself though. "Well, that should teach him then."

"Can JoJo sleep with me tonight?" Eli asked.

"Of course," Bella answered her brother. She looked at me silently telling me to give JoJo back to Eli.

I nodded, but first I had to make JoJo do that trick again to try to get Bella to really smile again. "JoJo, hide." I held him up in front of my face while he hid behind his paws, thereby, hiding me as well.

Eli laughed but Bella, I noticed, was trying hard to suppress a smile. She was trying to stay mad, but I knew I made a small breakthrough. I handed JoJo back to Eli.

Bella asked him if he wanted some potatoes and Eli agreed so she scooped some onto the plate for Eli. We said goodnight as he left to go eat it downstairs.

Bella was licking the spoon as she closed the door behind Eli. She looked at me again. "How about that JoJo, huh?" I asked brightly.

Bella smirked a little. "Don't attempt to make me laugh when I'm trying to stay mad at you," she pouted.

"So you're not as mad now?" I asked optimistically.

She shrugged and went for another spoonful of potatoes. "Thanks for helping me make this. Do you want some?"

"No, you go ahead. Alice told us you were craving them. How are they?"

Bella nodded, "Really good. I have to be a pig and eat out of the casserole dish though."

"That's okay. I won't tell. Besides, it's yours." I got up to pick up the casserole dish and placed it on the sofa and then took Bella by the hand and pulled her over to the sofa with me sitting her on my lap. When she didn't resist, I knew she wasn't as pissed anymore.

I wrapped my arms around her, "I really am sorry, Bella. I was stupid."

"Yes you were," she smiled. "Really, Edward. What were you thinking?"

"Do you really want to know? I thought it was all irrelevant now," I said kissing Bella's neck.

"It is," she answered. "But you should reflect back on what got you in all this trouble."

"_This_ is trouble?" I asked as I squeezed her tighter to me, still nuzzling her jaw line. "I don't mind this kind of trouble." I guess I sounded too cocky for Bella's liking. She moved from my lap to sit next to me on the sofa but faced me just the same.

"Oh, no, sir. You mistake my not wanting to go to bed angry as an invitation for more and it _so_ is not the case. So…your Popsicle is melting, dear," Bella said emphatically kissing the tip of my nose.

I made a face. So I wasn't off the hook just yet. "How can I make it up to you, love?"

Bella was pensive. "For starters, you will _never_ bet with, against, around, or near Emmett ever again." I nodded, and she added, "Probably you shouldn't bet again altogether. And clearly," Bella smirked, "You need to practice your billiards," she laughed.

I chuckled in concession. "It was actually a very close game, I'll have you know. The eight ball sank in the pocket I called, but unfortunately, I scratched on that last shot as well."

Bella rolled her eyes, "See? What you said sounded like blah blah blah to me. No more betting, Edward."

"Okay. I promise. Anything else?"

"Uh, yeah. That's only the beginning. The loin cloth will be coming out of the closet," I smirked at the prospect of more until Bella continued, "But not anytime soon," she gave me a pointed look. I frowned, about to protest. "Edward, you bet away naming rights for our first born child!" I winced at her reminder. "To Emmett of all people!" I winced again. "Not that I would have allowed him to do it, but he would have named your son _Mr. Dove_ or your daughter _Taco_! You don't get more for that. What kind of precedent does that set? You deserve _less to none_ and you know it." She poked my chest.

I silently cursed Emmett. So much for the hot make up sex. "So you're using sex as a weapon?" I asked.

"Yes, and I also reserve the right to bring this stupid bet back up at any given time to use to my advantage," she declared.

I was sure the face I made conveyed how unfair I thought that was, but the look Bella gave me in return was begging for me to challenge her. I knew I was an idiot, but I wasn't about to be an idiot twice in one day. I was lucky my wife was even talking to me.

"All right," I sighed. Bella smiled. "So how long will there be an embargo on more? Just so I can prepare," I reasoned.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you'll know when the embargo is lifted. It'll happen when it happens. And if you don't know it's happening, then there's a serious problem, Mr. Ambassador." Bella smiled before finally giving me a proper kiss.

I tried to intensify her lingering lips to the lingering lips 2.0 and beyond, but Bella would have none of it.

"Behave," she poked my chest again. "You can try all you want to lift the embargo, but it won't work, especially not tonight. I've got principles…What?" she asked because I was grinning.

"What's that you just said?"

"I have principles?" she furrowed her brow.

"No," I chuckled. "I can try to lift the embargo?"

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Can I eat my potatoes or what?"

So I allowed Bella to eat the casserole she was craving, followed by the cobbler as I silently conspired to try to get her to lift the embargo on more.

"So you said you weren't finished with Emmett yet?" I asked as Bella was polishing off the last of the cobbler.

"Mmm," she answered. "Yeah, I haven't decided what to do to him yet, but he needs to be taught a lesson. I'll have to sleep on it."

She had a sort of evil glint in her eye, reminiscent of Alice. I was actually glad I was back on Bella's good side. Well, sort of anyway.

**A/N I know. I know. Some of you are going to tell me that Bella went too easy on Edward, but come on, less to none is rather harsh so the embargo had to be put in place. Besides, it may be fun for Edward to try to get the sanctions lifted.**

**The "You can stuff your sorry's in a sock, mister" line came from Seinfeld.**

**Click and review please.**


	8. A Helping Hand

**A/N I don't own these Twilight characters. Angry Bella, however...**

**So, Dakata Fanning's going to be Creepy Jane...I KNEW it. That's the only character that would fit her.**

**MekaKiana is putting the pressure on yours truly, and I'm sweating like a slave over here. She only reads finished fics and I swindled her into reading TDG now rather than waiting till it's complete. As if you guys weren't already sweating' me for updates right? I'll try, girl. Vouch for me here, kids. I think I do okay, though I can't turn out a chapter a day or anything. I wish I could but really, I'm pretty quick comparatively, no?**

**So Angry Bella was a big hit. And I know you're waiting to see what Bella's punishment for Emmett is. I hope you approve. Let me know. REAR as you do.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 8**

**BPoV**

"Bella, you're a robot," Edward pouted. I had to smile. If he only knew. It was about 4:30am. Edward had become accustomed to waking up with me when I had to go into the DG. My alarm had gone off at 4:15 but I refused to get up. I was warm and cozy next to Edward, and the stupid alarm had woken me up from another sex dream. I was obviously able to control myself during this particular dream since Edward couldn't tell that I had it, but in the dream Edward was kissing me all over my body and here he was hands all over me and kissing my stomach. I would have caved, but it was time for me to get ready and go to work.

"Edward you have study and go to class," I told him mustering all the assertiveness I could despite it being quite a weak moment. I guess I sounded convincing enough because with a heavy sigh, Edward and I both got up and went about our business.

After the crazy ending to the Thanksgiving celebration I was anxious to get back to the HQ. I had a great time with all of my family and friends staying in Forks through that Saturday and then taking Renee, Phil and Eli to the airport, but I missed my own bed.

While sanctions on more were still in place, I was not mad at Edward anymore. As if Emmett _ever_ had naming rights, but what a stupid thing to bet. I mean really stupid! What was wrong with men? Honestly!

We had gone about a week without more, much to Edward's chagrin. And mine, but I wasn't about to let Edward know that. He tried though. And to my credit, I stayed strong despite my raging hormones. And this man was shameless in trying to get the embargo lifted. Shameless! Edward was adamant with his attempts. Every night, he'd hold me close, spooning me and rubbing the ambassador up against me while his hands would wander from their spot on my tummy slowly up to rest on my breasts. He'd kiss the back of my neck and then rest his head close enough to mine so that I could feel his hot breath on me.

In the morning, he'd wake me up with kisses all along my jaw line, neck, and shoulders as well as on my stomach, much like this morning, claiming to give the baby a good morning kiss. Really, how unfair was that? Somehow, I found it in myself to resist. Any time my will came close to crumbling, I would think about the stupid bet or bring up the finals that Edward had coming up.

He had to study as much as he could the week following Thanksgiving since he had to go to New York for the seminar, thus, losing a couple days. As much as I wanted more, and as much as I wanted to lift all sanctions on more, Edward needed to concentrate on his studies at the moment; I didn't want to distract him. I had to admit, though, worrying about more was a distraction as well, for both Edward and myself.

Any time my arm or leg would brush up against Edward's, he'd think it was _go time_. I had reached across him while we were in bed to grab my phone from the nightstand and Edward's eyes widened in excitement. "Is it time?" he grinned. I just rolled my eyes and then he pouted. He was adorable when he pouted, and I was close to breaking, especially since he'd be going away for the weekend.

I was finishing up the morning shift at the DG the Thursday before Edward was supposed to leave when he came in from class to meet me. Emmett had the afternoon shift with Janie and was getting ready to take over the same time Edward came in with my pastrami sandwich, barbeque potato chips, and dill pickles. I was having another craving.

"Let's see the tee today, Emmett," Janie said as Emmett was taking his coat off and placing it on the hanger. I smiled anticipating the kitschy shirt he was about to reveal. My punishment for Emmett was really a gift, the gift of entertainment to all those around him that is.

For the entire month of December, Emmett had to wear a t-shirt that Alice, Rose, Coley and I got for him. I was inspired from the 'N Sync tee he wore the day of the Halloween party. This shopping I had fun with, as did the girls. We picked out the girliest and/or goofiest tees we could find, and all were ill fitting, just a size too tight. Actually, we may have gotten the DG more business because of the tees. The women regulars were bringing in their friends to ogle Emmett in his random tee.

Rose's favorite was a pink Rainbow Bright one. Alice chose a shirt with Smurfette on it. Coley picked one that had a rhino on it and read "Me So Horny." The one I picked out had a creepy looking guy on it and read "I'm not even remotely a lurking sexual predator."

Everyone got in on the t-shirt punishment. Edward, Jasper, Hal, Shane, and even Eli got shirts for Emmett along with the entire family, parents included. The funny thing was, it became almost an addiction to find Emmett a goofy shirt. He wore the Jonas Brothers concert tee with pride. Hal and Shane got him a tee with a rainbow on it that read, "Rainbows are Gay." The one he had on this day was Edward's pick: Jem and the Holograms.

I giggled upon seeing the silly, girly tee on big, buff Emmett.

I had a new one for Emmett too. Edward brought it in.

Edward sat down next to me on the loveseat kissing me hello as we waited for Emmett to get a free minute.

"Hey, bro, you ready for NYC tomorrow?" Emmett asked Edward.

"I guess so. It's going to be interesting but incredibly draining. Dad and I are sharing a hotel room. He's already there. Here you go Emmett," Edward said as he reached into his messenger bag and tossed a shirt to his brother.

"Aww yeah, another tee. I'm going to end up with the best t-shirt collection ever by the end of the month." Amazing. He loved the girly tees as much as we found them incredibly funny. He unfolded the tee and held it in front of him in order to read it.

"The _AAAA. Anti-Acronym Association of America_. Nice! This had to be Bella's find," he nodded in appreciation.

"Yep," I verified. "Oh, and Emmett?" I asked sweetly.

Emmett made a face. He knew what was coming.

"What?" he asked warily.

"You know what," I replied.

He heaved a heavy sigh, "Which dance do you want to see, Bells?" he asked with absolutely no emotion in his voice.

I giggled. "Um, I think I'd like to see you do…" I tapped my chin with my finger a few times as I thought. As part of the punishment, Emmett had to perform any dance of my choosing at any time I chose. "The Truffle Shuffle please."

Everyone in the DG, Hal, Janie, Edward, a couple regulars, and I sat quietly and waited.

"Seriously, Bells?" he whined. "Come on!"

I smiled. "Are you whining, Emmett?" I asked curiously, tilting my head to the side.

"No. No. Not at all," he was quick to reply, which was a wise move since the rule was, if he whined, he'd have to do two dances in a row.

"Friends, was Emmett just whining?" I asked no one in particular.

"Oh yeah," was what we heard from around the shop. Emmett scowled at his audience.

Grudgingly, and thus, amusingly, Emmett lifted up his tee to reveal his naked torso and started shimmying and shaking and blubbering like Chunk on _Goonies_, except, obviously, Emmett wasn't as chunky. The two customers, both women, were very entertained and were patting themselves on the back for being in the right place at the right time.

After about a minute of Emmett shaking his stuff and us wiping tears from our eyes from laughing so hard, I started applauding and the others joined in.

"Thanks, Emmett. Good shuffle," I giggled the compliment at him. "Now I'd like to see…how about the Robot?" I grinned nudging Edward. This was a gift that just kept on giving.

Emmett made a face but asked for some new music. Hal quickly switched the music from the mellow Jack Johnson we had on to some Lady Gaga and proceded to do the Robot for us all. He actually did enjoy doing the Robot and threw in some pop and lock moves so it was extra fun to watch. After another couple of minutes we started clapping again. Emmett took a bow proudly. We were all cracking up. Emmett was really being a good sport about it all.

"Someone's been watching _America's Best Dance Crew_!" I laughed. _"_How's the Thriller dance coming along?"

I made him promise to learn the choreography to part of Michael Jackson's _Thriller_ video and perform it for everyone at Christmas.

Emmett grinned. "Pretty well. Rosalie's helping me with it. Just you wait, Bells," he said confidently. I had to laugh again. I couldn't wait.

Edward and I were still laughing about Emmett when we got home. We took JoJo out to relieve himself and were finishing our lunch while I told Edward about the day before when Emmett was Moonwalking and booty bouncing. _That_ was hilarious. Emmett was surprisingly lithe for a big guy.

"I think your punishment for Emmett might violate the Eighth Amendment of the Constitution, Bella," Edward chuckled.

I waved him off. "Unusual, yes, but I don't think it's that cruel."

Edward laughed. "I think it depends on which side of the Truffle Shuffle or booty bounce you're on, love."

"Are you sticking up for Emmett?" I asked crossly.

"No, absolutely not," he replied defensively.

"Your punishment, however, is not so unusual," I pointed out.

"But most definitely cruel," Edward said with a sigh.

Then I laughed, hard. "What?" Edward asked.

"Sorry, just a delayed reaction. You said _booty bounce,_ Edward."

Edward merely smirked and shook his head at me. "So…" he asked once my laughing fit subsided. "Will the sanctions be lifted before I leave for New York?"

Edward looked all sad sitting next to me on the sofa looking at me with his big green eyes. "It's been a week, Bella."

"I'm aware of how long it's been, Edward," I replied yawning. "You could always help yourself you know," I suggested with a smile.

Edward's face twisted in horror, as if I had just told him I was his biological sister or something.

I laughed. "What?"

Edward shook his head, "No, I want _you_ and only _you_ to help me, love. I mean the cow's been bought. Why not get the milk?"

This time _I_ gasped in horror. "Am I?...Did you just?..." I could not get the words out I was so stunned with anger and hurt.

"What is it, Bella?" Edward asked all concerned.

Oh, sure. Now he was concerned. I was fighting the tears that were about to spill over. "Did you just call me a _cow_?" I sniffled.

Edward immediately pulled me to him, "Oh god, no, Bella. Of course not! _I'm the cow, love. I'm the cow. I've always been the cow!_"

"Promise?" I asked, my voice was muffled against his chest.

"Yes," Edward assured me, rubbing circles on my back. "I'm _your_ cow. Always." He kissed the top of my head and I sighed in relief, so did Edward. "Do you want to take a nap?" he asked. I nodded so Edward put JoJo in his crate and I followed him into the bedroom where I fell asleep next to him as he held me to him, rubbing my back soothingly.

I woke up some time in the late afternoon. I opened my eyes to find that I was facing my alarm clock, which read 3:30. I turned over to face Edward. I smiled at the site of him peacefully asleep. He must have been tired too. He had woken up with me that morning, and while I went into the DG he studied before going to class. He needed the nap just as much as I had.

I lay there watching his chest move up and down regularly with his breathing. I was pensive as another thought hit me. He would be gone for the weekend. I wouldn't have him here next to me for a couple days. I had to enjoy the moment and take advantage of it while it was here.

I wondered briefly what it must have been like for him to be asleep that day I had the sex dream, only to be rudely awoken by me grabbing his hand and forcing him to do who knows what to me. God, how embarrassing! I closed my eyes and tried to shake it off. I remembered Edward said he was glad he could help me out that day. And earlier he had said he only wanted _me_ to help _him_ out.

I couldn't believe I was about to do what I was about to do, but he was leaving for New York the next day so this was just as good a time as any to lift the embargo.

As slowly and as efficiently as I could, I shimmied off my clothes without waking Edward…yet…

I slid closer to him under the covers. Edward stirred a little but didn't wake up otherwise. I slid my arms around his waist, slipping them under his shirt, feeling his warmth. Edward automatically turned his body more towards me, but he was still asleep.

I pushed his shirt up some more to expose his stomach and chest. I sat up, pulling the comforter off to give myself some more room and also a better look at my husband's body. The cool air hitting Edward's skin caused him stir some more.

I bent down and started planting kisses all along his body, any part that was exposed. I trailed my fingers up and down the contours of his muscular torso. I heard Edward moan a bit, but he hadn't woken up yet.

Time to up the ante.

I carefully unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Still no sign of waking. I tugged his jeans and boxers down simultaneously little by little. I noticed that the ambassador was already getting hard. I glanced at Edward's face. Still asleep. I wondered if he was having a sex dream himself now. Once I was able to expose the ambassador and the boys, I began stroking Edward from the base to the head, admiring my handiwork once I got the ambassador at full attention, marveling at just how long and hard Edward was. It _had_ been a while, and I was aching for him now. After a few more well placed kisses along Edward's hip bones, I bent down to take the tip of the ambassador in my mouth.

**EPoV**

I was having the best dream; it felt so real too. I dreamt that Bella had decided to end the embargo. She initiated the more by rubbing and caressing my stomach and chest. Her soft fingertips tracing the planes of my body didn't quite tickle but sent tingles shooting out from wherever they came into contact with me. I could feel her placing warm kisses and licks in the wake of her fingers. The heat from her mouth on my cool skin caused me to moan it felt so good.

In my dream, I was already hard for Bella when she started touching me, fondling, and kissing, and oh, god, there was her warm tongue again on the tip of my shaft. I felt Bella kiss her way from there up to my stomach, chest, neck, and earlobe. I could feel her entrance teasing the head of my shaft now while her bare breasts were ghosting up my body. I felt her hard nipples against my chest and her mouth on my neck again, moving up to my chin and to my ear once again.

"Edward?" I heard Bella breathe. Her teeth were grazing my earlobe and tugging on it. I felt her hot tongue lick the shell of my ear before slowly exploring it more in depth.

"Edward," I heard again.

I barely heard myself answer, "Hmm?" but my eyes were still closed. I didn't want to wake up from this dream just yet.

I heard her giggle softly and then I felt her smile against my skin. "Edward," I heard her whisper again, feeling her breath on my ear. "Edward, wake up." I stirred a little but didn't want to move too much in order to keep feeling the heat and wetness of her entrance at the tip of my ambassador. I almost opened my eyes at the mention of _ambassador _in my head. What a ridiculous nickname.

But I heard her whisper and felt her hot breath once again. "Edward, wake up and fuck me senseless."

_What??_

With that, my eyes shot open to find my gorgeous wife hovering above me, naked, and very ready for me, and I was very ready for her too, apparently.

Bella was smiling down at me one moment and then in the next moment, her mouth was on mine before I could form a coherent syllable, much less crack wise about the embargo.

"Mmm," I moaned, for Bella had taken my top lip into her mouth and was sucking on it. Then I felt her tongue softly flick against mine before she allowed me to take it into my mouth.

I felt my jeans and boxers still partway down my legs. Bella intuitively helped me out by lying flat against my body while using her feet to help push them down the rest of the way so I was able to kick them off.

I sat up just enough to pull my shirt off and drop it on the floor. Bella was straddling me, beginning to lower herself onto me. "Do you mind?" she teased, tilting her head in wonder at me. Was she crazy? What kind of question was that?

"God, Bella, I want you so bad," I told her with conviction as she slid down the rest of the way. We both let out a moan of ecstasy once I was fully sheathed inside of her. It felt so good. I was inside her at last. Bella's core was both hot and tight around me. It felt even tighter as she clenched her walls around my shaft when she began to ride me. I bucked my hips slow and hard. Bella met each thrust, pumping against me, creating the most wonderful friction.

Bella squeezed as I continued to push up and into her harder and harder, showing her what a week's worth of pent up sexual frustration and energy felt like. Bella was still hovering over me close enough to where I could lick and bite at her breasts. Wanting more, she lowered her breasts to my mouth, smothering my face with her perfect mounds. I licked and sucked on one of her hardened nipples, heightening her sensations. Bella threw her head back crying out my name.

I was getting close to my release, but wanted to make sure Bella came first. I let her quicken the pace as she continued to ride me. "God, Bella, you feel so fucking good." She clenched around me, hard, upon hearing me swear. I knew she liked a little bit of lewd language in bed just as much as I did. "Harder, love. Ride me harder. I'm going to fucking explode inside you."

Bella was panting and gasping audibly with each push. She clenched long and hard around me when she heard my command and intention. Her sex sounds always sent me over the edge, and just when I didn't think I could hold out any longer, I finally felt Bella's walls tighten around me, pulsing and milking me as we both moaned, climaxing together. It felt like I was throbbing inside her forever as we enjoyed the last few ripples and waves of our pleasure before they faded out.

Bella collapsed on top of me, sighing in content; I felt her breath on my ear once again.

"Thanks for finally waking up," she smiled.

I chuckled. "Well, that was one hell of a way to wake up," I replied. "I thought I was dreaming."

Bella snorted, stifling a laugh.

"What is it?" I asked, groaning as she finally disconnected from me. Bella rolled on her side reaching for a washcloth that we kept in the drawer of the nightstand, draping it over the ambassador.

"Dreams and movies. All a lie, Edward," she smirked as she got up. "They always show the good parts of more, but neglect to show the not so glamorous part of clean up afterwards." Bella grabbed my shirt from the floor and headed to the bathroom with the evidence of our lovemaking glistening and dripping down her leg.

I nodded. Yep, she had a point. They don't show that in the movies.

Bella reemerged a few minutes later looking sexy as hell wearing just my t-shirt. I put only my boxers back on as a waited for her to climb back into bed. She curled up next to me, resting her head in the crook of my neck.

"Not that I'm complaining," I said, "But what brought on that wake up call technique?"

"Can't a wife decide to be creative and lift sanctions on more without rousing suspicion?"

"Of course," I replied. "I just thought you were enjoying the embargo."

"I wanted to keep the embargo in place, but you were making it harder and harder," Bella said.

I laughed, "That's what _he_ said."

I could almost hear her eyes roll, but I felt Bella slap my chest. "You've been around Emmett too much. Maybe this New York weekend will do you some good."

"Ugh," I groaned. "I don't want to leave this bed now that the embargo has been lifted," I confessed, turning to kiss Bella's forehead.

"Edward, you've been looking forward to this, and it's an honor for you to be chosen to attend. You _have _to go," Bella reasoned. "Besides, it's not as if I'm going to reinstate the embargo, unless you go and do something else stupid." She gave me a serious look to underscore her comment. I could only respond with a sheepish grin. "But it's all done and over with now. That should give you incentive to come back," she giggled.

"As if I needed incentive to come back, but thanks for lifting the sanctions, love. I needed that after the embargo. It was so long."

Bella snickered this time. "That's what _she _said."

**A/N I know. Real classy, right? *gives a thumbs up sign* You know you liked it. At least I hope you liked it. Review if you did. Review if you didn't. Was Emmett's punishment suitable? Oh, if there's a specific dance you would like Emmett to perform, let me know since their December is only just beginning so there's a lot more opportunity for Emmett to bust a move.**


	9. How Do You Like Them Pineapples?

**A/N I'm not SM. I don't own these characters.**

**Thanks to those of you who reviewed and gave me suggestions for dances and tees. I tried to work them in where I could. If you don't see your suggestion used, wait, it may show up in the next chapter.**

**Hey FF readers, you're slacking in the reviews department. I got more reviews from the Twilighted readers than I did from here. That has **_**never**_** happened before. Thanks, Twilighted readers! But am I turning the chapters out too fast? Okay, I'll slow down after this one. Special thanks to Eidelweiss, Agiismsxx, Phantom, PLV, Edwardlovingmama, Llamas Will Rule The World, Eviltigereye, GetDrunkonVictory, and VictoriaCullen for your super nice reviews and suggestions. SonyaBrady and Twilightislovee, you guys crack me up.**

**Alwayswatchingtv, I had to tease you with the Slap Chop again in this one. Sorry.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 9**

**BPoV**

"I won't be able to check your status updates on FB during the seminar, but will you indulge me and text me how you're doing at any given time? I'll have my phone on silent, and I'll check the messages intermittently."

Edward was worried about me being alone for the weekend. He almost wasn't going to go once we found out that most of our friends and family were going out of town as well, but I told him not to be ridiculous. I'd be just fine.

Hal wouldn't be able to stay with me, much to his chagrin.

"Baby girl, you know I'd rather stay with you. Shane's family isn't as much fun as you by a long shot, but we've _got_ to be there," Hal had said rolling his eyes. He and Shane had to go to a family function on Shane's side of the family. They'd be in San Francisco.

Esme decided she wanted to do some Christmas shopping in New York so she opted to go with Carlisle, and Edward was going to share a hotel room with his classmate, Aaron.

Alice and Jasper left for the weekend for Los Angeles to celebrate their first anniversary. Alice wanted to shop on Rodeo Drive.

Rosalie was in Maine visiting a customer of her dad's company. EmJ would be staying with her mom and dad for the weekend.

Charlie and Sue were headed to Portland to visit Jacob and Leah and their daughter Hannah.

Emmett was going to be the only one around, but he'd be working most of the weekend. I told him to bring Mr. Dove over to stay with JoJo and me while he was at the DG. I thought I was going to be puppysitting all the dogs, but Alice had a Mina staying with Janie, and Hal and Shane were taking Diddy with them. It seemed Diddy reminded his whole family of Smuckers too so they wanted him along. Charlie and Sue drove to Portland with Milton.

I assented to texting Edward like he requested but assured him that I'd be okay. I mean, what could possibly happen? I planned on being home most of the time. I was scheduled to work the morning shift with Emmett Saturday and then I'd be at home with JoJo and Mr. Dove for the rest of the weekend with Edward returning Sunday afternoon. I just had to get through the boredom of Friday night alone. No problem.

I was dropping Edward off at his professor's house. They'd all go to the airport together from there.

"Thanks for dropping me off," he said once I pulled into the driveway.

"You're welcome. Have a good time, Edward. Learn a lot," I told him. "I'll see you on Sunday." I leaned in for my goodbye kiss.

Instead of the peck I was anticipating, Edward laid a lingering lips 2.0 on me. I wanted to savor the moment so I went with it, allowing our mouths to move together softly for what seemed like minutes. I was nearly dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

"Mmm," I moaned as we finally broke the kiss. "Wow," I said shaking my head to undazzle myself. "You're going to kiss me like that and then go, huh?" I smiled ruefully. "I'll miss you," I said as I leaned in for another peck. "Love you."

"I love you too. Be safe, and take care of yourself for me, love," Edward said kissing his hand and placing it gently on my stomach, letting it linger there a moment. "I'll be back before you know it."

I watched Edward in the rearview mirror as I drove away. And so began my weekend alone. I thought about what I wanted to do. I thought it would be nice to simulate an unplugged weekend without actually being unplugged. I'd do some reading and maybe some writing too. I'd take a long, hot bath while listening to music, and I'd walk the dogs.

First thing's first, I needed to pick up the December newsletter for the DG from the printer's and take them in to the shop.

It was the late morning when I got to the shop. Emmett had opened with Luke, the new guy who was shaping up to be as trustworthy and diligent as Janie. Luke was also in school still, studying Chemistry.

I said hello as I entered the shop. It was kind of slow at the shift change so when I placed the pile of papers down Luke and Janie each took one. A couple other DG workers, Angela and Ben, came in to work with Janie for the afternoon shift.

"Nice shirt, Emmett," I beamed.

"Thanks, Bells. It's from my mom," he nodded. Emmett had on a vintage Donny and Marie Osmond tee. Apparently, Esme was a fan.

"What's this song that's playing?" I asked innocently. Emmett made a face. "Is it Tom Jones?"

"Does it matter?" he responded.

"Tom Jones calls for a special dance," I grinned.

"What now, Bella?" Emmett asked. Too bad he didn't whine that time.

"Um, the Carlton dance please. You know, from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"

Emmett actually cracked a small smile, probably thinking about the silly dance himself, and in no time he was snapping and swinging his arms while swinging his hips and kicking his feet out in the opposite direction. Emmett performed it fabulously. I started laughing and clapping as soon as he had started the dance.

"Awesome, Emmett! Gold star for that one!" I cheered. The rest of the DG crew along with a handful of customers were clapping and laughing as well.

"Bella, name a line dance," Emmett said pointing to me.

I furrowed my brow and tried to think fast. "Um…the Electric Slide," I answered. "Why?"

"Hit it, Janie," Emmett called to her.

Janie immediately changed the Tom Jones _It's not Unusual_ to _The Electric Slide_ while Emmett pushed a few chairs out of the way to create a small dance floor in the middle of the DG.

"Free cookie for whoever joins me," Emmett announced to the customers in the store.

I looked at them. Three of the five were regulars who brought a couple people with them.

Emmett proceeded to do the Electric Slide, and to my astonishment, all five of the customers were dancing as well. Then Janie joined in and even Luke did. I was sitting there cracking up at them while Angela was getting sugar cookies ready to dole out, and Ben was recording it all on video. Coley made me keep a digital video camera at the shop to tape Emmett doing some of the dances. She wanted to see them for herself. Once I posted the video to FaceBook we'd call each other and laugh about it.

The day Emmett wore the _I'm not remotely a lurking sexual_ _predator shirt, _Jasper was here to capture it digitally when Emmett danced, ironically enough, to the Gary Glitter song _Dance Me Up. _It was sort of like the Carlton dance except more stiff and robotic, if that were possible. I remembered there was a lot of fist pumping going on. Jasper threatened to post it to YouTube.

I sat around and chatted with Emmett a while after the Electric Slide. When the after lunch rush came in, Emmett did a cookie give away again to anyone who'd dance the Marcarena with him. Once again, quite a few customers joined in. There was no shame when it came to free food. People would do anything for a sugar cookie apparently. It was funny to watch though.

I sent Edward a series of texts regarding the forced dances and the voluntary ones with Emmett.

I went home and cooked dinner while Emmett walked the dogs. Edward called while I was cooking. His flight went smoothly and he was going to have dinner with Carlisle and Esme in a bit. I told him that Emmett was going to eat with me and then go home with Mr. Dove. He'd bring Mr. Dove back to the HQ in the morning and we'd go into the DG together. I promised to call Edward when I was going to go to bed.

"Smells good, Bells. What's cooking?" Emmett asked when he got back with the dogs.

"Shrimp scampi. How was the walk?"

"Eh, okay. It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't so cold out. You know these guys have to stop and pee on _everything_?" he shook his head in disdain.

"Yeah, that's why I usually make Edward take JoJo out," I laughed.

So we sat down at the island to eat. Emmett asked me if I'd had any strange cravings yet.

I had to think about it. "What's considered strange?" I asked. "I craved steak the other night really badly. Edward had to run to the grocery store to pick a couple up for me to cook."

Emmett made a face. "That's not so weird. But why didn't you just order one from a restaurant?"

I shrugged. "Because I wanted to cook it myself. My way. That's what I was craving. Oh, and I can't get enough fresh fruit."

Emmett sneered his lip. "Your cravings are kind of lame, Bella."

"What do you want me to say, Emmett? That I'm Slap Chopping pickles and sprinkling them atop my Rocky Road ice cream?" I asked.

"Yeah, now _that's_ crazy!" Emmett cried.

"Actually, I did do that the other day. Edward looked like he was fighting a gag reflex as he watched me eat. It was okay. I wouldn't do it again. I just was curious to see if it was any good."

Emmett laughed at that. "Hey, any Rocky Road left?"

I smiled. "I think so." I got up and looked in the freezer. "Yep!" I brought the ice cream out and grabbed a scooper. "Do you want pickles on top?" I teased.

"Nasty! No way! I'll have mine the old fashioned way. Right out of the carton, thank you very much."

I handed Emmett a spoon and gave him the rest of the carton. I opened a new one for myself, and then got out the potato chips. Emmett watched in wonder as I dumped out some chips and started eating them with my ice cream.

"What?" I asked with a full mouth.

Emmett made a face. "Do I even have to ask?"

"This is good. You should try it."

"I take it back. Your cravings aren't lame. They're weird," Emmett commented as he ate his ice cream. He didn't have a whole lot left in his carton so when he finished I asked if he wanted some more.

"Nah, I have to get going. I need my beauty sleep you know."

I got up and turned on the TV and pushed play on the DVD player. My movie started playing where it left off the last time I watched it.

"What's this?" Emmett asked.

"_Pride and Prejudice_ with Colin Firth," I sighed smiling dreamily.

"If you wanted me to leave, Bella, you should have just said so," Emmett snorted.

"You don't like this?" I asked incredulously.

"That would imply that I've watched it and…" Emmett was watching a minute before he continued. "And I thought I made it clear I don't watch foo foo stuff like this. What are they even doing? And what are they wearing?" he asked with disdain.

"They're dancing. That's how they danced back in the day. And that's how they dressed, Emmett. This is a period peace."

Emmett snickered, "_Period._"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh my god. Go! And let me watch my movie in peace."

Emmett laughed. "I'll see you in the morning, Bella."

"'Kay," I answered absentmindedly. I heard the door close and continued watching into the night as Lizzy finally realized she loved Mr. Darcy. I was at the part when Lizzy was telling off Lady Catherine when another craving hit me. I had put away the ice cream shortly after Emmett left but continued munching on potato chips which I finished when Lizzy was staying with her aunt in uncle and they were touring Mr. Darcy's home.

I got up to look in the fridge. Staring at nothing and everything at once, I couldn't find anything that looked or sounded good. I wanted something sweet and juicy, but not too sweet. I wanted…pineapple. I knew we didn't have any in the house. I looked at the time. It was almost 11pm.

I weighed the pros and cons of going to the grocery store at this crazy hour. It was late: con. But I'd get my pineapple: pro. Oh, but it was cold out. That was a big fat con. I hated the cold. But I'd get my pineapple, big time pro. Mmmm, pineapple. I had to go to the grocery store.

I threw on my warm cozy boots, coat, and stocking hat and put JoJo in his crate. I stuffed my little wallet and phone in my coat pockets, grabbed my keys and left.

"Hey, Fly Girl," I said hello to my car and patted her hood. I hadn't driven her in a while since Edward insisted on driving anywhere we went, but this would be twice in one day in the Fly Girl. I scoffed at the nickname at first when Coley named her. She and Chad helped me pick it out after the Beast died. After a while it grew on me though. She was pretty fly.

The twenty-four hour grocery store was about a ten-minute drive so it wouldn't be so bad. I'd be home slicing up, possibly even Slap Chopping, my delicious pineapple in less than half an hour. My mouth was watering just thinking about it.

I was driving along, singing to Ciara and Justin Timberlake when I saw a pothole on the left so I swerved right to avoid it but spotted an even bigger pothole on the right side. It was too late to avoid that one. I grimaced and steeled myself for the hard contact. "Sorry, Fly Girl," I whispered to my car as the tire hit the rough jagged edges of the pothole.

"Damn!" I swore after I went over the hole. I continued to drive for a few minutes before I noticed a thumping sound that was coming rather regularly. I turned the radio down to hear better. There it was again. I slowed down and pulled over next to a street light. I got out to inspect my car. Sure enough, the front passenger's side tire was flat. "Damn!" I swore again.

I looked at the time. It was 11:12. I got back in the car and thought over my options. I could call Triple A for roadside assistance. That would be the easiest thing to do. I found the number in the glove box and called. Unfortunately, they couldn't dispatch anyone to assist me for at least another hour. What kind of crap was that?

I heaved a sigh. I didn't want to bother him, but he was my only other option.

Shoot! I got his voicemail. I had to leave a message. "Emmett, I hate to bug you right now. It's me, Bella. It's about a quarter after eleven and I'm stranded on the side of the street with a flat tire. Triple A can't get here for an hour. Can you help me please?"

Just as I finished my message my phone beeped with an incoming call. I rejoiced when I saw it was Emmett.

I answered it and told him everything I had said on the voicemail. Emmett said not to worry and that he was on his way.

I sat and waited. I jumped when my phone rang, but relaxed when I saw it was Edward.

"Hi," I answered.

"Hi, Bella. I thought you were going to call me before going to bed."

"Oh, well, I wasn't going to bed yet. I'm waiting for Emmett to come help me with the Fly Girl."

"Why? What's wrong with your car?"

"Well, it has a flat tire and I am currently…in it," I said bracing myself for his reaction. I was sure Edward wouldn't be happy about me leaving the house at close to midnight by myself.

He was quiet a second, possibly trying to keep from freaking out.

"Um…why?"

"I hit a really big pothole," I explained.

"No, love. Why are you even out?" He sounded calm enough.

"I wanted pineapple," I answered lamely.

"I see," was all he said. "Are you okay otherwise?" Edward asked a moment later.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just waiting. How's New York?" I asked trying to make small talk and get both our minds off of my stupid predicament.

"Fine. I got a couple _I heart NY_ shirts for EmJ and the baby," he told me brightly.

I smiled. "Baby clothes shopping already, huh?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It was right from a street vendor. The baby's onesie was too cute to pass up. Esme gushed about it. If I hadn't gotten it, she would have."

We chatted a bit until Emmett showed up. I promised to call Edward once I got home.

I waved to Emmett as he crossed in front of my car to check out the tire. Then he got in on the passenger's side.

"I can get this changed in seven minutes flat," he said grinning at me.

"Great. Thanks, Emmett," I smiled back. We stared stupidly at each other for a few seconds. "What is it?" I asked.

"Well, sister, let's talk about my month long punishment shall we?"

My mouth dropped open. "Unbelievable, Emmett. Are you seriously negotiating the terms of your well-deserved punishment right now?"

"Don't you think a month long is a bit harsh?" he asked.

I scowled at him. "I can always wait for Triple A you know, Emmett," I said cossing my arms over my chest. "That's not a problem."

"What did they tell you? An hour? It actually means two hours, Bella. Hate to tell you that," Emmett remarked.

I scowled at him again. "Christmas. That's the best I can do. Your punishment ends after you do Thriller," I conceded.

"Christmas and I get to name the baby," Emmett countered.

What? "What?" I yelled. He must be out of his mind. "You must be out of your mind!" I took a deep breath. I was almost going to take my chances with Triple A. _Almost_. "Christmas _and_ I don't tell the entire family about the shenanigans you're trying to pull tonight. Think of Esme and Rosalie, Emmett," I reasoned. They would kick his ass for sure.

Emmett thought about that. And wisely, he chose to accept the offer, and we shook on it. And sure enough, seven minutes later, the spare was on my car.

Emmett followed me home to make sure I got in okay. "Thanks," I told him. "I'll see you in a few hours," I said glumly.

"What's the matter, Bella?" Emmett asked. "You get to torture me some more tomorrow. I mean later today," he grinned.

I smiled. "I know, but I still didn't get any pineapple which was the whole reason I even went out tonight," I complained.

Emmett laughed. "All _this_ for pineapple and you didn't even get it. That sucks."

"Thanks so much for your sensitivity," I said sarcastically. "See you later, Emmett."

I called Edward when I got inside. I didn't tell him about Emmett's feeble negotiation attempt, but I did pout about not getting the pineapple. "I'll just get some later," I yawned.

Edward had a long day ahead of him tomorrow so we said goodnight and promised to see each other soon.

The morning came too soon, but I didn't linger in bed like I usually did when my alarm went off. Of course, Edward wasn't in bed for me to linger with. I quickly showered, dressed and fed JoJo. Emmett showed up just in time to take the dogs out for a little walk.

"Let's bring the dogs with us to work, Bells. They can stay in my office."

I shrugged. "You're the boss." Emmett's office was away from any food prep area so I supposed it'd be okay.

The morning flew by even for a Saturday. It wasn't the same crowd from the work week, but Emmett assured me it was the regular weekend crowd. I didn't work on the weekend usually so this was the first time I saw some of these people. Many of them put money in the tip jar after Emmett did the chicken dance in his _Coo Coo for Co-Co Puffs_ shirt. The customers were interesting and fun. Some less fun than others though.

Emmett was in the back taking care of cookies and garbage when that guy Laurent came in. It was pretty slow at this point so I guess he wanted to make small talk with me.

"Hello, Bella," he said reading my nametag after I told him the total for his coffee and English Muffin. "We haven't met. I am Laurent," Laurent said.

"Hello," I said. His smile seemed nice enough.

"Are you new here?" he asked.

"No. I usually don't work on Saturdays though," I told him.

"Ah, I see," he smiled. "Then you don't really know who I am then."

"You're Laurent," I smiled, "You just told me that. It's $4.50, Laurent," I repeated his total. What was with this guy?

He chuckled again. "You see. Bella. I know the owner."

I chuckled as well. "So do I." I hated this guy!

"I know the family actually. I play basketball with Emmett and his brother and brother-in-law," Laurent smiled.

"So I've heard," I said recalling the stupid bet from last year. He continued to drink his latte and take bites from his muffin.

"How's the coffee and muffin?" I asked wondering if he was name-dropping to get out of paying for his food. I watched him carefully. He did have long thick braids that bordered on being dreadlocks. I tried to picture him shaved bald. I was able to stifle my laughter and played off my smirk as a smile for another customer.

"Really good. Thanks. So tell Emmett and the guys I said hello if you see them?" Laurent said as he was walking towards the door.

"Um, I hate to harp on this, Laurent, but you still have to pay," I smiled sweetly at him.

"Ah, Bella. Emmett and I have an understanding. Just…put it on my tab," Laurent nodded and smiled as he walked out the door leaving me to scowl at it as it shut. Unbelievable!

Emmett came back up front with a new batch of cookies. I moved out of the way so he could put them in the case.

He must have noticed me scowling still. "What's the matter with you?"

"Your friend Laurent is a real douche," I spat.

"Yeah he his. Was he in here?"

"Yeah, and he didn't pay. He said you guys have _an understanding_?" I looked at Emmett questioningly.

"He said what? What a douche!" Emmett's scowl matched mine. "Oh, I'll get him back."

I shook my head. I didn't even want to know what that was all about.

I took the dogs out for a little walk before the shift change. When I got back, Emmett told me Janie called and she was sick so was Luke. Angela and Ben were coming in again, but Emmett asked if I'd split the afternoon shift with him. I agreed. I had nothing else to do. He wanted the first part of the shift so I took the dogs home to relax and nap for a bit before going back to close the store. Luckily, we closed early on Saturdays.

It was slow during my portion of the shift so we were able to get a lot done early to get the shop ready for the next day. The guy from the homeless shelter came and picked up the unsold cookies and muffins and I closed the shop. Emmett had texted me that he picked up Mr. Dove and already fed and took JoJo out so he was taken care of already.

I texted back a thanks. I hadn't realized how tired I was until I walked in the door. The hallway light was on so I didn't turn anything else on. I let JoJo out of his crate and he followed me into the bedroom. JoJo waited patiently on the bed while I showered and changed into my pajamas.

I quickly called Edward, but he didn't answer. I just left a voicemail telling him I was tired and going to bed, and with a quick _I love you_, I hung up and crashed with JoJo nestled up next to me.

I woke up around 2am to my stomach growling and two strong arms wrapped around me. I patted and squeezed the arms to make sure they were real. I smiled when I realized I wasn't dreaming.

"Edward?" I asked excitedly turning to face him.

"Hey," he whispered.

I gasped and threw my arms around his neck, squeezing him to me.

"How?" I asked kissing along his face and neck. It had only been a day and half but I was unabashedly thrilled to see him.

"I left right after the seminar. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow afternoon or evening to see you," he chuckled. "Wow. This is a nice reception."

"I'm just so glad you're home," I grinned.

"Me too, love," he said into my hair, holding me to his chest.

I settled into the crook of his neck, content in staying there all night until my stomach growled again.

"I thought I heard it growling before. Come on. Those pineapples won't eat themselves."

"What pineapples?" I asked. "Did you stop and get me pineapples too?" That was so sweet.

"No," Edward shook his head. "They were there when I got here. Come on," he said pulling me out of bed to follow him to the kitchen.

When we got to the kitchen I flicked on the light. On the counter in the corner were seven pineapples. I started cracking up.

"Emmett," I smiled.

**A/N Aww, you gotta love the Emmett right?**

**Gold star for Eviltigereye for the Carlton dance suggestion. I'm still cackling about that one. Alright, show a girl some love here. Review please.**


	10. Bonus Time

**A/N You know good and well I don't own SM's characters.**

**You guys crack me up! I got tons more dance and tee suggestions so I did my best to work them in. If yours isn't used yet, be patient. Please note I went back and changed Mark Darcy to Mr. Darcy. I irked some P&P geeks who went ahead and called me out on that. Thanks! Edward would say, "Who cares? Colin Firth is Colin Firth is Colin Firth." But no! There's a difference! Speaking of P&P, I just got my copy of Pride&Prejudice&Zombies and am loving it! I'll be no good to anyone for a while so I can read it. **

**Alright, shout outs to the reviewers who suggested dances and tees: BabyLopez2008, EternallyAddicted, GetDrunkOnVictory, Jennifer_lyn215, Panda1499, KSM, Grey's Lover 4ever, msmess21907, bacmel79, Vampirelust7, and smalls. **

**Phantom, you always give me something to work with so thanks. Twilightislovee, thanks for putting me in your C2. MYinnerNINJA, I'm mentioning you because your penname is so badass and also thanks for the PM, I've got an idea of how to work it in—perhaps next chapter. Alwayswatchingtv, game on. Oh, Agiismsxx, thanks for previewing **_**and**_** reviewing! Now, that's what I call giving 110%, kids!**

**And a special round of applause to my Twilighted beta, vjgm for doing what you do.**

**Hey, some of you were concerned something was going to happen to Bella with the flat tire. Hello? You're reading my fic here. No major drama. This is a fluff and humor sweatshop. The same goes for those concerned about Laurent. **

**Sorry for the long a/n. One more thing. This starts out midweek, but the rest is a flashback to Sunday. Okay. Ready? Set? REAR!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chap 10**

**BPoV**

"Would you say I'm moody, Edward?" I asked him casually as I was tapping away on my laptop.

Edward looked up from the books and notes he had scattered on the dining room table with evident uncertainty on his face.

I looked up from my computer as he furrowed his brow, clearly unsure as to how to answer the question.

"This is a trick isn't it?" he asked warily.

I shook my head, "No, this isn't a trick. I need your answer for my column."

It was the middle of finals week for Edward and I happened to get a response to a query I sent out in November to a women's health journal regarding a chronicle of a woman's first pregnancy experience from conception to birth, i.e. me. They were very interested and offered me a freelance writing assignment. When I sent the query out, it included an excerpt about the moment we learned we were pregnant, the bathroom stick exchange. I had already journaled about my experience from the moment we decided to start trying to conceive through the pineapple episode so I was a couple months ahead of the issues.

"Um, what was the question again?" Edward asked. Clearly, he was stalling.

"Am I moody?" I asked a bit impatiently.

"Do I think you're moody _now_? Or are you referring to whether I think you're moody covering the span of the entire time I've known you?"

I just stared at Edward in disbelief and confusion, and he gazed back at me with a curious expression of his own.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, "Oh, never mind." I started typing that my husband, indeed, found me quite moody but was just too nice or frightened to say so.

Upon Edward's early arrival from New York, we had spent nothing but quality time together. He put off homework and studying until Sunday night reasoning that had he stuck to the original schedule, he wouldn't have gotten to study until then anyway so the time between 2am Sunday morning, when I woke up to realize Edward was home, till Sunday night was dubbed _bonus time_. It was like a windfall; time that we happened upon.

And with the embargo lifted, the time together was extra special. I didn't even want to go back to sleep after discovering Edward was home early, but after I Slap Chopped and all but inhaled one of the pineapples, we went back to bed. We listened to my _Sleepytime_ playlist and talked about New York and the seminar until we eventually fell asleep.

We awoke late the next day, around 6:30am. Most people would think that was early, and, admittedly, I never would have considered getting up at such an ungodly hour during high school and college, but I called it sleeping in now since I had been so used to waking at 4:30.

We got dressed and took JoJo for a short walk, taking him by the DG to say hello to Emmett and thank him in person. I had texted Emmett in the middle of the night upon discovering the fruit in the kitchen saying, _**Thank you, pineapple fairy**_**.**

That morning he sent one back saying _**I'm nobody's fairy. Just wanted 2 shut u up.**_

_**Whatever, liar!**_ I shot back.

I knew I hadn't complained at all about not getting the pineapple when we worked together that Saturday. He couldn't fool me. Emmett was just a big softy trying to play cool.

Emmett had Mr. Dove in his office again. We asked if he wanted us to take him back to the HQ with us, but Emmett declined. He liked having Mr. Dove there with him. He even insisted we leave JoJo there for a little while to keep Mr. Dove company. Emmett was running a regular doggy daycare at the DG.

I had a bowl of Frosted Flakes from the cereal bar while Edward had Honey Bunches of Oats. I didn't know why Emmett opened so early on Sunday morning. It was pretty slow. The only customers being the other shop owners and workers. I guess it was nice of Emmett to be open for them. Who wouldn't need a shot of espresso on a Sunday morning before working?

So we stayed a little while to talk to Emmett. Edward told him a little about New York, but Emmett didn't really have much interest for it. Edward thanked his brother for helping me Friday night with the Fly Girl.

Emmett chuckled shaking his head. "Man, Bella, you must have really been jonsing for pineapple, sister. And your face when you finally got home without them? Sad. Heartbreaking even," he laughed.

I laughed. "I _was_ sad. I was on a quest, and I failed," I sighed. "Good thing I have a pineapple fairy though."

"What'd I say about that fairy business? And keep it down, Bella. I have a rep to maintain," Emmett whispered looking over his shoulder.

Edward and I looked where Emmett had looked, not seeing anyone at all.

"Whatever, Emmett. Just so you know, everyone knows you're a big softy. That's probably why that douche Laurent didn't pay yesterday."

Emmett waved me off when I said he was a softy. "No, he didn't pay because he's such a douche."

"You met Laurent?" Edward asked me.

"Yeah," I shuddered. "He's kind of creepy. I don't know why you guys hang out with him."

"Eh, he's harmless," Emmett said.

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "Occasionally he can be an asshole, but most of the time he's okay. We only call him a douche because it's fun and very fitting. "

"How so?" I asked.

"He's a product manager of the feminine hygiene division of GlaxoSmithKline," Edward laughed.

"So?" I asked.

Emmett laughed now too. "They make Massengill," Emmett managed to choke out through his fit of laughter. "See…he's…actually…a…real… douche!" Edward was cracking up as well.

I shook my head at their immaturity, but laughed along with them anyway. All this time, that Laurent _was_ a real douche. Who knew?

"Okay, so what's this _understanding _you two have?" I asked.

Emmett finally calmed down enough to make a face. "Eh, being the douche that he is, Laurent is very sensitive, him and his wife. See, he doesn't mind that we call him a douche when we're playing basketball and stuff. In fact, James and Aro do it all the time. But last month or something, I can't remember when, I was playing basketball with those three, and I called him douche in front of his wife. She got all bent out of shape about it. She's pretty feisty, actually, but I think Coca-Coley or Rosalie could take her down in a fight easily," Emmett gazed off dreamily. I assumed he was thinking about a girl on girl fight featuring my best friend and his wife and another unknown woman, most likely Laurent's wife. She must have been a looker as well.

Edward and I glanced at each other. Edward just shrugged and rolled his eyes at his brother.

I snapped my fingers twice in front to Emmett's face, "Emmett, focus! What happened when Laurent's wife got all bent out of shape?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing. I apologized to the douche and his lady douche…"

"Emmett!" I shoved his shoulder though he didn't move. "That's not nice!"

Edward laughed and I shot him a glare too. What was with these guys being disrespectful to women?

"_What?_" Emmett asked. "She does the artwork for the Massengill packaging," he explained.

"Oh," I said. "Still. _Lady douche_? Real classy."

"Do you want me to finish this story or what?" Emmett asked sounding a little annoyed that I interrupted.

"I'm really not sure," I replied. I really wasn't.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I told them coffee and cookies on me at the DG."

"Oh, I see," I said.

"No, you don't see. That was over a month ago. They have both come in for their complimentary food already. That douche, Laurent, is milking it now. He's hit up every employee for free stuff. He just did that to Angela and Ben the last couple of weeks, and you were the latest victim." Emmett shook his head at me, like it was my fault.

"Hey, you should warn your employees about him then. I wonder if he's hit Hal up yet. Hal hadn't said anything, and you know he'd pitch a fit if Laurent tried that, especially if he's been properly warned," I poked Emmett's arm.

"Alright, I'll fill Hal in when he gets back from his big gay…"

"Emmett!" I spat. I smacked his arm for good measure but ended up hurting my hand more than him.

"I was going to say his big-guh," Emmett emphasized the g-sound, "weekend. Chill, Bells."

I sighed heavily scowling at Emmett and then turned to Edward. "Let's go back to bonus time. I just lost about five minutes of my life that I'm never getting back."

"Okay, but didn't you want to see any specific dance this morning?" Edward grinned.

"Aw, man, Bella. You turned my own brother against me," Emmett shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah, _I_ did that," I retorted sarcastically.

"I suppose she snitched and told you about the renegotiations?" Emmett asked Edward through narrowed eyes.

Edward made a face and looked at me. I just shook my head indicating it wasn't a big deal. "As a matter of fact no."

"I told you I wouldn't tell, Emmett. You just ratted on yourself," I giggled.

Edward looked at Emmett waiting for him to explain.

"Okay so I _may_ have tried to renegotiate my punishment as collateral for helping Bella with the flat tire." Edward's jaw dropped open and his expression turned…well, furious. Emmett quickly added, "Don't get your Underoos in a bunch little bro. You know I wouldn't have left her, right Bella?" Emmett looked at me pleadingly.

I shrugged, "He probably wouldn't have left me," I conceded. "Calm down, Edward," I patted Edward's hand. He seemed to relax.

"Emmett, do the sprinkler so we can leave," I ordered. I think we all needed a laugh at this point.

"I'll do you one better, Bells," Emmett smiled. "This one's for you, Eddie."

Emmett, wearing his _She-ra, Princess of Power tee_, proceeded to not only do the sprinkler, but he went into the lawnmower, pulling on an imaginary starter. Then he did the grocery store, pretending to push a cart and taking imaginary items off the imaginary grocery store shelf and placing them in his cart. Then, the coup de gras, Emmett did the dice roll dance that Seth Rogan did in _Knocked up_.

It worked. Edward and I were cracking up all the way home.

Upon returning to the apartment Edward and I went into the piano room. He had asked what I wanted to do while we were out walking. I told him I wanted to properly hear him play.

Edward had gotten the sheet music to _Again_ a while ago and learned how to play it in his free time, often while I was working or doing things around the HQ. It wasn't a secret that he was learning it so Edward played our wedding song while I watched him from the sofa in the piano room. I could finally see and hear all his hard work come to fruition.

There was nothing sexier or more beautiful than Edward playing piano just for me. And each time Edward would turn his head back to look at me from the piano, I would grow more anxious to be close to him again so I finally made my way over to him, standing behind Edward while he continued playing. I must say, pregnancy definitely had its perks. It seemed all the hormones flowing through me put my libido into overdrive.

As he continued playing, I hovered around him, placing kisses on his ear, his face, his neck, wherever I could without interrupting his playing. Edward didn't seem to mind. He even allowed me to wrap my arms around his neck. I playfully pulled his shirt up so I could feel his skin.

I was just playing around at first, but Edward winked at me before taking one hand off of the keys to allow me to free his arm of the shirt, and then he did the same on the other side. It only took another half second for me to pull the shirt over his head, completely taking it off and dropping it on the floor next to me. There was Edward, shirtless, playing piano for me. So I retracted my earlier thought of nothing being sexier than Edward playing piano for me. He was still playing for me, but shirtless Edward was infinitely sexier than fully clothed Edward.

I delighted in having more surface area to work with so I moved back behind Edward again, softly kissing his back and neck while massaging his shoulders. I decided I wanted, no needed, more skin on skin contact with Edward so I silently disrobed down to just my bra and panties. Edward had no clue how scantily clad I was until he felt the lace of my bra rubbing up against his back. As soon as he turned his head to look at me, I captured his mouth with mine, kissing him with all the urgency I could muster. That was when Edward finally took his hands off the piano keys and placing them on my hips, he guided me to face him, which I happily did.

Edward didn't even break the kiss until I was fully in front of him. Since he was sitting on the bench, Edward and I were pretty much eye level to one another. I could read Edward's intentions from his gaze. There was nothing but heat and lust radiating from him, and I was sure Edward could feel it from me as well.

"Nice," Edward smirked, referring to the lingerie I was wearing. His eyes were trained on my breasts, now much rounder and fuller, they were practically spilling over; I actually had cleavage! I knew I'd have to get new bras soon, though, to accommodate the girls.

Edward reached around back to unclasp my bra, thereby, freeing the girls of the constricting undergarment.

"Ahh," I sighed as he slid the straps off my shoulders and slipping them off my arms, tossing the bra behind him.

"So beautiful," Edward whispered. He slowly moved his hands down from my neck and collarbone down over my breasts, gently kneading and massaging them. I felt his thumbs delicately caress each of my hardened nipples before continuing their journey over my ribs and stomach. Edward bent his head down to place a soft kiss on my stomach before moving his hands around to cup my bottom. He tugged my panties off, pushing them down my legs. His hands found my behind again as I stepped out of the underwear.

When I stood back up, I immediately gasped when I felt his hot breath over my right nipple and then his tongue slipped out to softly lick the tip of my hardened peak over and over again before his lips formed an O, completely covering the tip so he could suck on it ever so gently, knowing how sensitive my breasts were.

Edward continued his slow and gentle assault on my breasts, and I could do nothing but gasp as I tugged and pulled on his hair or drag my fingertips across the skin of his back and shoulders to indicate how good his mouth felt on my body and just how aroused I was.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed Edward inside me so I backed away slightly as I pushed on his chest. Once he broke contact with my body, I took his hand to pull him up from the bench. Gazing into Edward's green eyes, I saw nothing but fire. I set to work undoing his pants and pushing them, along with his boxers, down.

Once he was undressed, my first instinct was to sit Edward back down and straddle him on the piano bench. I recalled the Pretty Woman reenactment last year and how uncomfortable it was on top of the piano, not to mention how nerve wracking it was worrying about breaking the beautiful instrument. No, we wouldn't do it on top of the piano, but the bench seemed like a good spot until I remembered an article in a magazine Alice had left that I was perusing earlier.

I pulled Edward to the door but instead of going down the hall to the bedroom, we stood in the doorway.

"What's this?" Edward asked; wonder was evident in his tone.

"Something different," I shrugged smiling slightly. "You game?"

"Absolutely," he grinned.

"Okay," I said situating Edward against the doorjamb so his back was leaned up against it but his feet were in front of him against the opposite jamb. Here was where it got a little tricky as I maneuvered to mount Edward. He helped me up, supporting my weight with his arms as he lifted me up onto him. I straddled Edward's waist and then slid down a bit so he could enter me. We both moaned when he was fully inside me.

Edward's hands were holding on to my bottom, supporting me while I held tight to his waist. My feet finally touched the floor so I was pretty stable as I leaned back against the doorjamb behind me. Edward and I both moaned again as I had just intensified the position we were in. Now we were facing each other, and once we were settled in this semi-standing-up position, Edward began rocking his hips, thrusting against me.

I was able to feel every inch of the ambassador working me as I squeezed and clenched around him, pulling him closer to me as if it were possible. The position we were in allowed us to gaze at one another, and I grew more aroused seeing Edward's head thrown back slightly just like mine. I fought the urge to close my eyes. I did not want to miss a moment of Edward's ecstasy. Edward grunted with each buck of his hips, and I followed with a pant of my own. _Grunt, thrust, pant. Grunt, thrust, pant._ The rhythm of our sex sounds filled the HQ until I felt my climax. I groaned Edward's name before I let out a loud and long moan as my core pulsed and contracted with the pleasure only Edward could give me.

Edward's orgasm followed mine. And just as he groaned out, "_Fuck, Bella_," I could feel the heat of his release inside me.

We stood there riding out the waves of the climax together, gazing at each other. I finally sighed in content and smiled at Edward. He had a small smile of his own.

"Good stuff?" I teased.

"Good stuff," Edward replied nodding.

After a little bit of maneuvering, we got out of the doorjamb position and were able to shower and get on with our day.

When we returned to the DG to pick up JoJo, Rosalie was back, and she had EmJ with her. I clapped in excitement when I saw EmJ. I reached my arms out to hold him. Rosalie grinned and handed him over.

Edward and I sat down with Rose and asked about her weekend. She said it was pretty uneventful, but she brought back a t-shirt for Emmett. It was one of those shirts that had a life-sized woman's body from her neck down the tops of her thighs wearing a bikini. It was awesome. I couldn't wait to see Emmett wearing it.

Ben and Janie had come in to relieve Emmett. Janie was feeling much better than yesterday she told us. When Emmett got a moment, he came over to where we were.

"Hey, Bella, I was thinking…"

"No," I said automatically. Rosalie and Edward both laughed.

He was impervious. "No, wait. Hear me out."

"Do I want to hear this?" I asked Rose.

She laughed. "Who knows? Just humor him, Bella. You can still shoot him down, whatever he wants."

"What is it?" I asked.

Emmett smiled sweetly. "How'd you like them pineapples, sister?"

I was immediately suspicious. "Um, great. You know I'm really appreciative." I glanced at Edward warily; he merely smirked. He was suspicious as well. "What were you thinking, Emmett?"

"I'm glad you asked," he grinned. I rolled my eyes. "Well, one good turn deserves another don't you think?"

"What are you getting at, Emmett?" I asked impatiently.

"Can I name the baby?" he asked quickly.

"No," I answered just as quickly. "Next?"

"Okay, I didn't think so. Just thought I'd shoot the moon, you know, since I have nothing else to lose since you've robbed me of my dignity with these silly dances." Rosalie, Edward, and I all snickered.

"Emmett, how could I have robbed you of your dignity when you have no shame to begin with?"

Emmett turned his gaze upward for a second considering what I said. "Okay, good point. BUT, I humbly request that I get one free pass per day. You still gotta figure I'm doing three to four dances per day even with the free pass." He looked at me as I thought about it. "Huh? Huh?"

I supposed it was fair considering he hooked me up with all that pineapple and took care of my flat. "Okay, one veto starting tomorrow, and I allow one person per day to request a dance," I countered.

"Damn, Bella," Emmett complained as he thought it over. "Fine. Starting tomorrow." And we shook on it again.

Edward laughed at our antics and went back to retrieve JoJo. When he came back I was still holding EmJ.

"Ready, Bella?" Edward asked.

"Yep, one moment," I told Edward. Then I turned to Emmett. "Emmett, will you do Elaine's Little Kicks dance from Seinfeld please?"

Rosalie immediately started cracking up. "Good one, Bella!" I gave her high-five. "Ben, get the video camera," Rosalie called.

Everyone in the DG erupted in laughter as Emmett stuck his thumbs out and flailed his arms and kicked his legs like he was experiencing a full body dry heave. Even EmJ giggled.

"Oh!" Rosalie gushed. "He's smiled a lot but that was the first time he's laughed! Ben did you get that?"

"Yep!" Ben chuckled.

"What do you know? Little EmJ enjoys Daddy doing the Little Kicks!" I grinned.

"Now you'll have to do it all the time to entertain him, Emmett!" Edward smiled.

Emmett made a face, shaking his head. "Terrific," he said blandly.

**A/N So much for slowing down. I had no business writing this when I had homework to do, but there you are. Several people suggested the Elaine dance (GetDrunkOnVictory, Jennifer_lyn215 and Panda1499). Thanks. I'm disappointed I didn't remember it myself, being the Seinfeld fanatic that I am. But thanks, guys. One of us is not smarter than all of us! I have class tonight so when I get back, I'll expect to have a full inbox, hint, hint. Pixielovestoshop, you're designated to review now! Hop to it!**


	11. What a Douche!

**A/N I don't own Twilight or the characters. Steph Meyer does. Hal, however…**

**So, I thought I'd switch it up a bit. If you've read my other fics-Saving me and the Sequel Oneshots, you know I occasionally stray from the main povs, rmember Emma's and the iPod/relayshins?**

**Read on, my friends and review.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 11**

**Hal PoV (yeah, that's right!)**

"Why are we working on a Saturday again?" I asked Bella as we opened the DG doors at 4:45am and took off our coats. Bella and I usually did the morning shift during the work week, but Emmett had asked us to open, and being the team players we were, we agreed. What else was I going to do? Lounging around got old, especially with Shane back in San Francisco tending to his mother's boutique while she was in Bali. He even took Diddy with him. I missed my little stinker. I missed Diddy too.

I was scanning Bella's outfit, as I always did, while she answered my question: Black yoga pants (_ewe_), black Uggs (_double ewe_), and a light blue long sleeved v-neck tee layered over a black tank top. At least her top was decent. The shirt hugged her torso nicely, and I could see the tiniest beginnings of a little bump. Aww, how cute!

"Hal, did you even hear a word I said?" Bella asked crossly.

"No, not at all. Repeat please?"

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "I said Emmett wanted to sleep in on the weekend for a change and will do the afternoon shift with Janie, Angela and Ben…You okay, Hal?"

I must have been eyeing her outfit again. I tilted my heat at her, "Bella, you know I love you right?" I asked innocently.

Bella smiled like she thought of an inside joke before she looked back up at me warily. "Uh-oh, what is it?"

"Why do you assume I have something bad to say? And what was that little wry smile about?" I demanded.

"Well, Edward says that to me, _'You know I love you right.'_ Except he stops there. _You,_ on the other hand, would use that as a qualifying statement before going on to probably insult me." She kept her wide eyes on me, as if defying me to challenge her logic. I gave her a little knowing smile. "Am I wrong?" she smiled.

"Well. You're just as perceptive as you are fertile aren't you, baby girl?" Bella clicked her tongue at me and gave me a playful shove but giggled anyway. She knew I was right. I mean they got pregnant within three months of trying. If that ain't fertile I don't know what is.

"Anyhoo, I was just noticing how you've been wearing a lot of sweats and yoga gear lately." Bella furrowed her brow at me. "Come now, Bella. We can do a little better than that can we not?"

"Don't make me Slap Chop your Hermes scarf," she threatened.

"Mmmhmm. I see I hit a nerve," I countered.

Bella made a sad little face, "Well, nothing is fitting right anymore, and these pants feel the best right now. They're very comfy." She rubbed her barely there tummy. "I know I'm not showing that much yet, but how can _all_ of my clothes not fit anymore already?" She sounded exasperated. "I hate having to get dressed anymore. It's very frustrating," she said with a heavy sigh as she went to the back to get the muffins and cookies going while I started brewing the coffee.

I gasped upon hearing her say she hated to get dressed anymore. What had the world come to when a beautiful woman dreaded getting dolled up?

"Well don't you worry, baby girl, we'll get you right again. I'll call in reinforcements in the form of Alice and Rose, and we'll get you some clothes that fit right and make you feel good if it's the last thing I do!" I proclaimed as I went to join her in the back.

"Ugh! Shopping, Hal?" she looked even sadder. I shook my head at her. After all these years of friendship with me, Coley, Alice, and Rose, the fiercest bitches this side of the Mississippi, she still disliked shopping? I couldn't believe it!

"No, you'll sit in the dressing room, and leave the rest to us," I told her plainly. "Edward can even keep you company. He's all done with his finals right?"

And of course her pretty face lit up with the mere mention of her man's name. I'd have rolled my eyes if she weren't so darn cute about it.

"Yes. His last final was yesterday actually," she smiled. "He'll be by later."

"Great. We'll ask him then if he wants to join us for shopping or let you get kidnapped for the rest of the day."

"Okay," Bella agreed. Hmm, her clothes really must not be feeling good if she agreed to go shopping so easily. Or perhaps it was the fact that Edward would go with us. There was no doubt in my mind that he'd come shopping too. He'd do anything for his Bella, even put up with us crazy bitches for the afternoon. Maybe I could get him to try on some items as well. He was a hottie. I mean, I loved Shane, but I could appreciate other good looking men. And these Cullen men were good looking, and Alice too, for that matter. I used to wonder what their parents fed them to make them so fine. But after I met Esme and Carlisle for the first time it was easy to see the temptingly delectable apples didn't fall far from the lusciously gorgeous trees. Everyone should be so lucky.

I was brought out of my little trance by Bella asking me about that douche Laurent.

"No, he hasn't tried to hustle free stuff from me yet," I told her. "But just let him try," I said smugly.

Bella laughed. "Yeah, get him, Hal. Man, after he left here without paying last week, I thought of all these different ways I should have handled it or other smart ass things I could have said to him, but I froze when he was in here. I just couldn't believe he wasn't going to pay! Get him back for me, Hal!"

I hadn't met this douche yet, but from what Bella told me, instead of him being an apple not falling far from the tree, he was more like…the shit not falling far from the asshole. Personality-wise anyway. No way he was getting away with anything on my watch. I shook my head just thinking about it.

"Alright, Bells. We'll make him pay. Literally!" We both laughed and high-fived each other. "Hey, how much does he owe anyway?" I asked.

Bella shrugged, "I don't know about fifteen bucks?" I made a face. That's nothing. "I know it's not much, but that's beside the point, Hal. Remember, you can't just go around hustling free lattes no matter how big a douche you are."

"Good point," I nodded. "I mean, who raised him to do that?"

The morning was kind of slow, compared to the weekday mornings anyway, so Bells and I were able to handle the shop easily. Customers were only filtering in about one or two at a time.

"Um, what time did he come in last Saturday? Because this guy standing outside meets his description. Tall, dark, kinda handsome, long braids. "I wonder where he gets his braids done? Ooh, I think he's wearing Prada…"

"Hal, focus! How can you even know he's wearing Prada anyway?" Bella yelled at me. I shot her an incredulous look. How could _she not_? "I think he's with his wife," Bella said looking out the storefront window. "Wow, she _is_ pretty. No wonder Emmett was daydreaming about girl on girl fighting…" she mumbled.

"What?"

"Nevermind," Bella said quickly. "Oh, here they come. Should I go in back or stay up here?"

"Go in back and then come up front when he tries to scam," I told her frantically.

"But I don't think he'll try to scam in front of his wife," Bella pointed out. She was speaking just as frantically.

"Damn! That's no fun. Okay, then stay up here. Act like you know him when he comes in."

"But I _do_ kind of know him," Bella looked confused. "I said his name like two or three times last week. And he kept saying mine."

"Just do it!" I told Bella through gritted teeth and a smile just as Laurent and his wife were entering.

"Fine!" she whispered tersely.

I was wiping around the espresso machine while Bella busied herself over by the cereal bar.

"Bella, hello," Laurent said in a smooth voice, smiling.

Bella turned from the cereal, saw Laurent and smiled sweetly, "Oh, hello, Laurent. It's good to see you again."

I stifled a chuckle. Bella was a terrible actress. She was trying to look casual but came off as stiff to me. It must have fooled Laurent though.

"You say you don't work on the weekend yet here you are again," he laughed. I fought off the instinct to make a face at him.

"Yeah, well, Emmett wanted to spend a little time with his family so Hal and I are holding down the fort," she explained gesturing to me.

"Hi," I waved from the counter. "Can I get drinks started for you two?" I asked looking at both Laurent and his wife. He was wearing a Burberry trench coat with black leather Prada dress shoes. Wifey was in head to toe Stella McCartney. I could smell designer a mile away. These two were ballers! They dressed to kill at, I looked at the time, 10am! Damn! Baby girl could learn a thing or two from these two. I nodded in appreciation.

"Hal?" Bella called me. All three of them were looking at me, Bella with her eyes bugged out. She was annoyed I wasn't paying attention again. I couldn't help it I zoned out when I took inventory of people's ensembles.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Do you want me to start their hazlenut lattes or do you want to?" she asked glaring at me. Good thing Laurent and wifey weren't looking at Bella, they'd have thought she had a nervous twitch and a thyroid issue.

"Oh," I smiled. "I can get those. Anything else?" I asked Laurent.

"We'd each like an English muffin as well," Laurent grinned. He seemed amused that I had zoned out. Hmmph! Those Prada shoes were probably last season's.

"Coming right up," I smiled again.

Bella made her way back to the counter while Laurent and wifey followed.

"Bella, Hal, this is my wife, Irina," Laurent said gesturing to his wife.

Bella and I smiled bowing our heads and saying hello to Irina.

As I was making the drinks and toasting the muffins, Bella rang up the sale.

"It'll be nine dollars please," she smiled. Laurent got his money clip out and paid. What do you know? "Thanks," Bella took the money and finished the sale.

I handed them their drinks and then their English muffins.

"Oh, Laurent?" Bella asked. "I asked Emmett about your _understanding_?" she used air quotes.

Laurent's smile wavered just slightly. "Oh, yes?" he asked bugging his eyes out a bit and tilting his head infinitesimally towards wifey, I guessed to indicate not to do this in front of her. "Is something wrong with your head?" Bella asked. Again, I stifled a laugh, covering it up with a cough. Irina turned to look at her husband.

"No," Laurent shook his head sounding defeated. "You were saying?"

"Yeah, Emmett said you guys were square about a month ago, so you actually have a balance of about fifteen dollars from all the times you came in since then," Bella said confidently.

"What is she talking about, Laurent?" Irina asked her hubs. "Have you been taking free coffee?" she sounded alarmed and horrified.

Laurent looked at his wife and smiled shaking his head no, "It was a joke, honey. You know how Emmett and I are. I fully intend on paying my balance. I'll bring Emmett payment in person. He'll be here later?"

Bella and I nodded. "Yes, in an hour and half I think," Bella said.

"Great. Great," Laurent nodded smiling still. "I'll be back then." And with that, he and Irina left.

I turned to Bella. "Damn, girl, you totally snitched on him in front of his wife, you bitch!" I laughed.

Bella laughed too. "He had it coming, the big scamming douche!"

We finished the rest of our shift with no other incident. Emmett came in about an hour later to do some paperwork. I cracked up at his shirt.

"Why so dressed up today?" I snickered. He had on a shirt that looked like a tuxedo. I loved it! And he looked good in his low slung Seven for All Mankind jeans from what I could tell from the detail on the back pockets. Hmm, Rosalie must shop for him. Ooh, his butt looked good in those jeans. Rosalie was a lucky woman indeed!

"Fancy schmancy, Emmett," Bella laughed. Waking me from my fashion scan of Emmett.

"Thanks, guys," Emmett grinned happily. Bella's punishment wasn't even a punishment anymore for Emmett. The customers all expected him in a crazy t-shirt and it was a real treat for them to see him dancing, garnering more tip money for us. I never took the tip money of course. I left it for the college kids.

Apparently Bella agreed to give him one veto per day, which he had no problem exercising. Earlier in the week, he had declined to do the Cha Cha slide, the Cupid Shuffle, the Chicken Noodle dance, the Humpty Dance, and Superman, much to everyone's disappointment. But, he did do a fine Cabbage Patch, Roger Rabbit, and Running Man. Bella really enjoyed Emmett doing the Carlton and Elaine's Little Kicks so he did that a lot along with the Pee Wee Herman. He usually had customers earn a free cookie by doing a dance with him. Yesterday it was the YMCA.

Emmett was still in the back when Edward came in looking like he stepped out of the pages of an Abercombie and Fitch ad in his grey wool peacoat, distressed jeans and dark blue button-up and sneakers. I felt Bella shove me, jolting me out of my fashion inventory.

"What?" I mouthed to her.

"Stop ogling my husband," she joked. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't help it. The man was fine!

Edward was carrying a paper grocery bag with him that was folded down and stapled at the top. Bella asked what it was after he gave her a hello kiss and said hello to me.

"I don't know what this is. I ran into Laurent on the way here. He just said it was a special delivery for Emmett," Edward shrugged setting the bag down on a coffee table.

Bella and I looked at each other with wide eyes.

"What?" Edward asked. "What's going on?"

"Well, your wife snitched on Laurent to _his_ wife this morning," I informed Edward.

"Hey!" Bella shoved me. "You were in on it too."

"I was fixing lattes and toasting muffins, minding my own business, sister," I said. "It wasn't any fun. He actually paid today." I made a face. I so wanted to bust his chops had he tried to scam from me.

"Well, you were here when it happened anyway," she glared at me. Then she looked at Edward. "Laurent said he'd pay the balance in person. I guess not, eh?" Bella said poking at the bag.

Just then Emmett came up front.

"What's up, guys?" Emmett asked.

"The Twist please, Emmett?" Bella smiled.

"Aww, geez!" he whined.

I gasped, "A whine!" just as Emmett declared, "Not a whine!"

"Survey says," Bella asked looking at Edward.

He grinned, "Oh, I do believe that was a whine," Edward adjudicated. Bella grinned and kissed Edward.

"Two in a row!" Bella grinned. "Hit it, Emmett."

So Emmett proceeded to do the Twist like John Travolta and Uma Thurman did in _Pulp Fiction_, forming a V slash peace-sign sideways in front of his eyes then Twisting, while asking, "So what's in the bag, bro?" I don't know how Emmett kept a straight face while asking the question _and _doing a silly dance at the same time, but he did.

Edward laughed at his brother, as did Bella and I. "I don't know. Laurent handed it to me to give to you." Edward handed the bag to Emmett.

"Okay, now the MC Hammer?" Bella laughed.

Emmett made a face. "It only works with genie pants, Bella," he said, "Veto."

"I'll have to get you some for Christmas then, Emmett. How about Voguing then."

"Ooh, I want in on this one!" I jumped up. "I love to Vogue. I do it when I try on clothes when I shop. Wait," I said severely to Emmett as I went to put on the proper music, Madonna, of course.

Emmett placed the bag back down. "Really?" he asked Bella quirking up an eyebrow.

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. This is Hal's jam."

"Okay, ready, Emmett?" I grinned.

"I guess," Emmett replied.

"What you looking at?" I said pointing to Emmett and bopping my head to the beat of the music.

"Vogue," Emmett said blandly, rolling his eyes, but at least he was playing along.

I continued to do Madonna's actual choreography with the shoulder shrugs and fluid and extravagant arm movements and then striking a pose dancing around Emmett while Emmett merely stood still with his cheeks sucked in and lips in a pout, like Deiter on the old Saturday Night live sketch, _Sprockets_, framing his face stiffly with his hands and arms.

I don't believe I had ever seen or heard Bella laughing so hard before. She was grasping for Edward for support to remain sitting up straight rather than completely doubling over in hysterics.

Normally, Emmett only had to dance for a minute or so, but not today, not with me. We did the whole song! I don't think he wanted to though. He looked a little uncomfortable with me dancing around him like he was a pole. I don't know why.

I refused to stop dancing until Madonna finished singing. "Don't just stand there, let's get to it. Strike a pose, there's nothing to it. Vogue!" I held my pose while Emmett crossed his arms in front of him.

Bella and Edward clapped for us along with Janie, who had sneaked in while we were dancing.

"Thanks, Emmett. That was so fun!" I clapped happily. "Anytime you want to Vogue, I'm down," I told him.

"Okay," Emmett said. "How about next time Bella tells me to Vogue I pass it to you? You're much more skilled at it than I am."

"I know," I acknowledged. I wasn't being conceited. It was the truth. I was the _best_ at Voguing!

"Nice, Hal," Bella grinned shaking her head.

"Anyhoo, what's in the bag?" I changed the subject.

"Oh, Emmett, just so you know. Laurent came in earlier with his wife," Bella began. "And I went ahead and let the cat out of the bag about his, uh, unpaid balance to the DG." She bit her lip awaiting his reaction. Edward just laughed and shook his head.

Emmett smiled. "You told on that douche? To the lady douche?" He laughed. "You're ballsy, sister!" He reached out to pound her fist.

Bella smiled sheepishly. "Yes, well, he told her he it was all a joke and then he said he'd _pay you back in person_ or something." Bella tapped the bag. "I guess this must be your payback? Should we call the bomb squad?"

I widened my eyes. Bomb squad? Was he that crazy? No one dressed that well could be very crazy, right? He had on Burberry, for the love of Dolce and Gabbana!

"Pssshh, bomb squad. He's a douche but he's no terrorist." Emmett proceeded to open the bag. He looked inside and started swearing. Well, he tried to swear but must have remembered he was in a place of business, specifically, his place of business. "What the?...That mother…I'm going to rip his…Wait till I…"

"Oh, my god," I looked at Bella. "Emmett's going all…_you_ over that bag. Look," I whispered. "He's even twitching."

Emmett pulled out a little note and scowled at it as he read the handwritten script.

"What's it say?" Bella asked curiously.

Emmett started reading aloud:

_**My dear friend, Emmett,**_

_**I wanted to make sure we were truly square. I was told my balance was fifteen dollars and so I have given you that much in product. I hope this makes us even.**_

_**Laurent**_

_**P.S. Shall we play basketball again soon?**_

"What a douche!" Emmett scowled again.

We all looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to tell us what was in the bag, but Emmett wasn't moving. He just kept scowling. Finally, Edward grabbed the bag and opened the top so we three could peer down inside. We immediately started cracking up upon seeing his _payback_.

"Who's the douche now?" Edward snickered.

"Shut up!" Emmett pouted at us. "What am I supposed to do with all that Massengil?"

**A/N Oh, the antics never end! Hope you enjoyed Hal's PoV. I unleashed my inner-gay man. Kinda fun, I have to say. And for the record, I LOVE my Uggs. they're very cozy and warm and I don't care that they are a fashion don't. Click and review would you please?**


	12. Options

**A/N These characters belong to Steph Meyer**

**First thing's first. I have a required reading assignment for you all. Okay, not required, but I strongly suggest you read a oneshot by Tisaveeone called **_**Reparations For the Taking**_**. It's a submission to the "Forbidden Love Affair: A Contest of Hidden Desires" put on by bemylullaby, goldentemptress, kyla713, miztrezboo, and Nostalgicmiss.**

**Quick Summary of **_**Reparations For the Taking**_**: Her sister Rosalie married the only man Bella ever wanted, and that should have been the end. But old flames have a way of catching a spark when you least expect.**

**I betaed so I **_**am**_** biased, but this is good stuff, especially for Tisaveeone's first Twilight fic. Memo to cherry: you've been popped. So go read, enjoy and review. Yep, it's GREAR now, kids. **

**And without further ado, the next installment. Oh, don't forget to show me some love, a'ight? Read and review.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 12**

**EPoV**

"Seriously, what the hell am I going to do with all this Massengil?" Emmett scowled while Hal, Janie, Bella, and I were still cracking up.

"Bella?" Emmett suggested, and the look of horror that replaced her jovial expression caused another round of hysterics from Hal, Janie, and me.

"_What_?" Emmett asked. He really was clueless sometimes.

"Emmett! I do not want your douche!" Bella snapped at him.

Emmett pursed his lips as he thought a moment. "Janie?" he asked brightly.

"NO!" was her quick response. And we all laughed again.

"Eh, I'll just give them to Rosie," Emmett mused.

"Emmett, noooooo!" Bella warned shaking her head vehemently at him the same time Hal shook his head and made an inaudible _oooooh_. That was definitely a bad idea.

"Why?" Emmett asked, genuinely not sure why giving his wife a grocery bag full of Massengil was a bad idea.

"That's so offensive, Emmett. It's like saying _I think you have a problem, dear. Here," _Bella explained.

"No. It's like I'm saying _I've got all this effing Massengil that I don't know what to do with. Here_," Emmett countered.

"You're going to be wearing that Massengil then," Bella informed him. We all nodded in concensus.

"You think?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett, seriously. Don't give those to your wife. Do you really want her to raise EmJ all alone?" Bella asked.

"How do you figure?" Emmett asked.

"Because you hand Rose a grocery bag full of douche and you're a dead man, thus, leaving her to raise your son all alone. Think of EmJ, Emmett," Bella concluded.

"But what am I supposed to do with all this Massengil?" Emmett asked quietly, truly perplexed.

"I think Emmett's coined a new phrase for a stressful situation," Bella commented.

"What am I supposed to do with all this Massengil?" Emmett repeated with furrowed brows.

"That, my brother, is the eternal question philosophers have been pondering for centuries," I joked.

Hal snorted, "To douche or not to douche? That is the question."

Janie chimed in, "Is douche the root of all evil?"

"What is the meaning of douche?" I asked.

"Is douche still douche if there's nothing to douche?" Bella added.

"All right, smart asses," Emmett griped. "Enough waxing philosophical. Can you actually help me here rather than mock, mock, mock? I've got a real problem."

"Emmett, world hunger is a problem. The crumbling economy is a problem. Not having clean water is a problem. _You_ have douche," Bella stated hoping to put things into perspective for my brother.

"Okay, so I've got douche. What should I do with it all?"

What _could_ he do? I couldn't think of a thing. We all sat there pensively coming up with nothing.

"Hey," Emmett perked up. "If one person getting hella douche at one time is offensive, what if I give it away. One at a time?"

We all looked at him like he was nuts, which he was.

"What? The great douche giveaway at the DG?" Bella laughed.

Emmett's eyes lit up. "DG? Douche Giveaway?" he nodded. "It works right?"

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, glad our mother wasn't here to witness her eldest son's latest brainchild. I was pretty sure both our dead grandmothers were rolling over in their graves as we spoke.

"Nope. Come on. It's a gimmick. And my customers already think I'm crazy with the shirts and the dancing. It is Christmas time," he reasoned.

"Yeah, Emmett, that's what people want is douche for Christmas," Bella said sarcastically. "Nothing says I appreciate your patronage like feminine hygiene products. Here's your latte, here's your muffin and oh, here's some douche too. Thanks. " Emmett narrowed his eyes at Bella for shooting down his idea. "But hey, it's your store."

"Um, as fabulous as this douche think tank is," Hal interrupted. "I need to call Alice and Rose and plan this shopping trip." He then turned to me. "Edward you're coming to shop too right? Bella will need some support."

I looked at Bella. She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "I'm biting the bullet and getting maternity clothes," she sighed.

I smiled and put my arm around her. She was finally seeing reason. Poor Bella had been through all her pants this past week, tossing them to the side after trying them on to find a decent fit. She looked fine, fantastic even, in them, but she said she felt bloated and uncomfortable. They didn't look tight or anything, but I suggested we go shopping if the clothes made her that uncomfortable. She agreed but wanted to wait until my finals were done.

"I'd love to accompany you."

Bella thanked me with her smile. "It can get a little intense with Hal _and _Rosalie. And Alice…You know the pixie loves to shop. Thank goodness Coley isn't here as well."

Hal left to make some calls and Slap Chop some pineapple for Bella. She was still on her pineapple kick. Bella and I would meet up with the three of them later at the boutique.

Bella and I left Emmett so we could grab some lunch before the afternoon of shopping. We had to reiterate the warning of not to give the Massengil to Rosalie if he truly knew what was good for him. Bella assured him that the wrath Rosalie would unleash on him would be a hundred times worse than Angry Bella. That did the trick.

We left a bit frightened, though, about where the douche would ultimately end up.

"Here you go, Bella," Alice sang as she handed me some dresses for Bella to try on.

"Thanks," Bella said handing EmJ to her and taking the dresses from me.

We had been shopping all afternoon. This was the third boutique we had gone into. The first two shops were successful trips. Hal, Rosalie, and Alice divided and conquered in the pursuit to find Bella comfortable pregnancy clothes that also passed their elitist eyes. Not an easy feat. Hal looked for pants and jeans, Rosalie looked for tops and undergarments while Alice looked for dresses and special occasion clothes since we'd be celebrating Christmas with my parents again like we did for Thanksgiving. Hopefully this holiday would go without incident. I didn't want to see Angry Bella again. Well, I didn't want to be on the receiving end of an Angry Bella tirade anyway.

Bella and I would sit in the dressing room with EmJ, apparently so Rosalie could go clothes hunting more easily, and also to ensure good behavior on Bella's and my part. What did they think that we were going to go at it in the dressing room with friends and family right outside? Bella's libido _was _in overdrive, but we were a bit offended at the insinuation that we couldn't act appropriately in public.

That's not to say we didn't enjoy ourselves in the privacy of the dressing room. I got to help Bella with zippers and buttons and such, and I'd occasionally steal a kiss or two or three. And, okay, I upgraded the lingering lips 3.0 to 4.0 when I had Bella leaned up against the dressing room door; hands pinned above her on either side of her head. She was trying on lingerie. Really, was I just supposed to sit there? I thought not. She began to let out a small moan, and I had to press my finger to her lips to keep her quiet.

Hal, Alice, and Rosalie each would speak really loudly just as they were coming back to the dressing room with potentials for Bella to try on. "I'm approaching the dressing room," Hal would announce.

Bella and I would just look at each other and roll our eyes. Once, Bella actually said to me, "Put it away, Edward. We should stop having sex in front of EmJ now." Rosalie just laughed, "Ha ha ha." We were sitting in there, fully clothed, with EmJ asleep in his stroller. We were actually working on a trivia quiz of sorts. Bella had printed out a list of song lyrics from the '80's. We were supposed to come up with the name of the song and the artist, singer or group. Some were pretty easy, but others were impossible.

We had been working on the list all week in between my finals and study breaks. It was nice to get my mind concentrating on things other than science and medicine for a while.

I remember the first night she was working on the list I had no idea what she was doing. I had been studying for histology at the dining room table when I heard Bella mumbling in frustration from her spot on the sofa with JoJo.

"What was that?" I had asked.

"_Are you more than hot for me, or am I just a page in your history book."_

"Excuse me?" I asked confused, and Bella repeated the line in a deadpan voice.

"Oh!" she finally exclaimed. "Paula Abdul, _Straight Up!_"

And I realized she wasn't questioning me.

And so it had begun. We would race to see who could come up with the title and artist first. Many times it was a collaborative effort with one of us coming up with the title and the other the artist. It was a lot of fun until we would read a lyric that sounded so familiar but it was impossible to place. It occasionally kept Bella up at night. We never cheated and looked online though.

A couple nights she shot up to a sitting position in her sleep yelling out a title or artist or both and immediately feeling relief. I laughed when she startled me out of my slumber yelling, "Don Henley, _Boys of Summer!_" She had been stewing over the _I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac_ line all evening.

Yes, Bella got a bit obsessive and compulsive at times, but then who didn't?

Bella had tried on all four dresses that Alice picked out. They all looked stunning on her, but Bella being Bella only picked one to buy. I insisted on a second, at least, since it was the holiday season, and you never knew what parties would come up. Grudgingly, Bella picked a second, and we went to pay. Normally, one of the others would have taken Bella to the next boutique so I could pay without Bella bearing witness to the total of the purchase, but this was the last stop of the day and Bella and I were going out to dinner afterwards.

Bella was next to me in line when Hal and Rosalie dragged her towards the back of the store again to look at something they had missed. That gave me the opportunity to pay for all four dresses and hand them to Alice who would take them home for us. The three of them were sneaky enough to pull off buying more than what Bella tried on and agreed to purchase. When Bella tried on and liked one thing, they'd grab one in every color, and we paid for it on the sly. Bella wouldn't know about the doubling and even tripling of her new wardrobe until later.

Once Alice took the bags I told her thanks as she ran the items out to Rosalie's car before coming back in to say goodbye to Bella and me.

Bella had come back up to the front of the store by the time Alice got back from the car.

"What were you looking at in the back of the store?" I asked Bella.

She made a face. "Some crazy, short, sequined maternity dress. It was a little ostentatious for me. I don't know why they thought I'd be interested in it," she laughed. "Where's the stuff?"

"Oh, Alice put it in Rose's car. They're going to take it all the to HQ while we're out eating."

Bella looked a little wary, glancing from Alice to Rose to Hal and then to me. All of them were smiling angelically.

"Alright. Thanks for not going overboard, guys. I'm really surprised," Bella smiled. "I thought you'd be buying one of everything for me, but I'm glad you were able to contain yourselves."

Rosalie and Alice's smiles faltered ever so slightly, feeling a little guilt from what they did and what Bella was saying to them.

"No problem," Rosalie managed to say.

"This was so fun, Bella. Thanks for letting us help you," Alice beamed.

Hal, who's smile never even wavered, I don't think the word _guilt_ was in his working vocabulary, said, "Well, duh, you totally needed this. Now no more sweats in public, baby girl!"

Bella smiled and then saluted. We bid the three goodbye and headed to the Volvo.

"Were they acting a little funny at the end there?" Bella asked me as we were making our way through the Saturday evening traffic. "Almost suspicious," she mused.

I didn't say anything.

"Don't you think, Edward?" she asked.

"Huh? Uh, no I didn't notice anything. So you said you wanted Japanese tonight?" I asked changing the subject to food. I knew she was craving the fried rice at a certain restaurant.

"Yeah," Bella said, her face lighting up. I knew it would work. Her cravings had taken over her thought processes. "I can't wait for my rice. Oh, and scallops! Yea, scallops!" she clapped excitedly.

I had to smile at her excitement. Normally she wouldn't have been so giddy about scallops, but the doctor limited her seafood intake significantly because of the mercury content so she couldn't have shrimp and scallops whenever she wanted. This was a special treat for her.

"Oh, and the mochi ice cream too," she continued. "We'll need to buy extra so we have some at home," Bella told me.

"Whatever you want," I chuckled. Bella also happened to be obsessed with the balls of ice cream wrapped inside a thin layer of gummy rice cake. They were good, but she was enthralled by them.

We only had to wait about ten minutes before we were seated with a party of five at the Japanese restaurant. We had a good time watching the chef do his tricks with onion volcano, and tossing the egg up and catching it on his spatula. The party we were seated with hadn't ever been to the restaurant so they were very excited upon seeing the chef's tricks for the first time.

Bella and I had the dinner for two special, which consisted of steak, chicken and scallops along with the grilled veggies. Aside from the scallops and fried rice, Bella and I loved the ginger dipping sauce, Yummy Yummy sauce. Bella contended that if you dipped a boot in that sauce she'd eat it. I agreed that the sauce was delicious, but I don't think I'd eat a boot, but that's just me.

When it was time for dessert, we got our chocolate ice cream mochi while the party of five celebrated someone's birthday and were served an enormous pineapple boat. Bella's eyes got really big with jealousy when she saw the pineapple boat, and we had to get out of there fast before she got thrown out or arrested for stealing people's food at the restaurant.

"I'm pretty sure Hal Slap Chopped you some pineapple at home," I reassured her as I was trying to usher Bella out. She made it a little difficult because she kept glancing back to eye the people with the pineapple.

"Okay, okay," Bella said grudgingly.

"When did Hal get a Slap Chop?" I asked once we were in the car.

"Um, last week I think. He's always watching TV and saw the infomercial late one night. He must have been really impressed because he ordered it with rush delivery."

Wow. Who needed a Slap Chop that badly? Crazy people I supposed.

We got back to the HQ at about eight o'clock. I was going to take JoJo out by myself, but Bella wanted to join me. Usually she didn't want to deal with the cold.

"Well, I'm in nice comfy warm clothes that aren't a total fashion don't and I just want to spend as much time with you as possible," she shrugged. "Is that so wrong?"

"Nope. Not wrong at all," I replied.

We took a nice long walk with JoJo more towards campus than downtown. The DG was already closed so we didn't need to go that way anyway.

"What do you want to do during winter break?" Bella asked me. She had one arm slipped through mine already, but she pulled herself closer to me trying to stay warm.

I smiled at her, "Just spend quality time with my beautiful wife."

She rolled her eyes but smiled just the same. "That could get boring."

"Never," I shook my head.

It was true. It never got boring with Bella. We could sit and do nothing but stare at each other and it could never get boring. She held my attention. Always.

Suddenly, Bella stopped walking and stood up on her tiptoes to give me a kiss when I turned to look at her.

"Thanks," I said. "What was that for?"

"For being the best," she told me.

"The best…what?"

"Fill in the blank, Edward. You're the best everything and I'm a very lucky woman."

Bella had it backwards. _She _was the best, and I was lucky to have _her_.

"We're _both_ the best then; how's that?" I chuckled.

"Oh, okay," she conceded.

We headed back home after that since it was only getting colder out. I wanted a shower so I left Bella in the kitchen to snack. Hal had put some pineapple in the fridge for Bella, and she was very happy about that.

After my shower, I went to the kitchen to find Bella still in there.

"How was the pineapple?" I asked.

"Delish," she smiled. "So was your green tea mochi, sorry."

"You ate my green tea mochi? You had all the chocolate ones," I pouted. "Not cool, Bella," I joked. I wasn't really upset over ice cream, though I was looking forward to the green tea mochi. I could still have the chocolate ones anyway.

Bella didn't look repentant. "You know what's not cool, Edward?" she asked casually.

"Hmm," I said.

"Betting away naming rights to your first born child. That's not cool."

Bella looked at me in all seriousness until we both broke out in laughter. She wasn't mad about that anymore, but she brought it up as a running joke. She was able to work it into conversations a lot, to my surprise. It was a tool she used to lighten the mood.

The other day before I left for my last final I mentioned that I wished I had more time to study, and Bella responded with, "I wish you hadn't bet away your first born."

I left for school chuckling and wasn't as stressed about the exam as I was before.

I pulled Bella into a hug. "Always cracking wise aren't you, love?"

"Always," she smiled into my shoulder.

"So I drew a bath for you, Bella," I mentioned.

She pulled back to look at me, "Why do I stink that bad?"

"No," I laughed. "Just thought you'd like a bath that's all. I'll go take it myself if you're not interested," I said.

"But you just took a shower," she protested.

"Well, one can never be too clean," I replied.

"Hmm, you want Emmett's douche then?"

"Ha ha. You coming?" I asked tugging Bella's hand.

"Of course. Will you join me then?" she asked looking up at me through her lashes.

"Love to," I smirked.

So we went into the master bathroom. I already had the candles lit and the music going for Bella.

"Nice," Bella smiled turning to me.

"Anything for you," I smiled back.

Bella once again got up on her tiptoes while I bent my head down to for our lips to meet in a soft kiss.

"Love you," she said.

"I love you too," I responded. "Shall we?"

Bella nodded and we made our way to the tub. I undressed her slowly, pulling her top over her head and running my hands along her ribcage while my mouth tasted the soft skin along her collarbone and shoulders. I unclasped her bra and set her free, caressing her beautiful full breasts. She was growing more radiant everyday of this pregnancy. I couldn't get enough of her. Lucky for me, Bella couldn't get enough of me either.

The bra was thrown on the floor, and her pants and panties followed suit. Bella had my t-shirt and basketball shorts off instantly, quirking an eyebrow up at me upon discovering that I was commando.

I was already getting hard for Bella, but I wanted to enjoy the bath with her first.

I got in the tub first and Bella sat at the other end of the tub after putting her hair up in a bun. We gazed at each other for a long moment before Bella leaned her head back on the end of the tub resting her arms on the top of the tub, closing her eyes, enjoying the heat of the bathwater.

I continued to watch her, marveling in the beauty of her pregnancy glow. Finally, I reached for one of her shower poufs, wetting it and putting her body wash on it. I slowly crept towards my Bella so that I was sitting in front of her between her bent legs. I began to wash her starting from her graceful neck, moving to her delicate shoulders and arms and moving down her torso from her collarbone to her perfect breasts to her stomach. Under the water, I ghosted over her entrance, eliciting a moan, when I washed her thighs moving to her knees and then her feet.

When I finished her feet, I returned to my position at the other end of the tub. Bella opened her eyes to see where I went. With my pointer finger, I summoned her over to me. As she crawled her way to me, the bathwater rinsed the suds from her body revealing her skin to me. I was sure my eyes were on fire from the heat and lust radiating off of me at that moment. I watched the drops of water dripping off her nipples, jealous of their proximity to her, but not for long.

Bella read my thoughts as she sat on my lap facing me, wrapping her legs around my waist. First, I wanted to taste her freshly washed breasts, taking them in my mouth one at a time. Her skin tasted so sweet, I needed to have more of Bella on my tongue.

Our mouths united once again while I scrubbed and rinsed her back. This time, though, instead of a soft lingering lips kiss, it grew urgent quickly. Bella took my bottom lip between her teeth and bit down and tugged on it while my tongue explored her mouth flicking and licking her lips. She'd occasionally unleash the grip on my bottom lip only engulf my tongue in her mouth to suck.

I cupped her bottom and she tightened her grip around my waist. I slowly stood up, grabbing onto the shower rod for support as I stepped out of the tub.

Bella continued to kiss me but shivered as the cold air hit her wet skin. She smashed her body even closer to mine to gain some warmth. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her like a blanket. Bella slid down my waist just a little, enough to barely capture the tip of my shaft inside her. We both moaned as she bucked her hips to mine, creating some pleasurable friction.

"Edward," she breathed. "I need you now."

We were near the sink so I set her down on the end of the counter. Bella's legs parted even more and I was able to enter her fully in one swift thrust. Once inside her, I continued to plunge in and out to the rhythm of her panting. We were eye to eye as I brought Bella closer to her climax. I thrust harder with every _Oh god and Edward_ that fell from her lips.

Finally, Bella threw her head back giving in to the pleasure as I throbbed inside her, feeling her walls gripped around me, pulsing and pulling, I came as well.

I softly traced my fingers over her sides as I leaned in for another deep kiss.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Bella smiled and gave the ambassador a squeeze, garnering a small grunt out of me.

Bella gave me another peck as I disengaged myself from her. "Will you grab me some pajamas while I get cleaned up?" she asked.

"You don't want to pick out your own? We just got you some today. You have a ton to choose from."

"Does it matter?" Bella asked.

"Mmm, I think you should pick out your own," I smirked.

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Why? What did they do?"

I moved out of the way as Bella hopped off of the sink, grabbing the towel we just made love on. She wiped her legs dry and made a beeline to the bedroom. Bella looked in the dresser drawers and grabbed a pair of panties.

"Um, I don't remember buying all these," she gestured to the contents of the drawer. She looked in her bra drawer and gave the same reaction. One drawer down she looked at the pajama tops and bottoms and _hmphed_ at the sets she didn't try on but were in her drawer anyway. Bella quickly threw on a pair that she did approve of.

"Do I even want to look in here?" she asked pointing to her closet.

"Bella, don't be difficult. We merely wanted you to have options," I reasoned. I managed to get my shorts back on before following her into the bedroom.

Bella threw the closet doors open and gasped. Her closet was arranged and organized by the three crazies, who evidently took closet organization very seriously. Everything was in sections, loungewear, casual wear, dress clothes and arranged by color. Bella noticed tops that she approved of in every color that was available at the store.

Shoeboxes had Polaroid pictures of the contents of the boxes taped to the outside; her spring and summer maternity clothes were in bins on the top shelf of the closet.

Bella was fingering through the contents of her closet. I noticed her twitching ever so slightly.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked cautiously.

She turned to me with wide eyes that matched Emmett's expression upon opening the grocery bag earlier.

"What am I supposed to do with all this Massengil?"

Yep, she was stressed.

"It's fine, Bella. You have options." At least that's what Alice kept telling me when I agreed to the shopping spree.

"Options," Bella repeated.

"Yes, options."

"There's so much in this closet. All maternity wear?" she looked at me. I nodded. "How long is this gestation period going to be? Why do I need so much? Am I carrying an elephant?"

I had to laugh at that. "Options," I said again modeling a deep breath, which Bella imitated.

"Options," she nodded after the let the breath out. "Okay. I'm calm now. See? Look at me not going all me." She smiled brightly at me while walking to grab her phone. I watched as she mass texted _**You stinkers! **_to the crazies that were Hal, Alice, and Rosalie.

A minute later she got three responses of _**Love you too, Bella! **back _from them.

**A/N Options are always good. Hope you enjoyed a little fluff and lemonade. I need to get actual homework done soon. Crap! What am I supposed to do with all this Massengil?**

**Here's an '80's song lyric. See If you can figure it out--no cheating and looking online! "A cloud appears above your head, a beam of light comes shining down on you."**

**OK, you want to read another lemon? Then review for me here then check out Tisaveeone's oneshot, **_**Reparations For the Taking**_**, and show her some love. Tell her MJ sentcha. Elephant shoe! (for those who haven't read Saving Me, that means I love you!)**


	13. Oh NO You Didn't

**A/N Shocking, I know, but I am not Steph Meyer ;P**

**Sorry to bother you with another update. Here's a quick chappie I spewed out because Phantom was craving a little Jasperness. She noticed his absence in the last couple of chapters so I needed to even out the Jazziverse in TDG land. I think it's just silly and fun. I hope you agree. This one's for you, Phantom.**

**Oh, the lyrics were from Flock of Seagulls' "I Ran," a most excellent song. You should hear me do it on SingStar on my Playstation. Maplestyle was all over that like white on rice, so was Panda1499.**

**agiismsxx, I borrowed a line from your review, hope you don't mind.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 13**

**BPoV**

My sides! My poor sides were aching I was laughing so hard. I couldn't believe Jasper ended up in enough trouble as to land him in the doghouse with Emmett.

Jasper, who was always calm and collected, save for the occasional snarky retort to Emmett, Jasper, who never instigated anything, as far as I was aware of anyway, was actually in hot water.

There was one thing I have learned through the years: do not get on Alice's bad side.

It wasn't hard to stay in Alice's good graces for the most part. At least for me, it was to shut up and let her make me over, or take me shopping, or allow her the fun of helping dole out punishment for Emmett and Edward over Thanksgiving.

Now, I knew that Angry Bella scared a lot of family members, but I couldn't imagine a more horrifying ordeal than succumbing to the wrath of either Rosalie or Alice.

How did Jasper incur his wife's anger? He was only being nice, as far as I could tell, not that I'd say that to Alice. No, I was staying as far out of this matter as humanly possible, but enjoyed the view from the sidelines anyway.

It was all over Alice's Christmas present. The way Alice operated was she always picked out her own Christmas present from Jasper so as not to end up with anything heinous, I supposed. It wasn't that Alice didn't like surprises; it was that she was a complete and total tyrant about most things in life. And one of the most precious and important things in her life was, of course, her wardrobe. Do not mess with Alice's clothes. She wouldn't even deign to call them her clothes but her _raison d'etre_. She took her wardrobe very seriously. Jasper knew this and still managed to drop the ball somehow.

Alice had ordered herself some jacket that was apparently a big deal to her and the rest of the fashion world. There were a limited number of them made and imported from a rather important designer in Italy. I couldn't give the specifics of the whom or what, but this jacket was featured in a runway show and made by a couple twins from Canada.

All the legwork had been done. The jacket had finally come in, and Jasper was given the assignment to pick it up and pay for it. And that's where the lapse in judgment came into play.

Jasper didn't head straight home after the assigned pick up mishap. He realized he had essentially…and I have to use the f-bomb here because it was very appropriate…fucked up. Big time.

Jasper headed over to the HQ in a panic, afraid to go home and face Alice.

I was on the phone with Eli when Edward answered the door to find Jasper there, clearly sweating bullets even though it was the middle of December.

"Jasper, what's up?" Edward had asked.

Jasper was shaking his head unable, at first, to articulate the situation. And it _was_ a situation. I immediately got off the phone upon seeing Jasper so upset.

"I was just being nice. I was just being nice…" Jasper was whispering over and over, apparently trying to convince himself first.

Edward and I looked at each other, both of us dumbfounded as he followed Jasper over to the sofa. I grabbed a bottle of water for him.

"Jasper, are you okay?" I asked. He was actually beginning to scare me.

"Bella, what do you know about the jacket Alice ordered? Is it terribly important?" he asked me.

"Um," I tried to think as both he and Edward were staring at me. "I'm not really sure. I guess so. I just know that it was featured in a fashion show and there are only a few being made and you have to be pretty important to get one. Why?"

"I'm so dead, guys. I'm so dead," Jasper muttered.

"Why? What happened?" Edward asked.

"I went to pick it up at the boutique. I had it in hand, ready to pay for it and then…"

Edward and I looked at each other again shrugging. "What?" I asked.

"Laurent."

"Oh, no," I groaned.

They both looked at me curiously. I didn't know what went down, but "Nothing good can come from Laurent being involved in anything. What a douche!" I said through gritted teeth.

"What did he do?" Edward asked.

Jasper swallowed. "Well, he was in there getting Irina's present and saw me with the jacket…"

I closed my eyes already shaking my head not wanting to hear the rest but needing to hear it at the same time.

"He asked what I was holding. I told him it was for Alice. I may have mentioned how special the jacket was. I don't know, it all happened so fast. I was showing him the jacket when Irina came over and Laurent asked her, '_Isn't this what you ordered_?'"

My eyes popped back open and my jaw dropped, "NO! Impossible!"

Jasper looked dead at me, "Yes. And then they asked the girl working there wasn't there another one coming in because Irina ordered one as well. _Allegedly_," Jasper added with malice before continuing. "The girl went to check in the back for the special orders paperwork, and Laurent went back with her to _check the paperwork," _Jasper used air quotes.

"In hindsight, I think he slipped her extra cash because she came back up and said that yes the other one would be arriving soon. Irina wears the same size as Alice and she asked if she could pick this one up and I could pick the next one when it came in because she had a very important out of town function she needed the jacket for and…"

"Jasper, no," I breathed shaking my head again.

Edward merely grimaced. We all knew the repercussions would not be pretty.

"I'm such a sucker," Jasper muttered. Yeah, he was.

"So there's no second jacket, right?" Edward asked very well knowing the answer.

"Man, I could tell Irina was a clotheshorse, but who knew she'd stoop to this? What is wrong with these people?" I asked no one in particular. "They're a couple of sociopaths, hustling free lattes and muffins and now stealing the clothes right off of Alice's back!"

Edward and Jasper just gave me a strange look.

"Well, they stole it from behind Alice's back, which is just as bad," I clarified indignantly. "And that salesgirl should be fired or at the very least reprimanded."

"It doesn't matter what they did," Jasper said shaking his head in despair. "I let it happen, and Alice is going to go all Bella on me."

All Edward and I could do was nod in agreement. Yep, Jasper was dead. Alice wouldn't care who said what to whom. The bottom line was she wouldn't have the jacket. Irina had it.

We sat there for what seemed like forever staring at JoJo.

I decided to call Hal for a consultation. He was upstairs and came down when I told him there was a fashion emergency.

He didn't even bother to knock; Hal came right in to find us three unmoved.

"What? What happened?"

"Um, do you recall anything about the jacket Alice wanted?" I asked. "I don't know. Something about twins and Canada?"

"Dan and Dean Caten?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Canada and Italy are involved somehow."

"Yeah, you mean the leather DSquared jacket from the Milan show. Dan and Dean are Canadian but they live and design in Milan. I know it's from the show where that runway model wore with a plaid scarf, tan scarf, champagne colored evening gown, merlot clutch and aviator glasses? C'est tres chaude. Alice has such good taste. I know a million girls would _kill_ for that jacket…"

Amazing! Hal was like an idiot savant when it came to haute couture. Our own personal fashion Rain Man.

Edward, Jasper and I buried our faces in our hands with every detail Hal gave.

"Why? Where is it? Oh my god, is it here?" Hal looked around the apartment frantically.

"No," I shook my head. "Laurent and Irina struck again."

"_Who_?" Hal looked like he had no idea who I was talking about, which he really didn't, so I had to use terms only he could understand.

"The douche and his lady douche?" I explained.

Then it hit Hal, "Oh, Prada shoes and head to toe Stella McCartney?"

"Whatever. Yes, them," I said.

So I launched into Jasper's story and asked what we could do to help.

"So they ganked the DSquared?" Sometimes it was like Hal spoke another language.

"If you mean they swindled it, then yes," I said.

"Oh, shit!" Hal looked at Jasper. "You're completely fucked, my friend."

"Thanks for the insight, Hal," Jasper sighed.

"No, I mean Alice is going to go _effing bananas_!" Hal continued.

"Yes, Hal, we get it. Thanks," I said crossly patting Jasper's back.

"Well, the only thing you have going for you is this," Hal offered, "Next season, that jacket will be replaced by something much more chic. Plus, Alice wouldn't want to wear anything head to toe Stella has. She's the poor man's Alice anyway," Hal flicked his hand to show how obvious his argument was. "And did you see her roots?" Hal shook his head in disdain. "Girlfriend needs a touch-up," he said _touch-up_ in his sing-songy voice.

"That's true," I said brightly. "I mean, I'm not sure about Irina's hair, but the part about Alice is true. It looks bleak now, Jasper, but Alice will fall in love with another designer piece and you can get that for her."

There was finally a glimmer of hope in Jasper's eyes, "You think?"

I looked to Hal for reassurance; he nodded at me. "Yeah, sure," I said lamely.

Suddenly, JoJo started barking and ran to the door. I looked at the time; Emmett must have closed the DG and come over with Mr. Dove. JoJo only went nuts when his brother was around. There was a knock on the door and Edward yelled, "Come in, Emmett."

"Hey, is there a party going on here? We came to the right place, ladies," Emmett grinned as he walked in. Jasper's head shot up when he heard Emmett talking to other people. Sure enough, Rosalie and EmJ as well as Alice accompanied Emmett inside.

"Hi, guys," Rosalie waved handing EmJ over to Emmett so she could take her coat off.

"Hey," Alice beamed bouncing in. "Hi, Jazz, what are you doing here?" She came in towards us but stopped abruptly when she sensed the doom and gloom feeling in the room and saw our nervous expressions. "Something's wrong."

Emmett and Rosalie just stood there looking around the room, clearly bewildered.

"What happened?" Alice demanded as she surveyed our faces. Jasper looked to Edward and me and then to Hal. "Just tell me," Alice demanded again.

When it was clear no one wanted to broach the subject, Hal blurted quickly, "Prada shoes and head to toe Stella McCartney ganked your DSquared bomber."

Alice's horrific and audible intake of air was slightly muffled by Emmett asking in confusion, "_Heh?_"

In Emmett's defense, had I not been privy to the entire conversation prior to their arrival, I wouldn't have had any idea what Hal said either. Rosalie, on the other hand, spoke fluent fashion, so she understood exactly what Hal had said.

"Someone wearing Prada shoes and another person dressed in Stella McCartney took Alice's designer jacket," she translated for Emmett.

"Oh," Emmett said before the statement actually hit him, "Ohhhh. Shit." Then he looked down at his son, "I mean _shoot_." He grimaced and looked nervously to his sister.

"How did this happen?" Alice asked tersely, and my god, she didn't even move her lips! I was scared so I got up and took EmJ out of Emmett's arms as Jasper recounted the tragic boutique incident for Alice, Rose, and Emmett.

"Am I to understand," Alice threw her voice again through clenched teeth, "That that _douche_ and his lady douche finagled _you_ to give up _my_ jacket that I've been waiting all fall and winter for?"

Jasper opened his mouth to answer but Alice cut him off.

"_AND_ that wannabe Irina is now wearing _MY DSquared_?" Alice was glaring at her husband.

Edward abandoned ship as well. He came over to take EmJ from me.

"Well," Hal began defending Jasper, "We don't know if she's wearing it right this minute."

Alice turned her glare on Hal who jumped ship as well and came over by Edward and me. We were such traitors. We left poor Jasper on the sofa all alone.

I heard crunching coming from the island in the kitchen. Emmett helped himself to some potato chips and was snacking as he watched the drama unfold in my living room. He looked like he was really enjoying himself.

His crunching was so loud it caused everyone to look over, including Alice and Jasper. I wandered over to him. Potato chips sounded really good right then.

"Why are you so jovial?" I nudged his arm and asked in a whisper as I took a chip and popped it in my mouth.

"It's nice not to be in the hot seat for once," he grinned. Emmett shook his head at his brother-in-law. "Poor schmuck." Emmett raised a chip as if to say _cheers _to Jasper. Jasper narrowed his eyes and gave Emmett the stink eye.

"Do you have something to say, Emmett?" Alice asked her brother.

The smart thing would have been to keep his mouth shut, but Emmett being Emmett said, "Yeah, cut to the chase. When do we get to hear about Jasper's punishment?"

I grabbed the bowl of potato chips from Emmett and quickly put distance between him and myself, going back over to where Edward, Hal, and Rosalie were standing with EmJ.

"Get over here, Emmett!" Alice yelled at him.

Emmett went over there, but he was really confused now. "What'd I do?" he asked as he sat next to Jasper.

"Dude, just shut up," Jasper told him.

"Why? You're the one that messed up, not me," Emmett continued.

"Shut up, Emmett," Jasper muttered at him.

"Jasper will need a partner," Alice stated. Then she called me, "Bella?"

I had just shoved a potato chip in my mouth and in mid-chew I looked at Hal, Edward, and Rose all scared, "Am I in trouble too?" I asked with a full mouth. They all just shrugged at me and shooed me away, Hal took the bowl of chips from me and began munching nervously. Apparently they were too afraid themselves to be guilty by proximity or association with me. _Thanks, Edward. Way to help your wife out_. I went over to Alice.

"No, you're not in trouble, Bella. I need to consult with you that's all," Alice told me.

"Crap!" Emmett grimaced when Alice announced we'd be right back. We went to the library and discussed what she wanted Jasper and Emmett to do. It was pretty hilarious. We called Emmett and Jasper back to the library as well, and I let them use my computer to look up whatever they needed to and went out to wait in the living room with the others.

"What's going on?" Hal asked in a hushed voice.

I laughed. "You were right, Hal. Alice doesn't want the jacket now that Irina has it, but she wants Jasper to repent."

"And Emmett?" Edward asked.

I shrugged, "Alice said Jasper needed a partner and since Emmett is still fulfilling his punishment from Thanksgiving, it was a no brainer."

They all just stared at me.

"Just wait," I told them. "Make yourselves comfy. The show should start in a bit."

Edward, Hal, and Rosalie sat down on the now vacant sofas while I went back to the kitchen and Slap Chopped some strawberries to have with some vanilla yogurt and granola and potato chips.

"So Alice is cool now?" Hal asked making a face at me as I ate my sweet and salty concoction. He put his hands up as if to shield himself.

"Yep," I said between bites. "And we decided on a really good dance for them to do."

"Oh yeah?" Edward smiled. I smiled back and nodded. He then made a face as well upon seeing what I was eating but knew better than to comment.

Rosalie wasn't bothered by my cravings. "Thanks for this punishment, by the way, Bella. I make Emmett dance at home too, especially when EmJ is fussy. The Carlton and the Elaine work wonders for EmJ _and _for me," she laughed.

"You're welcome, Rosalie. Glad I could help," I smiled. "It has been really fun. The customers love it, and I think Emmett secretly loves the dancing."

"I think you're right," Edward chuckled. "When we were waiting for a basketball court to open up last week, Emmett was practicing some break dance moves with a couple other guys. He's got the robot down and then the girlfriends of the guys were trying to teach him the hip roll. That wasn't as fun to watch him do," Edward shook his head.

"Hmm, the hip roll?" Rosalie asked with piqued interest. I shuddered just a bit, but it seemed that Hal was also intrigued. He had a faraway look in his eyes. Blah!

Then, suddenly we heard music playing.

Hal gasped as he recognized the song right away and started singing along and moving to the beat. "Oh la oh la ay! Oh la oh la ay! Rollin' rollin' rollin' with Kid 'n Play now!"

Hal clapped wildly as Alice ran out to join us followed by Emmett and Jasper who proceeded to step back, step forward and tap ankles over and over again and then linked ankles, spinning around in a circle doing the Kid 'n Play dance. Edward, Rosalie, Alice and I were in stitches. The only thing missing was Kid's high top fade. They continued to dance like Kid 'n Play did in that video. It was classic!

And then randomly at the end, they recreated, well they tried to anyway, the lift from Johnny and Baby's last dance in _Dirty Dancing_, Emmett playing the role of Patrick Swayze and Jasper, obviously, Jennifer Grey. Jasper backed up and then he ran towards Emmett who was able to lift and support Jasper's weight for exactly one second while he fleetingly had his arms spread out just like Baby did in Dirty Dancing, before tossing him onto the sofa.

"Ewe!"Emmett yelled, his body was shuddering. "Shit, you're heavier than you look, blondie."

"Damn, Emmett, you grazed the boys!" Jasper shuddered from being slightly molested.

Tears were streaming down my face I was laughing so hard.

We clapped as the song ended, and Emmett and Jasper took their bows, both laughing hysterically.

It was decided then that Jasper would be doing the _Thriller_ dance with Emmett at Christmas, much to Jasper's dismay. He wasn't as into the dancing as Emmett was, but what Alice wants, Alice gets. Well, except for the leather jacket.

**A/N Shout out to cb2brown who read my mind on the Kid 'n Play tip. Hope that scratched your itch.**

**The Christmas chapter will be next. More family fun and you'll find out what Emmett does with the douche. Ok, now that I got this out of my head, I really have hella Massengil to deal with. I've got class tonight so fill my inbox for me a'ight? Thanks for reading now make me happy and review.**


	14. Shiver Me Timbers!

**A/N You know the deal, SM owns these characters and stuff.**

**So my every other day update roll has come to an end. My mojo was MIA for a bit there, but hopefully it's back. I don't know. You be the judge. I actually went back and reread some reviews to get amped to write some more. This is a result of too much fried chicken and sangria. I know, you may be asking yourselves, "MJ, fried chicken and sangria? How can so much class fit into one person?" Well, kids, pimping ain't easy.**

**Please enjoy this next installment. Oh, if you're drinking anything while you're reading this, please swallow what's left in your mouth and then put the beverage down. Seriously. You've been warned.**

**Oh, BTW, welcome to TDG, CharmingMissy. Alwayswatchingtv peer pressured you into joining us. Let's hear it for peer pressure!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 14**

**BPoV**

"You got Irina fashion black-listed?" I looked at Rosalie, Hal, and Alice. They looked back at me, each smiling wickedly with an evil gleam in their eye.

The guys were out playing basketball, and the _girls_ were over with EmJ. We had dinner and now they were reorganizing my closet. Again. "How did you do that exactly?" I asked, completely bewildered.

Alice had thought and thought about how to somehow make the Duo of Douchery pay for the little stunt they pulled on her man, and ultimately her. And like Homey the Clown, Alice _don't play that_. Wow, I had been watching too many _In Living Color _reruns.

"Well, I texted all the owners of the top boutiques and I…"

"Wait," I interrupted. "You just _texted_ them? You have the owners in your address book?" I found that both hard to believe and quite plausible at the same time.

Alice merely looked at me as if to say _Duh_. Right.

"How many _top _shop owners?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Twenty-two," they all answered together.

"Oh," was the only way I could respond.

"Anyhoo, I told them what the douche bag duo did and every single one of them was appalled, as they should be," Alice smiled smugly.

"So…" I urged.

"So, they obviously know more people in the fashion world than I do," I found that hard to believe. "So they've been spreading the word and ultimately, no one will sell her any couture! At least not in the Seattle-Tacoma-Bellvue area."

"Okay?" I commented just because I knew of nothing else to respond with.

"_And so_," Hal continued, "those two, who have committed the biggest fashion faux pas of their lives, will be forced to buy off the rack and have nothing else cutting edge or of the moment from here on out."

"At least not from the Seattle-Tacoma-Bellvue area," Rosalie concluded.

"So that's it for the revenge?" I asked. That didn't seem too bad. It didn't sound like they'd suffer. Apparently, I thought wrong.

"Isn't that enough?" Alice asked incredulously. "Bella, they're forced to buy _off the rack_ like, like…"

"Me?" I laughed.

"Well, you're different," Hal explained. "You _choose_ to buy off the rack."

"Yeah," Alice continued. "Laurent and Irina have been posers for years."

"Posers?" I asked.

"Please, head to toe Stella?" Hal scoffed. "Can you say _pathetic_?"

"I thought you were impressed by her attire," I pointed out.

"Well, baby girl, one or two designer items at once is fierce, but head to toe says you're trying too hard." Alice and Rosalie both nodded at this.

"So will they figure out that they've been blacklisted?" I asked.

"Mmmm, maybe," Alice assessed. "I did see her last week. And she had on the jacket."

"I can't believe she had the nerve to go to your office wearing the jacket," Rosalie shook her head. "She's either really nervy or really stupid."

"I like to think she's a lot of both," Alice decided. "Anyway, she stopped in to see my boss or something. I think her friend Victoria is looking for a planner. Anyway, I was nothing but sweet to her. I even complimented her on the jacket."

"Really?" I asked. My eyes were almost bugging out.

"Yeah, I told her I was going to get one as well but it didn't pan out. She was all smug about it until I said it was okay after all because I saw a transvestite wearing that same jacket at the corner of Fifth and Pine and I figured if a tranny can get their hands on this jacket, it must not be that special after all."

My mouth dropped open and I began laughing. Alice was the nervy one. "I bet that wiped the smugness off her face," I giggled. Alice nodded proudly. "So what happened to that salesgirl?"

"Oh, she'll be lucky if she can get a job selling candybars," Alice smiled. "She happened to be Irina's step-sister too," Alice said shaking her head. "Oh well," Alice shrugged; there wasn't an ounce of regret in her tone. "I got my deposit back and some store credit as well. The owner was very sorry for what happened."

"Good," I said.

"Yeah, well, the owner knew she'd be losing Alice's business plus Hal's and mine and everyone else that we know so there was much incentive to make nice with Alice," Rosalie explained.

"Ouch, yeah," I agreed. "You guys make up probably a quarter of the annual sales right?" I laughed jokingly, but they each nodded in all seriousness.

"So, Bella, what do you think of Jasper joining in on _Thriller_?" Alice asked.

I smiled. "Brilliant!"

"Good," Rosalie agreed snickering a little. "Now, you get Edward in trouble so he can join them."

I started giggling to myself at the image in my head of Edward doing the _Thriller_ choreography. That would be hilarious. "Why does he have to be in trouble?" I asked.

"So it can be his punishment of course," Alice retorted.

"Yeah, but…he doesn't ever do anything to get into trouble," I said. They all rolled their eyes. "Well, he doesn't. I mean aside from the stupid bet with Emmett at Thanksgiving. Besides, he'd only have less than a day to learn it." We were all going to Carlisle and Esme's house the next day for Christmas Eve. Renee, Phil, and Eli would be arriving in the early afternoon and driving straight to Edward's parents'.

"Oh, he's a quick learner," Alice remarked waving her hand at me. "It's not like they have to perform the whole thing. Just the main part when all the corpses are dancing as a group with the ghoulish Michael Jackson leading. And I already made his costume."

Again, my eyes bugged out. "Costumes?"

"Of course," Alice said. "If they're going to do it, they have to do it right." She had a point. Alice _always_ had a point.

"I'll see what I can do," I conceded.

Just then we heard the door to the HQ open as JoJo barreled out of the bedroom to go greet Edward and the guys. We girls took our time to follow JoJo.

"Arrr, hello, there, matey," Emmett said in his best pirate voice. He must have been talking to JoJo. We only heard him from the hall.

I looked to Rosalie who rolled her eyes at her husband's voice. "Really? Still with the pirate?" I asked her.

Rosalie nodded morosely as EmJ laughed a little upon hearing his father's voice. "EmJ loves it. Don't ask me why, but it cracks him up. The pirate voice is right up there with the Carlton dance and the Elaine," Rose shook her head.

I had to smile as I patted her back in a consoling manner. It was sweet of Emmett to do just about anything to please EmJ.

Emmett had changed his FaceBook language setting from English (US) to English (Pirate) and had since, pardon the expression, gone overboard. This would be day three of Pirate Emmett. Three too many, in most of our opinions, of Pirate Emmett. It was funny the first couple hours.

"Hey," I smiled at them as we reached the living room.

"Ahoy, me lasses," Emmett greeted us. "Where's me son?"

We all just shook our heads at him with the exception of Hal who was amused by all things Emmett all the time. Rosalie handed EmJ to her husband.

"Shiver me timbers," Emmett said to EmJ. We all finally chuckled at EmJ laughing, not at Emmett's pirate. Emmett kissed his son on his head and passed him off to Alice who had her arms out for nephew.

I went to get some fried chicken out for the guys. Edward joined me in the kitchen.

"How was basketball?" I asked Edward after he kissed me hello. "Did you play with the douche?" I asked with a sour look on my face.

Edward laughed. "Yep. We destroyed them if that makes you feel any better."

I smiled and high-fived Edward. "It does actually. Good job."

"Thanks. What do we have here?" Edward asked.

"Arrr, fried chicken, me hearty," I answered.

"Oh, geez," Edward shook his head. "You too, eh?" he said _eh_ with a slightly piratey voice. We both laughed. "So did I miss anything around here while we were playing ball?" Edward asked as he reheated the chicken.

I shrugged, "Alice explained to me how she got Laurent and Irina shunned from the top tier boutiques for their little stunt."

"Oh yeah?" Edward smiled a little shaking his head, "Do not get on Alice's bad side."

"You got that right," I agreed. "Oh, you're supposed to do something to make me mad so I have to punish you by putting you in the _Thriller_ routine," I told him.

Edward quirked an eyebrow up and was frowning slightly. "I have to dance with them?"

"Alice already made your costume," I smiled. Edward went on to pout his lips, which I promptly kissed. "Please will you dance to _Thriller_ for me?" I asked with a tilt of my head, peering up at him through my eyelashes.

Edward narrowed his eyes at me, "You are one of the most dangerous creatures alive."

"Is that a yes?" I asked brightly.

"Yes," Edward answered grudgingly with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh, thank you, Edward," I grinned wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing him tightly. "This'll be _so_ great."

"Man, I must _really _love you," Edward replied.

"Indeed," I continued grinning.

Once the chicken was done we called Emmett and Jasper over to the island for dinner.

Emmett was over in an instant, digging right in.

"Aye, this be pleasin' to me eye and me hunger."

"Emmett, EmJ can't even hear you right now, FYI," I said to him. "I wouldn't want you to waste your best pirate talk on us." Edward just winked at me.

"Oh, right. Sometimes it's hard to turn off. Right you are, Bella," Emmett said in his normal voice.

Finally, Jasper headed in to the kitchen looking a little morose.

"What's got your ovaries in a pinch, Curly Sue?" Emmett asked.

"Shut up, Emmett," Jasper snapped. "Alice just told me about how you guys got Laurent and Irina blacklisted," Jasper said to me.

"Not me," I replied. "I don't even know how to go about doing that. But yes, those two won't be getting anywhere close to purchasing super chic gear anytime soon. At least not within the tri-city area."

Jasper made a face.

"What's wrong, Jasper?" I asked. "I'm told this is a very severe consequence for the fashionably inclined."

"Yeah, but _I_ want to do something too. Those two punked me. I can't let them get away with that."

"Ahoy!" Emmett rubbed his hands together like the evil guys do in movies and spoke all piratey again. "Let's get that son of a biscuit eater and his wench!"

Uh-oh. I looked at Edward. He merely shook his head making a face.

"Jasper, you're going to let Emmett help in your revenge?" I asked.

Jasper shrugged. "Well, I have to come up with something first then I'll enlist help if I need it."

Emmett sneered. "_If_ you need it? Come on, bro. You know how much damage we could do if we _all _worked together? Those douches'll never know what hit them."

"We'll see. Just let me keep thinking about it," Jasper said.

Emmett shrugged. "Just say the word and it's on. You two in?" Emmett asked Edward and me.

I shrugged. I was still bitter about the jacket incident and I don't think I ever really got over the scamming of lattes, and despite the alleged severity of fashion blacklisting, I didn't think it was that harsh enough a punishment. "I'm in," I grinned. Emmett pounded my fist.

We all looked at Edward who looked back at us in mock disdain. "Someone's gotta be the adult here and set the bar for model behavior and good citizenship," he stated. Emmett just waved his hand at Edward. "Besides, someone needs to be available to bail you all out of jail."

Emmett, Jasper and I looked at each other and nodded in concession, to which Edward merely chuckled.

"Oh, hey," I said changing the subject. "Speaking of working together, Edward will be dancing to _Thriller_ with you two tomorrow night."

"Really? What did he do wrong?" Emmett asked assuming that the only reason for Edward dancing would be as punishment for any wrongdoing.

"Well, I just asked…" I began, but Edward cut me off.

"I ate her chocolate cake from the other night and it pissed Bella off," Edward shrugged eyeing me pointedly. I gazed back at his pleading eyes. I understood so I nodded infinitesimally. He didn't want to _lose face_ as it were by deciding to dance with them just to make his wife happy.

I nodded openly, backing up Edward's story.

"You ate cake and your punishment is having to dance _Thriller_ with us?" Jasper asked incredulously, and I thought the jig was up. We both just nodded.

"Damn, sister," Emmett said, eyeing me with wide eyes. "I knew Angry Bella was scary, but that is pretty harsh."

I merely glared at Emmett to keep up the pretense. My expression must have reminded Emmett of Angry Bella. "Quit eating a pregnant woman's food, Eddie. What the hell's the matter with you? Esme and Carlisle raised you better than that." Emmett shook his head in disdain at Edward, and it took all the self-control I had not to laugh.

"Yeah," I said poking Edward's chest.

"Sorry," Edward apologized sheepishly.

So once they were done eating, the guys went into to the library/office to get Edward up to speed on the routine.

The next day, Christmas Eve, we left for Forks right after breakfast. Hal was spending the holiday with Shane's family. I was sorry he would miss the dancing, but I promised Hal and Coley I'd videotape the performance for them.

Edward had the car loaded up pretty quickly. We'd be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at his parents along with both sets of mine as well as Rosalie and Jasper's parents like at Thanksgiving. It was so kind and gracious of Esme and Carlisle to host us all. Esme loved her house full of family and friends. It was nice to have so much love and comfort in one place.

Esme had the house decorated to the hilt. It was like walking into a Macy's Christmas window display. This would only enhance Eli's theory that Carlise and Esme were characters out of a storybook or a movie. He really appreciated and was awed by their big hearts, and they, in turn, loved Eli like their own flesh and blood. That was just the way the Cullens were. I was grateful that Eli was able to experience all this love. He deserved it after everything he had been through.

While there was an enormous tree in the living room, and smaller ones scattered throughout the spacious home, Esme had gotten a sad little Charlie Brown tree and put it in the sunroom since that was where Eli liked to hang out. When Renee, Phil, and Eli arrived, Edward and I helped Eli decorate his tree. We also went on a walk with all the dogs. There was a slight dusting of snow, and it was still snowing a bit so Eli was very excited to run around in it. He even made a snowangel in the backyard.

We had another delicious meal that Emmett helped Esme with. Esme roasted a turkey and a beef loin. Renee made the green bean casserole again, and Emmett did the potatoes, making an extra potato casserole just for me, just in case.

Sue had baked all kinds of cookies, and Rosalie's mom special ordered a bunch of pies. I was in heaven!

Everything was delicious, and I ate without abandon. Esme and Renee were very pleased that I had been able to eat during my first trimester and that I didn't suffer from any morning sickness. I had to admit, I was pretty blessed. Rosalie couldn't keep anything down through her first three months carrying EmJ. That must have been terrible. She said she had to pick what to eat by what tasted the best coming back up. Ewe! Yep, I counted my lucky stars.

Emmett entertained everyone with his sporadic pirate talk. There were a lot of _Arr's and Aye's. _Emmett's comments included, "Arrr, made me some right fine grub," and "Pass them potatahs der, matey."

We had to explain the FaceBook language change to the rest of the family, which got the parents all excited about FB. They were all on it. I was amazed that Carlisle got much done at the hospital. He was going on and on about the top five lists he was doing as well as the quizzes he took. He was cracking himself and Edward up with the _Which Eukaryotic Organelle Are You?_ Quiz. Edward must have taken it as well.

"I was mad I ended up mitochondria because I wanted to be sarcoplasmic reticulum," Carlisle grumbled shaking his head.

"At least the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and you get to make ATP. I ended up endoplasmic reticulum but I wanted to be Golgi apparatus," Edward commented.

"Why?" Carlisle asked him.

"Because Golgi apparatus is fun to say."

They finally realized everyone staring in mock horror at their conversation and stopped laughing.

"_Heh?_" Emmett and Eli both asked at the same time.

After dinner was when the antics, I mean talent show began.

We had prepped the family that the guys were going to entertain us all after the meal by performing a portion of Michael Jackson's _Thriller_, much to our parents' amusement.

We didn't go into details as far as why they were doing it, just that they thought it'd be fun. Renee and Phil told us about Eli's talent show at school that was coming up after winter break. Eli had been practicing Usher's dance moves that he was performing to a mix of _My Way and Yeah_. Eli agreed to show us his moves as a warm up act for _Thriller._

Eli danced and glided just as well as Usher, we all agreed. He danced with such attitude and conviction, it was hard to believe he was only nine. He took his bow to a round of applause. He was a little embarrassed but enjoyed performing just the same. Renee and I looked at each other and laughed because we were both so proud of Eli that we were crying. We, of course, captured it all on tape. Hal and Coley would definitely love to see it.

And then the guys were up after a fifteen minute intermission. There was a bit of arguing going on when Alice ran into their dressing room to do makeup. We heard _no ways_ and _Get outta here with that! _They evidently drew the line there. Alice came in the living room with a sour expression.

"Those boys just don't know how to really do it right," she huffed. Before anyone could comment, we heard Vincent Price's eerie voiceover:

**The foulest stench is in the air **

**The funk of forty thousand years **

**And grizzly ghouls from every tomb **

**Are closing in to seal your doom  **

**And though you fight to stay alive **

**Your body starts to shiver **

**For no mere mortal can resist **

**The evil of the thriller**

There was a half a second of silence then scary movie sounds, and then the music started up again.

Finally, they came in doing the Zombie march.

The costumes were perfect. Alice really out did herself this time. Emmett was the ghoulish Michael Jackson in a practically authentic torn up black and red jacket with the sleeves pushed up and tight red pants complete with white sox and black loafers. Emmett got to be Michael because he had the most practice with _T__hriller_. Not that Edward and Jasper wanted to take the lead role away from him by any means. Edward and Jasper were happy, well, as happy as they could be, to be the zombie backup dancers in torn up clothes.

They did quite a good job remaining in character and keeping straight faces while they did the shoulder ticking and even saying the _Ha's_ while they did the slide step. They had the turn, look and stare down pat, and Emmett's air guitar before going into the arm waves was perfection! My favorite parts were when they did the grabbing and pulling and when they stomped around to face the other direction before Emmett started lip syncing and spinning to the chorus, and also when they held their hands over their heads and did the upper body motions. Who am I kidding? My favorite part was the entire thing!

Impressively, they did the full three minutes and then some. The entire family was rolling in laughter. Eli was doubled over. I was crying again from laughing so hard. EmJ was watching his dad, completely wide eyed and riveted.

Carlisle and Esme were cracking up but pointing to each other and saying, "Those are _your_ sons," neither staking claim on Emmett and Edward.

As if we weren't entertained enough already, after the guys got back into their regular clothes (Emmett had on a Will Ferrell shirt from the movie _Elf where it said "I love to smile. Smiling's my favorite"_), Esme told a story about when Carlisle was in med school and took her out to a karaoke bar where he serenaded her with, _Let's Stay Together_ by Al Green.

"No way!" Emmett grinned. "Let's hear it, Pops!"

"Oh, well, that was years ago," Carlisle stuttered. He was no match for his children who had the karaoke up and running in three minutes flat. We all cheered and clapped to encourage Carlisle, and, I have to say, it really didn't take much from us to convince him. All he did was look into Esme's eyes pleading with him to sing it for her and he was reaching for the microphone.

**I'm, I'm so in love with you**

**Whatever you want to do**

**Is alright with me**

**'Cause you make me feel, so brand new**

**And I want to spend my life with you**

**Me sayin' since, baby, since we've been together**

**Ooo, loving you forever**

**Is what I need**

**Let me, be the one you come running to**

**I'll never be untrue**

**Ooo baby**

**Let's, let's stay together**

**Loving you whether, whether**

**Times are good or bad, happy or sad**

**Oooo oooo ooo ooo, yeah**

**Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad**

We all _woo'd and Ow'd _ and _Aww'd_ at the appropriate parts as he continued with the rest of the serenade to his wife, who put her hand over her forehead and pretended to swoon. Carlisle's voice was just as smooth as Al Green's.

I leaned in and whispered to Edward, "If you sang that for me, I'd be swooning for sure."

"Oh, well, then expect an Al Green lullaby tonight, love," he said kissing my temple.

Not to be outdone, each of the dads took a turn on the mic singing to their ladies. It was heartwarming and hilarious. Phil sang _I Just Wann Be Your Everything_ by Andy Gibb, complete with the falsetto voice, impressing us all.

Rosalie and Jasper's parents did a duet, singing _Love Will Keep Us Together_ by the Captain and Tenille.

And Charlie! Charlie of all people was also peer pressured into singing to Sue. I was embarrassed for my dad, but he was a good sport and joined in on the fun. His choice? _Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head_. Very badly done, but done with love nonetheless.

It was getting late and Eli had to go to bed so we sang a couple Christmas songs among the non-Christmas ones in the spirit of the holiday. Edward played the piano and we all sang _Winter Wonderland_ and _Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree_.

Charlie and Sue went home, but were coming back in the morning to open a few presents before heading to Portland to be with the rest of Sue's family.

The parents all went to bed as well while Alice, Jasper, Edward and I watched _Napoleon Dynamite_ of all movies. Not that I didn't like the movie, it just wasn't very Chirstmassy was all. We did love to do our Napoleon impressions adding a huffy _GOSH! _and a quick and dramatic turn of the head at the end of our statements. We were also spouting off our favorite lines, cracking ourselves up.

I was snacking on leftovers, which Edward warned, could be a bad idea as I could have weird dreams later. Why? Because I ate a ham sandwich late one night and ended up dreaming about Oompa Loompas.

"Edward, pass the remote, _GOSH!_" Alice huffed.

"_I caught you a delicious bass_," Edward said to me as he tossed the remote to Alice so she could turn the volume up.

"_Your mom goes to college_," I said back to him.

"Oooh man, I wish I could go back in time…I'd show Laurent and Irina," Jasper said through gritted teeth.

We three stared at him. It was as if a record were playing and someone pulled the needle off of it bringing the song to an abrupt halt. Jasper messed up the flow of the fun.

"Sorry," Jasper said. "How about this? _Dang! You got shocks, pegs... lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps?"_

"That's better," Alice smiled kissing Jasper's cheek.

Emmett and Rosalie came back downstairs to join us after checking on EmJ.

"_Your mom goes to college_," Emmett quoted from the stairs.

"That one's been done already," I said. "But you're just in time, Emmett," I greeted him. "I have twenty-four hours left to punish you, and I'd like to make it a very Merry Christmas."

"Yes!" Rosalie grinned excitedly.

Emmett looked at me sneering again. "Arrr, _Thriller_ not enough fer ya, now was it ya filthy scoundrel? Ya certainly are greedy aren'tcha, ya scallywag?" Pirate Emmett was back.

"Is that a whine?" I asked.

Emmett sighed. "What do you want me to do?"

I tilted my head toward the television and smiled.

"Seriously?" he asked. Everyone was snickering around us.

"Just follow Napoleon's lead," I suggested.

"Fine I will, _GOSH_!" Emmett retorted with a quick turn of his head.

And just as Jamiroquai's _Canned Heat_ started playing, Emmett was dancing along to Jon Heder's Napoleon. Hands in his pockets, Emmett started moving his hips to the music and then turned his back to us with his arms out to the side to really get into the choreography. He didn't know all the moves, but Emmett hit all the high points of the routine, pointing, grabbing and pulling, and the Moonwalk. He even did the summersault and the cowboy kicks to the side. The only thing missing were the black moonboots and the _Vote for Pedro_ t-shirt.

Once again we were in stitches. I was surprised we didn't wake anyone up with our loud laughter. I was still cackling when Edward and I were lying in bed, too keyed up to fall asleep.

Edward asked me what was on my mind.

"I'm going to miss the forced dancing," I mused. "You'll just have to dance for me when this is all done, Edward."

I felt Edward's chest shaking a bit with his laughter. "You want singing; you want dancing. Emmett was right. You are greedy, love," he joked.

"Are you telling me no?" I asked, not quite pouting. I really was greedy though.

"I'll dance if you dance with me," Edward countered.

"Oh, yeah, that'll be fun to watch. Preggy doing the Carlton?" I said sarcastically. "Really cute."

"Mmmm, I was thinking more of a waltz," Edward said taking my hand and pulling me up from the bed.

He put on some Strauss and started leading.

"You're brave," I commented as Edward twirled me around the room. I stepped on his feet a couple times.

"Merry Christmas, Bella. I love you," Edward said pulling me to him and kissing me.

"Thank you. Merry Christmas, Edward. I love you too."

And there we were finishing the song, waltzing in our pajamas. When we finally went back to bed, Edward hummed the melody we were just dancing to and then morphed it into _Let's Stay Together_ until I fell asleep. I was still counting my blessings when I drifted off feeling comfort in Edward's hands resting on my stomach. I dreamt of dancing zombies, Usher, Al Green, and Napoleon Dynamite dancing the waltz with Santa. It was a good night.

**A/N Thanks to beanbean for the blacklist idea. Quite a few of you wanted the Napoleon Dynamite so there you go. I love that dace sequence in that movie! If you don't know the Thriller routine or the Napoleon Dynamite, go to youtube and then turn in your Generation X cards. I'll collect them at the door. **

**Now, please review. If you do, **_**your wildest dreams will come true!**_

_**Oh, the reveal of what happens with douche will be in the next chappie. I had a ton going on here and also, I forgot about it. Must be the fried chicken.**_


	15. All I Want for Christmas

**A/N Do you really think SM would deign to call characters she created **_**douches**_** and make others dance to **_**Thriller**_**? That's why I am not SM. Lucky you!**

**First, happy cinco de mayo! Okay, show of hands. Who had fried chicken after reading the last chapter?**

**Vampirelust7, you are too kind leaving reviews (both lengthy and appreciated) at FF **_**and**_** Twilighted. That's what I call supporting the cause. Thanks! And thanks to my peeps: lovee, ivygirl, phantom, laura (you know who you are, your penname is just too long to type and you know I'm all kinds of selectively lazy) and agiismsxx. Your PMs helped get my booty in gear and helped me find my mojo. And here's a shoutout to AliciaZA. How's it hanging in South Africa?**

**This one is a shorty--well it seemed short but I think it's about average, anyhoo... but I needed to lay a little groundwork. No spit take warning this time. I think you can handle eating/drinking while reading this one. Ready. Set. GREAR.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 15**

**Alice PoV**

Christmas Day came and went with the same fun Christmas Eve was spent. Oh, hey, I rhymed. See, Bella wasn't the only one who had a way with words.

It was great to be surrounded with all my friends and family, having probably the best, or one of the best, holidays ever.

The madness with the duo of douchery, getting them blacklisted, which was kind of a bitch but had to be done, as well as celebrating Christmas got my mind off of one of the most anxiety inducing subjects of my life. I didn't know how much longer I could wait and keep this secret from my family. I had been waiting on pins and needles all week for THE phone call, but it hadn't come yet.

I hated not being in control. I hated that more than…more than polyester blends. Ewe! Polyester blends. But I had to remain calm and patient. That wasn't how I rolled though. Calm and patient was Jasper's game. My game was telling people where to pick it up and where to put it down, but I couldn't this time. No, this time, I had to be the one to sit and wait.

It was easier to not dwell on the phone call while I was with my family watching Eli open his presents and Emmett try to play with all of Eli's presents. EmJ was also spoiled rotten, not that he was aware of it anyway. We just set him next to his presents so we could take pictures before Rose or Emmett, usually it was Emmett, opened up the presents.

We adult children decided not to exchange presents and focused on EmJ and Eli as well as our parents instead, since we basically got whatever we wanted whenever we wanted anyway. Though, I couldn't resist getting a bassinet for Edward and Bella. I knew Esme would decorate the baby's room at the HQ but I thought the bassinet for their bedroom would be good.

Bella and Edward loved it, of course. I was the best gift giver ever. Shockingly enough, Bella was getting much better at accepting presents, especially on the baby's behalf. We'd break her of her aversion to getting spoiled yet.

The only exception to the non-present giving deal was Bella's gift to Emmett. Christmas was the last day she could torment him with a forced dance performance and she had gotten him the most atrocious piece of clothing I had ever seen: genie pants, aka Hammer pants. She wanted him to do the MC Hammer dance and he couldn't do it properly without the right pants so, Bella found some. I did not even want to know which trash can of a retail facility she found them in, but I made her promise never to shop there ever again. She agreed. Thank goodness.

And so Emmett put on the Hammer pants paired with his Care Bears t-shirt and danced to _Can't Touch This_ as a final farewell performance. Eli tried to teach Emmett some Usher moves, but, alas, my brother was not as smooth as Eli.

"How do you do that without breaking your ankles?" Emmett had asked Eli when he demonstrated some gliding thing.

Emmett ultimately gave up trying to impersonate Usher and stuck with the tried and true Carlton to get a laugh out of EmJ.

We had a huge breakfast on Christmas morning after the gifts were opened. Charlie and Sue had just left when I got a call. Unfortunately, it wasn't the call I was looking forward to.

I came sauntering back into the dining room with a sour look on my face. Jasper caught my eye and threw a worried expression my way. He was probably assuming the worst, but I shrugged nonchalantly to put his fears to rest.

"What's the matter, Alice," Bella asked. "What was that phone call about?"

"Eh," I said. "My boss called. I don't know why she'd call on Christmas, but she did. It's not like it was that pressing a matter, at least not for me. Guess who gets to plan Victoria's wedding?" I asked with mock enthusiasm.

"Ugh!" Rosalie grunted. "You poor thing!"

"And Victoria is…" Bella wondered.

"Irina's friend," Rose and I answered her together.

Bella's expression soon turned sour as well. "Oh, that's too bad, Alice."

I shrugged, "Eh, what are you going to do right?"

It was easy to hide my disappointment of not getting the phone call I was anticipating behind my disdain for having to work with Irina's friend.

As the guys were packing our cars up to head back to Seattle, Rose and Bella cornered me to ask what was really up.

"You've had to work with worse people before, Alice," Rose said. "And you're never this quiet about it. What's really on your mind?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Alice, you'd be ranting about how impossible she'll be to work with just by being associated with the douches," Bella pointed out. "You being so mum is a dead giveaway that something's up." Rose nodded in agreement.

"What is it?" Rosalie asked. "Is it bad?"

I shook my head. "No, not bad. It's actually something really great if it comes to fruition."

They both regarded me with bewilderment.

"Well," I began but then my phone rang again. I looked at the caller ID and gasped. I put up a finger for them to give me a moment. "Hello, Katie?" I noticed Bella and Rose looking at each other asking _Who's__ Katie? _and both shrugging.

"Hi, Alice. Yes, it's me. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you," I said nervously.

"Well, I've come to a decision, obviously," Katie told me. Well duh, girl. Out with it already, I'm dying here! "And I've decided on you and Jasper!" I could hear her smile through the phone.

"Really?" I asked in almost a whisper. My bottom lip was quivering like crazy and I couldn't see straight for the tears in my eyes that ultimately spilled over and ran down my face. "Oh, my god, Katie! Thank you! This is the best present ever! Thank you!" I sniffled.

I heard another sniffle from behind and turned around to see Bella crying too. And she didn't even know why I was crying yet!

Soon, the guys were back in. I heard Edward ask Bella why she was crying, and I heard her answer, "Because Alice is crying."

"Oh, I know you're with your family so I'll let you go. I'll be in touch, Alice. Only about a week left," Katie sighed trying to sound cheery. "And thank you, Alice. This was a tough decision to have to make. I know I made the right one. My lawyer will be calling yours. I'll talk to you soon."

I sniffled again and felt Jasper's arm around my waist pulling me towards him. "Okay. Call me if you need anything," I told her before hanging up.

"Was that Katie?" Jasper asked. I was full out bawling now and all I could do was nod in affirmation. Jasper pulled me into a tight hug, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, closing my eyes and just letting the tears fall freely.

"It's us," I whispered to him.

"I knew it," Jasper whispered back. I heard more sniffling and turned back to see the entire family in the room. Edward was looking on in wonder, along with everyone else, while rubbing Bella's back soothingly. Bella was sobbing almost as uncontrollably as I was. Rose and my mom both were teary-eyed as well.

"Oh, Bella," I hugged her smiling.

"Alice, please tell my why I'm crying so hard," she garbled through more sniffling and a little laughter.

"Alice, dear, what's going on?" Esme asked me. She looked so worried.

"That was Katie," I told them, though they already knew that much. They didn't know who Katie was exactly, just her name since I had said it. "Katie has decided to let Jasper and me adopt her baby. She's due in a week!"

There were several _oh my gods _and audible intakes of breath I heard before everyone threw their arms around Jasper and me in a great big group hug which set off another round of tears on my part.

Obviously, everyone was happy for us but also a little...not mad but _concerned_ that we kept it secret.

"I didn't want to put it out there until I knew for sure," I said. "We've been waiting for Katie to make a decision." There was a buzzing sound. I looked at Jasper. He grinned as he took his phone out of his pocket looking at his caller ID.

"It's Jack." Jasper took the call in another room.

While he was gone, I explained to everyone about Katie. She was eighteen and planned on going to college next year. The father of her baby was no longer in the picture, ditching her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. Her parents weren't very supportive either. She decided early on to give the baby up for adoption.

"When did you decide you wanted to adopt?" Bella asked.

I smiled and looked at Eli standing by Renee. "When we found out about Eli last year, Jasper and I started talking about it. And the more research we did, the more we were swayed. Plus, we've kept Mina alive for over a year now so I figure we're pretty responsible right?"

Everyone was laughing as Jasper walked back in. We all looked at him expectantly.

"That was Jack, our lawyer," he explained to everyone. "We have some papers to sign," he told me. We were both grinning ear to ear.

Oh my god, it was really happening! "We have to go!" I screamed frantically. "Come on, Jazz!"

"Well, Jack was thinking tomorrow…" Jasper started to say, but upon seeing the look on my face he said, "Oh, well, let me just call him right back then." Jasper left the room again.

"It's okay, Jasper knows Jack from college. They had a couple poli-sci classes together and became friends," I told everyone. I knew I sounded like a tyrant for making the man work on Christmas Day, but hey, this was about our baby.

"Do you know what Katie is having?" Esme asked. She looked beside herself in happiness and excitement. I guess three grandchildren in the course of two years would do that to you.

"A boy," I grinned.

Everyone grinned back and nodded in appreciation. Like it mattered. They would have been just as ecstatic if we were having a girl.

"Aww yeah, another boy!" Emmett exclaimed. "EmJ's gonna have a playmate soon!" Emmett high-fived me as if I had something to do with Katie carrying a boy. "Emmett the third?" he asked eagerly.

I stared in horror at my brother unable to articulate a response. "Is that a no?" he asked.

"Go back to trying to name Bella and Edward's spawn," I ordered him.

Emmett turned to look at said couple. Bella immediately started glaring at Emmett. "You want another month of forced dance parties?" she warned.

"If that means I get to name the baby then bring it on, sister!"

Bella just shook her head at him.

"Come on, Bells, you named EmJ," Emmett pouted.

"That wasn't even intentional, and ultimately, you two made the final decision," Bella argued. "I will listen to suggestions but I will not promise you anything," Bella told Emmett severely, poking his chest.

"Whoa!" we all breathed in unison, including Emmett and Edward. Emmett had made quite a breakthrough. Perhaps it was due to Christmas spirit and Bella was feeling exceptionally generous. Maybe he had just worn her down so much that she had to give a concession.

"Right on!" Emmett practically squealed, pumping his fist in victory.

In a matter of minutes, Jazz and I said our goodbyes promising to keep everyone updated with the Katie situation, and we were on the road back home where Jack met us with a pile of papers. He had been in touch with Katie's lawyer in anticipation of her decision.

**BPoV**

The excitement in the Cullen house after Alice and Jasper left was palpable. We were left staring at each other, dumbstruck, trying to process everything that had just happened.

What we did manage to do was plan a baby shower for Alice and Jasper for a couple days into the New Year. Esme was hilarious. I'd never seen her less than calm and cool, but she was like a wound up schoolgirl about to go see her first boy band concert. I guess three grandchildren in the span of two years had that effect.

On the car ride home I got a call from Hal wishing us Merry Christmas and that we _had _to attend the New Year's Eve party he and Shane decided to throw. While I was on the phone with Hal, Coley called me so we were on a conference call. I told them the news about Alice and Jasper. Of course they were very excited about that, and Hal and I were able to talk Coley into coming up for the New Year's party as well as Alice and Jasper's baby shower.

Just as I had gotten off the phone with them, Alice called to tell me that the papers were signed and that the adoption was still a go. My heart was nearly bursting I was so happy for them. We promised to get together the next day for coffee in the morning, and I quickly told her about Hal and Shane's party as well as the baby shower which Esme would be hosting at the HQ.

I was finally off the phone when we got home. Edward and I walked JoJo quickly before heading up to the apartment and settling back in. We just loafed around waiting for my mom to text me that they made it back to Florida okay.

"You're going to be an uncle again, Edward! How exciting!" I grinned. We were cuddled up on the sofa after I Slap Chopped and ate a banana. Why Slap Chop a banana? Because I could.

"Yes, it is," he was smiling broadly as well. "Two boys," he mused.

"We get to find out soon," I told him. "Well, at least we can try to find out. Whether Baby cooperates or not is another matter entirely," I yawned. It had been such a long day.

"That's true," Edward chuckled. "Any preferences?" he asked.

"Yes," I told him. "Ten fingers and ten toes and good healthy lungs."

Edward nodded. "Those are very good specifications, love. I agree completely." Edward leaned in to kiss me. My favorite, lingering lips 2.0. Hell, all his kisses were my favorite.

We heard Edward's phone beep with an incoming text and broke the kiss to glare darkly at his phone. Edward looked at the message.

"Huh," he murmured.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Wanna meet Emmett, Alice, and Jasper at the homeless shelter to serve Christmas dinner?" Edward asked brightly.

I looked at him in surprise. "Sure." That I didn't suspect we'd be doing on Christmas, but it was a very good idea nonetheless.

In fifteen minutes we were at the shelter. Alice and Jasper were already there. We asked if this was their idea, but they said Emmett called them to see if they were down. He had called the shelter earlier to see if they needed anything, and they said they were short some volunteers for the evening, and that's where Emmett stepped in. We were all equally impressed with and proud of Emmett for taking such initiative, but really we knew how giving he was deep down. I had the pineapples to prove it.

Alice and I were about to head to the kitchen when Jasper told Edward and me quickly that he had the most perfect and appropriate plan for his revenge. He'd tell us more once Emmett got there, but Alice was nodding in approval of whatever Jasper had thought up. My interest was definitely piqued. Jasper thought we could pull it off at the New Year's Eve party.

Emmett came in about ten minutes after Edward and I arrived. We were all beaming at him as he entered. Emmett not only came in with a huge smile on his face to greet us, he was also carrying a couple brown grocery bags with him.

"Hey, guys, I finally figured out what to do with all this douche!"

Not only did Emmett donate the burdensome douche he had acquired, he was donating soaps, toothbrushes, toothpaste and a myriad of other items that the shelter was low on.

We didn't get to talk much more about Jasper's plan. Revenge would have to wait. We had food to serve and hygiene products to donate.

Emmett set the bags down and pointed toward the door with his thumb. "Come on. There's more in my car."

**A/N I know. I'm a tease, but lest you forget, and as I told Phantom in a PM, a whole lot of awesome happened here, no?**

**IGOTEAMEDWARD had the idea of giving the douche to a women's shelter a few chapters back, so thanks for that!**

**Don'tcha love how they can be so vindictive and then altruistic a heartbeat later? Speaking of vindictive…**

**You want to read about some revenge? Ya'll know what to do. Click the review button…now**


	16. You're Gonna Love My Nuts!

**A/N I am neither Mormon nor SM. **

**So Eidelweiss wants to make I heart TDG tees. Who's in? I thought we could put nicknames on the back: Coca-Coley, Pita, Mars, Venus, BGH, Slap Chopper, LaLo, JoJo, Milton, Mina, etc. Who wants one?**

**So, if you haven't watched a YouTube video on the Slap Chop, I highly suggest you do that so you can truly appreciate this next chapter. I posted it on my profile. Thanks, Jennifer_lyn215.**

**Um…food and beverage warning: Don't have anything in your mouth for this one. I don't want to be blamed for any chunks of food on your monitors and/or sticky keyboards and laptops.**

**I didn't think I'd get this done till the weekend, but I found a way. I was going to keep it under wraps until then mostly because I was having a really hard time trying to name the chapter.**** I named it this because I like saying it. I think you will too! Anyhoo, what the hell. I obviously am not keeping it under wraps after all. May is my favorite month (birthday, Mother's Day and anniversary) so I'm feeling exceptionally generous. Also, I'm down to one more 8-week class to complete my certification so I'm in a good mood...Here you go. Who loves you, baby?**

**GREAR**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 16**

**BPoV**

"Coley?" She was still laughing hysterically. Chad was laughing hysterically at Coley laughing hysterically.

"Coley!" I yelled at her again. We had shown her the video of the guys doing _Thriller_ and Emmett doing the MC Hammer_. _ Again. She couldn't get enough. It was the third time she watched it, and she was still crying from laughing so hard. We laughed as well. Not so much from the _Thriller_ performance but more from Coley's reaction to the performances_._

"I love coming here. You guys do nothing but crack me up!" she cried shaking her head and wiping the tears from her eyes. She rested her head against Chad's chest. He was rubbing her arm to try to settle her down. They had enjoyed watching the video from my infomercial birthday party as well, even though they had seen it already from Alice and Jasper emailing it to Coley.

It was a couple hours before Hal and Shane's party, and everyone was over at the HQ. Jasper wanted to go over the plan for the evening.

We still weren't sure what the plan was completely about but told Jasper we'd go with whatever he wanted to do. Most of us were quiet about it, but Emmett had to be the boisterous one.

"So you want us to try to be a _hot couple_ but get turned down?" Emmett asked using air quotes for _hot couple_. "I don't get it. You can't stop my hotness. You can't even contain it," Emmett argued. Coley and I laughed at that statement while Edward smiled and shook his head at his brother.

"Ahem," Rosalie cleared her throat, glaring at Emmett.

"Right. And you can't stop Rosalie's hotness either."

Jasper blew out a long breath. "There's nothing to get. Jack's buddy Mark will be there. He owns an ad company. He needs a _hot couple_ to model in an international ad campaign. We want to pique the douche duo's interest and beat us out as potential _hot couples_ and get picked for this campaign," Jasper explained.

"But that seems like a prize not a punishment. I don't think you understand what _revenge_ means, Curly Sue," Emmett argued, shaking his head at Jasper.

Apparently, Mark was a friend of Jack, Jasper's lawyer. Jasper and Jack had gotten to talking after one of their meetings, and Jack mentioned something about Mark having a hard time finding the right models for this particular ad campaign. Jasper wouldn't tell us the specifics, but thought the douches would be perfect. We all trusted Jasper; it was only Emmett who had reservations.

"Come on, man, just go with it," Jasper ordered Emmett.

"Fine," Emmett finally agreed. "But why don't you just buy them some flowers and do their laundry while you're at it?"

Jasper ignored his brother-in-law. "Okay, hot couple wannabes hold up your hands." Coley and Chad, Alice and Jasper, and, grudgingly, Emmett and Rosalie all raised their hands.

I looked at Edward who smiled at me. We weren't hot couple wannabes. We got to be the ones who informed the wannabes about Mark's modeling gig after having just met him. This Mark guy was pretty cool to help Jasper out or just really desperate for models. Edward and I weren't sure.

"And you two help reel them in," Jasper told Edward and me. We nodded. This all seemed pretty elaborate, but I was ready to help serve up their punishment. Coley was too after hearing about the evil douche bags. Chad just went along with us because he found everything highly amusing from the latte scamming to the douche acquisition to the couture commandeering. He likened us to a sitcom, and was interested in how everything would play out. I just wanted Laurent and Irina to suffer humiliations galore!

I also wanted an ice cream sundae.

I got up from the round table of revenge and headed to the kitchen to see what we had in the way of a sundae bar. Coley followed me.

"Want some ice cream?" I asked her.

"Always," she answered. "Craving?" she asked me.

"Always," I laughed "Oooh, yeah," I grinned. "Wanna make ice cream sundaes?"

"Um, that's one of the stupidest questions I've ever heard, Bells. It's like the people at Edible Arrangements asking if you'd like a complimentary chocolate dipped strawberry. The answer is _always_ a yes! I mean, seriously, who's turning down a complimentary chocolate dipped strawberry?"

"Crazy people," I answered her.

"Exactly," she nodded. "Crazy people."

"Mmm, chocolate dipped strawberries," I smiled. Coley and Chad had gotten Edward and me a huge Edible Arrangement of chocolate dipped strawberries and heart-shaped pineapple slices as a thank you for letting them stay with us. She didn't have to get us anything, but I had to admit, an Edible Arrangement was an awesome hostess gift. It beat out flowers and wine any day of the week. Everyone's eyes widened upon seeing how delectable the fruit bouquet looked when it was delivered earlier. It didn't take us long to get our _pineapple hearts_ on as Coley put it. Between Emmett and I, we destroyed about half the bouquet.

Coley and I started getting out a couple cartons of ice cream, syrups, a bunch of fruit I had the foresight to Slap Chop, and whipped cream.

Coley grinned madly at me. "Can I do the honors?" she asked.

I laughed. "Sure, go ahead."

Coley proceeded to Slap Chop like a maniac. "Hi, I'm Vince with the Slap Chop. You're gonna love my nuts!" she yelled. We were both laughing as she finished up the peanuts and walnuts. Then she started chopping up carrots, celery, and a cherry tomato all at once. "You know you hate making salad. You know you hate making salad. You know you hate making salad. You're gonna love my nuts!" Coley was reenacting some of the YouTube videos of the Slap Chop guy.

I was dying. I was doubled over on the island countertop.

"You're gonna love, gonna love, gonna love my nuts!" Coley kept singing. She was bopping and moving to the beat that was in her head. "Hi, I'm Vince with Slap Chop. You're gonna love, gonna love, gonna love my nuts!" And then Coley started to dance the robot using the Slap Chop as a prop and continued singing, "You'll be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. You'll be slapping your troubles away."

Coley handed me the Graty and I started to grate imaginary cheese as Coley continued to narrate, "Watch this. Tacos. Linguini. Fettuccini. Martini. Bikini. You're gonna love, gonna love, gonna love my nuts!"

"Oh, Kid 'N Play. Come on, Bells," Coley urged. And we started doing the ankle taps as I sang the _Oh la oh la ays_ and Coley finished with the _Rolling, rollin' rollin' with Kid 'N Play now._ We used to do that it college as a stress reliever.

My laughter and our shenanigans must have caught everyone's attention because she and I were suddenly surrounded by the whole group, smirking and snickering at us.

Chad was chuckling and shaking his head at us. Everyone turned to look at him. He did have the most experience in dealing with the two of us when we got a little punchy. "It's best to just let them finish," he advised.

Finally Coley and I calmed down enough to talk.

"Ice cream sundaes?" I offered.

"You're gonna love my nuts!" Coley smiled. After everyone stopped laughing at the two of us, we all partook in some delicious ice cream sundaes. I brought out the potato chips too but no one joined in with me. Their loss.

We were upstairs at the party shortly after the ice cream party. Laurent and Irina hadn't arrived yet, but we were all mingling separately as couples.

Emmett and Rosalie were talking to Shane's brother about possibly doing some work in their basement. Chad and Coley were with Hal, testing his famous, or rather infamous punch. Hal was kind enough to make a virgin version for me.

Jasper and Alice were chatting it up with James and Victoria. I had met them briefly, and I tried to like them and at the very least be cordial, but I could not separate them from their association with the douches.

"You look lovely tonight, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear. We were standing near the window where I was people watching in the room.

I smiled. "Thanks. This dress isn't too much?" I asked making a face.

Alice and Coley had convinced me to wear the fanciest of the four dresses we bought, well, Edward bought on the sly, on our _Bella's big clothes shopping spree_. It was black with black beads and strapless but I had on a lightweight black sweater, also embellished with a little beading. It clung to my torso and my still barely there belly but then flared out slightly. Admittedly, the girls looked fantastic in this dress, but I what I really liked were my black and silver ballet flats that I got to pair with the ensemble. Thankfully, Alice agreed that we shouldn't put the baby's life in danger by putting me in heels.

"It's perfect, love. _You're_ perfect." Edward was nuzzling my ear.

It felt wonderful, but my knees were about to give out. It wasn't fair that he was able to have that effect on me. "Edward," I warned. "Behave."

"Oh, I intend to behave," he smiled. "Here." I turned slightly to get a better look at him. "But I can't promise you anything regarding my behavior later when we're back home." A shiver went down my spine, and I blushed.

Edward's chest was shaking in laughter at my reaction. It wasn't fair.

I quickly found my composure though. "Well, seeing as we have house guests, I don't know how much misbehaving you'll be doing later," I hedged.

Not only were Coley and Chad staying with us, the other two couples were welcome to stay too if they partied a little too much and couldn't make it home safely.

"Come now, Bella. I think you and I both know how well versed we are at _quiet time_?" Edward quirked an eyebrow up at me.

Ah, QT. QT was nice. Very nice. But QT was also very challenging. I merely smirked back at him.

Before he could say anything else to tease me with, Edward stood up a little straighter. "They're here," he said referring the diabolical douche duo. I nodded.

We saw them greet Hal and Shane and thank them for the invitation. The invitation was actually through Emmett. I giggled as I watched Hal scan their outfits nonchalantly and making a very subtle yet very smug expression. I looked at what they were wearing. I didn't have Hal or Alice's keen and trained eye, but I thought they looked fine. I was sure he'd tell me all about his observations later.

Laurent waved to Emmett and Rosalie but then he and Irina made their way over to Edward and me.

"Bella, hello. Happy New Year!" Laurent smiled.

I reciprocated his smile. "Thank you, Laurent. Happy New Year to you two too," I smiled at Irina. Upon closer inspection of Irina's bright-multicolored silky dress, which was a little out of place in the middle of winter, I noted how familiar it looked, and then it hit me. Rosalie, Alice, and Coley and I had seen that same dress last spring when they took me shopping before the wedding. It was at Macy's or something. I guessed that was why Hal looked so smug. Irina was wearing off the rack, last year's rack at that.

Irina smiled politely at me but didn't say anything. Maybe she was a little self-conscious about her frock. Maybe I eyed her outfit a little too long. I didn't know. I did notice her eyes scanning me up and down quickly though. I believed her gaze rested a little longer than necessary on my stomach. Edward must have noticed as well, but before I could turn slightly away from her critical gaze to hide my tummy, Edward wrapped his arm around my waist resting his hand protectively but gently on my belly.

"Edward, I didn't know you two were married. And are congratulations in order?" Laurent asked Edward.

Edward nodded smiling. "Yes and thank you."

"Were we interrupting anything?" Laurent asked me.

"Oh, no," I smiled. "I was just telling Edward about how bummed some of our friends are because they didn't have the right look that guy was seeking for his latest ad project," I explained pointing to Mark across the room. He had his back to us. "I know Alice really wanted to do it," I mentioned with a shrug.

"He's looking for a couple to do modeling?" Irina asked. Her interest was immediately piqued upon hearing that Alice really wanted to do it. She really was a wannabe or poser or whatever.

"Yeah," I said. "It's some international ad thing. He was told there'd be hot couples to choose from here, but I don't think he's found the right one yet," I shrugged again.

Irina and Laurent quickly eyeballed the room looking surprised that this guy didn't like what he saw. Emmett and Rose, Coley and Chad, and Alice and Jasper all looked devastatingly beautiful. Then Mark caught their eye and sauntered over to us.

"Hi," Mark said shaking Laurent's hand. "I'm Mark Hughes. This may be a really weird question, but have you two done any modeling?"

Laurent and Irina looked a little bit taken aback but managed to tell him no.

Mark's face fell a little, "Oh because I'm looking for a couple to shoot in an ad for my client. You two look perfect for it. Umm…would you even be interested in…?

"Yes," Irina smiled. "Yes, we would."

"Are you kidding? Please tell me you're not kidding because I'm under an enormous time crunch here and I _have _to get this thing shot like yesterday."

"We'd love to do it," Irina said excitedly. "What kind of ad is this?" she asked as almost a second thought.

"It's for a pharmaceutical company. It'll be run all through Europe and Asia too later. It doesn't pay much, which is why I haven't been able to find actual models, but the exposure would be _huge_!" That got Irina and Laurent even more excited if it were possible. I could see the victorious twinkle in Irina's eye. She not only beat Alice out at something, she was going to be what seemed like an international sensation. I was beginning to wonder if this weren't some kind of prize after all. I shook off that feeling as quickly as it came. I trusted Jasper. This had to be pretty good.

"Do you mind coming to my office now? I have the photo shoot already set up there." Mark made an apologetic face. He was very convincing. I was impressed. "I know you just got here, but if I can get this done tonight, my client will be over the moon. We'd just take a few photos and you could come back to ring in the New Year," Mark promised. Laurent and Irina, of course, agreed and they were out the door in seconds.

"Wow," Edward breathed as our friends gathered around us once the douches had left. "Hook, line, and sinker."

"Sweet!" Jasper and Alice both grinned.

I merely rolled my eyes thinking about those two idiots.

"You really hate them don't you, Bella?" Emmett asked smiling at my obvious loathing for them.

I shrugged casually, "Only with the intensity and heat of a thousand white hot suns," I commented.

We continued to enjoy the party sans the douches. Surprisingly, Irina and Laurent didn't come back to the party, but Mark texted Jasper to say that everything went well, and that he'd email the finished product to him later, whatever it was.

Soon everyone was gathered around Hal's huge plasma screen TV watching the ball drop for the third time since they had already been ringing in the New Year on the East coast and Midwest. As soon as our clock struck midnight everyone was screaming and laughing around us yelling _Happy New Year_ and blowing on their noisemakers. I was sitting on Edward's lap, contentedly resting my head on his shoulder.

"Happy New Year, Bella," he murmured in my ear.

"Happy New Year, Edward. I love you," I managed to say before I felt his lips crash into mine for our New Year's kiss.

We left Hal's place as soon as it was socially acceptable to do so telling Coley and Chad to stay as long as they wanted to at the party and the others they could crash at the HQ if they wanted to. I had been yawning since 11:30 so it seemed to everyone that I was tired. Pregnancy was a great excuse for a lot of things.

"Are you tired?" Edward asked when we got out of the elevator one floor down. He had a playful gleam in his green eyes.

I smiled, "I'm tired of wearing this dress," I answered.

"Hmm, I think I can help you with that," he smirked.

"I was hoping you could," I said. As soon as the words left my mouth, Edward's lips were on it, fervently moving against my own as I tugged his shirt out of his slacks and ran my hands up his chest.

Miraculously, I was able to stay on my feet as we were moving down the hall towards our bedroom, lips still locked. Edward shut the door behind him and locked it quickly. He turned his attention back to me, helping me out of the sweater and kissing my exposed shoulders and neck while dexterously unzipping the back of the dress and tugging the beaded material down over my hips and letting it fall to the floor.

I heard him hiss when he realized I wasn't wearing a bra. Edward's mouth was back on mine as he pushed my panties down as well. I wiggled a little to let them fall down to the floor.

I buried my fingers in Edward's hair, holding him close to me, reveling in the taste of his sweet tongue in my mouth. I finally let go of his hair in order to undo the buttons of his shirt and helped Edward shrug out of it. I quickly undid his trousers, pushing them and his boxers down together after Edward had kicked off his shoes and toed off his socks.

I soon found myself lying on the bed as Edward removed my shoes. He was hovered over me moving his lips from my mouth down my neck, lingering on the hollow at the base of my neck. I could feel his tongue and lips on my collarbones moving down my chest, stopping to pay extra attention to my breasts, one at a time, tracing the hardened tip of each with his warm tongue.

I nearly came undone from the stimulation, but Edward kept his assault moving downward. His hands were kneading my breasts still but his mouth was down at my belly button and then hip bones. My hips bucked at the feel of his kisses on my inner thighs, the entire lower half of my body was tingling and my hips bucked again against Edward's mouth now going to work down below. My legs parted automatically when his tongue worked its magic, massaging the lips at my entrance before diving in gently at first to make me moan a little and then with enough force to make me gasp aloud. One of his hands left my breast so he could rub my most sensitive spot during his tongue assault. It was too much. I couldn't hold myself together any longer allowing my hips to buck up one more time as my body quivered, writhed, and shook with my climax.

Edward continued to place kisses along the insides of my thighs, and I wiggled at the sensation and sighed as he started kissing his way back up to my chest, neck, and mouth while positioning his ambassador at my entrance, teasing me with the tip of it entering slightly and sliding back out. In and out, in and out, a little deeper each time. I couldn't take it any more. I had to feel him inside me.

"Edward," I breathed. "I need you. Please," I whimpered.

"I thought you'd never ask, love," he said as he pushed himself all the way inside with one thrust.

Edward smoothly and easily moved in and out of me while I squeezed him and bucked my hips in a perfect rhythm to his movements. Edward was gazing down at me, eyes trained on mine, daring me to look away. I was unable to. I needed to see, watch him, as he grew closer to his own release.

I cried his name out quietly, almost painfully as I neared another orgasm.

"God, I love you, Bella," he grimaced as he continued to slam himself inside me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and braced myself for the final thrusts of his hips, keeping our bodies close. There was no better feeling of comfort than Edward's skin on mine, our bodies joined, connected, as one. "Come for me again," he ordered with one last slam. I threw my head back blowing out a long breath clenching my walls around Edward as I came once again. Edward cussed as he, too, found his release, spilling himself inside me.

We both sighed, "Mmmm," enjoying the last waves of our climax. Edward kissed me softly before disengaging the ambassador and rolling off of me, lying by my side.

"That was _oh-kay,_" I smiled at my understatement.

"Yep, a little bit of all right," Edward agreed. "Aren't you going to hand me a towel like you usually do?" Edward asked.

"I would, but I can't move," I complained.

Edward smiled smugly. "You're welcome."

"Uh, yeah. I can't move because you're lying on my hair, Edward," I giggled. "And you did good too, honey" I added patting his chest.

"Thanks," Edward said making a face and moving so I could get up.

The next morning, New Year's Day, Coley and Chad, Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie joined Edward and me at the kitchen island. Apparently, Emmett was still sleeping one off. He enjoyed the funky punch a little too much.

We started making breakfast when someone's phone was buzzing. It was Jasper. He looked at the text and smiled.

"Can I use your computer, Bella?" he asked. "Mark says the ad is done. He worked through the night with his client." Jasper was grinning wickedly.

"Yeah, you can use the desktop Mac if you want. The monitor is huge…can we come see?" I asked smiling myself at Jasper smiling.

"Yeah. Come on."

We all filed into the library/office and Jasper logged into his email.

**Hope you like this, Jasper. It worked out for me so thanks, and I think it served a purpose for you too. Let's work together again. Happy New Year. **

**My utmost congratulations and best regards, **

**Mark**

Jasper clicked on the attachment to open up a huge close up picture of Laurent and Irina practically in the throes of passion. He was kissing her neck and her head was thrown back a little, but you could definitely see both of their faces.

The copy on the ad was in different languages. Apparently, it was French, Spanish, German, Italian, Finnish, Hungarian, and Swedish:

**Nous avons l'herpès, mais l'herpès ne nous a pas  
**

**Tenemos herpes, pero el herpes no nos tiene a nosotros  
**

**Wir haben aber Herpes Herpes nicht über uns**

**Abbiamo l'erpes ma l'erpes non ci ha**

**Meillä on herpes mutta herpes ei ole meille**

**Mi herpesz herpesz, de nem nekünk**

**Vi har herpes men herpes inte få oss att**

I started laughing even though I didn't know what it said. The only word I could make out was _herpes_.

"What about Herpes?" I asked snickering, as was everyone else in the room.

Jasper was laughing as he pointed the mouse to the pharmaceutical company's logo in the corner.

"This is an ad for Herpes medication," Jasper laughed. "It says, _We have herpes, but herpes doesn't have us."_

To say that we all lost it right then would be a gross understatement. We went bananas! Edward and Jasper were doubled over in hysterics and Coley was actually rolling on the floor laughing. Alice, Rose and I were in tears. Chad was also laughing pretty hard. We must have woken Emmett up with all our ruckus because he wandered in looking pretty rough but wondering what was going on just the same.

Chad was the only one able to articulate why we were laughing so he explained it to Emmett.

"You mean those douches are now the international poster children for herpes medication?" he asked through his own laughter. "THAT is smurfin' awesome!" he cheered as he pounded Jasper's fist. "Very strong, bro. Very strong."

**A/N I defy you to stop smiling right about now. You can't can you??? Did you love my nuts? Let me know…review please. Seriously, review. Did I get the translations right? Probably not exactly--I got them from Google translator. If you have a beef with the translations, get over it UNLESS you can actually translate it for me then I'll fix it. Otherwise, just deal, 'kay? Cool.**

**Oh, now that the revenge is out of the way, you know it'll be baby stuff coming up next so keep your pants on—and I mean that! Keep 'em on. I'll snoop around the HQ and see what's up, but no need to sweat me about it. I'm on the case! Now send me some love!**


	17. STIFLAN

**A/N Scrub here. I'm not SM and I fo' sho don't own Twilight or these characters except for a few.**

**Well, the revenge went over quite nicely, no? And show of hands. Who else wants a Slap Chop??**

**Here's a shorty. A little gift from me to you on Mother's Day. Enjoy!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 17**

**BPoV**

After some breakfast the guys decided a game of basketball would be good for shaking off Emmett's hangover while we girls watched the DVD of the vampire movie that Edward and I had reviewed together the year before.

We did our fair share of swooning over the handsome vampires, but each having watched the movie alone or together so often, were quick to point out mistakes and inconsistencies in it.

"Look, she had her purse when she was at the bookstore buying the book on Native American legends and myths but doesn't have it when she goes into the police station to see her dad," Alice pointed out.

"And when she and her dad leave the station, no one turns off the little desk lamp," Rosalie observed.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Those things get so hot. Aren't they afraid of it catching something on fire or something? Wouldn't that be a shame if the police station burned down?" I mused shaking my head at the very thought.

And when the girl walked into the woods with her vampire boy in tow, threw down her backpack right before they started their intense conversation and went up out of the cloud bank, Coley admonished, "Hey, isn't anyone else worried about her backpack? She just threw it down and left it. There's homework in there!"

By the time the prom scene came around, the guys were back and witnessed us all swooning once again over the lead actor.

"Aww, man! Really? Again with this?" Emmett scoffed.

"Shut it," Rosalie ordered her husband, pointing at him without turning to look at him since her eyes were still fixed on the movie.

None of us looked up upon the arrival of our own husbands, well, had Alice or Coley looked up, I wouldn't have known it myself, but all I heard was, "Psssshhh," from someone. I believed it to be Emmett.

They didn't receive our full attention until the credits were rolling.

"Oh, hello, boys," Alice greeted them.

I smiled at Edward. He merely shook his head at me but smiled back all the same as he kissed me hello.

"Oh, _now_ I'm acknowledged, once vampire boy is off the screen?" he chuckled.

"Hey, I'm not alone in my preference for him you know," I replied gesturing to my girlfriends. "Am I right, ladies?"

"Oh, god!" Alice, Coley, and Rosalie all sighed dreamily.

Emmett waved us off. "He's only hot because of the hair and makeup people. I've seen pictures of that schmuck in some of those magazines Rosie buys. He's kind of scruffy and dirty whereas your husbands," Emmett gestured at all the guys, "Are all clean and mountain fresh!"

I made a face. "_Mountain fresh_? You guys smell like…"

"Dirty gym socks," Alice finished for me, scrunching her nose up at the combined stench of our sweaty husbands.

"Yeah, you need a shower or bath. Febreeze. Do something," Coley advised.

The guys did take the hint, or rather, direct instruction, and each got cleaned up while the rest of us threw together some sandwiches for lunch.

"We saw that douche, Laurent, when we were at the gym," Emmett casually informed us while we were eating.

I thought I heard the collective _swoosh_ sound of my girlfriends' and my hair as we simultaneously whipped our heads in Emmett's direction.

"And?" we all asked eagerly.

"He was bragging to James and Aro about how he and the lady douche were going to be in some international pharmaceutical ad," Emmett shrugged.

"So they don't even know what exactly they modeled for?" I asked incredulously. Who wouldn't get the details on what they were modeling for? Perhaps I was just naïve. Or maybe they were just too excited to be doing something that Alice et al couldn't do.

The other guys laughed. "No clue," Jasper grinned. "I can't wait for them to find out."

Edward shook his head, "Though knowing those two, they probably couldn't care less if the ad were for moisturizer, hemorrhoid cream, or STD meds. I mean they work with douche after all."

"Yeah, they probably have no shame," I commented. "What's that like, Emmett?" I joked. Emmett threw a potato chip at me but Edward was quick enough to swat it away before it hit me. I thanked Edward just as Emmett chucked another chip at Edward's head, but this time _I_ reacted quickly enough to block it from Edward's face.

"Ooooh," I heard from everyone around, including Edward. I, too, was impressed with myself.

Coley laughed, "Bells, you have the reflexes of a ninja! Nice." She high-fived me. Just then another potato chip came whizzing at Coley and me and we both leaned back slightly to let it fly between the two of us. I immediately picked up a chip and whipped it at Emmett, hitting him in his ear. I laughed in surprise at my own accuracy, as did all my friends.

"STIFLAN!" Chad and Coley cheered.

"You haven't been STIFLAN in years I bet," Coley commented.

"What's that?" Alice asked.

"In college I called it STIFLAN, for sometimes I feel like a ninja." Occasionally I did.

"Incredible!" Emmett sounded amazed as he rubbed his ear. "Bella really does have ninja skills. Damn!"

"Good thing these are only potato chips and not throwing stars," Jasper laughed.

"You should chuck an English muffin at Laurent next time he goes into the DG," Alice giggled.

"We should hang the poster up in the shop too, Emmett," I suggested. "And have the Triple D's do a poster signing."

"_Triple D's_?" Chad asked.

"Diabolical Douche Duo," Alice, Coley, Rosalie and I said together.

"Riiiiiight," Chad replied. "You and your acronyms," he said shaking his head.

The sweet, and hilarious, victory of serving up some payback to Laurent and Irina was short lived. Jasper got a call from their lawyer, Jack, who got a call from Katie's lawyer while we were finishing lunch, and he and Alice left for the hospital. We didn't know the protocol or etiquette for receiving an adopted baby so the rest of us stayed behind and informed the Cullens and the Hales that they were going to be grandparents once again.

Alice called a few hours later to tell us Adam, their baby boy, would be coming home the next day, but it was all right to go the hospital and see him so we did. We met Rosalie and Jasper's parents there, and they brought EmJ with them since they kept him and Mr. Dove for the night so Emmett and Rose could go to the party.

Emmett held EmJ up to the nursery window and pointed out his new cousin.

"See him, EmJ? That's Adam James. You get to play with him when you get bigger. You can also boss him around because you're older," Emmett laughed.

Alice smacked her brother on his arm for telling EmJ that.

EmJ, for his part, was pretty much indifferent.

"And you'll especially get to boss around Uncle Edward and Aunt Bella's kid," he continued to tell EmJ.

"What about my kid?" I asked sneaking up on Emmett. He actually jumped slightly. I laughed, "STIFLAN."

"Geez, Bella, you really are unleashing your inner ninja today. What are you wearing wrestling shoes sneaking up on me like that? I think I'll get you a pack of Nerds to keep in your pocket so I can hear you coming."

"Don't change the subject. What about my kid?" I asked.

"Nothing," he lied. "Just that EmJ and Adam will have a good time playing with your kid," he smiled.

"Uh-huh," I eyed him warily giving him a little shove that did nothing to move him.

"Isn't he beautiful?" Alice gushed a little later as she stood next to Edward and me holding her little boy.

"Yes," I whispered lightly touching Adam's little fingers. "He's perfect, Alice! I'm so happy for you!" I hugged her awkwardly as not to smash Adam.

"He actually kind of looks like you," Edward observed.

Adam had big blue eyes and raven black hair set against his fair skin.

"He looks like Katie," Alice smiled wistfully. "But I don't know what the dad looks like."

"You okay?" I asked her.

"It's so crazy. I feel ecstatic, over the moon that Adam's here and he's ours, but I feel…sad for Katie and also a tiny bit scared that this isn't real. Like I'm going to wake up and I won't have Adam anymore." Alice had tears in her eyes as she confessed her feelings. My eyes welled up too when she talked about losing Adam.

"Don't say that, Alice. You signed the papers right? So did Katie? It's been finalized. Adam's all yours," I told her rubbing her back.

Alice smiled in relief upon hearing my words. "You're right," she nodded. "He's all ours now," she whispered lightly kissing Adam's forehead.

Jasper soon joined Alice who was still holding Adam. We snapped a picture of the three of them, and we left them like that, as a happy little family.

Edward and I headed over to Alice and Jasper's after leaving the hospital to help Coley, Chad, and Hal set up the nursery. We were still going to have a baby shower in a couple of days, but it would be more like a welcoming party since Adam was already born. Alice had ordered everything that she wanted for Adam's room and had diagrams and specific instructions, of course, as to how she wanted it arranged. It was like the Wedding Manifesto only custom tailored for designing Adam's room.

"Chad, the armoire needs to be moved another seven inches to the left," Coley informed her husband. She was tapping at Alice instructions with her finger while holding the tape measure.

"Oh, come on," Chad complained. "Seriously? This looks right to me."

"The tape measure doesn't lie," Coley retorted. "Move it now or deal with Alice. The choice is yours," she shrugged.

And so Edward helped Chad move the armoire while Hal and Coley set the crib up, and I put away Adam's clothes into his armoire and dresser. Boy, did he have some clothes to be put away. Amazing, the kid was only a day old and already he had a better wardrobe than all of us, save for Hal.

"Oh, I can't wait till little Adam comes home and sees this," Hal clapped excitedly. "He'll love it!"

"Hal, you know the kid will be about two days old? He can't focus enough to see this room let alone appreciate our efforts," Coley pointed out.

"Whatever," Hal argued. "This child will be gifted in all things related to fashion and design just by being so pure and having constant and close proximity to Alice. I bet he'll appreciate the Egyptian linens in his crib. He wouldn't dare soil them. They've got a thread count of like five hundred." As if an infant would take thread count into consideration before defiling a fitted sheet.

Hal and Coley kept going back and forth speculating on Adam's natural style. I had to try to tune them out in order not to laugh at their insane conversation.

"Need help?" Edward asked wrapping his arms around me.

"Sure," I answered. "With the clothes and in drowning out those two," I tilted my head in the direction of Hal and Coley. We finished putting everything away while still taking time to gush over the onsies and little, teeny tiny socks.

It got me all excited for our baby. I couldn't help but smile thinking about getting our baby's room set up.

"You okay?" Edward asked me, smiling himself.

"Yep, just thinking about getting our baby's room ready too," I grinned.

"You know Esme's all over it, but if you want to do it all, I know she'd back off."

"Oh, no. I love that Esme wants to help. She's got a flair for these things, and I'd learn a thing or two from her I'm sure."

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Edward asked me.

I smiled. We were going to my doctor for a routine pregnancy check up which, this time, would include a sonogram so we would hopefully find out the sex of the baby. It was early, I was about fourteen, almost fifteen weeks along, but there was still a possibility of finding out. "Yes, and you?"

"I'm on pins and needles," Edward admitted.

"Now, do _you_ have a preference?" I asked.

"Ten fingers, ten toes, and good, healthy lungs," he repeated my sentiments from before.

"Then should we even find out at all?" I asked.

Edward just stared back at me. "You want to make it a surprise?"

I thought about it for exactly one quarter of a second before answering, "No."

Edward laughed. "Me neither. I want to know as much about our baby as possible." I agreed, and we pounded fists.

We finished Adam's room to the best of our abilities and left Alice's house taking Mina with us. She had been fine at home with her little doggy door for when she needed to go out, but we figured she needed some company in the form of JoJo and humans since we weren't sure when Jasper and Alice were coming home that night.

Hal and Shane were visiting Shane's brother so Coley and Chad stayed in their apartment for the night. I was working on my column and IMing Coley while I was online.

I laughed at the link she sent me. It was a book, _How to Live with a Huge Penis: Advice, Meditations, and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much__._

**Coca-Coley: Something to consider for the ambassador??**

**Bell-lalo: Very funny. You can use it for Batman. Lol.**

**Coca-Coley: OMG, check this out!**

Coley sent me a link to an article about a British woman who had Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, where she had about two hundred orgasms a day.

**Bell-lalo: Lucky? Or unlucky? I vote unlucky though I wouldn't mind **_**suffering**_** from that every once in a while. Lol.**

**Coca-Coley: Right? I can't be coming 200 time/day though. I've got shit to do! She has an orgasm every ten minutes!**

**Bell-lalo: Yeah, that might be fun for about an hour. Any longer than that then your quality of life is affected.**

**Coca-Coley: It says she tries to have a lot of sex to wear herself out so she can function semi-normally.**

I shook my head. I couldn't imagine having an orgasm every few minutes and in front of people like this woman did. Awkward didn't even begin to cover that.

**Coca-Coley: Like I said, I have shit to do. Who has time for that?**

I merely laughed at her comments.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked looking up from his _Sports Illustrated_.

"How would you like to be in a permanent state of sexual arousal?"

Edward grinned wickedly. "Yes, please. Is that an invitation?" I rolled my eyes at him and smacked his chest. "Hey, I'm a guy, we're already in a permanent state of sexual arousal. Semi-permanent at the very least."

"Uh-huh," I grunted. I then showed Edward the article about the super duper orgasmic woman.

"Wow, that's quite a…_gift_?" he hesitated.

"More like a curse," I rebutted. "She has orgasms in front of perfect strangers and acquaintances. Even her parents. Every ten minutes!" I grimaced. "Embarrassing much?"

Edward nodded in concession. "Yes, that'd be very embarrassing indeed," he shuddered at the thought, as did I. "And tiring I would imagine."

"For her and her lover, I'm sure," I added. I was tired just thinking about it, but I laughed imagining the woman right after she just had sex ready for another round, and another, and another... "She's probably tapping her man's shoulder all the time. He probably can't get any sleep. Neither of them could," I giggled. "That's got to suck big time!"

"It doesn't seem like the guy would have to do much for her," Edward observed. "She's pretty low maintenance that way I suppose," he laughed.

"What are you saying? That we _regular_ woman are high maintenance because _you_ have to do a little work to please us?" I asked half jokingly and half indignantly.

The look on Edward's face was priceless. He was like a deer in headlights, his eyes were so wide. He had been caught with his foot in his mouth.

He looked pretty nervous. "No, I…uh…what I meant was…"

I had to laugh at him. It was funny to see the typically calm and cool Edward Cullen squirm a little struggling for his words. "Edward," I said. "Shut up and kiss me."

He sighed in apparent relief. "Thanks. Love to," he replied before his lips ultimately touched mine.

The next day I made French toast and Slap Chopped strawberries to go with them. Chad and Coley joined us to eat but stayed behind to take care of Mina and JoJo. They wished us luck when Edward and I left for the doctor. I didn't need luck. I had a couple swigs of Coley's coffee, just enough caffeine to hopefully get the baby moving so we could possibly see the boy or girl parts in the ultrasound.

At the doctor's office, I checked in and handed them my monthly urine sample. It was oh so glamorous carrying my own pee with me in a cute little gift bag that Alice gave me for the sole purpose of transporting my urine to the doctor's office. How deceiving it must have been for the nurse. I handed her the gift bag like it was a present or something, and she got to check my urine that was in the sample cup they gave me the month before.

I got weighed and my vitals were taken before Dr. Weaver came in. My blood pressure was normal, and I had gained about five pounds in the first trimester. I was up a pound since my last visit. The doctor and Edward assured me I was right on track with the weight gain.

The baby's heart rate was good and strong, much to our delight. That was what really mattered after all. After the doctor measured my girth and asked if we had any questions, she left sending in a sonographer to do the ultrasound since we had requested it.

The woman, Carolyn, came in and prepped me for the ultrasound, squirting the cold blue gel on my stomach and then pressing the wand to my belly moving it around and pointing out the image of the baby to us on the monitor.

I couldn't help but get teary eyed upon seeing the grainy picture of the little life growing inside me. I sniffled and looked up at Edward. His eyes were glistening as well. We smiled and laughed at ourselves, and he leaned down to give me a quick kiss and whisper an _I love you._

Carolyn took a few snapshots of the heart and other organs for my file. She asked if we wanted to find out the sex and we quickly answered _yes_ _please_.

She laughed at our eagerness and began moving the wand and looking in earnest for any indications to the sex of our baby.

"Ah-ha," she finally said taking another snapshot. "There it is."

**A/N So I was going to stop right here and laugh and laugh and laugh, but then decided I didn't want to get death threats on Mother's Day so I kept going…**

"What?" Edward and I asked.

"Her labia," Carolyn said pointing to a couple squiggly lines on the screen. "Congratulations! You're having a baby girl."

Edward and I did nothing but grin stupidly at each other for a good two minutes.

Carolyn finally started cleaning the gel off of me and we were left alone for a couple minutes.

"A girl," I smiled holding my stomach.

Edward laughed as he thought of something funny. "EmJ and Adam better watch out. If she's anything like her mom," He mused rubbing my belly as well, "She's going to be real feisty."

**A/N And all together now, AWWWWWW!**

**Happy mother's day to all the mama's out there. Happy Mother's day if you own a pet. Doesn't matter if the baby is human or otherwise, you're still a mama!**

**Now make this mama happy and review!**


	18. The Name Game

**A/N SM owns all things Twilight. I own NOTHING.**

**So, I don't want to brag, but I went ahead and created my own banner for TDG. It's not fancy. Really it's quite amateurish, but I did it, and darn it, I'm kind of proud of myself. So check it out. On Twilighted, you can see it when you click on the story. On FF, I just posted the link on my profile, just copy and paste the link to your browser. I also made banners for CLG and Saving Me. So take a looksy!**

**Okay, everyone's excited B&E are having a girl. I will not be naming her Renesmee. I'll just put that out there right now. Never been a fan of the name. I get it, the sentiment is nice, still don't like it. Sorry, lovee. In Saving Me, their kid is Annessa and nicknamed Nessie so I've already paid homage to SM in that respect. That being said, I am up for suggestions. I guess that makes me Bella and you guys are Emmett. Rock on.**

**Oh, a couple times I've had Emmett refer to Jasper as Curly Sue. It's because I picture Jackson Rathbone as Jasper, and as you know, he sometimes sports curly blond hair. I know someone was a little confused by that so there you go. Also, I'll be using Adam and AJ interchangeably.**

**Okay, here you are: the next installment…Eh, GREAR.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 18**

**BPoV**

When Edward and I got back to the apartment, everyone was there, which was weird because the baby shower/welcome home party for Adam wasn't until the next day. Coley and Chad were already there at the apartment, and then Hal came home early from whatever function he went to with Shane. Shane stayed at his brother's house though. Emmett left the DG for Janie to run for the rest of the day. He stopped over like he always did and Rosalie and EmJ were with him. Alice and Jasper came to the HQ to pick up Mina and hang out knowing that I was getting the ultrasound done and wanting to know the results, and both the Cullens and the Hales were going wherever Alice, Jasper and AJ were going. Thus, Edward and I were able to keep the news of our baby girl under wraps for exactly thirty-seven minutes.

The entire apartment was abuzz when we arrived home. Coley had texted me to let us know that everyone was over. While we were excited to share our news with them all, I wanted to call my mom and Charlie first since they weren't in Seattle to join us at the time. I said hello to everyone but excused myself to call my parents.

Renee was out of her mind excited to welcome a baby girl into the family. Eli was happy as well to be an uncle very soon. While they couldn't be there for Adam's welcoming, I'd see them for my own baby shower in the spring. I chatted with them a little while before calling my dad to let him and Sue know. They would have left and come to Seattle to join the impromptu party at the HQ but Charlie had a doctor's appointment himself so we promised to talk again later in the evening and we'd see each other the next day for the welcoming party. I told both Renee and Charlie to check FaceBook later for newly uploaded pictures of EmJ and AJ.

"Well, Bella?" Alice and Coley were badgering me the second I stepped back out of my bedroom.

"You guys stalking me?" I joked. They ambushed me from the hallway.

"Of course," they both replied with no shame as we continued to walk down the hall.

We reached the living room and Edward asked me how my parents and Eli were doing.

I told everyone that they were all fine and that Eli would be doing the talent show the next afternoon at his school. Renee and Phil would be recording it and would then post it on FB. Technology could be so wonderful!

"Oh, and I told my parents that Edward and I are expecting…" I paused for dramatic effect since I knew they were all waiting with bated breath. "…a baby…" Edward and I laughed at the annoyed faces around me. "GIRL!" I finished.

Edward was beaming as Emmett and Jasper and the other men slapped him on his back. Hal, Alice, and Coley were bouncing up and down doing their evil little happy dance. I eyed them warily.

"Don't look at us like that, baby girl," Hal scolded me. "You know what this means."

"It means I'm having a girl," I made a face at him and shrugged. "Who's going to be the most spoiled child the world has ever seen evidently."

"That's riiiight!" Hal sang.

I threw Edward a worried look. He smiled crookedly and shrugged.

Before I could protest, Esme threw her arms around me hugging me tightly.

"Oh, Bella. Our first granddaughter!" she gushed. "I can't wait!"

I knew then that our daughter would not only be the most spoiled little girl alive but possibly the most beloved as well as I looked around the room.

Rosalie, holding EmJ, was grinning wildly. I was sure she'd be joining in with Alice, Coley, and Hal on anything girly from here on out.

We ordered some food that Edward and Emmett went to pick up. While they were gone, Esme, the girls, and I went to the baby's room, which was currently empty, to plan a bit. Alice showed me a site online where she ordered AJ's furniture and with some help from Esme, I picked out the crib, which could later be converted into a toddler bed, a changing table, dresser, and armoire in a distressed white wood finish. Hal informed us that he would paint the room and do a mural for his baby girl's baby girl. Esme was going to pick out carpeting for the room, while Alice, Coley, and Rosalie wanted to collaborate on decorating it.

As girly as all the baby room planning was, I actually was very excited to get it done. It would make it that much more real that Edward and I were going to have a daughter. But then came the issue of naming her. There were so many options. None of my girlfriends insisted on any specific names. They didn't need to because Emmett, of course, was still adamant about naming her or at least throwing out suggestions. Every time he addressed me he'd offer up a new name.

"Bella, we've got some linguini, you and Eloise in?"

"Bella, you and Bianca liking the stir-fried vegetables?"

"How are you and Olivia doing?"

"Emmett, are you writing down these suggestions or am I supposed to keep track of them?" I asked him.

"Hey, I'm just tossing them out there. It's up to you to write down any that strike your fancy, sister."

"_Strike her fancy_?" Jasper asked. "Where'd _you_ get _that?_"

"It's a common phrase meaning she likes something. I'm surprised you didn't know that, Curls," Emmett said haughtily.

"That's not what I meant, Emmett," Jasper responded. "Oh, never mind."

I got to hold little Adam finally while everyone was eating still. He was so incredibly tiny and light compared to EmJ. I felt like I could hold him forever. He fell asleep in my arms and all I could do was watch him, not able to tear my eyes away.

"You're a natural." I smiled at Edward's voice from behind me. He came around and sat next me on the sofa.

"Thanks," I replied. "Do you want to hold him?" I offered.

Edward laughed. "You know you don't want to give him up, Bella, so why are you even asking?"

I grinned sheepishly. "You're so right, but I thought I'd be polite."

We sat quietly staring at Adam when Emmett came over.

"Man, he's tiny. I can't believe EmJ used to be that small," he observed. "I bet he gets you two all kinds of excited for Ariel, huh?"

Edward laughed. "Seriously, Emmett, where are you coming up with these names?"

"Hey," I defended Emmett. "At least he's not calling her Taco or Burrito or something."

"True," Edward conceded.

"Come on," Emmett scoffed. "Give me some credit. I'm not a complete buffoon."

"Right. Not completely," I giggled.

"Your Popsicle's melting, sister," he grinned. Edward and I laughed.

"What's that mean?" we heard Esme asking from behind us. Edward and I each made a face at Emmett for being caught saying something naughty.

"You don't want to know, Mom," Emmett shook his head still smiling.

"Did you say something mean to Bella?" Esme asked Emmett giving him a disapproving look. "_Emmett_?" she said in a warning tone.

"She started it," Emmett whined causing Edward and me to laugh even harder. Emmett shot us the stink eye.

After everyone got something to eat, they headed out of the HQ. Esme and Carlisle were going to stay at Alice and Jasper's for the night and then come back to our place the next day for the party.

"I'll be here in the morning to help set up," Esme promised as she kissed my cheek on her way out. "And congratulations on a baby girl!"

Carlisle and the Hales repeated the congratulations as they left as well.

Hal, Coley, and Chad went back up to Hal's place leaving Edward and me alone for the evening. Edward finished cleaning up the kitchen while I spoke with Charlie on the phone.

"Good news, Bells. The cancer is still in remission," he told me.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and I quietly thanked God. "Dad, that's so great!" I whispered the news to Edward when he came back to sit with me. I smiled my thanks at him. He brought over some Rocky Road ice cream that he scooped into a bowl with Slap Chopped potato chips on the side. I sprinkled the chips on top of my ice cream. He didn't even gag this time when he watched me take a bite. I silently offered Edward a bite, but he cupped a hand over his mouth and shook his head vehemently to decline.

Charlie went on to tell me about Milton and how Jacob, Leah and their daughter Hannah were the last time he and Sue saw them. Soon, I was yawning and so was he so we said goodbye and goodnight promising to see each other the next day.

Edward and I curled up on the sofa after that to watch a movie. We decided on _Bend It Like Beckham _since I hadn't seen it in a while. We watched the movie while musing on what our daughter would be like.

"I hope she's just like you," Edward said.

I made a face. "I hope she's not all clumsy like me."

Edward laughed. "Yeah, hopefully she'll have a bit more balance and proprioception than her mother."

I giggled. I hoped that as well. "Oooh, Edward, I hope she has your musical talent."

"And your kindness," he added.

"And your extraordinarily good hair," I added as well.

"I hope she blushes like you," Edward smiled.

I rolled my eyes. That blush could be such a curse.

"I hope she smiles like you," I said. "She'll be breaking hearts left and right. And with your green eyes?" I added shaking my head. "The world just isn't ready, Edward."

"I like your brown eyes," Edward countered.

"Hmmm, brown hair and green eyes or auburn hair and brown eyes?" I pondered aloud.

"I'll take either," Edward shrugged.

"Like you have a choice," I laughed.

"She's going to be the luckiest little girl you know," he said confidently.

"Yep," I agreed. "With you as her daddy."

"I was going to say with you as her mom," Edward responded.

I leaned in to kiss Edward. "Thanks," I whispered.

"No, _thank you_," Edward smiled crookedly.

I laughed as a thought hit me. "With Hal, Alice, Coley, and Rosalie as her fairy godmothers, I'm more than just a little frightened."

Edward nodded. "Yeah, and Emmett's constant presence…" Edward trailed off.

"So, we should start saving now for all the psychotherapy she's going to need huh?"

"Probably," Edward nodded. "We should make Emmett chip in though," he laughed.

"Definitely."

The next day, Esme and Rosalie were over by eleven to help Coley, Hal, and me set up for the party. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it was just family coming over but many of Jasper and Alice's co-workers were coming as well.

The rest of the family was over by twelve thirty and the other guests arrived around one in the afternoon. We had the food catered in so that made life a lot easier, and the guests appreciated the non-showeriness of the party, especially since both men and women attended. We didn't do any lame games. It was merely a celebration.

Everyone gushed over Adam, and Adam was the perfect guest of honor. He didn't mind different people all around him. He slept through most of it really, but he did he get a mountain of gifts. Alice accepted them graciously but I was sure she checked to make sure she had gift receipts for any clothing that was given just in case.

I laughed at what Edward had gotten from JoJo and us to AJ. I didn't even know where he found enormous plush toys in the shapes of eukaryotic organelles. Carlisle and Edward were the only ones that really got a kick out of them though. Alice just laughed and shook her head at Edward.

"Do you want your own Golgi apparatus to cuddle with, Edward?" I asked him quietly.

"I did order a set for…what's Emmett calling her today?" Edward asked. "Audi? Datson?"

"Mercedes," I reminded him.

"Right. _Mercedes_ has her own set of plush organelles as well as a few plush microbes."

"I see," I commented.

Edward grinned. "You should see the Gangrene and E. coli. Very cute."

I just stared blankly at my husband. "What no herpes or ebola?" I asked sarcastically.

"Oh, they have them available. They weren't as cute though, and I didn't want our daughter playing with STDs or viruses that make people bleed out of every orifice," Edward answered matter-of-factly. Wiser words had never been spoken.

"Right. STDs and bleeding out are not cute, but E. coli and Gangrene are fine," I nodded. "I'm so glad you now where to draw the line. You're a man of principles, Edward."

"Yes, that's right," Edward agreed.

I just laughed and shoved him playfully. "Science geek."

"Book worm," he joked right back but also giving me a soft kiss.

The party only lasted a couple of hours, and most of the guests left by 3:15. The only ones left were family so we were free clean up and let loose. Well, the letting loose part didn't occur until after we all viewed the video clips that Renee emailed me of Eli's performance that afternoon at the talent show, and Emmett was the only who really let loose.

Somehow all of us fit into the library to watch it on the big monitor. I read the email aloud:

**Hi, baby. Hope the party went well. Please give the family all of our love and well wishes, especially Jasper and Alice and little Adam. He's adorable! Eli can't wait to meet him!**

**Here's Eli's dance performance. He won second place. **

"What? Only second place?" I interjected my own reading to complain.

**I know, only second place. I've included the first place performance. I don't know what's wrong with the judges, but you see for yourself.**

**Love,**

**Mom**

So I clicked on the video and we all watched Eli dance just like he did over Christmas break only even better this time. We all clapped and cheered his performance even though it was a recording and he couldn't see or hear us.

"How can that not win first place?" I complained again.

"Oh," I heard a few people say in surprise as the next contestant, the first place winner, performed.

It was a little girl, about eight or nine, wearing a ballet leotard and gauzy skirt, doing an interpretive dance to some classical music piece. I didn't recognize the composer but Edward and Esme did. Evidently it was Wagner, and this girl was moving fluidly to it, gesturing, pirouetting, and jumping very dramatically. All our eyes were fixed to the monitor.

"What the hell _is_ this?" Emmett asked disgustedly like he was watching an alien being born.

"Hmmmm," was all I could say. I wasn't sure if I should have been impressed or scared or both.

"Ummm," Esme said sounding just as confused as me.

"Seriously, what the hell is this?" Emmett asked again.

"It's interpretive dance," Coley answered.

"So…is this supposed to be artistic or something? She looks like a tool," Emmett said.

"Emmett!" most of the women in the room scolded.

"What?" he asked. "It's interpretive, and I'm interpreting her as a tool. How can my opinion be wrong?"

"Emmett, she's like nine," Jasper said.

"So? A nine-year-old girl can't be a tool?" He looked around at all of us. "You guys are thinking it too, but I'm the only one who's…"

"Mean enough to say it," I laughed. Emmett shrugged unashamed. "She's expressing herself, Emmett. We may not get it, but she's definitely got…" I searched for the right words. "…focus and creativity." I looked at everyone else around me. They nodded in approval of my word choice. Emmett rolled his eyes though.

We all exited the library and once we were back out in the living room, Emmett was mocking the little girl, doing his own interpretive dance routine, twirling and bending and waving his arms around dramatically like the first place winner did. We were all laughing at him and even clapped when he took his final and very dramatic bow, remaining bent over. Then he stood back up, closed his eyes, held his hand out grinning, "Where's my first place prize?"

"Nice, Emmett," Edward admonished.

"I'm just keeping it real, bro," Emmett defended himself. "I'm just keeping it real."

Esme and Carlisle closed their eyes as well but they were shaking their heads in what I could only interpret as shame or disappointment. I thought I heard Carlisle ask Esme, "Seriously, what's wrong with your son?"

Rosalie and Alice, along with the rest of us, were just happy EmJ and AJ would never remember this day or what Emmett did. I wished I could erase it from my memory as well.

After everyone left, Edward and I called Eli to congratulate him on his second place win. As it turned out, the girl who won was a friend of his so he was glad for her though a little disappointed he didn't take first place himself. The poor kid worked so hard too. As a matter of fact, he and Kendra, the first place winner and butt of Emmett's joke dance routine, both wanted to apply to a performing arts school for middle and high school. I had no idea that Eli was that into art, music, and dance, but apparently he was. Even though middle school was a few years away, Eli was already thinking ahead. I was quite proud of him and my mom and Phil for wanting to foster his creativity. We didn't tell Eli about Emmett's interpretive dance routine though.

While lying in bed that night, Edward asked if I had heard a name yet that _struck my fancy_. We laughed at him almost quoting Emmett.

I thought a moment, "Mmm, maybe, but I don't think we could name her without seeing her first. Do you? I mean, it's good to have some ideas, but I couldn't make a final decision before she's born."

Edward nodded. "Yeah, you're right," he agreed. "What's wrong?" I had made a face.

"_Born_. She's going to somehow make her way out of me, Edward." The thought started to freak me out a little. More than just a little. I remembered Rosalie in the delivery room telling Alice and me that her uterus felt like it was going to explode. The more I thought about it, the more scared I got. _CRAP! SHIT! OH, FUCK!_

"Bella," Edward said soothingly upon seeing my expression progress from mildly concerned to horror stricken. "It'll be fi…"

"Don't tell me it'll be fine, Edward," I interrupted. "It's going to suck! _And_ hurt!" I shuddered at the thought.

"Yes," Edward conceded. "It will suck, but just think of…"

"Yeah, yeah, the beautiful new life that we created together," I finished lamely and sighed. "I'll try to remember that when I'm pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of…well, a hole way smaller than the watermelon."

Edward sighed helplessly and held me to him. "I'm sorry, love. I'd do it myself it I could."

"Liar," I laughed pulling away to look at him.

Edward's lips twitched up into a smile. "Okay, no I don't want to give birth, but I'd take the pain way if I could," he offered tilting his head and giving me his _I'm telling you the truth_ _and I'm sorry_ expression.

"Alright, well," I took a deep breath. "I've still got about twenty five weeks to get used to the idea so I'll work on coming to terms with the whole giving birth hoo-hah."

Edward nodded in encouragement.

"I mean, I'll be okay. I'll have to be okay right?" I reasoned, trying to convince myself it really would be all right. I didn't want to lose my head yet. Well, not any more than I had already.

"And I'll be right there with you," Edward promised pulling me back to his chest and kissing the top of my head.

"Aww, Edward," I gushed holding him tighter to me while looking up at him to get a quick kiss. "Like you have a choice."

**A/N Hey thanks to sakurarwr for the giant plush microbes idea a few chapters back. Told ya I'd work them in somewhere.**

**So, I lied. I do have an idea for the baby's name, but I'm not 100% sure yet. Do you want to name baby girl Cullen? If so, review and give me your suggestion. If you can give me a reason behind the suggestion, that'll be even better. I'll let you know if you're the winner. Well, I guess you'll read it first when the time comes. But you will certainly get acknowledgment in my A/N and eternal bragging rights. Does that ****_strike your fancy_?**

**BTW, Alice and Jasper's son Adam was named after VictoriaCullen's very own son. Thanks for sharing your story.**

**Okay, review and don't forget to take a look at the banners. But please spare me the "OMG! My three yr-old kid/brother/nephew/cousin/cocker spaniel could have made that!" Seriously, for the tech-challenged (moi) those banners were quite a feat. And hey, if you are not tech-challenged and would like to create a better one for me, please be my guest!**


	19. A Beautiful Mind

**A/N Twilight? That's right, I don't own it. SM does.**

**Well, I pretty much got every name in the book hurled at me. And I don't mean just cuss words either. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and submitted potential names. I appreciated it. My mind is made up now. It seems many of you want to keep the "J" going on for the middle name as a cousin thing, which I was going to do anyway. A few of you were also on the same page as me with the first name. And that's all I'll say about that. **

**I put the link/address to the plush microbes site on my profile as well. I failed to mention that last time. The microbes truly exist, but the plush organelles I made up, though if I find a site that has a plush Golgi apparatus I'll certainly advise you of it. And you do the same for me, 'kay?**

**Oh, and phantom went ahead and purrdy'ed up my banners and created one for **_**Play It Again Edward**_**, which was our collaboration last winter. So once again, check them out. I couldn't post them right on Twilighted, so look on my profile page for those links please. And I'm on the hunt for pictures of Hal and Coley since some of you were curious about how I pictured them.**

**Okay. Ready? Set. GREAR.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 19**

**EPoV**

It was almost the middle of January and I had only a weekend left before going back to classes. Coley and Chad headed back to Phoenix the day after Adam's party. Upon arriving back in Arizona, Chad learned that the Diamondbacks traded him to the Padres so he and Coley immediately started looking for a home in San Diego. With a little help from Hal, who hooked them up with a realtor friend of his, they found one rather quickly.

Bella was saddened to do it, but she allowed Chad to sell the Beast, which had been taking up residence in the corner of Chad and Coley's garage, to a junkyard. We, Chad, Coley, and I were impressed the junkyard was willing to give Bella money for that thing. Bella was offended that they only would pay her seventy-five dollars for it. I thought the seventy-five was rather generous and it was probably because a pro-athlete was selling it. Had Bella tried to sell it, she most likely would have ended up paying _them_ seventy-five dollars to take it off her hands. That was my theory anyway.

"What the hell? Only seventy-five?" she huffed.

"Bella, it doesn't even run, and it's got more rust than paint," I reasoned with her.

The look my wife gave me made it evident that she thought I was out of my mind.

"_It_, Edward? She's not an _it_. The Beast is a _she_. And _SHE_ was a classic, a beauty. _She _was durable and dependable. The best truck ever," Bella informed me.

I gave her a dubious look. "Are we talking about the same vehicle?" I asked.

She narrowed her eyes and pointed at me. "Watch yourself, Cullen," she warned.

I had to laugh. Bella was adorable when she got all feisty.

"No, really. We _are_ talking about the very truck that backfired all the time in high school? Scaring all your classmates? Making us think someone had fired a gun in the parking lot? The very truck that broke down on the freeway in Phoenix leaving you stranded until Coley and Chad came to pick you up?"

"I fail to see your point, sir," Bella retorted indifferently.

I made a face. "_Really_? Because I thought I was pretty clear," I laughed.

"Your Popsicle's melting, Edward," Bella replied. "What I meant was you're dwelling on the negative."

"The negative, huh? There was an upside to the Beast?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Please enlighten me," I smiled.

"Well, for one, she has character. And two, she was hella safe. Believe me, _no one_ wanted to crash into me." That was very true. The Beast would have smashed up and totaled any car. I nodded in agreement as Bella continued to tick off another pro for the Beast. "And three, I loved her at first sight," Bella nodded with finality.

How could I argue with that? Winning Bella Swan's overt favor and regard was a rarity, and anyone or anything that did win her favor was surely blessed. I knew I was.

So anyway, Chad and Coley were in the midst of moving. It turned out that not only had they been storing the Beast for Bella, they also had a couple boxes of her things from Renee's house in Phoenix from before Renee and Phil moved to Jacksonville. Both Bella and Coley had forgotten about the boxes, and Coley only just rediscovered them so she sent them up to Seattle to reunite the owner with her belongings.

The boxes arrived the day before, but Bella wasn't home to receive them since she went with Charlie and Sue to visit her old friend Jacob and his family in Portland. She'd be returning later in the day.

I had called Bella to tell her the boxes arrived. They were pretty heavy so I asked her if she wanted me to open them. Bella thought they just contained some things from her childhood that Renee felt the need to keep along with some of her college books in the boxes. I told her the boxes definitely felt heavy with books, so she asked if I would put them in the library for her.

Of course I didn't mind doing it. I actually got to see some old yearbooks from middle school and high school, before she moved to Forks. I had seen class pictures of Bella framed in Charlie's house, but it was really interesting to see pictures of Bella in school with Coley and Chad.

Bella wrote for her middle school newspaper. I didn't know that until I saw her in the photogragh of the student writing staff. She didn't write for the paper at Forks High School though.

There were random pictures of students in the cafeteria at lunchtime, and I saw Bella sitting with Coley and Chad and another kid whose name in the caption read David. He was seated next to Bella, and Bella really did not look excited about it. I laughed wondering if that was the same David that snapped Bella's bra and ended up with a kick to the groin from Bella and a wedgie from Coley. I made a mental note to ask Bella about it when she got back.

I also happened upon a few drawings Bella did as a child. The dates on the back of the rolled up paper indicated that Bella was about four years old when she created them. They were really fascinating. All were in marker or crayon. The pictures themselves weren't what impressed me because the sketches were scribbles at best, and the stick people were mostly big heads with arms and legs coming out from the heads, no bodies.

No, what captured my curiosity was the writing on the drawings. Bella, as a four-year-old, was labeling her drawings. I wasn't sure if that was normal, but I thought it was pretty cool. Her scrawl wasn't neat or precise, she was only four after all, but the fact that she was attempting to spell and write at that age kind of blew my mind. She spelled _mommy "momee" _and _fence "fens." _I called Esme to ask her when I started writing and she said I was probably in Kindergarten nearing first grade when that happened. Not that I was slow or anything. Esme said I was more interested in playing my toy piano and building with blocks when I was three and four than reading and drawing.

I put the drawings aside with the intention of getting frames for them later and hanging them up in either the library or the baby's room.

I flipped through a couple more yearbooks and placed them on a shelf I had cleared off for the items in these boxes along with a bunch of novels that Bella must have had to read in college. There was Oscar Wilde, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, and Herman Melville. She must not have been that big a fan of these since she packed them away. I knew she believed Hemingway to be overrated. The books that she loved she brought to Seattle with her, reading and rereading them often.

I came across a couple soft leather bound journals in the middle of the second box. I stared at them a good while. My brain was wrestling with itself; I was torn on whether to just put them on the shelf or peruse them quickly. I mean, I wanted to look through them. I was beyond curious about what was in them, but journals were so personal, I didn't want to invade Bella's privacy.

I set the journals aside and finished shelving everything else. When the only books left were those journals, I had another internal debate. What would the harm be? She'd never know. But, then again, I couldn't just start reading her old journals without Bella's permission. That'd be a breach of trust or something right?

Suddenly my phone rang with Bella's ringtone, and it made me jump a little. It was kind of spooky. How'd she know I was thinking about her?

"Hello," I answered.

"Hey," Bella answered back. She sounded like she was in good spirits.

"Having a good visit?"

"Yeah. Jake and Leah are doing great, and Hannah is really cute. She's walking, sort of. I guess it's called cruising. I don't know the baby developmental lingo yet," she laughed. "It's funny to watch though. What are you up to?"

"Oh, I just finished putting all your books away. Did you know you had a couple journals here?"

Bella was quiet a moment maybe trying to remember. "Oh yeah?"

"Yep," I replied.

"I think I started journaling in high school. Did you look through them?" Bella asked. She didn't sound offended or anything, just curious.

"No. No, I didn't," I responded.

"Oh, okay," she said. Her voice was calm. There was no anxiety there that I could detect. Then she laughed. "If you ever have trouble sleeping you should read them. There's nothing exciting in there. Believe me."

Had she just given me permission to look through them? I was so relieved and a little anxious to flip through them now. "I doubt that, Bella," I countered.

"You want to read them?" Bella asked sounding surprised. Hadn't she learned by now that everything about her fascinated me?

"I'm…mildly intrigued," I teased.

"Really?" she asked again, still sounding surprised.

"Yes. Actually, I'm very intrigued, but I wasn't going to look at them without your permission."

"Suit yourself. But please keep in mind while you're reading that a stupid teenage girl wrote that stuff okay?"

"Okay."

"I won't be back home until late. There's some construction going on. Do you want me to wake you from the coma you'll be in due to the stale reading you plan on doing?" she joked.

She was over exaggerating I was sure. "Sure," I answered simply. I didn't want to drag the conversation on much longer. I had some reading to do. "Have a good time and drive safely. Call me when you're on the way back?"

Bella agreed and we said our _I love you_'s before hanging up.

"What do you think, JoJo? Are we up for this?" JoJo just stared back at me before rolling onto his back so I could rub his belly, which I did. "Alright, let's go," I told him with a final pat of his belly. I then led the way to the bedroom.

I was lying on the sofa in the bedroom flipping through one of the journals while JoJo slept by my feet. Each journal had dates written on the inside. The first was dated from Bella's freshman and sophomore years in high school in Phoenix and the other finished off in Forks. I shook my head at Bella's chicken scratch handwriting. It hadn't changed much from her four-year-old writing. I chuckled little. I loved her scrawl.

The early high school years had Bella's thoughts about classes, hanging out with Coley and Chad, and feeling like a third wheel at times. She wrote for the school paper in Phoenix, which I just found out from looking in the yearbooks. I wondered why she didn't do it at Forks High. I skipped right over the part when she learned that Coley and Chad started having sex. I did not need to know about that, nor did I want to know. She was right. Not a whole lot happened in Phoenix.

I did laugh at her entry the night Coley threw the party at her house for Bella's last weekend in Phoenix before moving to Forks. She really did play Scrabble with Coley and Chad.

_**Played Scrabble with Coley and Chad while the jocks partied around us. Drunk kids Slip 'n Sliding in the living room is not cute, but they seemed to be having fun. Not sure why Coley wanted to throw me a party when I'd rather just hang out with her, but whatever. I ended up hanging with her anyway. I **__**won with the word requiem on a triple word score. The look of defeat on Chad's face was fantastic. I tried some beer because it was there. Yuck! Don't think I'll be having any more of that.**_

I found one of her last entries from Phoenix when she decided to move. She was willing to sacrifice her own happiness and love of Phoenix to move to Forks with Charlie because she didn't want Renee to have to choose between traveling with Phil and staying home with her. She decided at age sixteen to live with a near stranger in a place whose climate was the exact opposite of what she was accustomed to and loved.

_**Mom wants to go with Phil. I can just tell. Who am I to keep her from him? They need time together so I called Charlie to see if I could go live with him. He seemed pretty excited about it. That's a good sign. I'm going to miss Phoenix, my mom, Phil. God, what am I going to do without Coley? She assured me I could live with her and her family for the rest of high school, which is a very tempting thought, but no. I think some quality time with Charlie is in order. It'll be good. Probably.**_

Bella's first few entries in the Forks journal nearly broke my heart.

_**Charlie is trying really hard to make me feel at home. That's really sweet of him. We've never really been touchy feely so it's a little awkward around him. Conversation is strained at best. At least he doesn't hover and lets me hang out in my room undisturbed. It's cold and wet here. Hate it. It's too green and cloudy all the time. Miss the sun, the heat, Mom, Coley. Going to cry now.**_

I couldn't imagine just up and moving half-way through high school to a place I didn't really want to be just to make the people around me happy.

_**Made it through my first day at Forks High. I hate being stared at, but since not a whole lot happens in Forks in general, the police chief's daughter moving back is apparently big news. I've been called Isabella more times than I care to count. Met a nice girl named Alice Cullen in world history class. Alice came right up and introduced herself to me. She's really nice but very hyper. She actually told me "We're going to be such good friends, Bella. I just know it." Alice comes on a little strong, but she reminds me of Coley so I don't mind. I was maybe going to write for the paper here, but the editor, Erik Yorkie, creeped me out so I decided not to. He asked when I'd like to get married to him. Who does that? Will be avoiding EY like the plague. Ewe! Alice's brother Edward is my chemistry lab partner. Didn't find out they were related till lunch as Alice insisted I sit with her. Edward seems nice. All the girls seemed to give me dirty looks upon learning I was his partner. I guess he's the big man on campus. He's really cute. Really cute! Great hair and gorgeous green eyes that make my head all cloudy when I look at him. I have less than no chance with him.**_

Well, that answered the question of why Bella didn't write for the school paper at Forks. Who knew Creepy Erik Yorkie wouldn't be the last _Creepy Eric_ in her life. At least Creepy Eric from the Times wasn't really that creepy after all. Despite sneezing on Bella the year before and giving her his cold, he turned out to be an okay friend to Bella and Liz at the paper. I didn't know Bella thought I was cute. I smiled feeling very smug until I read the bit about her feeling like she had no chance with me. I frowned at that part. How could she think that?

_**Had dinner with and met the rest of the Cullens as well as Jasper and Rosalie Hale. Alice says she's going to marry Jasper someday. I don't doubt it for a second. They seem perfect for each other. Emmett and Rosalie as well. Rose is gorgeous. Can't help but feel like a scrub next to her, but she's very nice and puts up with Emmett's antics like a champ. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, Carlisle and Esme, are probably the kindest people alive. Edward's a bit of a mystery still. He's really nice in chemistry and when I'm over at their house. He gets a lot of attention from the girls. I'm not sure if he really likes it, but it's got to do wonders for his self-esteem. Lauren Mallory hangs all over him. Jessica Stanley as well. I think he's going to the dance with one of them. Why do I feel jealous about that? I barely even know him.**_

Oh good god, I remembered those girls. They were completely superficial and acted all stupid around me. I went to the dance with Lauren. Mike Newton had a party afterwards and I hated that kid so I obviously didn't want to go. I dropped Lauren off there and just went home. Word the following Monday was that they made out the whole night, Lauren and Newton. Good riddance. I wondered what Bella did the night of the dance.

_**Charlie wondered why I didn't go to the dance. How'd he even know about it? Oh yeah, it's Forks. You can't wipe your butt without the entire town talking about it. He actually knew that Mike Newton asked me to the dance. That kid is annoying. Almost as annoying as EY. I told them both I was going out of town. Actually, I stayed home and worked on the English paper due next Wednesday. Solitude is doing wonders for my grades. I'm lonely though. I wonder what Edward's doing. I bet making out with Lauren as I write this. Oh god, I feel wretched. Going to watch **__**My Girl**__** so I have an excuse to cry. **_

I had to stop reading for a moment. Just how much crying did Bella do in high school? She always seemed content and happy when I saw her. Her journals confirmed what I had learned the past year. She was definitely the suffer in silence type.

I quickly scanned the rest of that year and also through junior year. That was when we had gotten closer. We always ended up lab partners in our science classes. More girls were giving her dirty looks, but Bella didn't seem to care.

_**I'm finally really enjoying Forks. I stayed the weekend at the Cullens again. Charlie is happy I'm hanging out with my peers. He loves Alice and is glad I made such a good friend right away. Charlie would let me go to the moon if I told him it was Alice's idea. Edward actually has been hanging out with us too. I had such a great time watching movies over there, though I could do without Alice playing Barbie with me. But then again, Coley did the same thing in Phoenix. I hope Alice and Coley get to meet some day. They'd really get along I think. **_

_**Went to junior prom with Edward, strictly as friends. A bunch of different girls asked him and he didn't want to go with any of them. Mike, Erik, and Tyler asked me and of course I didn't want to go with any of them. Edward and I were complaining to each other about it and decided to go together. Didn't dance much, since I suck at it. We mostly just people watched together. Didn't stay the whole time. Ended up watching movies at his house. We both fell asleep on the sofa. Esme snapped a picture of us I guess. She printed off a copy for me.**_

The picture was stuck into the journal. I smiled as I looked at it. We were lying at separate ends of the sofa under the same quilt that my mom must have placed over us. I was still wearing my shirt and tie, and Bella was still in her pale yellow dress. Why hadn't I realized how beautiful she looked? I couldn't even remember if I told her how pretty she looked that night.

Bella had spent the summer in Phoenix again and then came back right before senior year. That was when things were getting strange.

_**Back in Forks again. Emmett, Japser, and Rose all graduated and are in school in Seattle. Alice was a little down from missing Jazz but otherwise she, Edward, and I are back to being the Three Musketeers. I didn't think it was possible for Edward to be any better looking, but the summer has treated him very well. I told Coley all about him when I was home in Phoenix. She thinks I should ask him out. Yeah, right. I'd die of embarrassment if I attempted it.**_

_**Alice went to Seattle to hang out with Jasper. Edward and I hung out at my house Saturday night. We keep accidentally brushing arms and I get this tingly feeling all over my body. I wonder if he feels it to. He's told me how great it is that we're such good friends. I wonder if I should ask him to the homecoming dance. My stomach is doing flip-flops just thinking about it though. I don't think my nerves are up for it.**_

I thought back to Homecoming our senior year. I ended up going with a girl named Heather from Government class who had asked me. She was okay personality-wise. I think I ended up dating her for a month, but she seemed more interested in showing me off than actually spending time with me so I broke up with her after Thanksgiving.

_**What is with this sinking feeling in my chest and in my stomach? I only feel it when I see Edward with Heather. And when I think about him with her. I have no right to be sad or pissed about it, but I am. Can't figure it out. I almost worked up the nerve to ask Edward to Homecoming but Heather did already. I bet they had a really good time. She walks around looking so smug. I wonder if she makes him happy. She'd better treat him right. I wonder what it feels like to kiss Edward. Oh god! Stop it, Bella! What the hell is wrong with me?**_

_**Saw Heather give Edward a kiss goodbye as he came into Physics today. I felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach. I was probably a little short with him during class. It was either that or cry and I didn't want to cry again. I'm so tired of crying. Life has got to get better than this right? I must look so rude making these faces. They're not directed at Edward though. It's just me attempting to squelch and push down the aching feeling inside of me.**_

Wow. I had always wondered what was up with Bella when she'd act all pissed at me and I hadn't done anything to her. I just figured she was mad at her parents or it was because Alice was hanging out with Jasper all the time on the weekend. I remembered those angry looks she'd give me every so often. When I asked her about it, she'd just shake her head and tell me it was nothing. Just heart burn. She'd press the heel of her hand against her chest and grimace. Reading these journal entries and looking back, I realized it was more like heartache.

_**Edward broke up with Heather! She's telling everyone that he was jealous of all the attention other guys were giving her. Edward told me she was using him as arm candy. That was definitely true. He asked me today if I liked anyone in particular. Didn't have the guts to tell him the truth. I'm such a wimp. Why am I so scared? In other news, things are back to normal. We're hanging out again. I'm still pining over him and he hasn't a clue. God, just kill me now!**_

I wondered what I would have done if Bella told me then she really liked me. It probably would have taken her pointing it out to me for me to realize it. She was right. I hadn't a clue. This was just about the time this other girl, Shannon, was talking to me. Man, I didn't give Bella much opportunity to talk to me about how she felt I guess. I must have seemed like such a man whore.

_**Here we go again. Why, why, why is he with Shannon? She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Not by a longshot. God, I sound like such a jealous bitch. Ugh! I can't even talk about it.**_

I think I dated Shannon for about three weeks in the February. She ended up cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend who went to a different school. Bella was right. I didn't really think Shannon was very smart either.

_**I'm such a pathetic girl. Am I pathetic or am I a good friend who's just there for Edward when he realizes these other girls aren't very interesting? Yeah. Pathetic. Geez, this heartburn!**_

_**Maybe it's nerves from waiting to hear back from a couple universities. Yeah. I'll go with that. But how long can I go on keeping everything bottled up? Coley and Alice are both telling me to do it, to tell him. My face turns bright red at the mere thought of telling Edward. I'm going to have to keep my emotions in check better. Goal: ask Edward to prom.**_

Shit. This was when I met Tanya. I thought about stopping at this point, but the masochist in me made me keep going.

_**Well, it seems that Edward Cullen is going to have to beat the women away with a stick. We went to the mall in Port Angeles to find a birthday present for Esme. I left Edward at the Macy's to pick up a book at the Barnes and Noble that I ordered for his mom. When I found him again, he was chatting it up with a strawberry blond girl working at the fine jewelry counter. Seriously. My luck absolutely sucks! Why can't I like a normal guy? Life would be so much easier. Why doesn't Mike Newton make me swoon? Or creepy Erik? Why do I have to be in love with the most unattainable guy in my high school? **_

I winced upon reading Bella's words. It definitely would have been easier for her had she fallen for another guy. But Newton or Yorkie? Not those guys. Hell, not me either. I wasn't good enough for Bella then. Bella deserved…much better than what I could give at the time. Tanya and I started dating shortly afterwards only this time I didn't make a production out of it since she went to a different school.

_**The Universe, one. Bella Swan, zero. I made an utter and complete ass of myself this time. How could I be so stupid? Really. To misread so many cues? I thought Edward would go with me to prom. Why did I think that? I must have been under the influence of some magic mushrooms that they put in the ravioli. How could I have been so delusional? I don't know. Geez, I'm an idiot!**_

I noticed in this particular entry the ink had bled on the page. Upon further inspection, I surmised that it was from moisture hitting the pages. Moisture. From Bella's tears falling onto the journal.

_**Edward hadn't even talked to me about Tanya. I didn't even know she was in the picture. Had I known, I would have left my pie hole shut. Maybe if I write it down, I'll feel better…**_

_**Asked Edward to prom. Got shot down. Nope, I don't feel any better. Especially now that he knows I like him as more than a friend. Everything's all awkward. FUCK! I just fucked up EVERYTHING! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! What do I do now? There's no recovering from this. **_

Whoa.

_**How to avoid Edward Cullen 101:**_

_**Stop going over to the Cullens'. That's a no brainer.**_

_**Stop going to school? Can't do that.**_

_**Stop going to cafeteria. I guess I'll spend all my free time in the library.**_

_**Stop making eye contact. Have to.**_

_**Suddenly become very busy. All the time.**_

_**Stop hanging out with Alice. Now I'm really sad.**_

And she did all these things except she did keep going to school, but I'd never see her at school. Well, I'd see her but I never got to talk to her. She was always preoccupied with books, a sign on the wall, the library. In science class, she'd always be itching to leave. She spoke to me minimally, for lab work only and a little out of social obligation, but mostly she'd be busy writing in a notebook or binder. She had probably written in this very journal in class right next to me. Jesus, I drove Bella away.

_**Got acceptance letters from UW-Seattle and ASU. Full scholarships to both! Charlie and Renee are out of their minds excited. Each want me in school near them. Clearly, must go to ASU as EC is going to UW. I wonder if Tanya is going there too. I hope I can find the same happiness someday. Goals: Go back to Phoenix; forget about Edward Cullen. Move on with life. Have to. Have to. Have to.**_

Yep, I drove her away. Why was I surprised? She told me so last year when I asked her about it. Still, to read it, fresh from her heart through her pen strokes onto these pages. It hurt. She left thinking Tanya and I were still together too, but we had broken up soon after prom.

_**Wonder if I skipped graduation anyone would notice. Hal said I HAVE to go what with being the Valedictorian and all. Dreading speaking in front of everyone. Crap! Oh, Hal is a student at UW-Seattle. Met him at the library there where he works. He helped me find some sources for a paper. Very nice, very cute. Very gay. That's my luck. He's a good friend in any case. Gives me a real excuse to go to Seattle every weekend. He gets my mind off of Edward. Sometimes anyways. Hal has boy troubles too though. His Mr. Why versus my Mr. X. We commiserated together today over ice cream sundaes at his house. Wish they'd invent something to make it easier to chop up nuts. They slid all over the cutting board. That took forever and was kind of a bitch. Maybe one day. If I could invent one, it'd be really user friendly. You'd just push it down and the blade would just chop things really easily. Slap and chop. Anyway, Charlie met Hal. Thinks Hal's nice. Weird but nice. **_

I didn't know weather to laugh or cry at that. The entries that followed this one had to do with Bella hanging out with Hal and sometimes with Alice as well. Then I got to the last two entries.

_**Prom was tonight. Didn't go. Hal wanted to hang out, but I couldn't find the ambition to get out of my pajamas. Seven more days until I can get the hell out of Dodge. Will miss the Cullens terribly. Already do miss them. All of them.**_

And the last one.

_**Have to hold myself together so I can drive to Phoenix. Just said goodbye to Rosalie and Jasper and the Cullens. Didn't even stay for the party. Carlisle and Esme gave me a charm bracelet to remind me of Alice and…X.**_

Jesus, Bella couldn't even write my name.

_**Apologized to him before leaving. I was apologizing for messing up the friendship. Probably won't see him ever again. As much as it hurts now, I can't regret coming to Forks. I met some amazing people here. Need to start over though. Have to. It'll be good. Probably.**_

My heart ached at the memory of that night as it broke for Bella as well. It was amazing getting inside her head even for a little while just by reading her journals. After all this, we somehow got together. I was suddenly overcome with gratitude for Bella. How'd I get so lucky? I was so grateful for her now, more grateful than I was this morning or even when we confessed our love for each other. I was more grateful now than when we got engaged naked and engaged the right way. I was more grateful now than when we got married, if that were possible. I was still more grateful for her now than even when we realized we were expecting.

Just then, JoJo's head snapped up and he jumped off the sofa, running out of the bedroom and down the hall. A moment later, I heard Bella opening the door.

"Hey, JoJo," I heard her say. "Edward?" she called.

"In here," I called back. I looked at my phone. It was almost nine. Why hadn't she called to tell me she was on her way home? I then noticed a missed text message from Bella from over an hour ago. How'd I miss that?

I hurried down the hall to the kitchen and found Bella snacking on some Slap Chopped pineapple.

She grinned sheepishly. "Can you believe I ate about an hour and a half ago? I snacked on some Chex mix in the car. And I tore it up too. I mean I finished all that Sue gave me. Sorry I didn't save you any. I'm hungry again though, and the pineapple sounded so good. I need the sweet after the salty. My mouth was even watering in the car just thinking about the pineapple you know. Thank goodness we keep so much on hand now because…What?" Bella was staring at me staring at her as she trailed off her little hunger rant. "What is it, Edward?" she asked.

I smiled at Bella, and she smiled right back though she looked slightly confused. She was just so beautiful, mind, body, and soul. I felt blessed once again. "What?" Bella asked again, grinning even wider.

I closed the small distance that was between us, lifted Bella up, and sat her on the counter so we were practically eye level. Bella parted her knees so I could stand closer to her. I placed my hands on either side of her face and gazed deeply into her brown eyes.

"I love you," I whispered as I brushed my lips against hers. "So much."

"I know," Bella whispered back. "I love you too."

"No, I don't think you understand, Isabella. I have never loved you more than this moment right now," I told her gravely, underscoring my statement with another kiss. "Or this moment now," I gave her another kiss. "Or now," another kiss. "Or now…" I continued that pattern, showing Bella just how much I truly loved her, well into the night.

**A/N Ta-dah! Wow, this one was hella-long. I just didn't want to stop I guess. I suppose I could have gone on a little longer, but you all get the idea. I didn't want to leave this chapter as a downer because that's not what I do. Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into Bella's brain. Now, please review.**


	20. Paying Homage

**A/N I don't own these characters, SM does.**

**Well, some of you told me you cried reading the last chapter. I did not cry, though I may have gotten a little vehklempt as I wrote it. The shenanigans in other chapters are fun to create, but I think A Beautiful Mind was one of my favorite chapters to write.**

**Moving on, I am delighted to discover that the number of reviews I'm getting is on track to pass up Can't Let Go's reviews on both FF and Twilighted after this chapter, and that just makes me smile. Thanks to all who have reviewed and those who continue to do so. Your reviews make me happy, and you know I write when I'm happy.**

**BTW, big ups to 911Turbowriter for the reviewathon. Much obliged for supporting the cause! And I'm happy you're all caught up now.**

**The big reveal happens in this one, kids. I hope you enjoy the next installment. Now GREAR please.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 20**

**BPoV**

Edward was behaving so strangely when I had arrived home from the Portland trip. I was pigging out on Slap Chopped pineapple and ranting about how hungry I was while he just kept staring at me. He had placed me gently on the counter, still staring deeply into my eyes. When he finally spoke, Edward professed his love for me over and over again.

He told me _I love you_ all the time, but this time it was different. His eyes were burning with so much emotion. I hadn't ever seen them so intense, not even on our wedding day. He looked almost as if he were ready to break down, but he never did. Edward kept kissing me and telling how he had never loved me more than the moment he was looking at me. _Now…now…and now…_

I didn't discover what brought all this on until later that night.

"Not that I didn't enjoy the more and all your _I love you's_, Edward, but to what do I owe all this attention?" I asked him as I was lying with my head on his chest, synchronizing my breath to his and lazily drawing patterns across his stomach with my fingertips.

"I just wanted to make sure you know just how much I love you and how grateful I am for you," he answered as he drew me tighter against him and kissed the top of my head letting his lips rest there.

"What'd you do? Did you break my Slap Chop?" I asked warily garnering a chuckle from Edward.

"No. I didn't do anything. Well, I read your journals," he answered. I thought he held his breath for just a fraction of a second waiting for my response.

Wow, he really read them. I was shocked. Not shocked because he read them, but that he didn't think I was a complete loon after all that. I couldn't remember exactly what I had written, but I was sure it was rash and emotional since I tended to keep my feelings bottled up in front of others but unleashed them full force in the privacy of my own room.

"And you still love me after my insane rants?" I asked half-giggling.

"I love you more because of them," Edward responded.

"You're a strange man, Edward Cullen," I said placing a kiss on his chest.

I felt Edward smile into my hair. "Thanks." I sensed a little anxiety on his part, and I remembered last year that he said he wouldn't bring it up again if I answered a couple of his questions about senior year. I knew he wanted to say something else but probably wanted to keep his word about not bringing it up again.

I sat up so I could look down at him, moving my hand that was previously drawing patterns on him up to rest on his cheek, rubbing the scratchy stubble that I loved so much. "Alright, let's hear it. Ask away, Edward," I said half-smiling this time but also internally bracing myself for an inquisition.

"Really?" he asked.

I nodded. I knew he wouldn't get a proper night's sleep if he didn't get it, whatever _it_ was, off his chest.

Edward placed his hand on mine and looked intently into my eyes again suddenly looking tortured.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he began to apologize. "I'm sorry I was such an ass. I'm sorry I drove you away, and I'm sorry you had such a horrible time of it in high school."

"Edward, stop," I told him. I did not want him to apologize. "Don't. You have nothing to apologize for." He really didn't. "It was all me and my stupid bruised…I don't know, pride, I guess. It wasn't your fault you didn't return my feelings."

"But I read what you wrote. I know how much pain I caused you. I _felt_ that pain as I read your words, Bella, and I'm so…" I interrupted his self-loathing by placing my finger over his lips.

"Stop," I whispered. "Just stop. I won't have you beating yourself up for that. It's done, Edward. Over. We're here now," I said gesturing to our bedroom, our current surroundings. Then I brought Edward's hands to my belly, which was exposed from my tank top riding up a bit, and placed my hands on top of his. "_This_ is where we are now. Nothing else matters."

Edward slowly inched his body closer to mine. He was still lying down so he only barely had to lift his head to place a kiss on my stomach before finally sitting up to face me, caressing my cheek with his finger.

"I know, but I'm still sorry for the heartache you felt anyway," he said earnestly.

I smiled ruefully and sighed. "Well, it made me a stronger person in the end I think."

"You're more than I deserve, Isabella," he whispered shaking his head slightly. Before I could protest he placed a finger over my lips this time as he continued speaking. "But I swear to live everyday trying to be that man that does deserve your love," he vowed. Then he blessed me with his crooked smile. "Who knows? Perhaps one day I will actually earn it."

I just stared back at him; I was dumbfounded. He had it completely backwards. I spoke even with his finger still on my lips. "Um, I'm pretty sure it's me that doesn't deserve _you_."

"Nuh-uh," he said shaking his head.

"Uh-huh," I countered nodding mine. Very mature, I know.

"Bella, you're a very smart person, and you know I love you dearly, but that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say," Edward responded.

"Edward, you're very smart yourself. I love you more than you know, but you're an idiot," I stated.

"Thank you, I am," he smiled at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Can we just agree that we are very good for each other?" I asked finally.

Edward nodded, "Yes, I think that statement is very on the mark."

"Fine," I said.

"Fine," Edward agreed.

"And stop going through my journals. I don't like that they're so painful for you to read," I told him as I leaned in for a kiss.

Edward shook his head. "I think I really needed to read them to understand you better. I have to admit, it was amazing to be inside your brain even if it was from years ago. Besides, it wasn't all that painful. Some of it was amusing," he smiled.

I made a face. "Like what?"

"Like your musings on Mike Newton and Erik Yorkie being annoying and that you thought I was _really cute_ when you first met me," he laughed making air quotes.

I scowled at Edward. Normally, I would have blushed. I was amazed at how less embarrassed I got around him. "You're Popsicle is _so_ melting."

Edward laughed again. "What? You don't think I'm cute anymore?"

I made a face, "You know you're not _cute_," I said. He raised his eyebrows at me. "I thought I made it perfectly clear last year that you are smoking hot."

Edward's expression lifted, "Oh yeah," he grinned crookedly from my jogging his memory.

I pushed his chest, "Compliment whore."

Edward only laughed.

I noticed my journals were still sitting out on the sofa in the bedroom, and, for whatever reason, I decided to pick them up. I started to look through them. Edward joined me, and we perused them together.

We laughed at how boring my life was in Phoenix. It was boring, but I was fine with it. There was school and hanging out with Coley, and that was pretty much it.

It was weird going through the rest of my journals though. At the time I wrote in them, it was clear how emotionally distraught I was, but looking at them a few years later, with more maturity and life experience, I could remain detached. I mean, I felt for my teenage self, but I didn't relive the emotions. I was able to look at myself as an outside observer.

It was still a little tough for Edward to read though. He heaved a huge sigh and looked up at the ceiling when we got to the part where I said I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I saw him kissing Heather. I kissed Edward's hand and squeezed it to try to soothe his anxiety.

"It's fine," I whispered. "I over exaggerated all the time."

I did apologize for being all terse and pissy with him in class back then when I told him I was suffering from heartburn.

Edward merely shook his head, "No, don't apologize for that. Though this," he pointed to the journal, "does explain a lot. Everything makes more sense now."

The hardest time I had was when we got to the entries where I kept talking about how I _fucked_ everything up. Part of my mild distress was from Edward's reaction though. Those emotions did come back to me in a quick wave of hurt and regret, but I only just looked at Edward, my Edward now, and the regret fizzled away. Edward winced at my words on the page though, but once again, I placed his hand on my belly and told him everything was fine. He eventually nodded, believing me.

We laughed at my entries about Hal, and hey, who knew I kind of came up with the Slap Chop? I could have been a millionaire!

I closed the journal before getting to the goodbyes after graduation and my leaving for Phoenix. Instead of rehashing those entries and emotions, Edward pulled me to him and we sat quietly for a moment. I thought about how hard that night was for me to leave my friends in Forks.

"Man, Edward, I was a hot mess wasn't I," I commented. "Glad that's all over with."

"Me too," he sighed. "How was college? Did you journal then or did you stop?"

"Oh, I kept journaling, but I put it all on my computer. I have a jump drive chock full of my ramblings and streams of consciousness."

"Do I want to check those out?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You can if you want, but those entries are not as drama filled as these," I said tapping my leather bound journals. "Mostly I journaled about classes and Coley, Chad, Hal and Alice. There's some stuff about you, but not much. I mostly just kept the stuff about you in my head I guess to try to forget more easily. Once the thoughts are written or typed, they're so concrete; they're always there. But in my mind, I could just keep trying to push you out of it, if that makes sense. It didn't work though. I thought about you a lot in college. More than I wanted to, more than I should have," I smiled wistfully.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"There were so many times when I thought about calling you up or emailing you to bitch about some of my classes and professors. I missed our friendship a lot," I said resting my head on Edward's shoulder.

"I wish you would have contacted me. I missed the friendship a lot too. And you were the first person I thought of when I had a bad day, or even a good day. I wished I could have talked to you."

"Really?" I asked making a face.

"Mmmhmm," Edward nodded.

"Wow," I breathed. "We're both really stupid," I declared.

"Mmmhmm," Edward nodded again. "No wait. Correction. We _were_ both stupid. Now we're…"

"Super smart, right?" I finished the sentence for him.

"Absolutely," Edward agreed, and we both laughed at ourselves.

"Oh, speaking of smart, I've been thinking about baby names," I said casually.

"Really? Let's hear it then," Edward said.

"Well, I don't have anything set in stone, of course, but I think it would be nice to pay homage to our grandmothers."

Edward nodded. "I really like that idea. What are your grandmothers' names again?"

I was about to answer but then laughed when I heard Edward's stomach growl.

"Why are you laughing at me?" he asked.

"Because I'm the one whose grumbling stomach is always interrupting, and Edward Cullen's stomach growling makes me laugh." Edward rolled his eyes at me. Yes, I was easily amused. "Oh, I stopped at the grocery store before coming home to pick up some more Rocky Road, which I got, but I found something else that I _had_ to get," I grinned at him. "It's my new favorite," I said wiggling my eyebrows at him.

"Oh yeah? Let's see it."

We both got up and raced each other down the hall. Edward was beating me, of course, until I pulled on his t-shirt to slow him down enough so I could push my way to the kitchen first.

"Flag," Edward laughed, pretending to toss a flag down and gesturing like the refs do on TV in the football games with his right fist upright and his left hand tugging down on his right wrist. "That's holding, Bella. I get an automatic first down."

"Am I supposed to know what you're talking about Edward?" I asked giving him a strange look.

"Never mind," he said. "Um, there's no prize for getting to the kitchen first you know."

"Oh no?" I asked. "Then what do you call this?" I opened the freezer and produced a slice of chocolate cream pie. "Look at what it's called," I giggled as I got a spoon out.

Edward read the label and rolled his eyes. "Edwards Singles, huh? It's got to be pretty good right?" he smirked.

"It's chocolate. It's pie. It's called Edward. How could this be bad?" I shrugged as I opened the single serving, placed it on a plate and took a bite. I closed my eyes as I savored the sweet, rich, chocolatey goodness. "Mmmm," I smiled blissfully.

"Wow, should I leave you alone with your dessert, love?" Edward asked me laughing.

I stuck my tongue out at Edward but offered him a bite anyway. "You _have _to try this."

Edward took a taste and then shrugged. "It's okay."

"Just _okay_?" I asked incredulously. Was he nuts? It was chocolate. It was pie. It was called _Edward_ for goodness sakes!

"Well, I'm not going to make love to it like you just did," he laughed.

"Shut up," I pushed him playfully. "This is good. I could do a lot worse than making love to Edward, I'll have you know."

Edward gave me a curious look. "Are you talking about the pie or your husband?"

"Both," I informed him. "Both are sweet, delicious, and…oh so satisfying," I smirked at him.

"_Satisfying_, huh?" Edward smirked right back. "I'll show you _satisfying_."

Edward reached out and picked up the pie, scooping up some of the chocolate cream with his finger, and then he walked towards me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my tone conveying fear. He kept coming at me until I was backed up against the wall. I was trapped, and Edward was smiling wickedly.

He reached his finger out coming at my face. I closed my eyes and braced myself, ready for him to smear the chocolate on me. I was expecting Edward to swipe the pie on my cheek or something, but all I felt was his finger ghosting over my lips. Shocked, I opened my eyes just as Edward's mouth came towards mine, kissing me and licking the chocolate off my lips.

"Mmmm," Edward licked his lips clean. "That _is_ tasty," he nodded smiling.

"My turn," I smiled back as I took his fingertip into my mouth licking the rest of the chocolate cream off and sucking on the end of it, letting my tongue swirl over the tip. I licked my lips and smiled again. Once I was done and took his finger out of my mouth.

"Nice," Edward breathed.

I winked as I scooped up some of the chocolate and smeared it on Edward's lips. He then allowed me to reciprocate and lick and kiss the pie filling off of his lips. Occasionally, Edward's tongue would dart out to taste the chocolate off my lips and tongue. Then he, too, reciprocated and sucked on my finger until the chocolate was gone. I closed my eyes as his tongue did its work.

"Mmm, nice," I smiled. Suddenly, I gasped as I felt Edward's hands at the hem of my tank top, and before I knew it, he tugged the tank up and over my head, tossing it on the floor and exposing the girls.

Edward had another wicked grin on his face as he reached for more chocolate cream and came back at me with his finger. I closed my eyes again bracing myself for the contact. I felt Edward's finger slide slowly across my collarbone followed by his mouth and tongue cleaning the cream off. I sighed in relief and relaxed my shoulders once he got the chocolate off of me, but gasped when I felt his fingertip on my right breast. All I could do was moan when Edward's mouth replaced his finger. I hissed when his tongue swirled around the hardened peak and then he gently sucked.

When he was finished, Edward stood back up to face me. He handed me the slice of pie to hold as he scooped me up into his arms to carry me bridal style.

Edward kept looking down at me smiling, amused by my slightly frightened and very worried expression as I bit my bottom lip. I didn't know what exactly he had in mind, but I imagined it would get messy…and sticky.

"Worried?" he finally asked me as he gently set me down on the bed.

"Mmmhmm," I nodded meekly, fighting a grimace but also fighting a smile at the same time. Edward merely laughed.

"You wanted me to have some pie," he stated matter-of-factly. "So I'm having some pie."

"I see," I responded. "And I _feel_," I said making a face as I touched my sticky collarbone.

"Sorry about that," Edward smiled; only he didn't look or sound sorry. "It tasted good though."

"Yeah," I laughed. "You don't look remorseful. At all actually."

"That's because I was just kidding about being sorry. I loved every second of it. And I'm pretty sure you enjoyed it too. Am I wrong?"

I smiled my response. It was pretty nice. Sticky but nice.

"I thought so." Edward then gestured to the pie that I was still holding. "Eat. I'll be right back." He went into the bathroom and I heard him turn the shower water on.

I set the plate down for a second while I threw on another tank top before I resumed eating.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked coming back out from the bathroom and tugging at the bottom of my tank top. He was pouting slightly.

"Um, I'm not eating pie topless. That's not how I was raised. We _are_ living in a society, Edward," I scoffed taking another bite of my pie.

Edward laughed. "Right. Well, when you're done being a part of society, I have a shower ready."

I licked my lips and nodded putting the almost empty plate down on the nightstand. "Then I, too, am ready," I said as I got up and moved towards the bathroom.

Edward tugged on my tank top once more, stopping me briefly before turning me back around and pulling me to him. And as soon as I looked up at him, Edward's lips were on mine.

He tugged my tank top back up, breaking the kiss just long enough to pull it over my head so I was topless once again. We resumed the lingering lips 4.0 as Edward pushed my bottoms down and picked me up bridal style once again to carry me into the bathroom.

Edward set me down on my feet right next to the shower stall. I tugged his shirt up a little bit and Edward did the rest as I planted openmouthed kisses on his chest and stomach while pushing his basketball shorts and boxers down. I pressed my body closer to Edward, breathing in his scent and feeling the ambassador, at full attention, against my stomach.

Edward stepped into the shower first and then helped me in. There were two showerheads in our extra large shower stall, and both sprays were on. We were being pelted with water from two directions. I had Edward backed up against the wall between the two shower sprays.

My hand automatically moved to massage the boys and then circled around his shaft, squeezing and stroking from the base to the tip. I bent down slightly to take the ambassador into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip and sucking on it gently.

"Oh, god, Bella," Edward moaned causing me to take more of him into my mouth. I kept moving my head back and forth until I felt Edward back up ever so slightly. "Wait," he groaned.

I backed up enough to allow Edward's back to slide down the wall of the shower until he was in a sitting position. I crouched down to look Edward in the eye. He pulled me to him and covered my mouth with his again. I lowered myself onto Edward, finally, and started bucking my hips against his as we continued kissing. He pumped into me harder and harder as I squeezed around the ambassador.

I could feel Edward's hands cupping my butt, the ambassador slamming into me, Edward's tongue flicking against mine with the water hitting my sides and my back. The sensations overwhelmed me, and one thrust later, my walls clenched around Edward. I moaned into his mouth as I hit my climax, my body quivered in the ecstasy. Edward followed right after me, grimacing and grunting my name as he came inside of me.

I rested my head on Edward's shoulder and wrapped my arms around him reveling in our proximity for an immeasurable moment.

We finally stood back up and finished the shower together, cleaning each other off with the shower poufs. Edward washed my hair for me, and I did the same for him. We dried ourselves off, threw our pajamas on, and before long, Edward had me lying in his arms again in bed.

I closed my eyes and sighed in content. It had been a long day.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Weren't you going to tell me your grandmothers' names?"

"Oh, yeah," I mumbled. "Marie and Charlotte," I yawned. "How about your grandmothers? They were Josephine and Helen right?"

"Yes."

"Oh good," I mumbled some more. "Perfect, Edward."

"What's perfect, love?" I heard him ask me as I started drifting off into a slumber. "Come on, Bella, don't leave me hanging." Edward tapped my shoulder.

"Hmm?" I asked groggily.

"What do you want to name our daughter, Bella? The suspense is killing me."

"Oh," I responded with my eyes still closed. "Sorry," I yawned. I moved Edward's hands over my belly and placed my hands on top of his. "CJ, this is Daddy," I whispered smiling.

**A/N And there you go. CJ. Work it out: Charlotte Josephine Cullen, with an infinite number of nicknames at her disposal. That was the name I was partial to. Thanks for all the suggestions from everyone. Some of you were on the same page as me: mayalucille, juliette89, and agiissmxss, but the gold star goes to XfrequentlyXdazzledX! I loved the idea of naming baby girl after the grannies and also having a nickname that would pay homage to Chief Swan. Sorry if you don't like it, but I know you, my readers, can deal.**

**Oh, the pie is real, my friends. Check your grocer's freezer. That's Edwards Singles. If you review, I'll let Edward kiss the pie off your lips! Or, if you prefer, I can dispatch Jasper or Emmett, and , oh why not? Carlisle may be available as well!**


	21. Child's Play

**A/N SM owns Twilight and all things related to Twilight. I own a battered copy of the paperback and one cherry hardcover of it signed by Ms. Meyer herself, thank you very much.**

**First of all, I had some Edward's Hershey Crème Pie and it was all kinds of delicious. My husband even liked it, though he rolled his eyes at the name of the pie.**

**I had dispatched the Cullen men to all four corners of the world to help you guys out with the pie, but I will need them back for this chapter. As I told xXxDamienMaslinxXx, their women did not know I had pimped them out. BTW, Maslin, Jasper's limping a little and has rope burn. What'd you do to him?? I sent Seth to Canada. Llama, you can keep him. I have no use for Seth. Enjoy, he's all yours.**

**Here's a new fic for you to read. It's called **_**Chances Are**_** by my girl Breyzie1478. It's AH. A bit OOC, but I know you guys are cool with that since you read my fics right? Rated M, yo, for later lemons. It's kinda cute, and I'm the beta on board so chickity-check it out.**

**Finally, Friday, May 29****th**** is my birthday! So, seriously, if you haven't reviewed yet (through CLG or TDG) throw me a smurfin' bone here, a'ight? **

**A'ight. Here's the latest for you to GREAR.**

**The Daily Grind **

**Chp 21**

**BPoV**

It was nearing Spring Break time for Edward again, the third week of March, almost to our first anniversary as well. My barely there bump was now protruding and suddenly very obvious since I was almost twenty-four weeks along. It was a little disconcerting how I was only sporting a baby bump and now suddenly I was rocking what felt to be Mount Everest. I was able to set my magazine on my belly as I perused the women's journal that I was doing freelance work for.

"Was I this big yesterday, Edward?" I asked closing the magazine and rubbing CJ, who apparently couldn't decide which side of my belly to relax in. "Ugh!"

"Did she just move again?" Edward asked taking his right hand off the steering wheel and placing it on my stomach. I moved his hand over to where our daughter kicked me last. Almost sensing that her daddy's hand was just on the outside, CJ gave me another little kick. Edward and I both grinned at each other. "I'll never get tired of that," Edward mused. He brought his hand back up to his mouth, kissed his palm, and placed it back on CJ and me, rubbing little circles.

The first time I felt CJ move was a couple weeks prior. We had just finished making love. I went into the bathroom to freshen up when I felt some movement, a little nudge, in my belly that was something other than digestion going on.

"Edward!" I yelled.

Edward rushed into the bathroom upon hearing the panic in my voice.

"What is it? Are you all right?" he sounded panicked himself.

"Um, I think so. Come here," I held out my hand to grab his and placed it on my stomach. "I think she moved," I whispered like my regular voice would scare her from moving or something.

"Oh, really?" Edward whispered back, his eyes were wide with wonder. "I don't feel anything," he whispered again. "Are you sure it wasn't just gas?" I made a face to scowl at him. "I'm just asking," he shrugged.

"Just wait," I said quietly.

We just stood there staring stupidly at each other with our four hands all over my belly for about three minutes with nothing happening. Finally, I just shrugged giving up, and we crawled back into bed. Of course she wouldn't perform for us on cue.

In bed, we were lying on our sides, my back to Edward, and his arms were wrapped around me. Edward's hands were resting on my stomach again. Just as I was about to fall asleep, I felt movement again and gasped.

"Did you feel that, Edward?" I turned my head to look at him even though it was too dark to see.

"Yes," I could hear the smile in his voice even in his whisper. "That was incredible, love," he said before kissing me softly.

We had stayed up a little longer to try to feel CJ move some more, and she did a couple times. We were overjoyed with each little punch or kick she'd grace us with, in awe of the little nudger inside of me.

"I swear I blew up overnight, Edward. Don't you think?" I asked again looking sideways at him.

He glanced at me warily before looking at the road again, thinking over his answer I guessed. He pursed his lips to the side unsure of how to answer.

"It's not a trick question. Just answer," I pleaded.

"You look just as beautiful to me today as you did yesterday," Edward answered very diplomatically. Then he grinned at me, clearly proud of his response.

I rolled my eyes. I felt like I had gotten bigger, but then I was also a crazy pregnant lady. Alice and Rose would tell me the truth once we arrived at Carlisle and Esme's house. They wanted to have us all over for dinner to see their two grandsons and their _favorite children_, Esme had said. Like they had other children in other places scattered throughout the world. They also wanted to see us for our first anniversary before Edward and I headed to San Diego to visit Coley and Chad for a long weekend.

Once we got to his parents' house, Edward parked in the circle drive behind Rosalie's BMW. Jasper's Saab was in front of his sister's car, and my dad's cruiser was in front of the Saab so we were the last to arrive.

Sue and Charlie opened the door for Edward and me.

"Hi Sue. Hi, Dad," I grinned as they both gave me a hug. Edward hugged Sue and shook my dad's hand.

"Hi, kids," they both smiled.

"My, Bella, our little Charlie sure is growing," Sue beamed.

"She sure is," I smiled at Sue and my dad but also threw a pointed look at Edward. He merely shrugged.

"How's my Charlie today?" Charlie, my dad, asked also beaming himself.

"Pretty active," I said rubbing my belly. Dad loved that we were having a _little Charlie_. Everyone had their own nickname for our daughter. Most of us called her CJ. Dad and Sue called her little Charlie. Coley called her "Seej" instead of pronouncing both letters. Hal called her BGBG for _baby girl's baby girl_. And Emmett…

"Hey, Eddie, Bells. How's Chucky doing today?" he grinned as he was holding EmJ. He had insisted on _Chucky _the moment we told everyone what we wanted to name BGC (baby girl Cullen).

Alice and Rosalie loved the name Charlotte and were happy that all three cousins would have a middle name beginning with J. Jasper pointed out some possible nicknames, CJ, Seej, Char, CiCi, Charlie Jo, Charlie, when Emmett jumped in with _Chucky._

"Really? _Chucky_?" I had questioned.

"Yeah. You know, Charlotte can be called Charlie and Chuck is a nickname for Charlie and Chucky is a derivative of Chuck? Do you want me to draw you a flow chart, Bella?" he teased.

I had made a face at him before saying, "Uh, no, not necessary. I can keep up, but why _Chucky_?" It was a little creepy to me, though I couldn't figure out why at the time.

Emmett merely shrugged. "That's just how mind works I guess."

It wasn't until this family/anniversary dinner that I realized just how creepy that _Chucky_ moniker could be.

We had a delicious dinner that Esme and Sue prepared. Alice and Rosalie both commented on how my bump seemed to grow overnight. I commented on how I thought the same thing, and I rolled my eyes at Edward once again. It wasn't that I minded getting bigger; it was inevitable after all. I just thought it was funny that Edward wouldn't ever say it. He was afraid I'd go over the edge or something. It had become my secret mission to get him to admit that I was getting bigger.

Edward and I brought some pies for dessert. I was in love with Edward's pies so we brought a variety over to Esme's house. My favorite, of course, was the Hershey's Crème Pie, but we brought over key lime, pecan, and a Cookies and Cream pie as well.

After dinner and dessert we sat around taking turns holding Adam and playing with EmJ, who was crawling around like crazy.

"Oh, I can't wait to play dress up with CJ, Bella!" Alice would occasionally announce and clap. She had already purchased a beginning wardrobe for her niece.

"You can play dress up with Adam and EmJ just as easily, Alice," I laughed.

"Yeah, but a _little girl_," she mused dreamily.

"What if CJ doesn't dig shopping like her mom?" Jasper asked.

Alice's horrifically loud intake of breath startled most of us and conveyed that the thought never even crossed Alice's mind, and how could Jasper speak such blasphemy? Alice glared at her husband.

"I'm just saying," Jasper shrugged.

Esme laughed, "We'll love CJ whether she loves to shop or not." I smiled my thanks to Esme.

"Oh, speaking of shopping, I have something for you, Bella. And I know you hate getting presents but…" Esme said leaving the room for a moment while she grabbed a small box. My friends all looked at me like they were waiting for me to go all Bella on Esme, but come on! No one goes all Bella on Esme. No one. She was one of the kindest people that ever walked the earth.

I smiled as Esme came back in and handed the box to me. "Thanks, Esme," I said as I opened the dark purple jewelry box to reveal a delicate gold chain. "It's so pretty," I said as I fingered the necklace. I tilted the box toward Rose and Alice so they could see it.

"You said your rings were a getting a bit tight so I thought you could still wear them around your neck during your pregnancy," Esme explained.

That was so thoughtful of her. I was retaining water big time and my rings were rather snug. I dreaded having to take them off, and this necklace solved the problem.

"That's really great of you, Esme," I smiled as I muscled my engagement ring and wedding band off my left ring finger and slipped them onto the gold chain. Edward took the chain from me and clasped it as I held my hair up. "Perfect!" I grinned as I gave Esme a hug.

"Oh!" we both said as we broke the hug. I laughed as I rubbed my belly again. "CJ likes the necklace I guess. That's good news for you, eh, Alice?"

"Yes!" Alice pumped her fist. "My girl likes jewelry!"

We all just shook our heads and chuckled at Alice's excitement.

"Hey, I've got something for you guys too," Emmett said.

"Oh, no," Rosalie groaned, slapping the heel of her hand against her forehead and shaking her head.

"Babe, come on. They're gonna love it. It's actually for the baby. Be right back," Emmett said jogging out of the room.

Edward and I looked at each other. I was already worried.

"Bella, Edward," Rose said while Emmett was still gone. "I'm so sorry. I tried to talk him out of it. Please remember that?"

We both gave Rosalie a strange look but nodded. "Okay, Rose."

Emmett returned from his car with a laundry basket that was covered with wrapping paper over the top of it. He set it down in front of Edward and me and crossed his arms proudly over his chest, nodding in delight.

We all just stared at it.

"Go on. Open it," Emmett urged.

I took a deep breath and tore the paper off slowly. "AH!" I let out a small squeal and jumped back against Edward's chest when I saw a pair of angry eyes staring back at me.

"What is it?" Alice and Sue asked curiously. I could barely hear them over Emmett's laughter at my response.

With my foot, I pushed the basket over to Alice who had handed Adam over to Jasper so she could push the paper to the side and peer into the laundry basket.

"OH MY GOD!" Alice screamed looking away. Emmett was cackling even louder. "What the hell is that, Emmett?"

At this point, Edward went over to tear the rest of the paper off. He looked down at the angry eyes, made a disgusted face, but brought out the scary doll and set it down in the middle of the room for all to see.

Everyone. _Everyone_ had the look of horror and disdain on their face except for Emmett. It was a two-foot tall Chucky doll with tattered clothing, an evil grin, angry eyes, as I mentioned before, and red stitches and scars all over his maniacal face.

Then suddenly his head spun so he was looking at Esme. "AH!" many of us screamed again.

Emmett was still cracking up. We all looked up at him cackling when Chucky spoke. There was eerie horror movie music and we could see Chucky's lips barely moving, revealing his evil little teeth as he said, "You got your wish. You're mine now, _doll!_"

Again, everyone moved their heads back infinitesimally, completely horror stricken.

"Isn't he great?" Emmett asked. "He's remote controlled too!" he grinned waving the little remote control at us.

"Great?" I asked. Was he being serious? "This is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life, Emmett."

"You've got some serious issues, dude," Jasper chimed in.

The women in the room all nodded in agreement. I was sure my dad thought Emmett had lost his mind this time.

"Are you all right, son?" Charlie asked Emmett in all seriousness.

"Is this who you're nicknaming your niece after?" Edward asked, clearly appalled.

Emmett was still laughing. "No, I came up with Chucky on my own, but then I saw this," he gestured to the doll, "online and thought, _perfect_!"

"Really? That's what you thought?" I asked shaking my head. "Emmett, log off of Ebay and step away from the computer slowly," I advised him. This doll was absolutely frightening. "Are we really supposed to keep this in our house? For our child?"

"That's the plan, sister," Emmett replied.

I looked at Edward. "I don't think I'll be able sleep with that thing in the HQ. I think I'll be having nightmares for months as it is," I shuddered. "How about you keep it at your house, Emmett, and we can, uh…_play_ with it whenever we come over?"

Emmett made a face and shook his head. "That's no good. Rosie won't let me keep it in the house."

"I made him store that…_thing_ in the trunk of the car," Rosalie informed us. "It's so creepy."

"Uh-huh," I agreed. I didn't blame her.

"Whatever, you guys. Every child is precious and is a blessing," Emmett lectured us.

"Yes, every _child_," I agreed. "That thing," I made a face and pointed to Chucky, "is the spawn of Satan, and I firmly believe he'd try to slay me in my sleep."

Emmett waved me off. "Chicken."

"I'm the chicken, huh?" I countered chuckling. "Then how about you keep it at your house?"

Everyone was smiling knowingly as Emmett glanced nervously at Rosalie who was looking back at him pointedly, daring him to try and bring that thing into her house.

"I see your point, sister, and I have made an executive decision to keep Chucky at the DG."

"Fabulous," I said lamely. At least I got it out of my house.

"Yeah, he can sit on the counter to greet customers and we can maybe have a countdown to our Chucky's birthday," Emmett brainstormed.

"Yeah, great, can we get this thing out of here now before EmJ is scarred for life?" Rosalie asked her husband.

"Fine, fine," Emmett mumbled as he placed Chucky back into the basket and carried it off to his car again. He returned to the house rather quickly I noted.

When he came back, Emmett commented, "You know, he _is_ kind of creepy. His evil grin freaked me out a little as I was closing the trunk on him and I double-timed it back in the house."

We all laughed at his admission and the visual he just gave us of him scurrying back inside into safety. Emmett was just slightly embarrassed, but he defended himself.

"Hey, it's dark out there, jerks," he shuddered.

Soon, Sue and my dad left, and before long, it was time for us to leave for Seattle again. Edward and I said goodbye to our nephews. I'd miss them for the few days we'd be gone.

Edward told Emmett not to let Chucky get him tonight. Emmett just rolled his eyes.

Esme brought me into the kitchen to pack up some snacks for the car ride home. She knew how I was always hungry and snacking.

"Look, Bella," Esme said holding up a Slap Chop. "I got one too!" We both laughed. "It's just so handy. I love it."

"I know!" I agreed, still laughing.

"Carlisle likes to use it too," Esme told me quietly, and we laughed again.

I could just imagine Carlisle in the kitchen pretending to be Vince the Slap Chop guy yelling, "You're gonna love my nuts!" or "We're gonna make America skinny one slap at a time!"

Esme and Carlisle wished us well on our weekend with Coley and Chad in San Diego. We would be leaving early the next day so Edward and I had to get home and pack.

Once home, Edward took JoJo for a walk and then dropped him off with Hal, Shane, and Diddy for the weekend and then joined me in the HQ to pack.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

"Um, packing?" I answered in a tone that made it clear that it should have been obvious.

"But…"

"What?" I asked as I placed a newly folded t-shirt in my small suitcase.

"That's a shirt you wore before you were pregnant," Edward commented. "And those bras."

"So? I really like them," I responded as I continued doing the same with a couple more tees. "What?" I asked Edward since he was just watching me with his brows furrowed.

"Are you wearing those tees to sleep in?" he continued asking.

I shook my head. "No, I was going to wear them out."

"And the bras?" Edward asked hesitantly.

I shrugged. "Same. I think they're cute. Why? You don't like them?"

"No, it's not that," Edward said quickly. "It's just…I thought they'd be uncomfortable for you."

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"Uh, because…you're…um, you've gotten…"

"What, Edward? I've gotten what? Say it. Out loud. Say it," I urged tersely.

"Bigger," he all but whispered but then made an apologetic face.

"Are you afraid?" I asked gravely, quoting another line from the vampire movie.

Edward's eyes shifted to look around the room in confusion. "No. Should I be?"

All I could do was laugh as Edward looked on, clearly bewildered.

"See, Edward? I'm okay. You can tell me I'm big. It won't break me," I told him ruffling his hair as I continued to laugh at his stunned expression.

"Was this all a ploy to get me to tell you that you're…bigger?" he asked half-smiling.

"Yes," I nodded. "I wouldn't actually wear these tight clothes. My boobs wouldn't even fit into these bras," I laughed tossing the bras onto the bed. "The clothes I'm taking are actually already packed in my other suitcase over there," I pointed to the sofa.

"You're…silly," Edward remarked.

"Yes," I nodded. "And?"

"And I love you," Edward smiled as he pulled me in for a kiss.

"Thanks, I love you too."

**A/N So we're back to more shenanigans. You got a problem with that? So you can see the scary Chucky doll if you google him or just check out the address link on my profile. He's really creepy. I don't think I'd be able to sleep with that thing in my house either, but you can judge for yourselves. **

**Okay, Bella is over halfway through her pregnancy and we are nearing the end of the story. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I'm not sure how many more chapters but the end is near, my friends…remember to review please! Oh, and read **_**Chances Are**_** by Breyzie1478!**


	22. Pillow Talk

**A/N I so don't own what clearly belongs to SM. I so do own what clearly doesn't belong to SM, but not all, I mean, obviously I don't own the Chucky doll or a Slap Chop—oh wait! I will soon own a Slap Chap courtesy of my MIL for my birthday. I'll let you know if it's as fabulous as I have written it to be…**

**So have you checked out **_**Chances Are**_** by Breyzie1478 yet? It's good right? And it's her first Twilight fic! You're welcome.**

**Oh, I was reminded that I actually have a thread for CLG and TDG on Twilighted. Feel free to log onto the forum and sound off on the…series? I guess it's a series –shrugs- It's in the AU section of the Twilighted forums. Look for "Can't Let Go and The Daily Grind". Thanks to daria and bgwillis1281 for posting your comments. I appreciate it.**

**Sorry to those of you who I freaked out with the Chucky doll. I hate horror movies myself, and that doll is for sure creepy. Vampirelust7, if you need to talk more about it, I'm here for you.**

**Congrats to Katherine Rosalie Hale for being my 1000****th**** reviewer! Virtual confetti is falling down all around you right now, my dear! Can you hear the imaginary noisemakers and sirens going off? What is it you get for being the 1000****th**** customer on FF? How's about a cameo in this chapter? Oh, and thanks for the early birthday wishes! I appreciate it!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 22**

**EPoV**

"I think CJ is excited to visit Coley too," Bella grinned at me as she rubbed her belly. We were waiting for Coley and Chad to pick us up. Coley had texted that traffic was murder but they were almost at the airport. We weren't annoyed at all; our flight actually took off a little early from Seattle, and when did that ever happen?

I couldn't help but smile as I looked at my two favorite women. Well, one of the _women_ wasn't even a woman yet. She wasn't even born yet, but still. I couldn't suppress the happiness I felt when I thought about my two reasons for, at the risk of sounding dramatic, living really. Bella and CJ made me want to be a better man.

"Is she bouncing around in there?" I asked as I let go of the handles to our suitcases briefly to feel the baby move. Even if CJ weren't moving, I loved to just feel along Bella's stomach to find the hard spot where CJ's little knee, elbow, or foot was leaning. It just killed me. I could just picture CJ, hanging out in there. And the way she would occasionally make Bella squeal or groan with a random kick would crack me up. We never grew tired of it. But if Bella didn't feel CJ move for a little while, she'd get so worried. Inevitably, though, CJ would make her presence known again, setting Bella, and ultimately me, at ease. How could the smallest kick give two grown people so much relief?

"Aww! Look at you two!" Coley's excited voice came through loud and clear despite us being in the busy and crowded airport. "I mean, THREE!" she corrected herself.

We immediately snapped our heads up to see a very happy Coley and a grinning Chad en route to greet us. Coley already had her arms out ready to hug Bella.

"Oh my god! Look at you all glowing and beautiful and pregnant and stuff!" Coley laughed as she embraced Bella. "And you're _huge_! I love it!"

Bella laughed at Coley's assessment and stuck her tongue out at me. I just chuckled. I didn't know why Bella wanted me to tell her she was getting bigger, but she did. Sometimes she was so funny that way, a complete puzzle to me.

"May I?" Coley asked for permission before touching Bella's bump.

"Of course," Bella answered.

"Aww," Coley gushed. "Well, you're not _huge_ huge, just huge compared to the unpregnant you, which doesn't take much but still. I know you're going to get bigger."

"I know what you meant," Bella giggled.

Then Coley saw and acknowledged me. "Hey, Edward! So good to see you again," she said hugging me as Bella hugged Chad hello.

"Good to see you too, Coley. Chad," I nodded as we shook hands.

"Hey, man. How are you doing? Ready to be a dad yet?" he asked half-grinning.

I nodded, "Yep, I'm warming up to the idea," I grinned back.

"That's good because really there's no turning back," Coley laughed. Then she hooked arms with Bella, and they started marching ahead, leaving Chad and me with the luggage. We just looked at each other and shrugged as we each took one suitcase and trailed behind our women.

The girls waited so we could catch up after Chad was stopped a couple times for an autograph and picture. I had forgotten we were with a professional athlete. It was weird. The fans would look me up and down and study my face to determine if I were a baseball player as well. The look of disappointment on their faces when they realized I was a nobody was rather humbling.

"Are you hungry?" Coley asked once we got to their car. "I bet you are," she grinned.

Bella smiled, "I could eat something." I smiled. I was sure Bella was starving. She ate every few hours anymore.

"Edward, what about you?" Coley asked.

I held my hands up, "I'm doing whatever the missus is doing."

"Good man," Coley approved.

It was about one in the afternoon so we stopped for some sandwiches at Coley's favorite deli called the Submarina. It was close to where they lived. Coley made friends with one of the workers there, Katherine. Katherine made a mean sub. Coley had done some exploring on her own while Chad was working at Spring Training, that's how she met Katherine. She was a woman of leisure now, not that she wanted to be. Coley rolled her eyes when Bella referred to her as such.

"Man, I need to find a job. I get so bored. I'm not built to sit around," she lamented.

We talked about San Diego, Coley's options for things to do, and CJ, including Emmett's latest stunt, purchasing the creepy Chucky doll, as we ate.

Coley nearly choked and Sprite almost shot out of her nose, she was laughing so hard, when we told about Chucky's head spinning and how the doll's creepiness even freaked Emmett out when he was closing the trunk on Chucky. She snorted at the visual of Emmett hauling his butt back into the house because he was scared of the stupid doll.

"Ow, ow," she whined. "That kind of burned," she referred to the soda almost coming out her nose. "But damn, your brother's funny, Edward," Coley laughed.

Coley had insisted that we try her favorite sandwich, the Santa Fe, with chicken, avocado, pepper jack cheese, and jalapeno bacon. Katherine even toasted the sandwiches for us. I had to admit, the Santa Fe was pretty good.

"Mmm, this is the best sandwich I've ever had in my life, I think," Bella declared.

"Really?" Chad asked dubiously. "In your _whole_ life? That's a strong statement, Bells."

"Well, that's how good this sandwich is," Bella explained.

Coley rolled her eyes and she and I both laughed.

"What?" Bella asked with furrowed brows.

"Bells, you were pretty hungry. It's like serving water to a thirsty man who just survived a week in the desert. It could be some lukewarm, unfiltered tap water, but to him, it'd be the best glass of water he'd ever had."

"What are you saying? That I have no standards?" Bella tried to look offended.

"No," Coley chuckled again. "I'm just saying you may not be the leading authority on what is or isn't the most delicious right now. Don't get me wrong, this is a kick-ass sandwich, but I have probably had better somewhere, some time."

"No, I believe this _is_ the most delicious sandwich ever," I agreed with Bella, who smiled and then hugged me.

"Aww, look at him defending your honor, Bells," Coley laughed. "Smooth move, Romeo," Coley said throwing a balled up napkin at me.

Once we were done eating, we headed over to Coley and Chad's house. Actually, it was a condo in a high rise on Front Street in Downtown San Diego. They had a spectacular view of the city and the water.

Right before we had gotten there, our host/hostess gift to Chad and Coley had already been delivered. Yep, an Edible Arrangement. Bella thought we'd return the favor of chocolate covered strawberries and pineapple hearts.

"Not that I don't appreciate the arrangement or the company," Chad said as he consumed his fourth chocolate covered strawberry, "but I think you two," he pointed his pineapple heart at Coley and Bella, "visit each other just for the fruit bouquet."

I nodded, "I think you're on to something there, Chad," I agreed before finishing my third strawberry.

"Well, duh!" Coley said rolling her eyes. "You can't just order an Edible Arrangement for yourself. You need an excuse to buy overpriced, yet very delicious, fruit kabobs."

"Yeah," Bella chimed in. "And I don't mind being that excuse."

"Nor I," Coley agreed with Bella, and they tapped their pineapple hearts together as if they were partaking in a champagne toast.

Apparently, CJ was loving the overpriced fruit kabobs as well since she was doing flips for her Auntie Coley.

"Man, that's funky," Coley commented when she actually felt Seej moving beneath her hands when Bella placed them on her belly. "Wow, Bells, there's a life in there," Coley said, awe evident in her tone. She shook her head. "That's just bananas."

"I know," Bella sighed.

"I mean," Coley continued. "You're supporting another life in there." Coley paused for effect. "Oooh, another life that somehow has to make her way…" Coley made a face, grimacing before continuing, "…_out_," she kept grimacing.

Upon seeing Bella's very nervous expression, Coley changed her tune, thank goodness. "Oh, but you'll be fine, Bells. I mean, women have done this for centuries, you know? It's all good," she nodded in an attempt to reassure both Bella and herself. "All good."

Chad and I looked nervously at each other. Would it really have helped if we said any words of encouragement? We couldn't blow off childbirth as if it were a breeze because, clearly, it wasn't. And we couldn't tell her she'd be all right for fear of the no uterus backlash. I settled on simply wrapping my arm around Bella and patting her soothingly. Chad, on the other hand took a different approach, an Emmett-esque tactic, really. He merely shrugged saying, "Yeah, well, you knew what you were getting yourself into."

How handy that both women had taken off their shoes and had them on the floor in front of them because without hesitating even a fraction of a second and without consulting or strategizing, with each other, Coley and Bella both threw a shoe at Chad as I watched on and laughed. Chad must have known what was coming and was channeling his inner ninja because his reflexes were excellent. He instinctively and very naturally swatted each shoe away as they came flinging at his head. He looked as if he'd done that before. It was an impressive display.

Then the girls turned their half-hateful, half-amused gazes back to me as if to ask what I had the nerve to find so funny.

"Hold your fire. I'm laughing at _him_ not you two," I chuckled pointing at Chad who had gone back to eating a strawberry as if our wives didn't just try to decapitate him via footwear.

The rest of the evening was spent quietly in their condo save for the after dinner coffee and ice cream. There were quite a few coffee shops to choose from in their neighborhood. None of which even compared to the DG, in Bella's humble opinion.

The ice cream we had was really good, though apparently Bella broke one of the hard and fast rules she and Coley had agreed upon when they were younger, when Bella decided to have rainbow sherbet in a sugar cone. Why?

"Because that's what CJ wants," Bella explained. Then she narrowed her eyes at Coley who was smirking. "Don't judge me, Nicole," Bella joked. Whoa, she used Coley's actual name.

Coley merely laughed as she shook her head. "I'm not judging. Please, enjoy your…uh…dessert."

"Am I missing something?" I asked Chad.

Chad shook his head. "Well, they decided long ago how weird it was to have sherbet or sorbet on any kind of cone. A bowl or cup, yes, but a cone, especially a sugar cone? No. Cones are reserved strictly for ice cream."

"Oh," I said as I thought about what Chad said. "Why?" I asked, clearly bewildered.

"Dude," Chad shrugged, "They're women. Don't ask _why_. They don't even need a reason to act the way they do. They just…"

"Are," I finished for him.

"Exactly," Chad nodded.

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Coley asked. She and Bella were talking about a pillow Coley had gotten Bella when they noticed Chad and me talking quietly.

"This is good ice cream," I said holding up my cup to show Coley and Bella. "What's that about a pregnancy pillow?" I asked them. They both eyed Chad and me warily before launching into a description of a J-shaped body pillow, called the Snoozer, about six feet long designed to support the pregnant women's spinal alignment as well as her head, neck, and shoulders while she slept.

"The pillow looked so comfy online that I ordered myself one too. We've got one for you here and one is being shipped to the HQ as well so you don't have to try to pack it when you leave," Coley told Bella.

"Is it as comfy as it looked online?" Bella asked Coley.

"Oh, yeah!" she laughed. "It's soft and cuddly yet very supportive. I sleep great with my Snoozer. It's fantastic, and you don't even have to be pregnant to enjoy it either. I told Chad he's been replaced when he has away games," Coley joked.

"Nice, right?" Chad smirked, shaking his head at his wife. We all laughed. "But I've tried it, and Coley's right. It's awesome!"

After all that pillow talk, Bella and I couldn't wait to get back to their house to try out the Snoozer. Chad had a home game the next day, and Bella usually would tire out around nine at night anymore so we all went to bed early.

Bella cuddled up on the bed first with the Snoozer to try it out.

"Aww, man, Edward. This thing is everything they said and more!" She was lying on her left side with her head resting on they J curve, her left arm underneath the pillow was also supporting her head and the middle of the pillow was underneath her belly, supporting it, while the bottom part was sandwiched between her knees which were bent and drawn up a little like she was in the fetal position. Bella did look pretty comfortable. "I don't want to move," she yawned.

"Hey," I complained patting Bella's butt trying to get her to move. "I thought we agreed we'd both get to try out the Snoozer," I reminded her.

"You're going to make me, your pregnant wife, move when you know how incredibly comfortable I am right now, as pregnant as I am, just so you can try out the Snoozer? While I'm pregnant?" Bella questioned feigning scorn.

I bit back my laughter at her little rant and pretended to think about that a moment before answering, "Um, yeah, pretty much."

"_Really_?" Bella asked, snapping her head up to look at me. She was definitely shocked. I wasn't surprised. I couldn't begrudge her anything normally, but that Snoozer looked so comfortable.

"Mmmhmm."

"Yeah, well," Bella said lamely. "Make me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Isabella, don't make me use brute force," I warned.

"As if," she challenged me in a mocking tone as she put her head back down on the Snoozer, closing her eyes and smirking proudly at her own boldness.

"That's it," I laughed. "It's go time, woman."

Bella started laughing but clung even tighter to the Snoozer as I hovered over her.

She was no match for me, of course. I felt a tiny bit guilty for ripping the Snoozer away from my pregnant wife. Just a tiny bit, even when I cuddled up with the Snoozer while Bella pouted. But only just a tiny bit. That Snoozer was every bit as awesome as everyone was saying. I could see why Bella didn't want to move earlier. The Snoozer was fantastic!

"Mmm, this _is_ nice," I agreed as I closed my eyes and positioned myself the way Bella was when she had the Snoozer.

"Ahem," I heard Bella clear her throat. I opened one eye and smiled when I saw that she was glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest.

"It seems the shoe is on the other foot now, isn't it, love," I asked smiling smugly as I snuggled into the pillow. My eyes were closed again.

"So it would seem," Bella replied tersely. "Fine, be that way, Edward," she tried to sound indifferent, but there was still some playfulness in her tone. There was a little movement and shuffling on the other side of the bed as Bella got in on the Snoozer-less side. I felt the covers get tugged from underneath me since the Snoozer and I were on top of the comforter and sheet. "I'll just be over here. By myself," Bella said indignantly with a final pull of the comforter.

After a couple seconds of silence and no more movement, I turned over to face Bella but saw that she was completely balled up on the very edge of the bed facing the opposite direction, as far away from me as possible, only her head was exposed. All I could see was Bella's dark brown hair splayed out on the regular pillow.

I inched closer to her. "Bella?" I asked. I got no response. "Bella?" I placed my hand on her shoulder, and she shrugged my hand off. I immediately felt bad. Bella never shrugged me off. I spooned up against her wrapping an arm over her waist and tried to pull her closer to me, but the covers were too thick for me to feel her, plus I got no response still.

I peeled back the covers, got under them and resumed the spooning position up against Bella. I was completely shocked that one, Bella let me get close to her since I thought she was really mad at me, two, she also allowed me to put my arm over her waist under the blanket, and three, and most shockingly of all…

"Bella?" I nuzzled against the back of her neck and kissed behind her ear.

"Hmm?" I could hear the smile in her voice as I placed my hand on her stomach unable to fight the smile that was creeping over my own face.

"You're naked, love."

She paused a moment before responding, "So I am. I didn't think you'd notice since you were so enthralled with the Snoozer over there."

"You know I was just teasing," I told her. "Of course the Snoozer is all yours," I said trailing kisses along her shoulder and back up her neck.

"I can have it back?" Bella asked me brightly.

I smiled at her excitement. "Of course. It's yours after all. It _is_ cozy. But…" I pulled her closer to me and rubbed my warm feet against her cold ones, in an attempt to thaw them out, as I did every night. "It's not as cozy as cuddling up to you."

"Good answer," she giggled. It was music to my ears. Bella finally turned to face me. I smiled as I recalled Coley's words from the airport. Bella was _glowing and beautiful and pregnant and stuff_. She was irresistible.

I cupped Bella's chin. "You know I love you, right?" I asked her before kissing her softly.

Bella's lips smiled against mine. "You know I love you too, right?"

"Happy anniversary, Isabella," I whispered kissing her once more.

"Happy anniversary," Bella whispered back as she climbed up and straddled my waist. Bella smiled down at me.

She then leaned down and started kissing me this time. I kissed her right back, allowing our tongues to caress one another's. I could feel Bella pulling on the hem of my t-shirt. I sat up so she could pull it off of me. We were apart for only a second before our mouths molded together again.

Bella lifted her body off of mine a moment so she could shimmy my shorts and boxers off, and soon I could feel her entrance at the tip of my shaft. Bella wiggled her hips and I hissed in response.

Bella placed a finger over her lips to shush me. She was also smiling. It was quiet time.

Bella bent down to kiss me again while simultaneously sliding onto me, fully sheathing me inside her. She squeezed her walls around me and let out a silent moan into my mouth. I placed my hands on Bella's hips then snaked them around to grip her behind as we began moving, bucking against each other, slowly, sensually.

Bella removed her mouth from mine and started kissing along my jaw line as well as up and down my neck. Her tongue outlined the shell of my ear before I felt her teeth tugging on my earlobe. I thrust even harder in response, hitting Bella even deeper. I could feel her clenching around me again, growing closer to her climax.

"God, yes, Edward. Harder…please," Bella breathed into my ear.

I moved my hands to gently push against her shoulders so she could sit up. I loved watching Bella from this position. She could control the pace and pressure and I could watch her as she reached her orgasm. There was nothing sexier than Bella biting her lip and throwing her head back. I felt her walls clutching me, her body shaking as she climaxed. She exhaled a breath that matched the length of her orgasm. Bella's body kept squeezing and milking mine until I followed with my own release, throbbing and pulsing inside of her.

Bella bent back down to rest her chest on mine and her head in the crook of my neck. She caused me to squirm as she kissed the skin there. She knew I was slightly ticklish there after making love. I laughed quietly; even her breath was tickling me. Bella smiled against my skin, smug that she was able to torture me in this way until I fought back by tickling her backside with my fingertips. I laughed a little louder as Bella wiggled her bottom in an attempt to shake my fingers off.

"Shh," she giggled softly but continued to wiggle because I wouldn't stop. "Okay, okay. I'll stop if you do?" she looked at me and whispered.

"Alright," I whispered back giving her a chaste kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too."

And once we got our pajamas back on, Bella resumed spooning her body pillow, and I resumed spooning against Bella, my personal Snoozer.

**A/N There you are, kids. Hoped you liked the pillow talk. A special thanks to Ivygirl for some insight into the deli business. I appreciate it. I'd like a Santa Fe and a Snoozer and my own Edward too right about now. Oh, hey. It's May 29th, officially by birthday! Woo hoo! Show a girl some love won't you? Review please.**


	23. Cleaning Out the Closet

**A/N The only Twilight I own is the book and the DVD. Ms. Meyer owns all the rights and stuff.**

**Thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys! I did have a good one. Vampirelust7 sent me a Virtual Edward. Did you get him back yet? I hope he didn't get lost in the mail.**

**Have you seen the trailer for New Moon that they premiered at the MTV Movie awards? NICE! Robert looked hot, of course. Even Taylor, though I feel like a pedophile for eyeballing him. He's almost legal right?**

**Anyhoo, GREAR. Thanks!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 23**

**BPoV**

The rest of the weekend in San Diego was spent at Chad's baseball game, the San Diego Zoo, and relaxing. Edward went to two home games, Saturday and Sunday. Coley and I joined him on Saturday, but on Sunday she and I went to the zoo. I loved Chad, but two days of watching baseball did not appeal to me. Edward, on the other hand, loved it, especially since he got to sit in the owners box both days _and_ meet the players, so he didn't mind missing the zoo. I did get him souvenir in the form of a shirt that said _I heart Mountain Lions_.

I had the Santa Fe sandwich each day we were there. They never got old for me though Edward tried other sandwiches. The Santa Fe's didn't get old, though I got some major heartburn Sunday night. I was up late moaning in discomfort. Poor Edward had to put up with me.

"Ughhhhh…" I groaned pounding my fist into sternum.

I couldn't get comfortable. Even the Snoozer didn't help. I had to sit upright in order to keep the acid reflux at bay.

"The Santa Fe finally did you in, didn't it?" he asked me shaking his head in sympathy and handing me another chewable antacid.

I shook my head refusing to believe that the best sandwich I'd ever had in my life would turn on me like this.

"Come on, Bella. That jalapeno bacon is coming back with a vengeance. I know how much you enjoy them, but no more Santa Fes I think."

"No, no. It's not the sandwich," I disputed. "I think it was the popcorn at the zoo," I lied. "Or the hot dog or the pizza or…I know, the soft serve ice cream. It's got to be the lactose right? I think I'm suddenly intolerant."

Edward winced with each junk food item I listed.

"You had _all _that plus the sandwich?" Edward sounded surprised. "When did you have time to see the animals?" he laughed. "Did you actually _want_ to see the animals or was the zoo just an excuse to pig out?"

I scowled at Edward. "I really wanted to see the animals," I answered truthfully. The penguins were my favorite. "But the food was just a bonus," I tried to smile.

"Coley didn't try to stop you?" Edward asked.

"Are you kidding? She's a junk food-aholic. Coley was eating right along with me. Santa Fe included," I informed my husband who was again shaking his head in disbelief.

Just then someone knocked on the bedroom door. It was Coley.

"Feeling any better, Bella?" she asked looking and sounding very concerned. She handed me some ginger ale.

I tried to look brave and nodded as I took a sip. She quirked an eyebrow up and glanced at Edward. He must have shaken his head to negate my nodding because the look Coley gave me showed that she clearly didn't believe me.

"Coley, you ate just as much as I did. How do you feel?" I asked her.

She grinned. "Fantastic!" Edward laughed at the dichotomy between Coley and me. I used to be able to eat like Coley and feel fantastic too. I turned my scowl onto my best friend. It wasn't fair that she could eat like that and still feel great while I felt so wretched. I wondered if she had intestines of steel or at the very least a tapeworm.

"Bella, I also don't have things growing all up inside me pushing organs and displacing them and stuff. You know you can't be eating like you used to," she lectured.

"_Things_?" I asked. "It's only _one_ thing growing inside me."

"Yep, and she's showing you who's boss isn't she?" Coley smirked.

Though I was up pretty late with the heartburn, I felt much better the next morning. Coley and Chad took us back to the airport. Coley promised she'd be up to visit for CJ's baby shower in June. Chad, unfortunately, would be busy with his baseball schedule so I wasn't sure when I'd see him again. Perhaps over the All-Star break or possibly in the fall.

We got back to Seattle the following Monday at noon. We left Edward's car at the airport so we didn't have to have anyone to pick us up. We decided to stop at the DG to say hi to everyone there and to give Emmett his tee that I got him at the zoo. The shift had switched and Janie was working the afternoon till close. Emmett was off, but had come back from running errands just when Edward and I arrived. He was smiling and laughing, almost to himself, when he saw us.

I gave Emmett his t-shirt. His said _Don't Irritate the Grizzly_ with a picture of said grizzly on it.

"Thanks, Bella," Emmett grinned holding the shirt up to himself. I also got little tees with grizzlies on them for the boys. "Would I be the grizzly in this scenario?"

"You would be," I affirmed nodding.

"Sweet!"

"So what have we missed over the weekend?" Edward asked Emmett as we sat down with our drinks. "Where's Chucky? I thought you were going to keep him here."

"Yeah, well, the customers have been hot and cold about that thing. They either love it or hate it. I have to say, most people hate it," Emmett mused. Well, of course they did. That doll was pure evil. "Janie puts it in my office when she's working," Emmett laughed. "Actually, she makes someone else move it because she won't go near that thing."

"That thing freaks me out," Janie shouted from the counter. "I don't feel comfortable with it here." Emmett merely laughed.

"I don't blame you," I said.

"Me neither," Edward agreed.

Emmett went on to explain his little plan though. The stupid doll was supposed to be standing up by the cereal bar holding a little sign displaying _July 14_ as my due date for having CJ aka Chucky. Customers could predict the date and time for when I had her, and the winner would get a free coffee drink everyday for a week.

Edward and I glanced up at the cereal bar. There was no maniacal doll since Janie was working, but there was another boy doll, the one called _My Buddy_ that kind of looked like Chucky but he wasn't tattered or scarred or evil. I still found him slightly creepy though, far less creepy than Chucky, but creepy nonetheless.

We then told Emmett about how Coley nearly choked and shot soda out her nose upon hearing about Emmett and the Chucky episode right before we left for San Diego.

He found that amusing along with the story behind my heartburn, but he was jealous of Edward getting to meet the ball players and sitting in the owner's box to watch the games.

"Bella, you passed that up to get heartburn?" Emmett asked in disbelief.

I shrugged. "I'm just not into baseball."

Emmett regarded me with disdain "What a waste," he muttered shaking his head at me. "What a waste."

I laughed. "Relax, Emmett. We got you something else because we knew you would have loved to have been there."

"Oooh, another present?" he asked brightly. He was like a little kid.

"Here you are, Emmett," Edward said as he reached into my carry-on bag and presented Emmett with a baseball signed by the Padres team members.

"Wow. Thanks!" Emmett smiled. "This is very cool!"

"You're welcome," Edward and I said.

"But thank Coley and Chad," Edward added. "They're the ones that made it happen. We just happened to be the messengers. Well, and Bella had suggested it." I nodded in agreement.

"Wow, you asked especially for me, Bella?" Emmett asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, I know how much you enjoy baseball and you were especially interested in the ball they gave to Eli last year."

"Thanks, that was really nice," Emmett said in all sincerity.

"You're welcome," I said with a smile.

Then suddenly, there was a weird look on Emmett's face for a split second. He looked…rueful for some reason.

"You okay, Emmett?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah," he answered. "So what are you two up to now?" he asked somewhat eagerly.

"Umm, we're going home," I said. I looked at Edward and he nodded.

"Aren't you going to grab some lunch?" Emmett asked.

I made a face. Even though I felt infinitely better than the night before, I wasn't ready to stuff my face again so soon.

"Nah, I think I'd like a nap. How about you Edward? I kept him up with my whining about the heartburn," I told Emmett.

"A nap sounds great, actually," Edward agreed yawning.

"Well, what about JoJo. Don't you need to get him?" Emmett asked somewhat urgently. Edward and I exchanged bewildered expressions before turning to give the same look to Emmett.

"We can have Hal bring him down to us," I said as I quickly texted Hal. Hal texted back his okay a moment later. "There."

"Hal's been watching your dog all weekend and now you're making him bring JoJo to you?"

Once again Edward and I exchanged curious glances.

"What's with you, Emmett? You seem a bit…on edge," I noted.

"Nothing. What's with _you_?" Emmett countered.

"Ooo-kay," I uttered. "You coming with us back to HQ?" I asked since Emmett was walking out of the DG with us.

"Yeah, I'll have Rosie and EmJ pick me up there. They brought me to work today."

"Or we could just drop you off at home," Edward offered.

"No, your car is right here and we're practically at your house already. Besides don't you want to see Rosie and EmJ?" he asked defensively.

"Um, we could just as easily see Rose and EmJ at your place if we dropped you off there," I pointed out as we all got in the car.

"What? You guys don't want me over at your house now?" Emmett asked still in his defensive tone.

This time I couldn't help but laugh. He was being so ridiculous. Well, more ridiculous than normal. "Emmett, what the hell's the matter with you?"

"Nothing. I have to use the bathroom, okay?"

"_Okay. Okay_," Edward and I both said. Man, was Emmett grouchy all of a sudden! He must have really needed to use the bathroom.

As soon as we parked, Emmett jumped out of the car and took off for the elevator while Edward and I took the suitcases out of the car and wheeled them to the elevator. Emmett had already gotten in and looked annoyed that he had to hold the elevator for us.

"Is it me or is Emmett acting stranger than usual?" I whispered to Edward.

Edward shrugged. "Something's up, but I have no clue what."

When we got to the fifth floor Hal was already waiting for us outside our apartment with JoJo in his arms. JoJo had on a green and orange argyle sweater. Hal put JoJo down so he could come greet us. Edward and I both bent down to pet JoJo hello.

"Hey, Hal," I smiled as I walked towards him and hugged him hello with JoJo in tow. "Thanks for taking care of JoJo. Was he okay?"

"Hey, baby girl. Hi, Edward. Emmett. Yeah, of course. JoJo was perfect! He and Diddy put on a fashion show. They were so cute!"

"And you kept the fashion show going by dressing JoJo up as Urkle?" Emmett asked sarcastically.

"Hey, JoJo looks very dashing," I scowled at Emmett and then smiled at Hal. "Thanks, Hal."

Edward held the door open for Hal and me and shoved Emmett's shoulder and gave him a disapproving look as they entered the apartment probably for the snarky comment to Hal.

I took a deep breath in and sighed, "Ahh, home sweet home."

I started wheeling my suitcase down the hall and Hal was following me when Emmett asked, "Where are you guys going? Do you want a latte?"

Hal and I turned around. "No thanks. I'm going to put my stuff away and Hal is going to supervise."

"Yeah, I want to make sure the closet stays organized," Hal added. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, uh, can I use your bathroom, Bells?" Emmett asked. That was weird. We had a closer bathroom in the hall that he could use. "It smells better in your bathroom," Emmett added as if he read my mind.

"Go right ahead just don't blow it up too badly in there," I said grinning hoping to get a chuckle out of him. Edward and Hal made faces and laughed but Emmett merely nodded and hustled down the hall past Hal and me.

Hal and I looked at each other, and then we looked at Edward questioningly.

"Wow," I said pursing my lips and then blowing out a long breath. "Tough crowd tonight," I commented regarding Emmett.

Edward shook his head. "I still don't know. Emmett's such a screwball sometimes."

True story.

Hal and I continued to the master bedroom so I could put away my clothes and so Hal could rearrange some things in my closet.

"Bella, why is there a pair of corduroys tucked amongst the denim? And this khaki jacket doesn't go here, it goes here," Hal lectured as he moved said jacket from the front end of the closet to five hangers down next to an army green structured jacket.

I just stared at him. "Hal, if I put everything in its proper place, I'd have nothing for you to freak out over then."

"I'm not freaking," he retorted. "But you know, sometimes I think I care more about the state of your closet than you do."

I laughed. "You think?"

Then Hal made a face and put his finger up to his lips as he jerked his head in the direction of my bathroom. I listened carefully. We heard some rummaging around in there. I just gave Hal another shrug and a look saying I just didn't know what Emmett was doing. Perhaps he was looking for more toilet paper. We went back to putting my stuff away. I'd put the item of clothing on a hanger and Hal would put it in its proper place.

Then Emmett came out of the bathroom and smiled at us. "Thanks, Bella."

"Sure," I replied. "You feel better?"

"Yep. I'm going to call Rosie now," he told us.

"Okay," I smiled again and watched Emmett leave the bedroom.

I kept staring at the door after he left.

"What?" Hal asked.

"I didn't hear him flush. Did you?"

"Oh, yeah. I didn't hear any water running either. Shouldn't he have washed his hands?" Hal made a face.

"Go check, Hal."

Hal's mouth dropped open in disgust. "Oh, hell no. Baby girl, I love you, but not that much. You go in. You have to get used to nasty messes."

I made a face at Hal. "Fine." I stuck my chin up just a bit as I took a deep breath and went in. I didn't think Emmett would defile my bathroom and not flush _and _not wash his hands. Perhaps he was doing something else in there, but I couldn't think what.

It didn't smell bad in there. I walked slowly over to the toilet with a little trepidation. I glanced quickly at the toilet, and to my relief, it was clean.

I turned to the bathroom door to look at Hal who had a curious expression on his face.

"It's fine," I told him and he came in.

"Well, what could he have been doing in here?" Hal asked.

I shrugged as I surveyed the room. Emmett had put extra rolls of toilet paper out, extra soap, and extra towels. Why would he do that? He would have had to take them out of the linen closet. Maybe he thought he was being helpful so that I wouldn't need to replenish those in a while, but there were so many extras that I didn't want them just sitting out in the bathroom. They belonged in the closet for a reason.

I gathered a few rolls of toilet paper and went to the closet. "Hal will you get the closet door for me?" My hands were full.

"Sure," he said as he opened the closet door. "Geez, Bella, why is your linen closet such a mess?"

"What? It shouldn't be…oh my…" I trailed off when I noticed the closet was in disarray. A bunch of toilet paper rolls and towels were not on their respective shelves but shoved at the bottom of the closet leaving two shelves pretty much bare. It looked like someone was trying to hide something.

I put the rolls I was holding down on one of the shelves and Hal handed me the extra towels that Emmett must have put out, and I placed them on the other shelf. Then I began cleaning the bottom of the closet handing rolls of toilet paper to Hal and he'd put them in their place.

"This is so weird," I commented as I handed him the last roll. Next, I began taking the towels off of the pile at the bottom of the closet. They were all unfolded like they may have been knock off the shelf and then thrown haphazardly into the bottom of the closet. I didn't think Edward would do that. It must have been Emmett.

Hal and I continued to fold towels and put them back. I picked the next towel up and screamed when I saw Chucky's angry eyes and scarred and stitched up face staring back at me with his evil grin. I jumped back and then Hal screamed when he, too, saw Chucky.

"Oh my god!" we both yelled. I had both hands on my chest as I tried to regulate my breathing. I was not expecting that.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked from the bedroom as he came running into the bathroom. "Are you all right?" Edward was looking at me all worried.

I had recovered by then. "Chucky strikes again," I said tersely as I pointed to the floor of the closet where Chucky was lying completely covered in towels except for his evil little face.

"Why the hell do you have that in your closet, Bella?" Hal asked clutching his chest as well.

"I didn't put that in there," I spat. "_EMMETT!_"

I didn't need to scream because he was peeking into the bathroom with a pretty apologetic expression on his face.

"What the hell, Emmett?" Edward scowled.

"I'm sorry. It was supposed to be a joke, you know?" he half-grimaced and half-smiled. I narrowed my eyes at him. "It was originally in your shower but then you were all nice and stuff getting me that autographed baseball so I felt a little guilty about putting Chucky in your shower so I wanted to get back in here and hide him until I could get him out of here. You weren't supposed to find him. I thought I hid him pretty well and now I'm making you brownies to make up for it," he finished by raising his eyebrows at me and biting his bottom lip.

All I could do was stare at Emmett, my mouth agape, in disbelief. What the hell was wrong with my brother-in-law?

"This was a twisted joke," Hal commented. "That thing is SCURRRR-RY!"

"You hid it under that mess of towels?" Edward asked incredulously. "What's the matter with you?"

"Wait. Did you say you were making me brownies?" I asked.

"Yeah, topped with marshmallow spread and chocolate shavings," Emmett quickly answered smiling at me.

"Yum!" I guess I was pretty easily distracted. "Well go finish them!" I ordered Emmett and he took off back to the kitchen after a quick salute and a _Yes, ma'am!_

Hal and Edward looked at me, clearly surprised that I didn't tear Emmett a new one.

"Hey, he's making me brownies," I explained with a shrug. "Besides, once Rose gets here we can get his extra Jeep keys from her and put that stupid thing on the floor of the passenger's side for Emmett to find staring up at him the next time he drives it," I smiled devilishly. "Because you know Chucky is _NOT_ staying here!"

Edward and Hal both laughed and high-fived me for the plan. Let the games begin!

**A/N Okay. There you go. Man, I hate that doll! Thanks again for all the birthday wishes, everyone! I had a very nice birthday. Unfortunately, I have class tonight and have to sit through some lame presentations. I'll be checking my email on the sly so send me some love!**


	24. What A F'kin Shock!

**A/N SM owns Twilight. I am not SM, therefore, I do not own Twilight. Kapeesh?**

**Okay, before some of you say, "Oh, no she didn't" when you see that I've used **_**f'kin**_** in this fic, please know that the fabulous carmelinagunn and IEWIS Emmett gave me and TDG Emmett the okay, okay? Okay.**

**Quick thanks to ****jennifer_lyn215 for sweating me about the magic bullet and the juicer. I just had to find a way to work them in.**

**A quick shout out to breyzie1478 for doing such an awesome job with Chances Are. Read it, people! Also, my Twilighted beta, vjgm, you rule. Hope student teaching was a great experience (it always is right?) No Slap Chop in this one, Laura. But that's okay, 'cause the real one is coming soon!**

**Moving on, here's the next installment. GREAR. Thanks! Oh, and if you're eating or drinking anything right now, put it down. You've been warned. I can't keep coming over to clean off your monitors and keyboards for you.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 24**

**EPoV**

I opened the front door to take JoJo out for a walk only to find that stupid Chucky doll standing on the welcome mat. JoJo barked and then growled.

"What's wrong?" I heard Bella ask from the hallway.

"Nothing. Just more Child's Play," I responded laughing.

"Idiot," I heard Bella grumble, referring to my brother.

It had gotten to the point where no one was afraid of the evil doll anymore. He had been to Alice and Jasper's house, underneath their kitchen sink. He had been in Hal's place dressed in a kimono. He had been to Forks and was placed in Esme's garden. She really didn't find it as funny as Carlisle did though. I thought it was a brilliant idea to keep the chipmunks out of her flowers. In turn, Esme thought it was hilarious when she put Chucky in Carlisle's office under his desk.

Even Charlie and Sue weren't spared from the childishness. Bella put Chucky on the passenger's side of the cruiser. Then Charlie put him in the little walk-in pantry for Sue to find. He ended up cleaning the pantry when Sue dropped a bottle of ketchup upon discovering Chucky. How fitting that it looked like a murder scene in there. Charlie maintained that the laugh he got out of it was worth the clean up job.

Then Sue and Charlie ended up mailing Chucky to Coley and Chad per Bella's suggestion.

"It's genius. They'd never expect it from you guys," Bella laughed.

Coley and Chad, in turn, mailed it back to Emmett with Chucky wearing a Padres jersey and hat.

He had made the rounds to be sure, and we had the photos to prove it. Rosalie definitely did us a solid at the beginning of it all by loaning us the Jeep keys because that night I did put Chucky on the floor of the passenger's side just as Bella planned.

Rose took it to another level, though, because she had Jasper put a little camera on the visor that somehow was rigged to turn on and record when Emmett got in the next morning at 4am. We couldn't decide which was funnier, the fact that Emmett was singing _If I Were A Boy_ by Beyonce as he got in the car or his reaction to the doll when Emmett discovered it staring demonically at him. The scream that came out of Emmett was hilarious, everyone agreed. We posted it on FaceBook. Coley commented on the video saying he _straight up sounded like a little girl! LOL!_ And Hal commented that he spit out his coffee when he watched it for the first time and that somebody owed him a new kimono.

I picked up Chucky and set him inside the door. We'd have to take him back to the DG later. We would have to decide on a suitable final resting place for Chucky since he had been everywhere already. The doll had lived the life and now it was time to put him down. Plus, Bella was adamant about not having the doll around once CJ was born.

And we were getting closer to CJ's arrival. The baby shower was planned for the end of May. It was now late April; Bella was six and half months along. We had gotten CJ's room all ready the week I was off for Spring Break after we got back from San Diego, but we had yet to register for any items for CJ despite Alice sweating us about it. Bella had strong views about registering for gifts.

"Alice, please don't make me do it today," Bella pleaded with my sister. "I have a doctor's appointment anyway," she tried to reason.

"Oh, no, we have to go register for baby stuff today, Bella. You've put it off long enough. What will everyone give you at the shower if you don't register?" Alice asked impatiently with one hand on her hip. "Besides AJ is with Jazz and his parents all day. When else will I have this much free time?"

Bella looked to me for help. I put my hands up. "Nope, I'm out of this one." Bella glared at me. "But, for the record, Alice, Bella does have a doctor's appointment this morning." Bella was going once a month, but the doctor wanted to see her a little more often because her blood pressure was going up inexplicably. Well, not really inexplicably. Charlie's kidney issues returned and he was in the hospital for a week trying to kick an infection. Bella was, of course, worried about her dad, but that was a few weeks ago. Doctor wanted to keep an eye on Bella so that she would not develop pre-eclampsia. No measures had been taken yet, but the doctor had recommended that Bella _take it easy_.

"That's okay. I'll wait for you here or I can go with you, and we can window shop and register afterwards," Alice smiled at her own plan.

"But Alice," Bella made a pouty face. "You know I hate the idea of registering. It's like telling people _get me this or else_. I don't want to tell people what to do, and I don't want to come off as demanding," Bella still had that look on her face and finished her statement by biting her bottom lip.

Alice, for her part, was trying to be as patient as she could. She took a deep breath. "Isabella Marie," she began. Uh-oh. "It's not being bossy. People _want_ you to tell them what you want otherwise they freak out because they have no idea, and then do you know what happens?" Alice lectured as she walked to the front closet, which we never used. Well, we never used it because it was full.

"And need I remind you of what is inside this closet due to your not wanting to register for your wedding? Have you learned nothing from the past?" Alice placed her hand on the doorknob about to open the closet.

"No, Alice, don't," Bella grimaced.

"You have to face this some time, Bella. This is what happens when you don't tell people what you want." Alice swung the closet door open revealing a closet full of…stuff.

"Mmmhmm, what's this? A crystal gravy boat, unopened. A Magic Bullet blender system thingy and, oh, huh, a Jack Lalaine Juicer. All. Un. Opened," she said pointedly.

Alice continued to rummage through the closet and list off the items we never opened but still sent thank you cards for.

"An iron. Oh here's another iron. Oh, and another. Three irons? Really? A quesadilla maker? A badminton set? A picnic basket with dishes and utensils and wine glasses _and _wine? A fondue set?"

"Hey either you fondue or you fon-don't," Bella quipped. "We fon-don't." I smiled at her little joke. Alice didn't even acknowledge it.

"My point is, Bella, you have a graveyard of gifts here in your home. We cannot add to this and make it worse. The madness ends today!" Alice stared at Bella who had her lips pursed as she thought about what Alice was saying.

"Ohhh, all right," Bella finally uttered through clenched teeth. "After the doctor's appointment."

So Alice went with us to the doctor's appointment but stayed in the waiting room while we went in for Bella's check up.

Bella got weighed and measured, and the nurse took Bella's vitals as I looked on. I even watched the needle on the little blood pressure device bobble for her systolic and diastolic readings just to double check the nurse's results. We both saw the same thing. Bella's blood pressure was high again.

Once the nurse left to get the doctor Bella turned to me.

"Is it bad?" she asked.

"It's a little high. I don't think the doctor's going to like it," I said as I put an arm around my wife's shoulder. "You don't have any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia that I can tell, but we'll see what the doctor says."

The doctor came in and examined Bella inside and out. I still was amazed how Bella, and women in general, could stand getting poked and prodded all the time. I didn't think I'd take it as easily.

"Aside from the high blood pressure you've been feeling okay?"

"Yes," Bella answered.

"No pain?"

"Nope," Bella shook her head.

"Well, your cervix is slightly dilated already. Only about half a centimeter but still, I don't want to risk premature dilation so I'm going to recommend bed rest from here on out."

"_Bed rest?_" Bella made a face. She looked up at me and all I could do was give her a sympathetic face. "But it's only April. You mean I have to stay in bed for another two and half months?"

"Well, I'm not saying complete bed rest, but this is more than just taking it easy. You can move about the house and go on about your day. Just avoid stressing your body out as much as possible. That means no lifting children…"

Bella made another face. That meant she wouldn't be able to pick EmJ up anymore.

"You can still hold the boys if you're sitting down," I told Bella.

Dr. Mather nodded her approval as she continued. "…No walking for long periods of time, no heavy housework, you can probably still work if you're writing on your computer, but I wouldn't recommend working at the coffee shop like you were doing."

"Wait, wait, wait," Bella interrupted. I thought she was about to bawk at not working at the DG, but really, if the doctor was recommending not to, I didn't see why Bella would argue.

"No walking for long periods of time?" Bella asked.

"Yes, that's right. Being on your feet for too long will cause too much pressure on your cervix," the doctor answered.

"So, just to clarify, no walking as in no walking around shopping?" Bella questioned brightly.

"Yes, that's correct. No walking around shopping for long periods and avoid any standing for long periods of time as well, and obviously no running…"

"Um, doctor," Bella interrupted again. "Can you write that on one of your little prescriptions sheets?"

I laughed both at Bella's request as well as at the doctor's bewildered expression.

"You mean write that you're to be on bed rest on my prescription sheet? Do you need it for work?"

"No, just write the _no shopping_ part on the prescription pad. It's for my friend. She'll never believe that you told me not to go shopping unless I have the evidence," Bella explained.

"You're serious?" the doctor asked.

"Oh yeah," Bella and I both answered together.

Amazingly enough, Dr. Mather wrote it on her prescription pad and handed it to Bella who grabbed it eagerly.

"Thanks," Bella smiled examining the prescription. "Do you think you can laminate this?" she asked Dr. Mather, who still looked confused. "Never mind. I can laminate this at home," she said waving the no shopping prescription, handling it like it was gold, which, to Bella, it was as good as gold.

With that, we were done at the doctor's office so we made the appointment for the next check up.

"Ready to go register for CJ's stuff?" Alice asked eagerly as she saw us approaching her.

"Sorry, Alice, I can't," Bella said smiling smugly.

"But you promised!" Alice protested.

"I can't. Doctor's orders," Bella explained handing Alice the prescription from Dr. Mather.

Alice made a face as she read the no shopping order. Alice looked at me.

"I assure you, it's for real, Alice," I chuckled.

Alice marched up to the receptionist's desk and asked her to verify the doctor's signature. She came sauntering back to a still smiling and smug Bella.

"Well, can I still hang out with you at the HQ?" she asked sadly.

"Of course," Bella said putting an arm on Alice's shoulder.

On the way back home we explained to Alice what the bed rest entailed.

"Man, that sounds really…stale," Alice commented.

"I know, right?" Bella responded. "But it's obviously for the best. This isn't about me, Alice. We don't want CJ coming out before she's supposed to so…what are you going to do?" Bella shrugged.

Alice nodded. "Yeah, you're right." Alice then put her small hand on Bella's stomach as she spoke to her niece who was still in vitro. "You stay put, little princess. We'll still be here. There's no rush. Nothing to see here, well, except for your fun cousins and my shoe collection, which you will of course inherit some day along with some chic designer bags. Not all of them, but some. I can't give you all of them, you understand. Oh, and the really cute outfits I've already gotten you and…"

"Alice," Bella interrupted. "Stop please. You're about to scare CJ into staying in there forever."

Once we got home, Bella settled on the sofa with Alice while I took JoJo out for a walk. When I got back about a half hour later, they were still on the sofa. Alice was extraordinarily exuberant as she was navigating online on Bella's laptop. Bella first waved hello to me before she blew out a breath and stared up at the ceiling.

"What are you two doing?" I asked curiously giving Bella a kiss on her forehead.

"Registering for things for CJ!" Alice squealed.

I looked at Bella. She closed her eyes and nodded in affirmation. "Thank goodness for the internet," Bella grinned. I knew she was being sarcastic.

"Way to be resourceful," I commented.

Bella rolled her eyes at me. She must have completely forgotten about online shopping. I started to walk away from them and towards the library but Bella stopped me.

"And where do you think you're going, mister?"

"Um…" I stuttered.

"Nuh-uh," she shook her head. "If I have to go through this, so do you." Bella beckoned me back with her hand.

So I got sucked into the world of baby shopping and registry. It wasn't that bad, and with my help we finished quicker than if Bella were doing it alone with Alice. We were looking at new pictures of Eli that Renee posted when the doorbell rang. I made a move to get the door, but Bella put her hand up to stop me.

"I need to stretch anyway," she said.

The doorbell had rung once more by the time Bella got to the door.

"Geez, what took so long?" Emmett asked. "Oh, hey, Bella."

"Sorry, I'm not as speedy as I used to be," Bella told him.

"That's okay, preggy. What's new, guys?" Emmett asked as he walked in.

"Just got done shopping online since Bella can't do it physically," Alice informed him.

Emmett gave Bella a questioning look.

"I'm on bed rest," Bella told him.

"Oh," he replied. "Then why the heck are you up answering the door? Eddie, man, take care of your woman. What are you doing?" Emmett shook his head at me in disdain.

I merely rolled my eyes.

"Relax, Emmett, I'm not an invalid. I can do stuff around the house. I'm just not supposed to stay on my feet for too long that's all," Bella explained as she sat down next to me.

"Still, I expected Eddie to behave a little more gentlemanly. Oh, hey, there's Chucky and Chucky!" Emmett said pointing to the doll and then to CJ who we could see roll from the right side of Bella's stomach to the left. "What's up, Chuck?" Emmett asked his niece as Bella rubbed the left side of her belly.

"I think she likes the sound of your voice, Emmett. She was relatively quiet while we were on the computer but then that was her biggest movement all afternoon when you came in."

"All riiiight!" Emmett nodded in satisfaction. "That's f'kin great! Chucky loves her some Uncle Em!"

We three looked at him.

"What?" he asked.

"_F'kin_?" Alice asked for all of us.

"Yeah, it means effing," Emmett informed us.

"Yeah, we get it," Bella said. "But why don't you just say it? Since when do you censor yourself?"

Emmett made a face. "I accidentally said," he looked over both his shoulders before whispering the next word and then continuing in his normal voice, "_fuckin'_ the other day and Rosie jumped all over me. She said I have to watch my language because of EmJ from now on so I need to come up with more creative ways to swear."

We all nodded in understanding and approval. "That's not a bad idea," I commented.

"Or," Bella suggested, "You could just _not_ swear."

But Emmett looked at her like he didn't understand what she had just said.

"Or you can just be more creative about it," Bella conceded.

"Right," Emmett said. "And if I swear I have to put five dollars in a jar."

"Ouch! Five dollars a swear?" Bella gasped.

"I know. I talked Rosie down from ten dollars," Emmett said.

"What's she collecting for? EmJ's college fund?" I asked.

"Nope it's the Jimmy Choo jar," Emmett said.

"Jimmy Choo makes shoes not jars," Alice quipped.

"Well, it's Rosie's shoe fund jar," Emmett clarified.

"Niiice!" Alice and Bella both smiled.

"Rose is a genius," Bella said.

"She makes me so proud," Alice added.

"How much has she made?" I asked.

"Well, we've only been doing this for two days and I think I've paid in like thirty dollars," Emmett answered morosely. "It fuckin' sucks! Oh, dammit! Dammit again. Shit. I mean shoot," Emmett hit his forehead with the heel of his hand out of frustration. "It f'kin sucks because the more I'm _not_ allowed to do something, the more I want to do. Or I don't even know if I wanna fuckin' do it. Damn. I mean shoot! I just do it. My fuckin', I mean, f'kin, subconscious is turning on me."

Emmett shook his head at himself as we all stared at him and then each other in complete astonishment.

"Wow!" we three commented.

Bella laughed. "Emmett, I lost track of your swears in that last rant of yours. I'd say put in another twenty and call it a day."

"I counted at least thirty dollars worth," I chuckled.

"Emmett owes thirty-five dollars," Alice informed us. "He said _fuckin' _three times, _dammit_ or _damn_ three times and _shit_ once."

"Damn," Emmett muttered.

"That's forty and counting," Alice teased. Emmett glared at Alice. She merely laughed her evil pixie laugh. "Hey, don't hate. I just want my girl to get a pair of Jimmy Choos."

"Forget the shoes," Bella said. "At this rate, Rose will be able to put an addition on the house _for_ the shoes she'll get to buy. Emmett, you're out of control," she laughed.

"I know," he agreed. "That's why I brought this," he held up the plastic shopping bag that he brought with him. He then took out what appeared to be a dog collar with a little black box on it and a remote.

"No way," I groaned. "A shock collar, Emmett? Really? Is this what you've resorted to?"

"I gotta try, man. You fuckin' heard me just now."

"Forty-five," Alice shouted as Bella laughed again.

"Agghh! I can't f'kin stop!"

Emmett seemed determined as he strapped the shock collar around his neck and then held out the remote for me.

I declined. "I don't want any part of inflicting torture onto another human being even if it's you, Emmett. Though I have no problem watching, in the name of science of course."

"Pussy," Emmett sneered at me while I gestured to Bella and Alice.

"Fifty!" they both yelled, and we all laughed, well, all but Emmett.

Alice grabbed the remote from Emmett. "I'll do it. I have no problem doling out torture."

That was not news.

"Okay, fire away, Emmett," Alice grinned, ready to hit the shock button.

Bella covered her eyes. "I don't think I want to see this," she said shaking her head.

"Eh, this'll be fine, Bells. Dogs wear these all the time. How bad could it be? Just a little lesson in negative reinforcement. That's all," Emmett told her.

I grabbed Bella's computer and started recording the scene that was about to unfold.

"I've got video ready," I said snickering.

"I've got my finger on the shock button," Alice said.

"I'll get ready to call 911," Bella chimed in.

"Fuck!" Emmett yelled as he hit his hand on the coffee table when he was bouncing in place trying to get warmed up for the shock.

Instantly, Alice pressed the shock button, Emmett screamed, "Agghhh, fuck!" and she hit the button again. "Agghhh, fuck!" and she hit it again. It was like a scene out of _COPS,_ in an episode when the suspects all got tazed.

Alice, Bella, and I were in hysterics laughing at my idiot brother who finally managed to remove the collar before Alice could shock him again. Not that she would have been able to since Alice was doubled over in laughter, thus, dropping the remote.

Emmett was breathless on the floor like a chalk outline at a murder site. JoJo was sniffing all around him.

"So much for fuckin' negative reinforcement," Emmett muttered.

"Seventy," Alice and Bella stated when we all finally calmed down.

"Dammit! I mean _f'kin,_" Emmett breathed.

**A/N And that's seventy-five. You know, my idiot friends (boys, of course) did try the shock collar thing just to see what it felt like when their dog got close to the invisible fence. It was f'kin hilarious! Morons!**

**Thanks again to Car, who let me borrow an IEWIS trademark. IEWIS is one of the best fics out there. If you haven't read it, well, gone, get, read! And you're welcome!**

**Anyhoo, getting closer to CJ's birth…review please.**


	25. Atomic Flamingos

**A/N Twilight is not mine.**

**Hey, phantom told me about a one shot that some of you may have read already, but I thought I'd tell you about it. It's called The Daily Grind, by letmesign. Awesome title right? It's good too. Very amusing. I LOL'd quite a few times, and something tells me you, my readers, like to be amused so go check it out! I put it on my faves list on my profile so you can click on the link there. Show her some love and review too.**

**I updated Saving Me Sequel over the weekend get caught up if you haven't yet.**

**Before I begin the chapter, let's make sure we are all on the same page. Double check the genre of my fic here. Does it say humor/romance? Well, that's there for a reason. Please no bitching or whining about how there aren't any obstacles to overcome and where's the angst and drama? And yada yada yada. I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is fluff. You no like, you no read. Kapeesh? And if you are going to bitch, please have the decency to NOT**** do it anonymously. I'd like a chance to respond personally so I don't have to do it in an A/N and waste everyone else's time.**

**Phew, sorry I had to kill the buzz and be all teacher-ish and parental and stuff for a moment. Had to clear the air there. On to the next installment. Please GREAR.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 25**

"Bella, do you need to sit down?" Eli asked me offering me his hand once Janie and Angela, the last of the guests, left.

"Sure, Eli. Thanks," I smiled as I took his hand. He led me to the sofa. I had been walking around the HQ, mingling with my guests at CJ's baby shower. It was nice to get to talk to everyone and thank them for coming, but I was rather tired. I had progressed from being on the regular bed rest to even more bed rest (but still not complete bed rest yet), bed rest 2.0, for the rest of my pregnancy. The only times I could be on my feet were to use the bathroom, shower, and to walk from one spot where I was resting to another spot to rest. Yeah, not fun at all.

I stuck to the doctor's orders, grudgingly. I had to repeat to myself that it was all for CJ. That would get me through the more boring parts of my days, but admittedly, I was going stir crazy already and I still had over a month and a half left. I had, on more than one occasion, grabbed Edward's shirt collar, pulling his face closer to mine, in effect frightening my husband, as I told him, "I am going insane!" I wasn't full out psychotic, but I was probably close. I mean there were only so many crossword puzzles one person could do and so many episodes of _Everybody Loves Raymond_ one could watch before breaking from reality.

Edward would always chuckle softly while stroking my cheek and say something that would undoubtedly make me feel better.

"You're so amazing, love. Do you know that? You're doing great with the entire pregnancy. CJ's so lucky to have you."

So Edward would either say really sweet things like that to me or we'd engage in a good old fashioned make out session, thereby, causing me to forget what it was I was in a tizzy about originally, until a little while later when I'd feel the cabin fever set in once again.

It wasn't that I didn't appreciate their efforts. My friends were great. Between Edward, Eli, my mom, and the rest of my friends, I didn't have a chance to be too bored for long. I was definitely getting taken care of.

Alice tried to get me to knit. She bought us both beginner's knitting kits. I sucked at it, but Alice picked up a new hobby. She managed to knit a hat and a pair of booties for CJ while I succeeded in knitting a really long string.

Coley also tried to get my mind off of staying stationary by encouraging me to scrapbook. I started one for CJ, for milestones in her first year of life, using some child development books for reference, but I wasn't really enthralled with putting together a cutesy book. My creativity didn't flow in that direction. Coley, on the other hand, designed a really beautiful scrapbook for CJ.

When Hal and Coley would hang out with me, we'd watch movies and flip through magazines or surf the internet. Coley was the one who wondered how my nesting instinct would manifest itself, hence the knitting and the scrapbooking attempts. Alice and I would watch _E! True Hollywood Stories_ together. She'd also bring AJ over and we'd look up parenting tips online. Emmett and Edward and I would watch _Jeopardy_ together almost every afternoon.

Edward was done with school for the summer. He'd be starting his clinicals in August. He could have started in June, but he wanted to have the summer off to be there for CJ and me. It was definitely nice to have him around, especially when I was pretty much a beached whale.

Coley, my mom and Eli had been visiting for the week. Coley was staying a couple more days, bunking in Hal's apartment, while Renee and Eli were going back to Jacksonville the next day. Mom enrolled Eli in a performing arts camp for the month of June, and he was completely over the moon about it. He had been telling me all week about how he'd get to write songs and create dance routines. There'd be a talent show at the end and this time he was determined to win first place. I admired his tenacity and drive at such a young age.

I apologized for not being able to make it to the talent show. I'd be super huge and super grounded, per doctor's orders, by then.

Eli was sweet and said it'd be okay. He told me Renee and Phil would be there to video the whole thing so I wouldn't miss a thing.

While they were here, Eli and I played pretty much every board game invented before moving on to card games. We'd also just sit and work independently, yet side by side, well, with JoJo wedged between us. I'd write on my laptop while Eli was content to listen to music and sketch. We'd both crack up when Eli would look up in surprise when he saw CJ, out of the corner of his eye, doing flips in my belly.

"Whoa! That's crazy!" Eli would always say.

The shower was fun. The party was intimate enough where we could all just hang out and talk. It was our immediate family, of course, plus some of the workers from the DG. The guys, Ben and Luke, took one for the team and were working at the shop while Janie and Angela attended. Sue and Charlie came and brought Jacob, Leah, and Hannah with them.

It was nice to see them again and get a little advice on baby girls since, up till now, Edward and I only had experience with the boys. From what Leah and Jacob told us baby girls seemed a little lower maintenance than their male counterparts. Less projectile peeing incidences, and possibly they were easier to potty train, so we had read and heard from Esme. I was sure there'd be a trade-off in the future though. Girls were definitely moodier than boys and for sure they were higher maintenance.

"Alice caught on to fashion right away," Esme informed us. "Edward and Emmett were content to wear their dirty clothes forever as long as they got to play, but Alice would change her outfit if she got anything on it. She also had outfits already put together, ready to go. I believe she was six or seven when she started doing that."

"Our father/daughter dates consisted of me taking her shopping," Carlisle said shaking his head. "Once we interviewed a personal shopper."

Alice was very amused and proud of her younger self. "If I recall correctly, though, Dad, I always picked a nice tie out for you when we went on our outings."

"That's true," Carlisle smiled. "But then you always made me play dress up and have tea parties." Carlisle looked to me. "You could never attend an Alice tea party without wearing a proper hat either. The problem was, all the fancy hats Alice made me wear had feather boas that accompanied them."

We were cracking up at the image of little Alice making Carlisle wear ostentatious hats and boas to tea. How sweet of Carlisle to comply. I smiled at Edward, imagining him and CJ doing the same thing. He smiled back at me and winked. I could tell he couldn't wait to have tea parties with his baby girl.

The smile was wiped off his face, though, when Carlisle told us that when he wasn't available for a tea party, Edward and Emmett were drafted to take his place.

"They bawked about having to wear the hats and boas, but Alice made them anyway."

"Aww, come on," Emmett and Edward groaned at the memories while Alice cackled.

The rest of us laughed as well. I asked Esme if she had any pictures of that. She thought there were a few in albums somewhere and that she'd get back to me.

Renee and Charlie chimed in with stories about my younger days. Charlie would take me fishing, of course, and I'd comply since Jacob was my playmate then, but once I got older, I didn't enjoy the fishing but would rather read instead.

Renee said I started devouring books as soon as I had enough fine motor control to turn the pages myself. And when I wasn't looking through them, I'd be reciting or retelling the stories she had just read to me, entertaining myself.

The stories kept flowing as the afternoon wore on, but soon Charlie was getting tired so he and Sue left with Jacob's little family. The Cullens and the Hales followed soon after taking EmJ and AJ with them respectively. I said goodbye to each of them, walking them to the door and thanking them for coming and for their gifts. It was actually very nice to have registered and received things that we would actually want and use for CJ. The graveyard of gifts did not expand, which was a good thing.

Janie and Angela decided to relieve Luke and Ben of their duties and take them some cake so they took off for the DG.

Mom and Eli had to pack for Jacksonville again, but they were staying at the HQ.

We spent the rest of the afternoon putting the gifts away in CJ's room. Edward and the guys put together the baby swing, set up the bassinet and the baby bouncer, and put up the mobile above the crib. My mom and Rosalie washed the new clothes for CJ so they'd be ready for when we needed them. Hal, Coley and Alice color coordinated CJ's closet as well as organized the cloth diapers and set up the baby changing table. Eli even created playlists for CJ's little iPod shuffle with lullabies and quiet songs he thought would soothe CJ to sleep if and when she got fussy. Everything was in its place. All we needed was CJ.

"Now what are we going to do?" Emmett asked once Eli and Renee had gone to bed.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You mean like _where's the party_?" Coley asked looking puzzled.

"Yeah," Emmett affirmed. "The grandparents took the kids. We're free for the evening. What are we going to do?"

"Let's go clubbing," I said sarcastically. Like I would want to go out dancing and drinking if I weren't extremely pregnant.

"Wanna?" Emmett asked.

Everyone just scoffed at him and shook their heads.

"Well, I wanted to recreate a drink I made in my dream last night," Emmett said.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Again with the dream?"

"It was very vivid, babe. And very interesting. Usually I don't remember my dreams, but this one was f'kin awesome!"

Coley immediately started laughing. I had told her about the _f'kin_ swear and shock episode.

"That dude is insane!" she said of Emmett. "Straight up bananas."

In the end, Rosalie bought herself a very sexy pair of heels but didn't think the swear and shock incident was as funny as the rest of us did when we told her about it and showed her the video from that day.

"Just when I didn't think it was possible for my husband to do anything more idiotic than whatever his last shenanigans were, he always tops himself doesn't he?"

"So what was so great about your dream?" Hal asked.

"I'm glad you asked, Hal," Emmett began. "It was awesome because I met myself in it."

We all just stared blankly at Emmett.

"Yeah, I know. Two Emmetts. Can you believe it?" he grinned.

"Sounds like a nightmare to me," Jasper commented.

"Pssshh," Emmett retorted before he continued to tell us about his dream. "I was in LA, I can't remember why. I think Wolfgang Puck invited me?" Emmett squinted at the ceiling trying to recall. "I think I fell asleep with the Food Network on again. Anyway, I was in LA at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant taking a tour when I ran into myself there. I'll call LA Emmett _LA Emmett_ to differentiate him from me, Seattle Emmett. So LA Emmett, who was very handsome and funny, might I add, introduced me to LA Rosalie. You were a model, babe," Emmett smiled at his wife. She rolled her eyes again.

"LA Emmett and LA Rosalie were living with LA Bella and LA Edward, LA Jasper, and LA Alice. We, no, they were in a band."

"I was in a band?" I asked Emmett. "I don't play any instruments."

"No, no, LA Emmett, Edward and Jasper were in a band."

"Wait. LA Emmett and Seattle Edward and Seattle Jasper were in a band?" Coley asked.

"No, I was the only one from Seattle. Everyone else was in LA," Emmett clarified. "You and Hal weren't there at all, Coca-Coley. Sorry," he shrugged. "Anyhoo, I went to their apartment in LA and Bella was throwing frozen grapes at me to catch in my mouth while Edward was being all moody and stuff. You were wearing this maroon zip up hoodie and brooding on a bean bag chair that was called something fancy, I can't remember what, but really it was a glorified bean bag chair."

We all continued to stare at Emmett waiting for him to get to something that resembled a point.

"We were all singing a Jimmy Eat World song and…"

"Wait, I thought only the LA boys were in the band," Hal asked.

"They were," Emmett explained, "But that doesn't mean that we all couldn't be singing together does it?"

We all looked at each other and shrugged.

"Emmett, when does the drink come in?" Edward asked sounding a little exasperated.

"Oh, yeah, well I went into the bathroom and there was a big bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the back of the toilet and…"

"Ewww!" Alice, Coley, Hal, and I all cried.

"Why's there whiskey on the toilet?" Jasper asked making a face.

"I don't know," Emmett answered.

"But how'd it get there?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," Emmett shook his head again.

"Are the LA us drinking whiskey while we're, I mean _they _are in the bathroom?" I asked.

"No, the whiskey bottle was full. It's just in the bathroom, there's no explanation as to why the bathroom whiskey is there. This was a dream for smurf's sake. It's just there, okay?" Emmett huffed.

"Okay, okay," we all said putting our hands up defensively.

"Oh, and Jasper was making pina coladas…"

"Nasty!" Jasper yelled. "With the bathroom whiskey?"

"No, the pina coladas were made regularly. My point was that you were making them. And you were talking to the bread and fruit that was sitting out that you were dipping into various fondue sauces. I think you were drunk, buddy."

"What was LA Alice doing during all of this?" Alice asked, peeved that her LA alter ego hadn't been spoken of yet.

"Um, you were playing with your pet dragon," Emmett told her.

"Ooh, what color was the dragon?" Alice asked excitedly.

"I don't know. Red?" Emmett guessed.

"Good. I'd rather have a red dragon than a green one," Alice nodded in approval. Rose, Coley and I laughed at her. As if it mattered what color the dragon was. She wasn't at all concerned that she even had a pet dragon; no, the color was her issue.

"So finally, LA Emmett asked me to make us a drink using the bathroom whiskey so I did. He was all _'Come on, you handsome devil, make an f'kin drink already!' _ I made it and we were all about to take a drink, but then my alarm went off," Emmett concluded glumly.

Wow, it took all of that to get here.

"So let's make your drink," Hal suggested. "I've got the bar upstairs. I know we have Jack up there."

"Alright, let's do it," Emmett smiled.

Everyone headed upstairs. Edward asked if I wanted to go too. I had to admit, I was mildly curious about the bathroom whiskey drink.

"Sure. I'd like a little change in scenery anyway."

Edward and I took the elevator up, and by the time we got up there, Emmett was making seven drinks. The glasses were lined up in a row. Hal put ice in them while Emmett followed by pouring a six count of Jack Daniels in each glass. Whoa! That was a lot of whiskey! He then added some Sprite, a splash of grenadine for the color, and then some lime juice. He stuck in a straw and stirred, handing a glass to everyone but me.

Everyone was holding up their drinks analyzing the pink liquid and sniffing the contents of their glass. Coley, Alice, and Rosalie wrinkled their noses upon smelling the caustic whiskey.

"Here's to crazy dreams and bathroom whiskey. Cheers, guys!" Emmett toasted.

I watched, slightly frightened, as they all lifted their glasses to their lips and took a swig and then licked their lips.

"Mmm, not bad," Hal commented.

"That's pretty good," Emmett smiled, clearly proud of himself.

"A little strong, but not terrible," Alice said.

"I like it," Rosalie grinned at Emmett. He winked and bowed his head once at his wife.

"What do you call this?" Edward asked.

"I didn't get to that part in the dream either," Emmett answered morosely. "But," he continued brightly, "We can name it now. Bella, what's your favorite animal?"

"Penguin," I answered automatically. Earlier in the week, Hal and I compiled a list of all our favorites, and favorite animal happened to be on the list of questions, and judging by Emmett's expression, _penguins_, wasn't a correct answer.

Emmett scowled. "Penguins aren't pink though."

"Hey, you asked what my favorite animal was not what animal I would compare your little drink to," I defended myself. "It looks like an atomic flamingo to me personally," I shrugged.

"Ooh, the flamingo is my favorite animal!" Hal cried waving his free hand.

Everyone but Emmett chuckled at his little outburst.

"Really?" Emmett asked quirking up an eyebrow. "Huh. I had you pegged for the Beluga whale or giant panda or something," Emmett remarked.

"What am I, an adolescent girl?" Hal asked taking another sip of his atomic flamingo.

"Ummm…" Emmett uttered, unsure of how to answer that.

"Hey, these are really good," Coley jumped in and saved Emmett.

"Mmm, yeah," Alice and Rosalie chimed in.

"Yeah," Emmett smiled. "And Atomic Flamingo is the perfect name for it, Bells. After Chucky's born, I'll make you one, sister."

"Thanks, Emmett," I smiled. "Can't wait!" It was sweet of Emmett to think of me, but whiskey really wasn't my thing. The atomic flamingo had a pretty color to it though.

"So was that it for the dream and the drink?" Jasper asked. "All that random stuff and then you made an atomic flamingo?"

"Yeah, the drink's okay, but what was so awesome about the dream exactly?" Edward asked sounding slightly confused as if he had missed something.

"Uh, didn't you hear me? There were _two_ Emmetts!"

Edward and I left our family and friends up in Hal's apartment after Edward finished his one atomic flamingo while the rest were enjoying a second round and who knew how many after that?

As we were lying in bed in the dark, I mused about a world with two Emmetts.

"Twice the shenanigans," I giggled.

"Twice the insanity," Edward quipped.

"Twice the big brotherly love," I offered.

"Twice the headache."

"Can you just picture Rosalie smacking two Emmetts in the back of their heads at the same?" I laughed.

"That I'd pay to see," Edward chuckled.

Our laughter died down until we were again lying quietly, me against Edward's chest.

I sighed. "How many more days left?" I was referring to my bed rest. Edward was keeping close tabs on things.

"Forty-seven," he answered quickly.

My lip automatically curled up into a sneer as I allowed the number to sink in. Terrific. But then I thought about the end result, CJ, and couldn't help but smile slightly. I placed my hands atop Edward's and rubbed my belly with his hands.

"Just a little while longer, CJ. We can't wait to meet you," I whispered.

And right on cue, as if she heard me and knew what I was saying, our little nudger gave a little kick.

I gasped in response.

"I think she's saying, '_It's a date, guys!'_" I could hear the smile in Edward's voice.

**A/N Okay, so if you've read IEWIS you're familiar with the stuff in Emmett's dream. If you haven't read it, then it's just some random stuff in a dream. No harm no foul. Thanks to carmelinagunn for letting me allude to her characters. I really just wanted to work the bathroom whiskey in. I actually did create this atomic flamingo over the weekend. Seriously, it isn't bad, and I'm not a whiskey drinker. It might be called something else, but my personal challenge was to make a drink, called an atomic flamingo, using whiskey, as a shout out to a reader/self-proclaimed non-reviewer. I just liked her penname.**

**So we're getting closer here. Perhaps two chapters left?? Don't hold me to that though. Please review!**


	26. June 20th, It's Go Time!

**A/N I don't own Twilight.**

**Show of hands. Who's had an atomic flamingo since the last chapter? Those of you with your hands up, I sincerely hope you are of age to drink. And remember to drink responsibly. **

**Hey, that reminds me. TDG is touted "best fic to read baked!" That's quite an honor (I think?), even if it is only touted that by one reader (you know who you are!). Don't do drugs, kids.**

**I really wanted to get this out by June 20****th**** for our boy Eddie's birthday so here you go. I succeeded! It's good to have goals. My actual homework has gone undone, though this is nothing new. However, I am cringing at my ratio of assignments to classes left. 3 to 2. Not pretty. Somebody needs to get her padunkadunk in gear, yes? At least I have priorities. **

**Okay, GREAR!**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 26**

**EPoV**

"_Breathe, Bella, breathe," I told my wife in what I hoped was a confident, reassuring tone. I was scared shitless._

"_I __**AM**__ breathing," Bella scowled at me as she continued panting. "Why are you…telling me…to do…something I…am so…obviously al…ready… doing, Edward?" she asked angrily between grimaces of pain. _

_All I could do was stare at her, unable to defend myself, unable to help her._

"_Ugh!" Bella groaned. Her face looked so tortured. She closed her eyes as another contraction hit her. "Well?...Say…something!"_

_I reached for her face, brushing the hair out of her eyes as I gently placed a kiss on her forehead._

"_OH MY GOD! Don't touch me!" she all but screamed as she jerked her head away. But then she grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me towards her face. "My uterus is about to explode!" Bella informed me tersely. She didn't move her lips._

"_I'm sorry," I apologized. "What can I do?" I felt so helpless._

"_Ugh!" she groaned again, grabbing my hand. "Where's the f'kin anesthesiologist?" _

_F'kin? Bella never said "f'kin." That was Emmett's quasi-swear word._

"_I don't know," I replied._

"_Well go f'kin find him, Edward," Bella ordered. Her eyes were closed, her lips still hadn't moved when she spoke, and she was crushing my hand with hers. I had no idea how freakishly strong Bella could be._

_But my feet wouldn't move._

_Suddenly, the nurse spoke up. "Um, I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen, but it's too late for an epidural."_

"_WHAT?" Bella snapped at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"_

_The nurse looked at me and swallowed hard. "You're almost to ten centimeters."_

"_Edward, what the fuck is she talking about?" Bella asked me._

"_Umm…uhh…" I stuttered_

"_Edward?" she yelled at me. "Edward?" Bella yelled again as she shook my arm. "Edward?...Edward?"_

My eyes flew open. The light hurt them so I shut my eyes again then slowly reopened them, squinting at the form above me. There was Bella softly tapping my arm, smiling down at me with a curious expression on her face.

"Bella?" I breathed groggily.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked tilting her head at me.

I stared blankly back at her trying to gain my bearings. "What time is it?" I asked.

"Um, three in the morning," she told me as she glanced at the clock. "Happy birthday," she grinned as she leaned over and gently kissed my lips.

I heaved a sigh of relief. It was just a dream. Bella was still tremendously pregnant, and it was June 20th, my birthday.

I held her to me when she began to break away, not wanting her to leave. I captured her lips with mine, kissing her with all the love and passion I could muster, trying to shake the remnants of the nightmare.

Bella's hands found my hair, her fingers wound around the locks and then gently she began massaging my scalp as she finally broke away.

Bella looked into my eyes and traced my jaw line, scratching at the stubbly outgrowth that she loved so much on me.

"You were thrashing a little in your sleep," she told me. "Bad dream?"

"Mmm," I answered grabbing her hand and kissing her palm. "Better now. Thank you."

"Good," she smiled.

"Why are you up?" I asked, remembering it was three in the morning.

"Um," she smiled sheepishly, "I was Slap Chopping again."

I laughed and shook my head. Bella was terrible. Her nesting instinct finally surfaced. She wasn't cleaning or organizing the house obsessively since she was on bed rest. Neither the doctor nor I allowed her to do any housework, light or otherwise. She didn't take to knitting or scrap booking or jewelry making. She looked at Emmett like he was out of his mind when he suggested fantasy baseball or golf, and the World Series of College Baseball didn't interest her either. She wasn't into it when Chad played in it when they were at ASU, and she wasn't interested in it now.

No, besides reading and writing, Bella found joy in Slap Chopping, though we had both become addicted to _Law and Order_. All of them: L&O regular, Special Victims Unit as well as Criminal Intent. They were on TV all the time; we couldn't avoid watching them. And we were hooked. We fancied ourselves experts in law after watching a couple of marathons of these shows.

We would try to guess who the perpetrator was as early as we could. Usually it was never the guy the police arrested early on. Anyone taken into custody before the show was even half over was pretty much innocent. And we loved the sarcasm the detectives always used. We wondered if real detectives were amateur comedians.

When we weren't watching marathons of L&O, Bella was chopping…everything. Our fridge and Hal's fridge were full of Tupperware containers storing anything and everything that could be chopped: hard boiled eggs, ham, onions, celery, carrots, pineapple, of course, chicken, bell peppers. The list went on and on. She'd chop randomly in the middle of the night and the middle of the day. She'd sit at the island in the kitchen with her containers and miscellaneous fruits and vegetables literally lined up for the chopping block. Bella seemed to get all zenned out when she was chopping. Meanwhile, we'd been eating a lot of ham salad, chicken salad, and egg salad sandwiches lately.

Alice and Coley were just excited that Bella finally found a sense of control and accomplishment since she was rather nervous about the whole giving birth experience and also confined to bed rest.

"You're nesting, Bells! You're nesting!" Coley and Alice squealed when she told them about this irrational need to chop and store everything in sight.

Bella rubbed her protruding belly through the fabric of my Beatles t-shirt. I remembered the first time she wore it was when she stayed the night at my place while Hal was decorating her apartment. It was baggy on her then, but she looked incredibly beautiful anyway, just as she looked beyond glorious in my t-shirt now, filling it out with CJ inside her. I saw movement and reached to feel for CJ as well, also rubbing Bella's belly. This was the best.

"We've got a night owl on our hands, Edward," Bella laughed. "Little miss party all the time woke me up about an hour ago. I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to nest," Bella grinned.

"Are you done for the night?" I asked.

"Yep. I was coming back to bed just as you were tossing and turning. Care to tell me about your dream?"

I snorted out of the ridiculousness of the dream as well as embarrassment.

"What?" Bella prodded. "Tell me then," she giggled at my response.

"You were in labor," I told her.

"Oh yeah? How was I?"

I grinned at the memory. "Mean."

Bella made a face as she stared at me. "I was mean?" she giggled again.

"Yeah, _really_ mean actually," I admitted. "You were Angry Bella again. You snapped at the nurse. You also swore at me and told me not to touch you when I brushed the hair out of your eyes and bent down to kiss you." Bella started laughing. "And I shudder to think what else you would have said or done if you didn't wake me up just now, especially after the nurse said it was too late for your epidural," I chuckled.

Bella pursed her lips to one side as he continued to look at me. "Am I supposed to apologize for my behavior in your dream?"

"You don't need to."

"But I feel like I have to," she laughed.

"It doesn't matter now."

Bella smiled burrowing her head on my shoulder and into my neck, kissing the skin there. "I'm sorry I wasn't nice to you in your dream, Edward."

I chuckled at her apology and from her breath tickling my skin. "You weren't just _not nice_, Bella. You were _mean_, love."

Bella laughed even harder and lifted her head to look at me.

"Edward, I was in labor," she smiled, defending her dream-self.

"I know. I know, but it was so not like you to be mean like that."

"Are you afraid I'll be like that when I'm really in labor?" she asked.

I thought a moment. "A little, but maybe I should go in expecting it. That way, if you're not that mean, it'll be a nice surprise," I grinned.

"I'd like to think that I'll be in better control when it really happens than I was in your dream. I don't plan on screaming so I can conserve my energy. I won't make any promises about swearing though."

"Okay," I nodded.

"And I don't think I'll be snapping at you or the nurse. At least I'll try not to. But it'll be like war conditions in there," Bella added. "Anything goes. Every woman for herself right?" she smiled.

"You do whatever you need to do, love. I'll shut up and take the abuse gladly."

Bella nodded at my statement and we pounded fists. "I know that's right!"

We finally turned the light back off and tried to get back to sleep.

Bella asked if I was excited for my birthday party. Since we didn't want Bella moving too much, we planned a small party at the HQ for the afternoon with just the usual crowd. Coley was coming too, but I managed to keep that a secret so far. Bella delegated Alice and Hal to figure out dinner, which, of course, they were happy to plan.

"Oh, Emmett planned a basketball game with Laurent and those guys for the morning. Is that okay?" I asked.

Bella shrugged. "Sure. It's your birthday. If you want to spend it with a douche bag that's your prerogative," she giggled. "Just so you're back for the party and of course…"

"No betting," I finished for her. "No problem."

"Yeah, if you come back here with even one hair missing, somebody's going to pay," she teased.

**BPoV**

So it was about eleven o'clock. Edward wasn't back from basketball yet, but Hal and Alice were over getting ready for the gathering. I didn't want to call it a party, but for all intents and purposes it was. We were only expecting the family over, including Charlie and Sue.

I was pleasantly surprised when the doorbell rang at 11:30. Alice answered the door and Coley was there!

I gasped in delight from my place at the kitchen island. I was chopping celery.

Coley came over to hug me.

"Wow! You're as big as a house, Bells!" she laughed.

"I know, I know," I smiled in response.

Coley wanted to surprise me. She planned on staying with Hal and Shane while Chad was on an extended road trip with the Padres. The away games would end in a week and half here in Seattle so she'd see him again then.

"No sense being bored at home all alone when I can hang out with the funnest people I know," she said.

"No arguments here," I laughed.

Coley was helping Alice and Hal bring out extra chairs while AJ was napping in CJ's room when Rosalie arrived with EmJ.

Coley was following EmJ around as he crawled all over the place and played with JoJo so Rosalie sat with me at the island.

I got a text from Edward telling me that Laurent was going to take the evil Chucky doll off our hands after they played. Apparently they collected weird crap like that. Why didn't that surprise me?The guys were about done then.

I told the others about Laurent and Chucky and they laughed. How fitting for the demonic doll to go to the demonic couple.

"You know they came in to the DG the other day in their off the rack clothes and I noticed that Miss Used-To-Be-Head-To-Toe Stella had a bit of Bingo Arm," Hal said the last part in his sing-songy voice.

Coley laughed. "No way! Bingo Arm?"

"Hal, she did not," I laughed. "Besides," I said glancing at my upper arms. "I think I may have some Bingo Arm myself so don't make fun. That's so mean!" I laughed again.

"What's that?" Alice and Rosalie asked.

I felt a little squeeze from my nether regions and blew out a breath silently. I didn't think anyone noticed since Hal went on to explain what Bingo Arm was.

"You know when the back of the upper arms, on older women especially, are kind of flabby. We call it Bingo Arm because that's what you see flapping when they stand up waving their arms and yelling _Bingo_!"

Rose and Alice both laughed but then checked their own arms for any Bingo action. We all probably silently promised ourselves to tone up that area when we got the chance.

"Why aren't the guys back yet?" Rosalie asked again.

"I don't know. Ugh!" I said as I grabbed my stomach and blew out a long breath.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked.

Alice and Hal stopped what they were doing to look at me.

"I think so. I've been feeling funny all morning," I said. "I'm not in pain, but I feel…something…I don't know…different."

"How often have you felt this…whatever it is?" Rose asked definitely concerned.

I shook my head. "I haven't really been keeping track. Maybe every twenty minutes or so?"

They all looked at each other and nodded silently.

"Okay, I'll keep track of these…_things_," Hal said. "Tell me when it happens again, baby girl," he ordered. I nodded my okay.

A little while later I clutched my belly again. "Hal?"

Again, all my friends stopped what they were doing to look at me and then at Hal.

He grimaced, panic in his expression. "Ten minutes," he said checking his watch.

I blew out another breath. "It's okay," I breathed. "I may not have another…whatever it is. Let's not freak out," I told them.

"Where are they guys?" Rosalie asked in annoyance.

My phone buzzed a bit after that.

"Edward?" I asked into the phone just as I felt another weird, oh all right. It was a contraction. No more tip toeing around the word.

"Bella?" Edward answered. "Um, we're almost home. I got…well I had to stop somewhere first," he said. He sounded a little…off.

"Oh, okay. Good," I blew out another breath and looked at Hal. He looked at his watch and then his eyes bugged out. He held up eight fingers and then started fanning himself. "Hurry home, please," I said as calmly as I could.

"Are you okay?"

"Mmm, I think so. I've been having…contractions I think. About every, oh, ten or so minutes?" I answered before he could ask me.

**EPoV**

"Oh, God. Okay. We'll be there soon. I love you."

"Love you too," Bella answered before we hung up.

"Fuck!" I yelled.

"What?" Jasper, Emmett, and Laurent all asked.

"Bella's having contractions. Step on it, Emmett!"

"Fuck!" they all yelled.

Why did this have to happen today of all days?

I wasn't referring to the contractions. I was referring to the latest basketball mishap.

About two minutes later Emmett parked his Jeep and we all took off for the elevator to get to the HQ.

"Shit, Bella's going to kill us all," Emmett moaned.

"She's going to be too distracted to kill anyone right now," Jasper said.

No, she would kill us all, I thought.

"Probably you'll get out unscathed, Edward…well as unscathed as possible now," Jasper corrected himself. "She wouldn't want to raise CJ all alone."

"Well, she does have Big Gay Hal," Emmett pointed out brightly.

"Shut up, Emmett," I scowled at my brother. "Ow!" I flinched as I wrinkled my nose. What was left of it anyway.

"She's going to kill _me_," Laurent said. That was probably true. Bella never liked Laurent.

"We're all dead," Emmett sighed.

I stood outside the door as Emmett opened it and assessed the situation.

"Bells, you okay?"

Bella was blowing out a long breath. "Where's…Edward?" she asked panting slightly.

It was now or never. Bella needed me. I stepped through the door to show myself, bracing myself for her reaction.

"Oh, my god! What happened?" I heard Bella demand amidst the gasps of horror and sharp intakes of breath from Hal and the other women. "Who did that to you?"

Jasper, Emmett, and Laurent all stepped inside standing behind me and my fractured nose, that was slightly swollen and stuffed with cotton.

"It was just an accident, Bella. It's a slight fracture, and it'll heal in a month. Now, how are you?" I asked hoping she would stay calm. All we needed was for Bella to get stressed out.

"Bella?" Hal asked.

"Just a minute, Hal," she said holding a long stalk of celery in her hand as she approached me. She held the celery out like a sword. "Talk," she ordered us, any of us.

"Um, I thought I saw you out of the corner of my eye and I asked _'What's Bells doing here?' _and it must have distracted Edward because he turned his head to look for you just as Laurent was twisting around holding the ball and he _accidentally_ knocked his elbow into Edward's nose," Emmett spoke quickly in what sounded like one long run-on sentence.

"Oh, god!" Bella clutched her low back with her free hand. Then she glowered first at Emmett and then at Laurent. "You. Broke. My. Edward?" she said through clenched teeth.

Hal gasped audibly. "She didn't move her lips," he whispered loudly to Coley and Alice.

"Bella, I didn't mean…" Laurent had his hands up, palms facing out in the international sign of surrender.

"Shut up!" she ordered him and then blew out another long breath.

Under duress and sudden rushes of adrenaline, I've heard of people displaying superhuman strength, lifting a car up single handedly to save someone's life or stopping a van from hitting a vampire loving emo chick. Bella, experiencing a surge of adrenaline as well as labor pains, cussed people out. Or perhaps Laurent just had that effect on my wife.

Her voice was cold and steady as she stepped closer to Laurent with the celery stalk pointed at his neck. "Take the evil doll from the bottom of the closet and take your dreadlock haired, Gucci wanna-be-wearing, latte scamming, Herpes meds hawking, douche bag ass out of here and go back to your Bingo-Armed, Alice Cullen coveting, off-the-rack wearing wife and your house of douchery and NEVER come here again."

Laurent's eyes were wide with fear as he nodded in both astonishment and understanding. Alice had taken Chucky out of the closet and handed him to Laurent, who took the doll and swallowed hard.

"Good luck to you, Bella and Edward. Thank you for not touching the celery stalk to me, Bella. I'm actually allergic." Unbelievable. Laurent was actually thanking her. "I will go now," he bowed his head and left.

"Bella?" Hal asked again.

She ignored him for the moment. Bella furrowed her brow after Laurent left. "Who's allergic to celery? It's all water."

"Bella?" Hal asked again.

"Damn," Emmett and Jasper both breathed.

"Bells, you went _off!_" Emmett grinned, laughing as he said _off_. "Hey, what's _Bingo Arm_?"

"Edward, are you okay?" Bella asked me touching my cheek gingerly with her celery stalk-free hand.

"Yes, but Bella…"

"Bella?" Hal asked much more urgently this time.

"What is it, Hal?" Bella asked with exasperation in her voice.

"Um, you're…leaking?"

Bella looked down at her feet, well she tried to anyway. Her protruding belly was in the way.

"I am?" Then she must have felt the cold, fluid soaked fabric of her pants against the skin of her legs from her water breaking. "So I am," she said, her voice was eerily calm. She was clutching her low back again and blowing out another long breath.

"Edward? It's go time," she breathed.

"Right," I said as I sprung into action, not even feeling the pain from my nose injury anymore. It took a backseat to Bella and CJ.

"Where's her bag?" Coley asked.

"In the car," everyone answered.

"Which car?" Coley asked.

"All of them," I answered her over my shoulder as I led Bella out the door. We had a hospital bag for Bella in my car, the Fly Girl, Hal's car, Alice's, Jasper's, Rose's and Emmett's cars just in case Bella was with any of them when it was _go time_.

It only took five minutes for me to get Bella to the hospital, my second trip there that day. Bella was a trooper the whole way.

"Look how calm I am," she smiled at me while still breathing deeply.

"You're doing so great, love. We're almost there."

Alice called ahead to let them know we were coming so a nurse was ready with a wheelchair once we arrived. Rosalie alerted Dr. Mather. Jasper called Charlie and Renee while Emmett called our parents.

Once in the delivery room, the nurse took all of Bella's vitals and checked the progress of her labor. Dr. Mather arrived and the nurse briefed her on Bella's situation before doctor checked Bella and CJ's position.

Dr. Mather shook her head as she looked at us.

"What is it?" Bella and I asked, both very concerned and slightly frightened, at least on my part.

"The baby is breach and Bella's blood pressure is rather high. We have to do it by C-section."

Bella and I both nodded silently.

Soon, Bella was placed on a gurney and wheeled into the OR. I was walking right beside her. Her hand was squeezing mine tightly as she looked up at me with a curious expression.

"You look ridiculous," she commented, smiling slightly. "Edward, your poor nose. And you're going to have a couple of black eyes," Bella said sadly.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Let's go meet our daughter, okay?" I brought her hand up to my lips.

Bella nodded, bracing herself and lifting her chin ever so slightly, putting on her brave face.

In the OR, doctor put a curtain up to block our view of the surgery but used a spinal and epidural anesthetic so Bella was awake the entire time. I was able to be in the there with her, relieved that Bella wouldn't feel any pain during the surgery.

Before we knew it, we heard CJ's cry. Bella and I looked at each other; our eyes teared up from the sound of our daughter's healthy lungs.

"She's perfect," Dr. Mather smiled, and I was finally able to take a breath.

"Edward, she's perfect," Bella grinned up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks as the nurse handed CJ into Bella's waiting arms. "Listen to her cry. She's perfect."

I smiled. CJ's cry was now my favorite sound in the world. It was music to my ears.

"Hi, little Charlotte Josephine Cullen," Bella smiled down at CJ. "I'm your mommy. This is your daddy. He's usually more handsome than this though. We'll tell you about it later, baby." I laughed as I placed one hand on Bella's shoulder and the other on CJ's little head, my two favorite women in the world. They were both my life now.

"Hey, baby girl," I greeted her. "We love you."

Bella only got to hold CJ for a moment before the nurses had to take her to get cleaned up, weighed, and measured while Bella recovered in the mother/baby room.

Back in the room, the nurse finally brought CJ back to us.

I got to hold CJ for a minute before Bella nursed for the first time. My heart nearly burst as I looked down at the baby in my arms. How could a tiny little thing bring so much joy? She was amazing. Simply amazing, I thought as I handed her over to Bella.

Our friends and family waited anxiously in the lounge to greet the latest family member. Alice said Hal was about to blow a gasket anticipating meeting his BGBG (baby girl's baby girl). Once Bella was done nursing, the visitors came in. The Hales were waiting in the lounge with AJ and EmJ so everyone else could visit Bella and CJ.

"Happy birthday, CJ," Bella murmured before looking up at me. "Happy birthday, Edward," she smiled. "I couldn't get to the store, but I got you this." Bella joked looking back down at CJ. "Three weeks early."

"She's the most perfect birthday present ever," I whispered, chuckling softly. "Thanks." I kissed the top of Bella's head. "I love you, Bella," I told her as she looked up at me so I could kiss her lips quickly as our friends and family entered the room.

"She's beautiful!" all the women gushed upon seeing CJ. No one was able to take their eyes off our little girl, who was currently asleep, since it was still daytime and she was, of course, a partier. I expected to be up all night with Bella and CJ. I couldn't wait.

Emmett was the first to hold CJ since he muscled his way through to the front of the crowd, pushing his mother, wife and sister out of his way. What a thug!

"She's as big as a minute," Emmett commented grinning wildly at his new niece. "Any guy come near you, Chucky, I'm killing him," he promised her.

We laughed. She was still asleep with the pink stocking cap on her head and stray strands of dark brown hair with bronze highlights sticking out haphazardly from underneath, swaddled in the generic hospital baby blanket. Her little pink mouth formed the tiniest O and I could see her little tongue inside wiggling slightly as she breathed. CJ was absolutely perfect.

"Speaking of killing people, Emmett," Bella began.

Uh-oh.

"Uh-oh," Emmett shook his head and grimaced, steeling himself for the interrogation.

"Who was it that you actually saw when you thought it was me?" Bella asked curiously.

Jasper and I were shaking our heads, silently pleading with him not to tell her the truth if he valued his life at all.

"Um…it was…" Emmett was properly hesitant to admit the truth.

"Yes?" Bella prodded, arms crossed over her chest.

"It was a fat little midget person," he answered lamely. Again, there were several sharp intakes of breath.

"Oh, hell, no," Hal said softly, shaking his head.

"That's so wrong," Coley commented looking at Emmett in apparent disapproval.

"He had long dark brown hair, Bells," Emmett added defensively. "He had long dark brown hair!" Emmett repeated looking at the jury of family members and friends.

"_And_ a mustache," Jasper added quietly with raised eyebrows, more than willing to rat Emmett out.

"Idiot!" Alice and Rosalie both said under their breath.

We all looked at Bella, waiting with bated breath for her reaction.

Bella held her arms out and Emmett surrendered his niece to Bella who looked down at CJ and said, "CJ, this is your Uncle Em. He will do any dance we tell him to do and at any time of our choosing until you're…" Bella looked up for someone to fill in the blank.

"In pre-school?" Jasper offered.

"Five?" I suggested.

"Ten," Coley said.

"Sixteen," Alice smiled.

"…Until he allows you to date," Bella smiled down at CJ.

"_Damn!_" Emmett said softly, eyes closed and shaking his head morosely.

**A/N Happy birthday, Edward Cullen! And happy birthday, CJ! **

**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I was going to stop here, but I'll be doing an epilogue, and then I'm out. Thanks for reading. Now, please review!**


	27. Epilogue: Legacy

**A/N Nothing's changed. Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. I, as you know, am a mere scrub having my way with her characters. **

**Hey, a big shout out to juju jenny beth, mes filles francaise, for doing a kick-smurf job of translating CLG for the French readers. The response to the French translation has been nothing short of phenomenal…dare I say **_**vag-ominal**_**? No, that's just crass.**

**This is it, kids. For the last time from the world of CLG/TDG, GREAR.**

**When you read this, I'll have finished my LAST class for my teacher's certification. Ta-da!!!! I'll have my drinking shoes on for when I get out of class. I'm sending virtual Atomic Flamingos to EVERYONE! Enjoy! And please virtually drink responsibly. Itunes, take an extra toke for me but stay away from Chucky! Don't do drugs, kids.**

**So, I know the kids can't talk yet, but they are communicating with each other in this one. Ummm, just go with it.**

**The Daily Grind**

**Chp 27: Epilogue: Legacy**

**BPoV**

"She's asleep at last," Edward smiled as he stepped away from CJ's bassinet next to our bed and sat down next to me on the sofa in our bedroom. It was about two in the morning. I had nursed CJ at one but then she was a little fussy so Edward and I were taking turns trying to get her to sleep.

We were like entertainers anymore, trying anything and everything to get CJ to stop crying and get to sleep. Warm bath, check. Soft music, check. Rocking in the chair, check. Finally, Edward hummed a little lullaby he wrote for CJ and she finally conked out.

True to her habits in vitro, Little Miss CJ was a night owl, a true party girl. She'd sleep about three hours at a time so Edward and I were up late as well as awake off and on most nights. We were parents to a newborn and, thus, were operating on very little sleep. We were tired, occasionally grouchy, but irrevocably in love with Charlotte Josephine, now about a month and a half old, so we didn't complain…much.

"Awesome," I whispered with my eyes closed. I was exhausted. I was sure Edward was too. I didn't think we got more than four hours of sleep a night the first month and a half we were home with CJ.

I was near sleep myself when I felt Edward leaning towards me, pressing his body against mine, peppering kisses on my face and neck. "Are you tired, love?"

Was he kidding me? Of course I was, and so was he. "Really, Edward? _More? Now?_"

Dr. Mather had had just given me the okay to start exercising so I could start shedding the pudge I put on while carrying CJ. She also put me on the mini pill so I had birth control that wouldn't interfere with nursing and Edward and I could engage in _more_ once again if we were so inclined. Not that we had the energy to, but the option was there. And weren't options always good?

I felt him smile against the skin of my neck. "If not now, when?" he answered and I laughed.

"If not us, then who?" I offered giggling.

"Exactly," Edward breathed into my ear right before he started nibbling on my earlobe. Apart from being too tired to even engage in more, I was not feeling extremely desirable since having CJ. I actually was amazed Edward wanted me.

I looked down in dismay at Edward's t-shirt that I was wearing. I didn't fill it out anymore but it wasn't as baggy as it used to be on me either.

"You're beautiful, love," he whispered as if he were reading my mind, knowing exactly what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it. "So beautiful," Edward reiterated looking earnestly into my eyes. "So beautiful."

I had to smile. "Thank you," I told Edward as his lips brushed against mine a couple times softly but then took purchase with my own. I felt every ounce of love Edward felt for me pour out of that kiss, in every move of his lips and flick of his tongue. I felt Edward's hand on my hip slowly creep up my torso. He continued kissing my jaw line, my neck, chest, and down my ribs. I felt his lips near my naval while his fingers were deftly working their magic through the fabric of my underwear. I was about to go to pieces but then I remembered…

"Edward?" I tried to sound stern, but his tongue was tracing my hip bone.

"Hmmm," he hummed against my skin causing my body to jerk and twitch involuntarily.

"Ummm," I tried not to moan as his mouth continued an assault on my stomach and his fingers were about to enter me. "We are…not…getting…it…on…with…the…baby…in the…room.  
There. I said it.

Edward's head shot up and he looked at me as he thought about what I had just said. "You're right," he nodded as he climbed off of me to sit next to me instead. "I'm sorry. I lost my head there for a moment."

"It's okay," I reassured him as I laced my fingers through his. "I did too." We sat there a moment so we could regulate our breathing.

"Umm, how about the piano room?" Edward asked a moment later with hope in his voice.

I gave him the most incredulous look I could muster. "Edward, are you crazy?" He looked back at me like a school kid getting scolded. "The bathroom is much closer."

Edward smiled wickedly as he picked me up bridal style and rushed us into the bathroom, stealing kisses the entire way. He barely had the door closed before we were quickly and urgently undressing each other, throwing all our clothes on the floor around us.

Our time was limited, we knew. We wanted sleep but we wanted this too. We wanted _more_. We _needed_ _more_. _ Badly_.

I wrapped my bare legs around Edward's waist as he hoisted me up and held me against his body. I could feel the ambassador pressing at my entrance, at the ready. Edward leaned me up against the bathroom wall and entered me in one fluid movement. It felt just like our romp in the hotel bathroom in Phoenix.

I moaned into his mouth as he penetrated me. Edward thrust in and out of me hard and fast while supporting my weight with his arms.

Once again, I tried to be as quiet as possible, but the pleasure of Edward thrusting in and out combined with his hot tongue on my neck, collarbone, and shoulder was sending me over the edge. It had been such a long time since I had felt him inside me, and I relished in our proximity, our reunion.

I gasped as Edward plunged into me one more time hard and deep. I clenched around him in response and pulled on his hair as I moaned his name in ecstasy against his shoulder, shivering in pleasure as I climaxed. Edward moaned my name soon after, and I felt his body tense then relax in response to his own release.

"Mmm," I moaned some more as Edward, once again, peppered my body with kisses. "Thank you. I think I really needed that," I giggled from tingly feeling he was leaving on my body in the wake of his kisses.

"I aim to please," Edward smiled. "Ready for bed now, love?"

We were able to get some decent sleep, about two and a half hours, and so began our day. It was just like any other day, except this one started with more (or perhaps the day before had ended in more depending on how I looked at it).

Edward and I made breakfast and just hung out with CJ that morning and afternoon. It was nice out so I wanted to take JoJo out after I finished nursing CJ again. CJ had been up for quite a while so Edward was going to get her to sleep while JoJo and I were out.

After our little walk, I carried JoJo into the apartment so we wouldn't make too much noise. It was so nice to be able to walk around and get some fresh air after being on bed rest for so long and then recovering from the C-section.

"Aww, look at them, JoJo," I whispered to my dog as we approached Edward asleep on the sofa. His head was flopped to the side, practically on his left shoulder, but otherwise he was still sitting up. CJ was cradled on a soft pillow on his lap. I smiled at the sight of them as I quickly took a picture with my phone.

It was about three in the afternoon in early August; it was actually EmJ's birthday, and we were going to Emmett's house later.

I set JoJo down quietly. He lied down on the cold hardwood floor next to his crate after lapping up some water from his bowl, probably happy to be inside in the air conditioning at last. It was pretty warm out, and he was tired from the walk. I may have over worked him, poor little guy.

I leaned down to pick CJ up from the pillow, softly kissing Edward's forehead as I did so. He must have been really tired because he didn't stir. After also kissing CJ on the top of her brownze (that's the word we coined for the color of her hair) head of hair, I put her down in the bassinet that we brought out and placed next to the sofa. The great thing, well one of the many great things, about CJ was that when she was asleep, she was asleep. Nothing woke her up, except for hunger or a dirty diaper.

I took another picture of CJ's sleeping form; she was so sweet with her thumbs tucked inside her loose little fists that she held up by her face. I uploaded both pictures to FaceBook to fulfill my daily quota. My mother, as well as Dad, Sue, Coley, and Esme all told me there'd be hell to pay if I didn't post a picture of CJ/Charlie/Seej each day. Hal would just come over and take a picture of his BGBG anytime he felt like it. And Emmett would stop by whenever he had a break at the DG since we would occasionally have EmJ with us while Rosalie worked.

Alice would bring AJ over for us to keep every other day while she and Jasper worked as well. Jasper's mom would have EmJ and AJ the other days. Coley stayed with us through the rest of June while my mom and Eli stayed with us for a couple weeks in July to help Edward and me while I was recovering. They were a godsend. Everyone had been great. The HQ lived up to its moniker as the entire family visited and took part in taking care of CJ while I healed from the surgery. I was pretty much all better by the third week of July, but Dr. Mather still told me to take it easy until August so I did.

It was definitely nice to be able to help out our family and see them everyday.

Renee, Eli, and Coley were able to help out while they were visiting, and Hal would help with all the childcare as well. It really did take a village to raise a child. And I wouldn't trade my crazy village for all the tea in China.

But it was a nice quiet Friday, and we had the apartment to ourselves once again. I loved my family and friends dearly, but there was something to be said about getting your living space back. I sighed in content as I gently nudged Edward so he could properly lie down on the sofa. I didn't want his neck to be sore from the funky way he fell asleep. Edward stirred a bit as I lifted his legs up to put them on the sofa as well.

"Hey," he breathed groggily.

"Shh," I hushed him. "Go back to sleep." I knew he was tired, what with our party girl and the bathroom escapade.

"'Kay," he whispered. His eyes were barely open and he held his arms out for me. I couldn't resist. I was tired too so I curled up against Edward's chest, facing him on the sofa. "Thanks, love," Edward smiled as he wrapped his arms around me, giving me a soft peck on the lips.

I smiled my _you're welcome_ and kissed his collarbone just as Edward's eyes closed again. I wiggled myself enough to free my head so I could lean back slightly and look up at Edward. He was asleep again. I resisted the urge to rub his scruffy beard or trace over the bridge of his nose with my finger. I inspected it though, as I had done each day since that douche, Laurent, broke it.

Edward was right. It was all healed in four weeks time. He sported a couple of black eyes for a while. My dad had joked that my clumsiness must have rubbed off on him and that he was sorry about that.

Then the purple, black and blue turned to a nasty, sickly yellow before the discoloration faded and then disappeared altogether. There was no evidence of a broken nose save for the ever so slight crookedness leftover since the doctor wasn't able to completely straighten it out. At the very least, it was a reminder of the day CJ came into our lives. Despite the asymmetry, Edward still looked perfect to me. I smiled as I kissed the tip of my finger and touched it to the bridge of Edward's nose. He was so out of it, I did it all without waking him. Then I snuggled in closer and napped with my husband.

CJ's crying woke us up. It was time to nurse her and then head out to Emmett's, which was exactly what we did. It would just be the three couples and kids tonight to celebrate EmJ's birthday, and we'd see the Forks family some time over the weekend. Edward wanted me to nap a little longer, but since I was the nutrient source for CJ thus far and haven't gotten the courage to pump my milk yet, I had to get up from one of the best naps of my life. It was a testament to our crazy baby schedule and constant sleep deprivation that in the two and half or so hours that we napped, Edward and I didn't move an inch. We were out cold.

Edward packed the baby bag and changed while I nursed, and when I was done, he took over CJ duty while I took my now famous five-minute shower. Yep, I could shower, shampoo _and_ condition my hair, thank you, in mere minutes since that was literally all the time I had. Thanks to my girlfriends organizing my closet, I could get dressed in another five minutes, not even having to think about putting outfits together since the guesswork had been eliminated. Finally, with my powerful hairdryer and super flat iron, it never took more than ten minutes to dry and straighten my hair even before I had CJ.

Once over at Emmett and Rose's house, CJ was pretty much ripped from our arms as we began the game of _Pass the Chucky_, named by none other than Emmett.

"Dang, Alice," Emmett scowled at his sister who boxed him out so she could get to their niece before he could.

Alice stuck her tongue out and grinned triumphantly at Emmett. "Don't you have a dance to do or something?" Alice asked him flippantly. "Bella?" she prodded.

"You can't tell her to tell me to dance," Emmett scowled again, this time giving me the stink eye.

"I believe that was a whine," Alice was quick to point out causing an audible growl to come from Emmett since that meant two dances.

Edward and I laughed. "Umm," I thought, "How about…the Carlton? I never grow tired of that one," I smiled. "And then the moonwalk please."

So after a little muttering under his breath, Emmett proceeded to dance the Carlton, much to our amusement. As grouchy as he was about having to dance, Emmett sure did have his game face on, smiling wide and playing the part of Carlton Banks. EmJ was also cracking up. Apparently, it never got old for him either.

"You like seeing your silly uncle dance like a nerd don't you?" Alice asked CJ who was staring back with her hazel eyes wide awake and fixed on Alice. "Yeah, so do we, princess," Alice giggled.

We were all cracking up at Emmett's dancing and EmJ's reaction to the dancing. EmJ was cheering his dad on, laughing and clapping. After about a minute, we all applauded Emmett's performance of the Carlton and then he automatically bowed and started moonwalking as he stood back up.

I picked EmJ up because I could again. He was able to walk now. Actually, he was running, well, walking rather briskly anyway, by ten and a half months. We accredited the early mobility to necessity. Emmett would crawl after poor EmJ growling _I'm gonna getcha!_ over and over and over, probably scaring his son to the point where crawling couldn't get him away from Emmett fast enough. He had to run, and it was usually to Rosalie. Fear was indeed a powerful motivator.

Alice was next to me with CJ and we went to sit down. Emmett commandeered his niece from Alice though, citing that Alice had her for too long already. He also threw Alice out of the spot next to me on the couch.

"Emmett, I swear you wouldn't do this stuff if Mom or Dad were here," Alice pouted.

"No, I believe that he would," Edward quipped. "Emmett has no shame."

"Come to Uncle Em, Chucky!" he smiled, ignoring his siblings. "Aww, man, she's still light as a feather. Do you guys even feed her?" Emmett joked. Then he took a sniff of CJ's head. "Ahhh, fresh baby smell. Babe, you want a hit of this?" he asked Rosalie who grinned and also took a whiff.

"Her brownze hair is starting to curl. That's so cute!" Alice gushed.

"Oooh, and her eyes look green today," Rosalie commented. We all looked and nodded. Yep, CJ's decidedly hazel eyes would shift in color depending on what we had her dressed in. Today, she was wearing a sage colored onesie that said _Give peas a chance_ on her chest.

"She's already a looker. Watch out, Edward. You're going to be beating the boys away pretty soon and then before you know it, you'll be walking CJ down the aisle giving her away," Alice sighed.

Edward's expression turned sour rather quickly as he gave his sister the stink eye. I gave Edward a sympathetic smile. "Aww, Alice, let him enjoy his little girl for a little while before he has to worry about all that," I said.

"That's right," Edward growled. "We'll have no more talk of boys until she's at least...what?" Edward looked to me.

"Twenty?" I offered with a giggle.

Edward shook his head. "I was thinking forty-five," he said matter-of-factly.

"I heard that, brother," Emmett agreed. "Or when I'm dead."

"Hmm, considering how many times Alice, Bella, and Rose have said they're going to kill you, Emmett, I think you should stick to when CJ is forty-five," Jasper commented, to which Emmett responded with a _Pssshhh._

EmJ's eyes were trained on his cousin, and he reached his little arms out to try and touch her so I held him a little closer to CJ while Emmett leaned her towards EmJ and me. We let EmJ touch CJ's face and hair.

"Watch this, Bella," Emmett told me. "Who's this, EmJ? Who's this?" Emmett asked his son.

"Uh-kee," EmJ babbled.

I gasped in surprise. _Chucky_ was EmJ's first word!

"Yeah, that's Chucky!" Emmett grinned. "Chucky, Chucky, Chucky!"

"Uh-kee, uh-kee, uh-kee," EmJ repeated happily.

We were all laughing again at EmJ, and by this time, Adam, who had been crawling around the room exploring with Jasper hot on his trail, came over by his cousins. Jasper helped Adam stand up and held the little guy up so he could check things out. Adam just looked curiously at EmJ and then at CJ, while EmJ reached out to try to touch Adam who was now just staring at CJ.

"Don't you wish you knew what the heck they were thinking?" Alice mused.

"Yeah, wouldn't it be great if we had those devices like the bad guy in the movie _Up_ put on the dogs to translate and verbalize what they were thinking?" Emmett wondered aloud.

"Aww, just look at them," Rosalie added. "I bet they're getting to know each other," she gushed.

"I bet they're already communicating with each other somehow," Jasper said.

"Yeah, like Baby Stewie in the _Family Guy_," Emmett grinned, nodding fervently in approval.

"So you think they're plotting against us?" Edward asked jokingly. I laughed. The idea of these sweet children speaking viciously and plotting to take over the world was really amusing to me.

"You never know, bro. You never know," Emmett replied with raised eyebrows as we all stared at our children in wonder.

**Adam:** So what's with these guys?

**CJ:** Who?

**EmJ:** You mean the parental units?

**Adam:** Yeah, these guys that change our diapers. What's with them? They're just staring at us. It's weird.

**CJ:** It is a little creepy. They must really like us or something.

**EmJ:** Yeah, they do that. They'll just stare at us for minutes on end. They claim they can do it forever, but I don't think that's possible.

**Adam:** So what's your story, peanut?

**EmJ:** That's Chucky, man. She's the newest in the fam now.

**Adam:** Oh, welcome.

**CJ:** Thanks.

**EmJ:** So what do you think, kid?

**CJ:** Of what?

**EmJ:** I don't know. What do you think of being a baby? Of them, your parents? The other big people? Us? Me and Adam, here, we'll be looking out for you from now on.

**Adam:** We will?

**EmJ:** Of course we will. That's what my pops was telling me the other day. He said, "Little man," 'cause that's what he calls me. "You and AJ are gonna have to look out for little Chuck."

**Adam:** Oh, okay. I guess we're looking out for you, Seej.

**CJ:** Um, what's that mean?

**Adam:** I don't know. EmJ?

**EmJ:** I'm not sure either, but I think it has to do with beating people up.

**CJ:** Beating who up?

**Adam:** Yeah, who? I don't like violence. I'm a lover not a fighter.

**EmJ:** What? Oh, great. It looks like I'll have to keep the both of you from getting beat up later. You and Mr. Sensitive over here, Chuck.

**Adam:** Hey, how come you go by so many names anyway, Seej?

**CJ:** I don't know. Everyone seems to call me something different. I've been called Charlotte, Charlie, CJ, Seej, Chucky, Chuck, BGBG. It's a little confusing. Hey, nice shoes.

**EmJ:** Thanks. They're actually called Chuck's too. But don't think they're named after you or anything, kid.

**CJ:** Okay.

**EmJ:** I'm just telling you because I don't want you to get a big head or anything.

**CJ:** Do I have a big head? I can barely move it myself. It's heavy too.

**EmJ:** No, that's not what I mean. Geez, what were you born yesterday or something?

**CJ:** I don't know.

**Adam:** She was born about a month and a half ago actually.

**EmJ:** Aww, geez. I think I'm too old for this crowd. See you two kids later. I'm motoring over to hang out with Mr. Dove. I'll see you when it's cake time.

EmJ wiggled in my arms so I put him down on the floor. I guess he wanted to walk around a little. Who could blame him? He only just started walking. He needed to practice. Sure enough, EmJ made an almost beeline for Mr. Dove, only stumbling a little bit. We all chuckled over his instability. But he quickly recovered and made his way back to his cousins when he discovered Mr. Dove was napping and didn't want to be disturbed.

**CJ:** What's cake?

**Adam:** Oh, it's this really yummy dessert they have whenever it's a special occasion. I don't think you'll be having any though, peanut. You don't have any teeth. You'd need at least one tooth like me to have some cake I think.

**CJ:** Why do you call me peanut?

**Adam:** Um, because there's this nut called a peanut and your head is kind of shaped like one.

**CJ:** Oh. Should I be offended?

**EmJ:** It's technically a legume.

**Adam and CJ:** Huh?

**EmJ:** The peanut. It isn't actually a nut. It's technically a…oh, never mind. You two are drooling by the way.

**Adam: **We thought you were playing with the dog.

**EmJ: **Eh, he's trying to nap. My parents get grouchy when I mess with the dog when he's trying to sleep. I guess he doesn't like to be pulled around on my blanket. Whatever. I'm back. What's up?

"Man, these kids sure do look like they're actually having a conversation," Emmett commented as he dabbed at CJ's mouth with a soft towel to clean off her drool while Jasper did the same for Adam.

"They really do, don't they?" I agreed. "I wonder if CJ has any idea of what's going on. CJ, do you like your boy cousins? They're so sweet aren't they?" I smiled at my daughter who was content in Emmett's arms to stare at EmJ and Adam.

**CJ:** So tell me more about this cake business.

**EmJ:** Aww, Chuck. It's so yummy. You won't even believe it. It's definitely a nice change from Cheerios. Oh, you don't have any teeth yet do you? Sorry, kid. But listen. A word to the wise, don't get your fingers in the way of the cake and any of these women though 'cause you might not get them back, your fingers I mean. They take their desserts very seriously.

**CJ:** I can't really move my arms voluntarily anyway.

**EmJ:** That's probably a good thing for now. Believe it or not, kid, I was once little like you.

**CJ:** Really?

**EmJ:** Heck yeah. I had to be all swaddled in a blanket and held all the time. They'd pass me around like a new shiny toy and stuff and talk all high pitched to me. It would sometimes hurt my ears.

**Adam:** Yeah, they _do_ do that don't they?

**EmJ:** Mmmhmm. You feel me, right, Age?

**Adam:** It's AJ.

**EmJ:** Huh?

**Adam:** My name? It's AJ or Adam, not _Age_. You don't know me like that yet.

**EmJ:** What are you talking about? You just called Chucky, Seej. You don't know _her_ like that yet.

**Adam:** But she's used to being called different things. Plus, she doesn't mind. I _do_ mind though that's why I'm letting you know now.

**EmJ:** Okay, okay. Sheesh. You _are_ Mr. Sensitive.

**CJ:** And you two are supposed to be looking out for _me?_ Idiots.

"Oh my gosh!" Alice squealed. "The boys! They're babbling at each other. That's so cute!"

"I wonder what they're talking about," Edward said. "It looks serious," he chuckled.

EmJ and Adam were in the midst of a baby babbling debate. The only thing I could make out was EmJ saying _Chucky_ his way, _Uh-kee_.

**EmJ:** See, I _was_ going to be nice and let you have the blue train on my birthday cake, but no. You just got down graded to the green one, _my very sensitive friend, AGE!_

**Adam:** Cut it out!

**CJ:** Okay, when I eventually develop enough strength and motor control, I'll have to remember to smack the both of you. Seriously.

**EmJ:** Hey, AJ, look who's wearing her big girl pants threatening us like that.

**Adam:** Dude, I'm not even getting involved.

**EmJ:** What are you talking about now?

**Adam:** Girls remember _everything_! Haven't you seen your parents and my parents? Watch, she _will_ smack us for this one day. They call it a retroactive ass beating.

**EmJ:** You're talking is mumbo jumbo. I don't even know what you're saying, man.

**Adam:** You don't have to. Just know, the damage has already been done. Look at her, man. Seej is all calm and quiet. Yeah, mostly because she can't really move on her own yet, but underneath it all, she's calculating, plotting. She'll remember us being stupid right now and will make good on her threat. Believe it.

**EmJ:** Wow. So I'm going over there again to see if Mr. Dove wants to play now because I'm afraid some of your crazy is going to rub off on me. Later, Age.

**Adam: **Grrrrr.

**CJ:** Hey, what were you two just whispering about?

**Adam:** Uh, nothing. Nothing. I'm going to tail him and make sure he understands that I prefer not to be called Age. See ya, Seej.

**CJ:** Okay. I'll just stay here and stare blankly at the ceiling fan.

"Aww, Chucky, did the boys just leave you?" Emmett asked CJ. "That's okay. Uncle Em'll keep you company." Emmett proceeded to pick up a banana and show it to CJ, telling her all about the banana from the banana's point of view of course.

"And you have potassium don't you Mr. Banana?" Emmett asked Mr. Banana. "Yes, I do," Emmett answered himself in what we assumed was his best banana voice. "I help keep you from cramping up. I'm nature's perfect food."

"Hey, let's get the cake ready for EmJ," Rosalie suggested as she rounded up her son and placed him in his highchair.

"Good idea, Rose, before Emmett completely goes off the deep end," Edward said.

"I'm not going anywhere, Eddie. You're crazy," Emmett responded.

"_I'm crazy? _ You're the one that was talking to fruit," Edward laughed while I reached for CJ from Emmett's grasp.

"The question is," Jasper chimed in after picking up Adam from wherever he had followed his son to, "Did the fruit talk back?"

"_You're_ a fruit," Emmett scowled.

"You guys are setting a bad example for the kids bickering like that. You don't want them doing that do you?" Alice scolded our husbands. We were all making our way over to the island where the cake was sitting with the boys in their highchairs facing the cake. Edward got the camera out ready to snap pictures of EmJ and his first birthday cake.

"Eh," Emmett waved Alice off as he lit the single candle on EmJ's Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake. "They have no idea what's going on. They're just babies. We don't have to start censoring ourselves for another year, year and a half."

Edward and I looked at each other rolling our eyes and smirking at what Emmett had just said. And I swear I saw EmJ and Adam looking at each other knowingly as well. Hmm, perhaps they picked up on more than Emmett gave them credit for.

We sang _Happy Birthday_ then laughed and shuddered at EmJ and Adam smearing cake on themselves and occasionally getting some in their mouths while CJ seemed altogether blasé about the scene unfolding before her. I couldn't help but wonder if this was a preview of their future relationship, the boys being boys and CJ hanging back and possibly being the voice of reason out of the trio. Perhaps she'd surprise me and be right in the mix of all the shenanigans. Only time would tell. Edward and I smiled at the little bundle in my arms and the cake covered boys in front of us, our legacy, eager to see how their stories would unfold.

The End

**A/N Well, friends, that's it from the land of CLG/TDG. This was fun. I hope you enjoyed the epilogue. I know it was a little strange, but I thought I'd shoot the moon and give the kids voices and personalities. It was fun on this end anyway. Of course I could have gone on forever, but tried not to go over board. **

**I am not completely opposed to a third installment, mama's tired (You feel me?) but I wanted to try out a different story first. I have an idea for an all vamp fic, completely different from what I've done. It could be a total flop, but I wanted to explore the idea anyway. If it completely sucks, then I know I can always come back to the land of fluff and humor. I hope you will still want to read my stuff. If that's true, put me on alert. When and if I do a sequel to TDG, I'll give you a heads up from TDG.**

**Meanwhile, you can check out the stories that I beta for. They're on my profile page.**

**Thanks for your reviews and support thus far, and now I'm asking for ONE more review so go'n and click below. And feel free to pm me if you feel like chatting. Until next time, peace out!**


	28. Bonus: Poop 'n Freeze 'n Vote

**A/N Nothing's changed. I still don't own Twilight. Steph Meyer does.**

**So, did you guys miss me? Haha, I thought so. Well, I have been working diligently on vampfic so be on alert for when I start posting that. It's definitely NOT fluffy though. Just so you know. As I said when I sent out the alert for my Best Comedy nomination, I am sending out another alert to remind you to vote, but I thought I'd write a bonus chapter to accompany my beg for votes. Yes, that's right. This is a blatant attempt at pandering for votes. Anyhoo, mull that over as you GREAR. Thanks! Now make sure you read the end notes! And oh, August 1, 2009 is when I posted this and I just wanted to wish pixielovestoshop a big fat happy birthday!**

**BPoV**

"Ready, Edward?" I asked smiling, eager to have some grownup time with our friends and family without the kids. Esme and Carlisle were feeling extremely brave and taking all three of their grandkids for the weekend, my birthday weekend.

"Yes," he answered chuckling at my excitement. "You're actually excited for your birthday? This is a first." Edward pulled me in for a hug, and I breathed in his heavenly scent as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"Well, not so much for my birthday but hanging out with everyone kid-free." Don't get me wrong, I loved CJ and my nephews with all my heart, but an evening spent with my friends in adult conversation and interaction-well, as adult as Emmett could be anyway-was extremely appealing. The fact that it was my birthday, my twenty-fifth birthday to be exact, didn't even put a damper on my spirits. And it wasn't that I wouldn't miss CJ, of course I would, but she was in good hands. Sue and Charlie would be over there to help, and I was sure the Hales would at least be stopping by Edward's parents' house as well. It was the HQ for grandparents.

"Bye, JoJo," we told the dog as we closed and locked the door behind us.

"Think we can outdo the infomercial birthday party from last year, love?" Edward asked as we got into the elevator and headed up. Yes, up. Hal was hosting my birthday dinner party this year. He had the space for all of our friends and family to crash if and when we were too inebriated to drive home. I planned on finally having an atomic flamingo since CJ was on formula now. I had actually wanted one ever since the first night Emmett told us about his crazy dream of an L.A. Emmett, an L.A. all of us, and the mysterious bathroom whiskey with which Seattle Emmett created that delicious looking reddish-pink cocktail. I was super pregnant at the time so I obviously couldn't have any. Everyone else was able to partake in the drinking, though, and they all seemed to like the drink a lot.

"I don't think _any_ party could ever outdo my infomercial birthday," I answered. "But I'd love to see you guys try," I grinned. "We're already off to a great start," I commented. "I can't wait to see everyone dressed down," I said gleefully thinking particularly of Rose and Alice and even Hal.

As part of my birthday gift, I told everyone to put on their lounge–wear and comfy clothes. No dressing up. At all. I actually would have been content with this being my only gift, but I knew better than to expect that from my girlfriends. While the guys, save for Hal, didn't care about the dress code, Rosalie and Alice put up quite a fight.

"What do you mean? We have to wear sweats out in public?" Alice whined. She made a face like she had just tasted something bad.

"It's not really _in public_, Alice. We'll just be at Hal's place," I explained. "And it'll just be us plus Hal. No one will narc on you to the fashion police."

"Of course not," Rosalie chimed in. "_We are_ the fashion police, Alice, Hal, Coley and I." I laughed at that. It was a true story. "I'll have to go out and purchase sweats now though," Rosalie complained. "Oh, wait. That's not such a bad thing," she said brightly.

"Yeah, I have to go get new sweats then too," Alice smiled.

Unbelievable. Leave it to those two to go shopping for an outfit for a party that was designed to allow a normal person to wear what they should have already owned in their closet. I swear, if there were any excuse to go shopping my girlfriends would find it.

Edward and I exited the elevator and I knocked on Hal's door. I squealed in excitement when Coley threw the door open for me. I hadn't seen her since she visited over the summer when CJ was born.

Coley and I pretty much did Jennifer Beals' _Maniac_ dance from _Flashdance_ before we hugged.

"Coley! What a great surprise!" I grinned and clapped after we finally broke from our embrace. This birthday was already topping the infomercial one.

"Bells, happy birthday! You look great!" Coley told me before she hugged Edward hello.

"Thanks. It's good to see you followed the strict rules for attire tonight," I commented. Coley was wearing lounge pants and a fitted zip-up hoodie over a tank top.

"Well, I didn't know about it till I got here, but these are just my pajamas," she shrugged. "Leave it to you to decree your birthday as a day for wearing our bum clothes," she laughed. "Chad sends his love and a whole lot of nothing for your birthday," she told me. We all laughed. Chad never got me anything for my birthday. We had an understanding. "But we have a little Padres jersey for that beautiful daughter of yours," she said holding up a teeny tiny baseball shirt. It was really cute. She brought one each for EmJ and AJ as well, which Emmett and Jasper, who were already there with their wives, held up.

"Alice, Rose, it's good to see you two unplugged and unglammed," I smiled. They were both wearing some sweats that appeared to be from Victoria's Secret. Even in sweats, those two looked fabulous.

They both rolled their eyes but smiled back all the same and wished me a happy birthday, as did Emmett and Jasper.

Then I heard Hal bellowing in his sing-songy voice from down the hall, "Happy birthday, baby girl!"

"Thanks, Hal," I yelled back in the direction of the hallway. When Hal finally appeared I gasped. "Hey, what the heck are you wearing?"

Hal rolled his eyes. "I don't own sweats," he shrugged. "And this is what I wear to lounge in." And I believed him. He sounded completely unapologetic. Hal was wearing a kimono.

"Fine," I said grudgingly. It was _his_ house after all, and I believed that Hal did find the kimono way more comfortable than sweats.

Hal smiled triumphantly as he kissed me hello.

"So what'd you make for dinner?" I asked.

"Everything," he stated matter-of-factly. "Well, let me qualify that. Everything seafood that you couldn't have when you were prego due to the mercury content. Now that my BGBG is off the boob, you can indulge!"

"Wow, Hal, you're so classy," I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I know."

"Oh, speaking of _indulging_," I said looking to Emmett.

"Oh, I'm on it, sister. I've got a pitcher of atomic flamingos ready to go!" he informed me gesturing towards Hal's bar with his thumb. "Oh, and I made you yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting too," he mentioned purposefully sounding nonchalant.

"Aww, Emmett! Thanks! You're the best," I said as I hugged him. Homemade yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting made my top five list of greatest desserts ever.

"You're welcome," Emmett chuckled as he patted my back. "So…"

"No, this does not cut down your dance on command sentence," I told him before he could even ask. "_Little fat midget person_," I sneered in disdain as I threw his own words back at him about who he thought was me when the guys were all playing basketball on Edward's birthday. I smacked Emmett playfully in the back of his head as I recalled that the midget also had a mustache. How dare he think that was me!

Everyone else shook their heads at Emmett and chuckled at the memory.

"C'mon, guys. For the umteenth time, he had long dark brown hair!" Emmett yelled defensively. "Oh forget it," he sounded exasperated, which we all found even funnier. "Let's eat already. I have a chapter to catch up on."

"Oh, there's another chapter?" Alice and Coley asked excitedly. We had all been following one particular story lately, but it had finished.

"Yep, I just got the new chapter alert a few minutes ago," Emmett told us.

"I thought that one was complete," I commented.

"Bonus chapter," he grinned. I smiled too. We loved bonus chapters. "Plus, the author is up for an award and she's begging for votes." He shook his head. "Shameless, but I'm voting for her anyway."

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked sounding completely confused.

Edward had started his clinical rotations at the hospital and was, therefore, quite busy when he wasn't home with CJ and me. And when we were together, we were both all consumed with our party girl who slept a little longer than just two and half hours at a time at night, but not much. I had forgotten to tell Edward about Emmett's latest obsession. Emmett, as we all knew, couldn't stand the vampire books that we girls loved. He also refused to watch the movie all the way through. He did, however, like the fictional stories based on the characters from the books that we found on a website dedicated to fan fiction.

"So you won't read the actual books or watch the actual movie, but you'll read what amateur authors write about characters you normally don't care about otherwise?" Edward asked his brother. We had begun eating the buffet of sushi rolls, hibachi scallops and shrimp, lobster rolls, and king crab etouffé. Hal definitely went all out. The food was delicious. Once dinner started, we explained to Edward about the story we had been reading. He was rather dubious. "And the characters are human rather than vampires?" he asked sounding incredulous.

"It's actually not too bad, bro," Emmett said taking another bite of food. "Some of the stories are good and some not so good. Hey, what's this stuff over the rice called again?" he asked Hal.

"It's an etouffé," Hal answered.

"Well, it's _etourrific_," Emmett complimented Hal. Hal was beaming, definitely proud of himself. He knew he was a great cook, but he was also a compliment whore. Couple that with the fact that the compliment came from Emmett, and well, Hal was completely arrogant. I could feel the room getting more crowded as Hal's ego expanded.

"Yeah, everything is so delicious. It's a good thing we're not wearing binding clothes so we can eat a lot more without worrying about busting any buttons," Alice remarked.

"Wait for it…" Edward prognosticated, and right on cue, Alice gasped at her own statement as if she was struck with an epiphany. "And there it is."

"And…you're welcome," I smiled smugly at Alice.

"Well done, Isabella. Well done," she told me as she tipped an imaginary hat at me.

I held up my glass of atomic flamingo as if to toast her and took a sip. I was on my second glass. I had already begun feeling a buzz after the first one so there was no way I'd be enjoying a third.

I must have been drunk because after dinner and cupcakes I began clapping and demanding my presents.

"Gifts please," I commanded.

Everyone was looking around at each other with bewildered expressions.

"Gifts? What gifts?" Coley asked.

"I didn't get you anything," Jasper shrugged.

"Oh yeah, right," I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, don't be greedy. I already cooked all this for you," Hal chimed in gesturing to the buffet in front of us when I turned to look at him.

I looked at Alice and Rose. "Hey, we're dressed down," Rose said.

"Yeah, this is like a solar eclipse or Haley's comet. It doesn't happen everyday so consider yourself lucky, missy," Alice instructed me.

With a growl, I turned and looked to Emmett. I didn't even attempt to disguise the scowl on my face.

"Cupcakes," he stated turning both his hands palm up as if this fact were completely obvious.

I clicked my tongue as I looked to my husband who merely shrugged. Had everyone gone mad? Did they really not get me anything? Sober Bella would have been ecstatic about this but not Drunk Bella.

No, Drunk Bella was not happy. Drunk Bella pointed her finger at everyone in the room, glaring at them through narrowed eyes. "Alright, you listen and you listen good. Last year I got the best infomercial presents ever. You've set a precedent. I didn't ask you to, but you did. And now you're stuck. The bar is set way up here," I said gesturing above my head. "And I'm not leaving here until I get something," I finished crossing my arms over my chest and setting my jaw.

Everyone sat in stunned silence for an immeasurable moment. Then someone snorted and then someone else snickered triggering someone else to laugh, and then another person laughed, and then another. Soon everyone, including me, Drunk Bella, was in hysterics. Never in my life had I ever been this demanding. Never in my life had I wanted presents so badly.

"Aww, look how cute and mean Drunk Bella is," Alice giggled.

"Yeah, but Drunk Bella isn't nearly as mean as Sober and Laboring Bella cussing out Laurent," Coley said with a laugh.

"Shut up." I laughed too recalling my endless stream of insults that I launched at the douche after he broke Edward's nose. "It's the atomic flamingo talking."

"Okay, cut her off," Rose smirked.

"Good idea," we all said at the same time generating another round of laughter. And this was why I didn't drink normally.

"So am I getting presents now or do I have to fight someone?" I asked jokingly. I got a bunch of strange looks. I'd never fought anyone in my life. Well, I kneed that one kid in the crotch and Coley gave him a wedgie, but that was middle school. Here I was a mature woman, a mother even, talking about fighting my friends.

Leave it to Emmett to test me. I felt his approach. I had been sitting on the sofa with Edward but stood up as soon as I felt his hulking presence towering over me.

"You wanna fight me, sister?" Emmett asked as he flexed in front of me.

Talk about liquid courage. A surge of confidence rose up within me, and I heard myself say, "Yes, Emmett, I will fight you." I stared him down, well, as much as I could while looking up at him. Then I felt a couple hands on my hips as someone, Hal, picked me up and placed me on his coffee table so I was eye to eye with my brother-in-law. "Thanks," I said to Hal without looking at him.

"You're welcome, baby girl," he replied as I listened to him scurry off. I ignored the snickering around me.

"Really?" Emmett quirked an eyebrow up, challenging me.

He had to back down some time, I figured. What was he going to do beat me up on my birthday? Not likely, so I pushed him a little further.

"Bring it, bitch."

"Ohhhhhhhh," I heard from everywhere in the room. A smile was tugging at Emmett's mouth and he tried to stifle it causing a smile to tug at my lips as well, but I stayed strong to keep a straight face.

"Rosie, get the Vaseline," Emmett said without removing his gaze from me, and that was when I lost it. I started cracking up and I couldn't stop.

"Vaseline!" I scoffed. Like we were in a street fight or a boxing match where we'd smother our faces with petroleum jelly so the punches would slide off. I was picturing Emmett and me actually taking to fisticuffs. Hilarious. Everyone else, including Emmett, was laughing now, and it was at least a couple minutes before we were calm enough to speak again.

"I'm impressed, Bells. You didn't back down," Emmett grinned.

"It's the whiskey," Coley and Hal said in unison.

"Though, I think she could have taken you down," Jasper remarked.

"Psshhh," Emmett said waving Jasper off. "Whatever. So you ready for your presents now, sister?"

"Yes," I answered brightly as a smile spread across my face. I couldn't wait to open my gag gifts.

"Here you go. From Emmett, EmJ, and me," Rosalie said handing me a small pink gift bag. I opened it up to look inside and immediately started laughing.

"Nice," I commented as I brought out slip on sleeve tattoos and put them on my arms so that I appeared to have both arms covered in tattoos.

"Wow. You can look biker chick tough without going through the hassle of all the pain," Coley commented.

"Yeah, we thought they were pretty funny so we got a set for everyone," Emmett said. He brought out another bag and distributed the slip on sleeves to everyone else. Coley looked ridiculous in her tank top and fake tattoos. Hal pushed up the sleeves of his kimono so his fake inked arms showed. In fact, _everyone_, looked all kinds of comical with their sleeves on. Especially when we all started flexing.

"Okay, this is from Adam, Jazz, and me," Alice said handing me another gift bag.

"Aww, thanks," said as I put on my blue plush Memory Foam slippers. "Ohh, they're comfy," I smiled.

"Yeah, they'll look great with your Snuggie!" Alice laughed.

"Oh, I'll grab my Snuggie!" Hal said running down the hall and then reappearing with an orange Snuggie for me to put on. He then pushed the sleeves of the stupid blanket up so my tatts would be exposed.

Coley and Rosalie both snapped a picture of me, and I cringed knowing good and well they'd be posting those to FaceBook in a matter of seconds.

"Here you go," Coley said handing me a rather large box. I unwrapped it to find an Iron Gym already assembled for me. It was a device that we could mount in a doorway in order to do pull-ups or chin-ups. I quirked an eyebrow up in question. "Well you can also use it on the floor to do sit-ups, push-ups, and dips to tone up the Bingo arm. And right on cue, all four of us ladies checked on our own Bingo arms.

"Thanks," I told her as Coley gave me a hug.

"You're welcome. But you know you can also watch your man using it with his shirt off. I watch Chad work out on it all the time. Very yummy," she whispered. I could hear the smirk in her voice.

My mouth dropped open about to chastise Coley, but immediately the visual of Edward shirtless doing pull-ups and push-ups on it flashed in my mind. I bit my lip at the image of his muscles rippling and sweat glistening off his back hit me, and I thought better of scolding my friend.

"You're a genius," I smiled at her.

"I know," she grinned wiggling her eyebrows at me. We both laughed and high-fived each other.

"Oh, my turn!" Hal sang as he skipped down the hall again.

"I'm scared," I confessed to everyone in the room. Who knew what crazy gift Hal thought to purchase?

"I would be too," Edward smiled crookedly at me.

"Ta-dah!" Hal said handing all of us a brown paper bag. "No fancy wrapping needed this year," he explained when I gave him a strange look.

I reached inside the bag. "Poop Freeze," I read on the aerosol can. Everyone opened their bag and brought out their cans of Poop Freeze as well inspecting the label.

"So, you spray this on JoJo's poop and it pretty much freezes it for quick and easy cleanup!" Hal explained. "Just frost and toss!"

"Nice!" we all grinned and nodded in approval. It was nice. Weird, but nice. But then we women all handed our personal cans to our husbands since it was practically an unwritten rule that they picked up the dog poop in the relationship.

"Um, I don't have a dog," Coley raised her hand to point out. "But I may just get one so I can spray and freeze his poop. Or Chad can spray and freeze the dog's poop," she clarified with a nod. "This is almost as good as a liquid band-aid."

"And it works too," Hal said. "Come here. We can simulate the poop and freeze action."

"GROSS!" we all yelled making faces. I was really scared about how Hal would simulate the poop and freeze, shuddering at the thought.

"Whatever. I'm not going to poop in my own living room. You people are sick, you know that? Come here I said," Hal ordered walking away from us.

We all followed Hal to the kitchen.

"Behold, chocolate frosting in the piping bag." Hal held up the bag. He then squeezed some frosting out of the fancy end of the bag creating a curly-cue of chocolate frosting slash "poop" onto some parchment paper. Hal then sprayed the frosting dropping, and sure enough, the pile of would-be poo froze over so that all Hal had to do was pick it up with a spatula, or in this scenario, it was a pooper scooper.

We all oohed and ahhed as he sprayed, scooped, and discarded the frosting. Then applause broke out over the frost and toss simulation, and Hal took a bow. It was impressive, though he ruined chocolate frosting for me for a while.

"Top that, pretty boy," Hal challenged Edward as we went back to the living room.

Edward only laughed. "Well, that was quite an act to follow. This clearly isn't as cool as the poop and freeze spray, but here it is." Edward handed me a box that he giftwrapped in pretty gold paper. Inside was an Egg Genie Egg Cooker.

"Wow," I smiled. "I can cook seven eggs at a time to perfection!" I didn't know that I'd ever need to cook that many at once, but I could now if I wanted to!

"And you don't even have to watch over them in the cooking process… Just set it and forget it," Edward grinned.

"Thanks," I giggled as I turned my face up for a kiss.

"That's awesome!" Emmett commented. "I want one of those. Rosie, can I get one of those?"

Rosalie merely laughed at her husband. If anyone could eat seven eggs at a time, it'd be Emmett.

By the time the party winded down and Edward and I were home, my sides hurt from laughing so hard. I believe I actually had more fun at my party this year than I did the year before. I was sure that it was because I was so blessed with having more friends and family now than I had the year previous.

"That party was outstanding," I commented as Edward carried me to the bedroom. "And I love all my gifts. And yours," I told my husband as I fingered the sleeves of tattoos that he was still sporting. He chuckled at the ridiculous gifts. "Ahh, it was a good night indeed," I sighed as Edward placed me on the bed.

"But wait. There's _more_," Edward informed me.

"More gifts?" I asked curiously, wiggling and flinching a bit each time Edward placed a kiss or dragged his tongue along my neck and collarbone. It was both ticklish and heavenly. "Mmmmm…" I moaned.

"No, no more gifts. _More," _Edward clarified. His voice was thick with desire. He reached over quickly to hit the play button on the iPod dock. The familiar intro to _23_ was playing.

"Ahh," I realized with a smirk. "_More_. Happy more-aversary." It was our second anniversary of more.

"Indeed, love. Happy more-aversary. Percentage check?" Edward smiled awaiting my response.

"One hundred," I barely got out before Edward lips assaulted mine.

**A/N Well there you go. Hope you enjoyed, and now remember to vote. There's nothing like a little bribery, right? What can I say? It's Chicago politics as usual. Also, I missed getting reviews –sigh- That's right. You're not off the hook. So AFTER you review, go to my profile and click on the link so you can vote for Can't Let Go and/or The Daily Grind (yes, that's right, I am up against myself in the Best Comedy category—go figure right?) I don't know if there are any stipulations on how many times you can vote. Vote early and often, I say. But if it's only one time, I guess it comes down to which one you like better CLG or TDG. I don't know which I'd vote for. They're both like my children you know? Well, there are other stories in this category to vote for, but why would I ask you to vote for them?**

**Thanks again for reading guys! You're the smurfiest! Hopefully I'll be talking to you again in another A/N. Holler at me any time!**


	29. new story alert!

**You've read CLG and TDG, right? Good, then you know what's up for the third installment. Fluff and humor galore? YES! Drama? Heck no! You know what you're getting yourself into so GREAR: Go Read Enjoy and Review.**

**A/N Of course I don't own Twilight or any of these characters, except Coley and Hal (and a couple more but you get my drift). Oh, remember, the HQ (head quarters) is Bella and Edward's apartment. So, without further ado, here's…**

**Why the Heck Not?**

**Chapter 1: Seriously, why not?**

**EPoV**

**"No really. I think I would go streaking," Bella stated adamantly, while somehow remaining stone-faced. She appeared to be deep in thought as she looked up toward the ceiling, closing one eye while nodding her head as if to underscore her statement. **

**We all tried futilely to suppress our chuckles but ended up sputtering in amusement before finally bursting out with laughter all together. Emmett's laughter was, of course, the loudest, while Rose and Alice were pretty much doubled over. Coley was tickled to the point that she was mute. She had thrown her head back, successfully not spilling her glass, which was half full of the bright pink concoction, and her mouth was agape in silent laughter.**

**Interested in more? Check out my new story: Why the Heck Not? Here's the link: .net/s/6036599/1/**


	30. Chp 3 of WTHN & Glove Awards Plug

**If you subscribe to the story alerts for Why The Heck Not then you know what's up already, so forgive me for this repost. For those not in the know...**

**So, The Daily Grind was nominated for a Glove award in the category of Best Emmett. Heck yes! Thanks to whoever nominated me. I appreciate it. So does Emmett. Voting starts August 5th. I don't want to tell you all what to do, but if you like CLG/TDG and WTHN Emmett, get out there and vote for our homeboy! Go to thegloveawards webs com Obviously, there are no spaces but dots in between. Voting has already begun and goes until the 13th of August. Our Emmett isn't doing so hot. CLG Emmett fans, where you at?**

**And if you haven't checked out the third installment of the Can't Let Go Series, well whatcha waiting for? I'm on the third chapter already!**

**Chapter 3: Ups and Downs**

**EPOV**

It had been over a month since the birthday party, but a lot had happened, good, very good, and not so good.

Now, Bella never thought much about sports. She was interested in baseball only as far as wondering how Chad's team, whichever team he was currently playing for, since she didn't really keep up, won or not and if he 'did okay.' And what probably was the only sports related activity that Bella could ever hope to have occurred, actually occurred. Chad had been traded from the San Diego Padres to the Seattle Mariners. Bella couldn't care less about our home team, of course. No, what this meant to my wife was that Coley would be near by all the time. So now she had all her very best friends within a fifteen- to twenty-minute drive any time she wanted to see them. Bella should have been on cloud nine.

For the most part, she was very happy and excited for Coley and Chad to move to Seattle. Coley was busy looking for a house with the help of Hal, which was fine with Bella naturally. Also, Hal was helping Alice and Coley find a space to start their party planning business, which Bella was also ecstatic about since she'd been pushing for them to join forces for wuite some time now.

Bella had also done two segments of her Critic's Corner segment on the local morning show so far. She had even gotten the show a new sponsor in the form of my brother. The coffee shop bought advertising time during Bella's portion of the news show. They even had Emmett's logo, spilled coffee beans beside a large blue mug emblazoned with "Emmett's Daily Grind" and accented with steam rising from said mug, in the corner of the screen. He actually had gotten a lot more business from the advertising.

"Still with the Discovery Channel, Emmett?" Bella asked as she walked through the living room after having checked on CJ and the boys, who were all down for a nap. CJ was in her crib in her room and the boys were in toddler beds that we'd put in the guest room that Eli used when he'd come to visit. It was a Saturday evening, and Emmett and Jasper were going to babysit overnight.

"Uh, yeah, it's only shark week, sister. This guy is teaching us how to survive a shark attack. Watch, he's going to get dragged around by a shark after the next commercial break."

I looked up from my pathology book, closing it as I did so and asked, "How many time have you watched this?"

Emmett shrugged. "Three. Maybe four. There's all kinds of different survival shows on, though, so I can't be sure. Man, I love shark week, don't you?"

"I'm actually fine with anything that isn't Caillou or Barney," Bella replied. She still watched all three kids on a regular basis. "That's what the boys have been watching during the day. They're not so bad, but the voices wear on you after a while," she chuckled. "That Caillou is really whiney. It's nice to have grown-up TV on."

"And grown-up conversation and company?" I asked.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me jokingly. At least I hoped she was only joking. Bella had been a tad annoyed with me since the birthday party, with good reason of course. She had hung out with Irina exactly two and a half times. It had started with coffee, well, hot chocolate, at Emmett's with Hal to serve as a buffer slash moral support. What she wasn't expecting was for Hal and Irina to hit it off as well as they had.

That's what had Bella bit down and slightly annoyed with me. Yes, it had been my suggestion and request for Bella to befriend Irina. I knew she wasn't that psyched about it, but since Irina was somewhat very excited about the whole thing yet, Bella thought more about helping the unborn child rather than becoming friends with Irina.

So Irina got to see Bella interact with CJ as well as the boys. Bella was actually a very good example of a loving and nurturing mother and aunt. Irina saw how much fun children could be, even with dirty diapers and fussiness. And Bella didn't even mind Irina all that much except that she talked a lot about clothes, another topic that Bella didn't care much for, and Laurent, who was definitely not at the top of my wife's list of fun conversation pieces.

"All she talks about is Laurent this, Laurent that. Laurent, Laurent, Laurent," Bella had complained. "I mean, I think _you're_ great and all, Edward, but I don't want to bore people to death about every minute detail about you. I mean, no one wants to hear that, right?"

I agreed with her but had found it hard to believe that Irina would tell her and Hal so much about Laurent.

"No?" Bella had asked, clearly annoyed after the last visit she'd had with Irina. "I know that Laurent takes his tea with milk. Skim not whole or two percent and definitely not full on cream because he's lactose intolerant, you see. His favorite store-bought cookie is single stuffed Oreo. He was force fed a Fig Newton when he was eight years old by one of his aunts, Mildred, I believe, his father's sister, and has never ventured to try one again to this day. Not even Fruit Newtons, Edward. He was digging Pepperidge Farm Milanos for a while but always goes back to the single stuffed Oreo…"

I was about to say something, but Bella continued her rant. "Why must I know this much about him, Edward? Why? This stupid information is taking up perfectly good space in my brain that I could be using for something more useful like…the names of the bones in the wrist or…the components of the rings of Saturn," she added arbitrarily, "but no, I have stored in my cranium Laurent's top five favorite Jean-Claude Van Damme movies of all time. And who, in their right mind, prefers single stuffed Oreos to double stuffed Oreos? I mean, really, it doesn't make any sense." Her brow was furrowed in irritation and exasperation.

So Bella didn't prefer to hang out with Irina, but it seemed that Irina really liked to hang out with Bella and, more specifically, Hal. The last time they were together was the time Bella only counted as a half visit since Irina and Hal had been off on a tangent talking about kimonos, of all things. We all knew how much Hal loved his kimono collection, but come to find out, Irina had one too. And there was apparently a kimono fashion show and traveling exhibit in town that they went to see together. Bella opted out, obviously. But that wasn't the last time Irina hung out with Hal. Between real estate showings to Alice and Coley and Coley and Chad, Hal had been spending quite a bit of time with Irina, so Bella didn't see much of him and had been a little down about that.

She didn't want to be upset about it. "Who am I to begrudge Hal a kimono loving friend?" She sighed though. "But I miss my Hal," she had said quietly and sadly. I felt bad. I was the one who started it all. It was nice that Irina was feeling better about being pregnant and that she found a friend, or at least people who'd listen to her talk about he husband, but my Bella was sad, and I couldn't have that.

I thought I'd take her mind off things by taking her out to dinner and spending the night at Hotel 1000. We'd still be in town in case anything happened with CJ, but it'd be nice to have a complete change of scenery from the HQ. Bella must have really wanted a break since she didn't protest…much.

"Fine, but just don't tell me how much it costs," was her only demand.

She didn't even mind that I was borrowing my dad's Vanquish to transport us from the apartment to the luxury hotel even after I'd explained that Aston Martin quit making these gems in 2007, that it was the model was the S Ultimate Edition powered by a 48-valve sixty degree V12 engine producing 460 Ps and 540 Nm of torque and was controlled by a drive-by-wire throttle and a six-speed clutchless sequential manual transmission.

"So it's a car," she'd commented casually.

I'd opened my mouth to counter that it wasn't just _a car_, that it was the S Ultimate Edition powered by a 48-valve sixty degree V12 engine producing 460 Ps and 540 Nm of torque and was controlled by a drive-by-wire throttle and a six-speed clutchless sequential manual transmission. It had been featured in the James Bond film, _Die Another Day_, for goodness sakes! But it would have been fruitless. None of those things mattered to her.

I sighed in defeat, "Yeah, it's a car."

"Cool," she had responded, nodding only once in what seemed to be a personal victory for having been able to identify a car correctly.

"So you got the Vanquish for the weekend, huh?" Emmett asked me. I nodded in assent, unable to suppress my grin. At least Emmett appreciated the vehicle, as did Jasper.

"Nice," Jasper nodded, smiling as well.

"I know," I replied proudly. We each had a wistful, faraway look in our eyes, thinking about that beautiful piece of machinery, when Bella's voice disrupted our little revelry.

"You guys are sure you'll be all right overnight?" Bella asked for the second time that afternoon.

"For the hundredth time, Bells, we got this," Emmett answered confidently. "We're gonna watch the hell out of these kids, aren't we Curly Sue," he said to Jasper, who gave Emmett a strange look.

"Umm, I don't know what _watching the hell out of them_ means exactly, but I assume that's a good thing, right?" Bella asked as she set her overnight bag down by the door.

"Heck yeah," Emmett boomed the same time Jasper gave Bella a thumbs up.

"Okay then. We really appreciate this, guys," she told them.

Emmett waved her off. "It's cool. Go and have a good time. But speaking of appreciating things, Bells, thanks for mentioning me in your latest movie review."

Bella had reviewed the Leonardo DiCaprio film, _Inception_, and had said how even her very discerning brother-in-law enjoyed it.

"How do you even know she was talking about you?" Jasper asked. "She could have been talking about me. We all went to it together, remember, genius?"

Emmett rolled his eyes. "First of all, Blondie, I _am_ very discerning. B, you were ambivalent about the movie. That's right, I said ambivalent. Want me to tell you what it means? Whereas it made me feel…viscerally. And—"

"How do you get _ambivalent_ from me saying I'd need to see it again to really get it?" Jasper argued. "And what the hell? _Feel viscerally_? I don't even know what you're talking about."

"_AND three_," Emmett continued, ignoring Jasper as if he hadn't said a word, "You're _Eddie's_ brother-in-law, not Bella's, so clearly she was speaking about me."

"She's married to Eddie…"

"Hey!" I growled. I hated being called Eddie.

They both ignored me.

"So, therefore, I'm her brother-in-law as well."

"Pssshhh. You're really reaching on that one, bro…" Emmett said, shaking his head. But then he noticed that Bella had exited the apartment, tired, no doubt, of their bickering. "Bells, tell Garrett if he needs me to do the segment with you, I'm available!" he hollered in the direction of the door.

**A/N There's more to this third chapter, but you'll have to go to the actual story to read it :D Oh, and go vote. **


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